Just when I thought I was permanently stuck in the routine of badminton training without actually playing a game, along comes today.

If it hadn't for Coach Rey's setting up of a game with three other adults for me, I probably wouldn't have started playing anyone at the Philippine Air Force Badminton Club in Villamor AFB.

In all fairness, I should say that my first game with strangers was horrible. I applied zero percent of my training in the game, and I was constantly jumpy and jittery on the court even though the other three players were much older women.

Worse, my nasty habit of performing last-minute dives to reach the shuttlecock cost me a lingering dull ache on my right side, as I landed on the concrete court quite badly. No points for guessing whether I won or lost.

I was pretty ashamed of myself afterwards. If it wasn't for Ailyn's prodding though, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to try and join a game again.

"Join ka na ng game!"

My second game went much, much better. I paired up with a tall lass named Sheryl. I believe she said the magic words: Just have fun.

And have fun I did.

I guarded the front line, while she cleaned up the back court. This time I was much more relaxed, as I played against one of Sheryl's girl friends and an older, stocky male whom I thought was a PAF officer. I was amazed at my own quick reactions and the way I kept returning shots the proper way. Granted, my footwork was still rather lame, especially on shuffling side-to-side, where I was pretty useless. But I was making successful smashes, drop shots (that's one thing Coach Rey never taught me!) and even service aces.

Sheryl kept encouraging me along. Her words went a long way in helping me relax. Even though we lost, at least I managed to do a lot better this time.

This is the day I start becoming serious about badminton, more than ever.
===

I really should begin considering a career in tutoring.

This Wednesday I met up with Nicole just a period before our Economics class. Her unavoidable absences (she's busy with a lot of stuff) left her confused with the lessons she missed. Tried to coach her as best as I could within that hour or so we were together at the North Conservatory, and we got to know each other a little bit more too. I never thought she used to live in Merville for 11 years---that's practically 10 minutes away from where I live. It explains why we're oth hard of hearing, as we were used to the racket of airplanes taking off and landing at nearby NAIA. I got to meet her sister Noelle too, and I noticed the two of us didn't look or act like our younger siblings either.

I finished the Economics quiz a little ahead of time. While I was waiting outside for my other classmates to finish, Nicole popped out of the room and told me my tutoring helped.

Yesterday I met up with KD, one of my blockmates, for our Statistics 101 quiz. I also coached her about the stuff she didn't understand---probability distributions and that sort of thing. She made an informal bet with me too: if she got a 3.0 or higher in the quiz, she would treat me to a box of Altoids; if she didn't, I would have to treat her to a box of the "curiously strong mints."

Unlike the Economics quiz, I barely got to finish this one as our professor came in 30 minutes late. KD approached me and lamented about her finishing only half the quiz, complaining that the time allotted was too short (and, I suppose, effectively telling me that I had to treat her to a box of Altoids). Still, she did say the tutoring helped.

I guess this is a sign...but yeesh! I just can't imagine myself as a teacher. Reading LouAnne Johnson's books gives me enough ideas of how hard it is (the movie "Dangerous Minds" is based on her first autobiographical novel "My Posse Don't Do Homework"). I don't have the endless patience the job description calls for.
===

My God, I so hate Judy Sibayan.

My SOCIETY professor is very profound, and I praise and respect that. But she really could do away with all her bitchiness. To think that she's already 50 and not getting any younger...how does her rumored "Korean boyfriend" handle her?!

Maybe the better question would be if her Korean boyfriend really exists at all.

"CLICHE!"
===

If I do become a teacher, I would probably be horrified if I inevitably turned into the uber-bitch Ms. Sibayan is.

STOP! I'M BAD ENOUGH ALREADY!
===

My Tropang SX8 buddy Martin Diez is telling me to join them in next week's HCP EB in Subic, even with me just hitching along.

"Sumama ka na p're. Safe naman eh. Sabihin mo marami kang kasama."

While I'd really like to go, I don't know how it'll sit with my parents. Then again, I did manage to get their approval to drive on my own to Tagaytay for Rich and Beia's 3-day wedding weekend---with a full complement of passengers and their gear in my SX8 City, to be exact. How bad can Subic be, especially with a full convoy of HCPers going there for just ONE day?

I'm even willing to give up RWYB just to go to Subic...but DAMN I'd love to try my skill on the track. It doesn't even have to be in a proper race. Just me and my SX8 against the stopwatch would do perfectly for now.
===

My side still aches, faintly. I think I can feel it in my ribs.

I wonder if this is anything serious?

More ideas came into my head about producing our thesis film when we watched "The Brothers McMullen."

I simply could not believe that this was a low-budget film. It certainly didn't feel like it. Everything felt well-done and the little flaws that betrayed it as a low-budget film were either swamped by the great story or used to good effect. Heck, I would never have noticed Edward Burns used expired 16mm film stock in the movie. It's that good.

"The Brothers McMullen" now belongs to the list of great films I seriously want to have in my collection, if I ever got around to making one. 8 years on, it still wins approval.

There's this karma system on HCP that enables people to applaud or smite other members. The aggregate number is displayed as your rating.

For months, I really had no idea why I languished with a negative rating ever since this thing came into the HCP forum. I can't see any reasons why people smote me on the boards when I did my best to help them with their questions. They probably saw me as arrogant or something...I have no idea how. I slowly got used to it though. My personal worst was at -14.

Lately though I'm surprised that my rating's slowly creeping back up to positive. Right now I'm at -4. I heard from some of my friends that there are "karma wars" being waged in HCP---basically a term for the general campaign to give everyone "applauds" and raise their ratings. While I'm thankful that my rating's climbing, I'm not so happy about how it's going back up.

I generally give "applauds" to members which really do mean well, and I give "smites" to potential troublemakers on the board, and I personally see to that. So when I came across these "karma wars," I was pretty ambivalent about it.

Maybe it's just because I feel that this "karma" thing is something to be taken seriously.

Then again, it's just a forum, it's only online.

Lighten up, JM.
===

Nicole Hernandez is a revelation.

Why?

Because this term she's actually my classmate...and she's been my seatmate for the past 5 weeks or so.
===

Truth be told, in my first couple of college years, I used to think there was nothing more to Nicole than a nice body, white skin, gorgeous hair and a pretty face. I suppose that's the way I've become prejudiced against a lot of the models and actors I see in school.

I was initially really shy when she just happened to become my seatmate in my Economics class. I guess I developed this inferiority complex around celebrities of any sort. I mean, with the notions I had of her and others of her kind, I thought she'd be a bratty bore to talk to. Boy, was I wrong.

Despite her admission of having poor memory of names, she's a pretty amiable girl. She was the one who broke the ice first, and it hit me that despite her beauty, she was pretty much normal, just the way my blockmates and I were. Nicole had much the same concerns, similar problems and the same lack of sleep I did. I actually got jealous of her because she had already finished her first degree program, unlike my blockmates and I who were just beginning with our theses.

After a while we were talking about little things: her boyfriend, her recent trip to Bangkok, how we studied in high schools in the same village, the Thais' seeming aversion to brown hair (and the reason why she dyed her hair black recently)...all sorts of things. I don't claim to know her like the back of my hand, but I know enough to realize that she's human too.

Friends have been teasing me about my having a crush on her, as ever since we were seatmates she and I have never sat apart in class. Then again, these days I have a lot of crushes, as they don't mean anything serious (and I might as well go ahead and have as much of them as I could). Still, as beautiful as she might seem, I bet Nicole isn't my ideal girl. I'd be more comfortable calling her my friend and helping her with whatever lesson she needs aid in.
===

I've indulged in having our new inkjet printer recently.

Amazed with the color I printed all sorts of things with the damn thing. It wasn't until now that I realized inkjet cartridges are so fucking EXPENSIVE. Buying a black and tricolor cartridge might as well land me 2/3 the price of our new printer.

Lately I've been interested in having the cartridges refilled by them newfangled ink-refilling stations, which offer the service at a much cheaper price than cartridge replacement.

Then my friend Bong shared his experience. Apparently they had their printer's cartridges refilled as well, but something went awry when they started using it again. According to him, the refilled ink "exploded" inside the printer and bogged down the vital mechanisms...to the point that they needed a new printer.

Hmmm. I might as well bite the bullet and save up the PhP2,100 needed for brand-new cartridges. Sigh...
===

Speaking of money, I don't have enough of it to get the things I want.

What do I want right now?

- 4 new Yokohama ES100 tires (and if necessary, decent new 15" alloy rims to replace the stock 14s on my car). More of a necessity, really.

- A new, lightweight badminton racket. My racket from 1997 is "super-heavy," according to my trainer Coach Rey.

- A PlayStation 2 with at least a memcard and Gran Turismo 3 thrown in. I've been ogling this for years and it's the cheapest it's become at just PhP13,000. "JUST" PhP13,000. Augh!

- A mini-DV video camera. This is more of a necessity than a desire as we plan to begin shooting our feature film next term. Nothing too fancy, just something with manual focus and FireWire output (for editing).

- A lightning-yellow S15 Nissan Silvia Spec-R coupe. I love my SX8 Honda City to bits, but in all honesty its D15B7 engine lacks torque down low. Besides if conditions allow, the rear-drive S15 will let me attempt drift driving. On the SX8, it's impossible.

- Tennis shoes. A sort of necessity for badminton (weird huh?). My Filas seem to be more of basketball shoes than anything else.

- A soundtrack CD of Initial D. My favorite drift-driving anime series has great, great J-pop driving music. Even if I can't perform drifts, at least I can get into that high-RPM mood.

Ahhhh...I can dream at least...
===

I swear, Initial D character Natsuki Mogi reminds me so much of Denise. The hair, the clothes, even the high-pitched voice.

Oh, my.
===

A seriously shitty Economics quiz happens on Wednesday.

Yuck.

It's been some time since I last posted on Otakuboard. I have my reasons, actually. The place just isn't as inviting as it was before.

One of those reasons is Ragnarok Online. I know it's a massively popular MMORPG in the vein of Diablo/Diablo 2, and I respect that. But when an entire board devoted to anime, music, video games and Japanese goodies devotes 90% of its time to just RO, I can't help thinking OB should've just been called "The Ragnarok Online Board" and leave it at that.

It's gotten so bad that it pervades EBs. The last time I scooted over to Beia and Rich's new house (yes, they're now married), apart from talking about some pressing board matters (which I'll discuss later), everyone was talking about RO and nothing else. I am honestly shocked to see my friends having social lives worse than mine because of just one game, no matter how popular it is. After spending just two hours I wanted to go home so bad, I sped along Coastal Road at full chat.

When I heard news that a new OB sub-forum was being opened dedicated entirely to RO, I felt that was an impetus for me to leave the forums as well, at least temporarily. Beia had told me that contributors like me don't get deleted automatically even when inactive. I might just drop by once in a while...and only for a while.
===

The second reason is that OB can't seem to stay peaceful. That was the reason why Beia told me to go visit their house the last time.

Marc and I are especially disappointed over power-tripping moderators.

Mike and I were also blamed by one of these moderators for spilling the address to Beia's livejournal to other people, indirectly or not. I really felt enraged especially as I risked taking a beating for something I never did. Someone would have to hack my e-mail account to find out the location of Beia's LJ through me, and as far as I know no one's been able to figure out my new password.

Just so this moderator could "look clean" and acquire the power of OB administratorship, he had to antagonize everybody else. He's a heavy gamer right? Doesn't he play the King of Fighters series? For all its complicated stories that's the single pervading theme of ALL the games.

What a shame. To think I used to hold so much respect for the guy.

Eat lead, space cowboy.
===

This just shows how easily I can be used as some scapegoat...and I HATE IT.

Now don't people wonder why I only hang around in HCP nowadays? Despite being a big forum and despite me knowing only a handful of people there, at least they are less exploitative and a whole lot friendlier.
===

Speaking of HCP, they're arranging something big for their next EB come November 22. They're planning to go convoy up north to Subic, where they'll have a friendly timed RWYB (run-what-you-brung) event at the Subic International Raceway. And it's dirt-cheap too: just PhP200 for everything.

Much as I would really WANT to test my driving skills on a track with my stock SX8 Honda City, I can't. Subic is way too far for me (but I'm very willing to drive), and I bet my mom and other relatives hugely disapprove of me racing or practicing on a track. To think that there's less risk here on a racetrack than on public roads...

How do I know my heel-and-toe downshifting technique is already up to snuff when I can't even practice it on corners?

Very sad, I am.

Shit...can't I even go karting? That way it's not anyone's car I'll be abusing.
===

My disappointment extends to my choosing new rubber for my car.

I believe that tires are the one component of cars no one should ever scrimp on, no matter how one drives. They're the only part of the car that's actually in contact with the road, and even then their contact patches are actually no bigger than our palms.

Already, two of my OEM Bridgestone Premio 325 tires are pretty worn, and while they're now mounted at the rear (my City's a front-driver), I still managed to experience aquaplaning/skidding at moderate speed on wet roads.

If it were my own money I spent for my tires, I'd get 4 of Yokohama's ES100s or Dunlop's LM702s---not too expensive yet highly recommended. If I had the budget, I could even install new 15" rims with Yokohama's awesomely grippy Advans or Toyo's much-lauded Proxes T-1S.

As it turns out, I'm only going to be getting ONE new tire. My little-used spare (still a Bridgestone Premio 325) will be used full-time, while the deeper-treaded of my remaining OE tires will be put in the rear. I have a feeling I'll be getting a comfort-biased Goodyear NCT3 or NCT5 as my one replacement tire. Sigh...

Oh well...this is even more of a reason to graduate and get working ASAP. That way I won't be answerable to anybody else on how I use my money.

Some asshole on Motioncars.com's forums keeps being combative with everyone else.

I'm beginning to dislike that forum, actually. I'd really opt for the friendlier atmosphere of Honda Club than the take-no-prisoners knowledge wars of Motioncars. Such a shame, since I like the site.
===

Slept for just 4 hours last night. Had to wake up early to bring my sister to school and for our weekly powerboxing workout.

It's amazing I'm still awake. I'm betting I'll crash into my bed later and sleep right away though.

After leaving this thing for months to rot on its own, a little e-mail from a stranger got me scratching my head and wondering about it again in the middle of the night, bored on the Internet.

Thanks, Cher.
===

Why haven't I blogged?

It's largely because I've been busy. Aside from the all-invasive necessity to study (else I don't get employed), I've been training for badminton and doing aerobics in the form of powerboxing. So yes, I've managed to keep myself quite busy.

A big chunk of the reason is because of this blog itself though. Pam introduced me to blogging way before we were together, and after the breakup I tried shunning away everything that made me remember her. Which, unfortunately for my readers, includes this.

So there.
===

For the longest time I was actually wondering whether anyone read this little expanse of online journal. I mean, I always got notifications from SiteMeter.com in the e-mail but I never bothered to check out what it contained. I was pretty convinced them web-traffic morons already perused through my site and figured it wasn't worth spamming me for their business. Hah.
===

In a few months I'll be turning 21. Ooh boy.

Not that I'm excited about it or anything. Since when have my birthdays been more exciting than a regular school day? I'd have to be a pretty social person to have my birthday remembered by hundreds of strangers I barely even know.

Thing is, I'm largely unsocial. Hah.
===

Decided to drop by the Inquirer offices on her 23rd birthday last month. I had an excuse: Villamor's badminton courts were jam-packed so I couldn't train that day.

I'll be honest: I had tumultuous feelings and emotions when it came to my ex. Part of me wanted to hate her. Part of me wanted her back. Part of me craved the sex. Part of me hoped for some chance to become friends again, the way we used to be long ago.

The traffic along Pasong Tamo on the way there didn't help. It just served to prolong the agony and confusion of my feelings toward her (and cost me a fair bit of patience and gas money). When I did get to her office, the waiting just made my state of mind worse. Not to mention it was also getting late and I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.

When she did appear in front of me, it was for all of 5 minutes. (There's a reason for that; Monday is when her department shifts their guts to close their weekly section.) I'd visualized and pored over how I would act when I finally got to see her again after so long. I imagined a short friendly chat: how are you, oh I'm fine, how's everything.

Turns out all of those "plans" never materialized.

I was tired and desperate to go home ASAP, while she was being pressured with her work. I simply handed her my present, apologized for looking shabby and impatient, and said my greeting and goodbye. She did the same.

I suppose it was better that way. After that incident, I actually felt refreshed while stuck in traffic in my car going home. The confusion, the agony, the conflicting emotions were all gone.

All that remained was the realization that she'd become cool toward me, and perhaps I had become cool toward her too.
===

Man, can I write. It's been a while. I hope to be back for much longer this time.
===

Thesis is up and I have Erica and Denise as my groupmates. So far so good. I just hope our proposal draft gets the go-ahead from our mentor so we can start getting to work on the script come next term and Christmas, and start shooting ASAP.

I mentioned "script" and "shooting."

Yes, we're making a feature film.

All I can say for now is: Try thinking of "The Sixth Sense," turn it around on its head and flip it. That's what our movie is in a nutshell.

And am I proud to have been one of the driving forces behind the creation of the plot. It was one of the biggest "eureka!" moments I've ever experienced.
===

Am I happy?

I guess so.
===

Album and artist of the moment:
Sugar Free's "Sa Wakas."

These guys are great. I can sing along to their album all day and not give a fuck about annoying people. Great sound, great lyrics and what a voice.

Didn't seem to make the cut for an org I was applying for.

From the moment I was interviewed, I sort of knew I was doomed. Even the org's lack of male members didn't work to my advantage.

So why do I feel so down about it?
===

My TELEPRO news report was a mixed bag.

I finished the 5-minute mark all right, but Dr. Forbes kept nagging me about making the wrong directorial calls (e.g. cutting to camera 1 before cueing my talent).

Still, it was great because most of my crew did their jobs well. Am just glad it's over.
===

Local band 7 Foot Jr. is my band of the moment. I just love their songs...I'm pretty impressed by what is just their first album, and independently released as well. These guys have guts, it seems.
===

Reasons to continue blogging

1. According to some friends it makes for good reading.
2. I need an emotional outlet, lest I become bitter.
3. I want to share the things I like with other people (provided this is actually being read by the 100-odd people that come across it every month).
4. It's a way of keeping in touch I suppose...not that it really works as well as I think it would.
5. It's 1/2 of my total space on the Web, the other half being my web project Manileño Online.

Reasons not to continue blogging
1. Anything I say can and will be used against me by people who hate me.
2. Am too busy to blog most of the time.
3. I don't know how to manipulate Blogger code to make this thing more unique.

Just when I brought up burning bridges behind me in my last post, my BUSORGA professor admonishes us never to burn them. She says it's good for networking purposes and stuff.

Great. One more reason to remain a doormat.

Just when I felt empowered with her class, this comes along.
===

Fathers' Day was a feast, literally. I don't know how many pounds I gained from my mom's good lovin' cookin'.

I did make a batch of seasoned and grilled vegetables for use in ciabatta sandwiches though...a miniscule achievement in my quest to learn how to cook. Damn, they're dee-lish.

My favorite vegetable for the moment: zucchini.
===

Murakami's novel still has a hold on me. On the suggestion of my OB friend Chenks, I plan to buy "Sputnik Sweetheart" next.

Need moolah...must save...

I've been keeping myself busy...seems like this term's going to see me in workhorse mode again. It's a good bonding experience with my school friends, I guess. It might be hellish to go through grades-wise, but I think this is exactly what I need.

Might as well spend as much time with them as possible...my friends in the other Comm Arts block are due to graduate soon. The mad rush for yearbook entries, photos and write-ups is a sign that I gotta cherish whatever time I have left ith these great, great people.
===

Been mulling over revamping this blog...unfortunately I don't know how to transfer the Blogger code onto raw HTML.
===

Funny thing about the books I buy: many of them seem to apply to my present situations when I buy them. Call it a weird quirk of clairvoyance or premonition, I don't care.

I've just bought, read and enjoyed Haruki Murakami's book "South of the Border, West of the Sun." Not long in any sense of the word (finished it in 3 hours) but is it so goddamn correct. Great, great book.

Thanks to this book I realize I can exorcise the ghosts of my past...
===

Spent the better part of a yesterday with my mom and sister shopping for groceries, watching the launching of Market! Market! and going to the dentist. Not bad. Even saw fellow SX8er Marlowe in Market! Market!---he and his band were going to perform that night. Unfortunately we didn't get to stay that long.
===

I knew from the outside we were meant for each other
Something was going wrong when you didn't like my mother
I don't want to hate but that's all you've left me with
A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy of how we ought to live

No regrets, they don't work
No regrets now, they only hurt
I know they're still talking, the voices in your head
If I could just stop hating you, I'd feel the same for us instead
Write me a love song, drop me a line
Suppose it's just my point of view, but they tell me I'm doing fine

--- "No Regrets," Robbie Williams

Some bridges are meant to be burned I suppose...unfortunately you had to burn me while doing so.
===

"Manila is a big city with a small-town mentality." --- PEOPLE magazine

How fucking true.

DOES ANYONE READ THIS ANYWAY?

Anyway, I'm back.

Two months, fifteen pounds and an annoying uncut head of hair later, I'm back to blogging. I didn't seem to miss blogging all that much. Besides I would've bored you out of your lives anyway, the way I live my summer vacations in absolute boredom. Better for my stench to have been kept off the web then.

Not to say that things haven't been happening during my hiatus, oh no. A lot's happened, yeh. Mostly stuff that's happened on the forums I participate in, HCP and OB.

Some of my online friends have chosen to point accusing fingers at me for destroying their little precious friendships that I happened not to agree with. Too bad for you, I could've been your best friend and you threw it all away in support of (a) total nutcase(s).

Angered some forum higher-ups with my unbridled (yes, that meant tactless) disdain for the Chinese dramas invading Manila airwaves---"Meteor Garden" anyone? Pinoys are corny and cheesy enough as they are...why make it worse? Ewww.

Finally tried to confront my newfound weight problem too. I gained 15 lbs. during the summer and I had to find out part of it is because I ate too much fruit yogurt. Talk about having too much of a good thing.

Tried to go play badminton with my dear ol' Tita Vik, who taught me a nifty footwork drill, that unfortunately leaves me out of steam and with aching thighs just after 15 minutes. I found out that climbing stairs two steps at a time gives more or less a similar effect, but without the benefit of going backwards. Else I would've had a neck brace on right now.

Also tried...ehem..."alternative" forms of exercise too. By alternative I meant hitting the local arcades. The game Dance Maniax is a really great aerobics workout when done for half an hour straight, and I can dance to some of the harder "Wild mode" songs now without flunking stages. SM Bicutan's been such a welcome boon; the SM arcades are by far the cheapest places to play DM in. Only PhP10 for a five-chip game, which translates to dancing 5 songs without failing...or about 8 minutes. In comparison Timezone is just evil: PhP22 for a 3-chip game (3 songs, no failure). Sucks.

Plus, I get a lot of attention from dancing to DM...eheheheheh.

School just started last May 26th for us, and I certainly did miss all my blockmates. Got pretty good grades from the last term, and I hope I do well this term too. Been in contact with some of them longer as well. Joey just broke up with her boyfriend after a year and the poor girl's been crying her eyes out all night.

I also spent the summer pondering on some things. Although we're no longer a couple, I still miss Pam a lot, mostly because we used to be such good friends before we were together.

Well that's that. Mom and Dad are thinking of selling the big white Pregio van and getting a Toyota Vios subcompact sedan as replacement...well, that's all good, but I was hoping they'd consider the brand-new GD6 Honda City as well. Seems the high maintenance requirements for my present SX8 City irritated them to some extent...

Ah well. See y'all later.

It's been a hefty busy week and I'm still not done with it.

I haven't been able to blog because...well, I've been having too much fun on HCP and OB. I've been busy too.

I now have about 60% of my online magazine project up, Manileño Online. I figured since I own this blog, I might as well promote it. It's my final project for PRINPRO, the consolidating online magazine that combines the work of all 3 of us PRINPRO classes/sections.

I have to say I'm quite amazed at how easy HTML actually is. My site is very basic but at least it has a decent working frame and working links and pictures. Feel free to e-mail me your comments (not like anyone's actually going to reply anyway, but still).

Ruth texted me last night asking about my website project's pictures. She was wondering why I had only one page, as she was looking for the other photos. Replied to her with the address of my Yahoo Photos site.
---

The week is getting increasingly busy.

I have yet to begin looking up materials for my INTRORE proposal, prepare for my RADIPRO live recording session, make a product and PowerPoint presentation for ARTCOMB and construct a consolidating online magazine for PRINPRO.

Yikes.
---

Happy birthday to my fave aunt Tita Vik! :D

Wahoo!

Took my Tita Vik out last night to the DLSU Pops Orchestra's concert entitled "Pinoy Opus," as a birthday gift of sorts for her. The repertoire consisted of nothing but pure OPM (Original Pilipino Music) songs, and a few asides from Filipino cultural favorites such as local TV show themes and videoke.

As it turns out, she hadn't heard of the Pops Orchestra before. She was actually wondering why I wanted to take her out to watch a concert of Pops Fernandez's, as she swears the woman cannot sing, effectively debunking her "Concert Queen" title. It was up to the Pops Orchestra to prove that she'd have a good time, then.

We definitely did.

The concert was peppered with little video segments the Pops members did themselves. Some of them went with the songs, others spoofed videoke songs' accompanying cheesy videos. Much as they amused the crowd, the biggest draw was the Pops Orchestra itself and its talented, energetic vocalists. Tita Vik and I were all applause, smiles and laughter throughout the whole concert.
---

According to my parents I now look like a zombie. I have dark saucers for eyes and a neglected face full of blemishes.

It's not like I care too much. I've never been a high-maintenance person.

The sleep part is kinda important though. I distinctly remember, on one of the hotter days this month, a time when I fell asleep while driving the Pregio van on the highway at 80 km/h for about a couple of seconds. When I came to, I felt the wheel pulling to the right. Yikes. Good thing the highway wasn't filled with speeders.
---

I haven't been immune to crashing into things though. I scraped the Pregio van's right side on a parked AE92 Toyota Corolla's left front bumper while trying to change lanes in a tight gridlock called Zobel Roxas St. at 8:00 am.

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

This is what I get from getting too used to the diminutive size and good maneuverability of my standard car, the SX8 Honda City.
---

My PRINPRO professor had us make our own websites from hard HTML code as a project. Mine's up already. You can visit it here.

Don't expect too much though. I'm prouder of the pictures than I am of the site.
---

One of my friends from HCP, Mike Avecilla, has just had surgery done on his aching back and he's now recovering. It was all successful.

Take care Kuya Mike!
---

In contrast to my good standing in HCP, Otakuboard has been pretty volatile these past few days with an issue that just doesn't want to die.

All I can say is, "BURY IT ALREADY!" OB isn't a forum for fighting.

Been a long while.
---

Actually if there's a party to blame for my not posting in my blog, it's got to be the HCP forums. I had some growing pains getting myself acquainted with the other members but we've been cool since then. I also have to regain my bearings as it's been a while since I logged on to a large-population board like theirs.

It's actually gotten to that point where I find excuses to post at every possible opportunity. Bad, bad, bad. I've even lost my concentration on studies...
---

My Print Production subject's been going pretty well. I think I submitted a good magazine midterm project for something limited to such stodgy fonts as New Century Schoolbook. I guess my layout artist habits are alive and kicking after all.

Now our new focus is on Web publishing, and consequently making our own webpages. Yikes. I don't know much about code...
---

Religion 2 had me working in my parish for 10 hours spread over five weeks. I chose to be a bookkeeper's assistant, as I would've been too embarrassed to sing along with the choir or go out in cathechesis sessions.

Sarah (my bookkeeper boss) and Cathy (the parish secretary) were pretty welcoming back there, despite starting off leaving me well alone to what I had to do. Needless to say, by the time I finished my ten hours we were already exchanging phone numbers so we could text each other crazy.

I am concerned at all the thefts happening in the parish office though. Even the priests' wallets and phones aren't spared.

Testing testing...
---

Mommy Tin was conscientious enough to inform me via PM that my blog had disappeared.

Thanks a lot, Tin.

I can't deny it now: people do read my blog. Heheheh.

Been quite a while since I last posted. Heheheh.
---

It's been a great great week to be online, especially on OB and HCP. These two forums have seen one member of each either being banned or publicly humiliated for the stupidest things I've ever seen done online.

Just my advice, people: Don't count your chickens until they've hatched.
---

The week of my birthday has been plagued by a string of near-collisions with other cars while driving. My most dangerous so far was to avoid an absolutely stupid speeding Mazda 323 driver who never considered having enough space between his front bumper and the car in front of him. The damned fool tried a double lane change to the rightmost lane because he suddenly got blocked by two braking EK Civics on the first two lanes.

Was honking along at 130km/h myself on the "no swerving" right lane exiting to Bicutan. The moment this idiot crossed my line, I braked so hard I could see blue smoke behind me and hear my tires wailing. Luckily I passed by with nary a scratch.

I feel like quick-acting quick-thinking driver Takumi Fujiwara. "INITIAL D!"

I owe it to my family and friends new and old not to do anything like that again though. There are too many drivers here who are so stupid they wouldn't mind swapping paint with my blue SX8 City. Excuuuuuuuse me. Ibahin ninyo ako.
---

Shot pictures in Intramuros for my Print Production article last Wednesday. I didn't expect to see Pam in San Agustin Church with Ruth and her other friends.

She seemed okay---actually everyone seemed okay if a bit preoccupied. Ruth was the only one among them who was sticking around me, asking about my camera and macro lens. They still had to go to the port area afterwards.

Even though it felt like Pam didn't want to speak with me for long, it was nice seeing all of them again.
---

My pictures came out great. Especially good were those that were never meant to be on film in the first place. Heeheehee.
---

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Seems like everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

from "Why Don't You and I," Santana with Chad Kroeger

"Happy birthday to me!"
---

Just as I thought no one usually remembers my birthday, people left and right have been greeting me on my twentieth year alive. Must be due to the birthday functions on the boards, but it's still a nice feeling being greeted. Way better than thinking that no one cares, at least.

Got some birthday presents too. Pam gave me some stuff she brought from her Singapore trip not too long ago: a bracelet, a scented plush cow and boxers. Mom gave me a pair of stonewashed denim jeans and a leather belt. Coolest gift so far came from my dad: a Victorinox original "SwissChamp" Swiss Army Knife. I've been destroying my fingernails from prying open and playing with all the gadgets.

Lunch was an affair with OB friends Noel and Voltz at Liy Ming's.

So far, so nice.
---

An old accounting classmate of mine came up to me while I was reading the latest issue of The LaSallian the other day.

He started off at an awkward greeting, but increased his confidence when the topic changed to religion. He suddenly talked about God, Jesus and him being the only way to salvation, the fallacy of purgatory...other such religious stuff.

Honestly I don't like it when people dictate to me what I should think or believe. I have nothing against born-again Christians, but please don't force your beliefs on me because you'll only alienate people like me from your original aims. I am already an outspoken critic of the Catholic Church; don't make me a critic of your own faith. People have brains and free will; please respect that, dammit.

Call me a hick, but I spent my last conscious moments last night playing Breath of Fire III. I know people will call this franchise the "most boring RPG ever," but there's a certain charm to raising my dragon-boy Ryu and his friends up.

Excuuuuuuuse me.
---

Friends at HCP are thinking up ideas for an EB. They're thinking of going to Pasay for a day of karting.

If it does push through...hell, I'm in! I gotta know how much it costs though...and I hope it won't be prohibitively expensive. Or maybe I should just hold off karting until I have my own disposable income? That's going to be pretty far off.
---

I've been assigned to cover tourist spots in Manila for PRINPRO as my contribution for my class' magazine midterm project. Problem is, as of now I'm kinda spiffed as to where to go and when I should do so. I still have a week left.

Actually I wanted someone to come along with me on Wednesday, since I have just one class by then (we got a free day from Religion class). Hmmm...
---

Speaking of Wednesday, my birthday's actually coming along soon. My mom asked me about any plans I had for the 11th...and frankly enough, I said I didn't have any.

I suppose I've come to the point in my life when my own birthdays don't matter much to me anymore. Well, maybe at least not this one. My twentieth birthday falls in the middle of a particularly lonely term, where I'm pretty much left to my own devices.

What do I want to do now? I have to wonder. Do I want to meet my high school friends again? Do I want to dive into another relationship? Do I want to work part-time? Honestly, I'm feeling confused and lonely.

I suppose I should get used to feeling this sort of uncertainty, this constant uneasiness in my heart. Any semblance of security I've known for the better part of my existence will soon be gone, in---give or take---three years. Hell, job security won't be a given even for me.

I should learn how to truly be alone.
---

Lately I've rediscovered the joys of eating chocolate. I think I'm figuring out why women like the stuff so much. For crying out loud...it's natural Prozac.
---

Forget what I said about getting into relationships. Screw my longing to be with someone.

Now just isn't the right time.
---

I've been having the weirdest dreams these past few days, and most of them involve repeating some sort of death scene, over and over, ad nauseam. It's either my death or someone else's.

Creepy. Am I turning into another Denise?

I am happy.

Monday saw me in the recording booth for Radio Production most of the time, fulfilling my roles as director, spinner and mixer. Being director had to be the most gratifying of them all, especially since the group I directed never had a chance to rehearse with me beforehand. I was amazed I managed to fit Patty's PSA in a little over 30 seconds on my first take, and that I was comfortable in command of my five-man team. We took six takes in total, and we managed to wring two good takes in the span of 10 minutes.

Being mixer is pretty cool too. I was amazed at how most of the work was actually on my fingers controlling the eight input sliders for the talents' mikes, background music and SFX. It felt the closest to being a real DJ, with headset and all.

Spinning literally means pushing "play" on the CD players and tape recorders. It's a boring job but it can unnerve me when I cue the SFX/songs wrong.

I really really like RADIPRO. I wonder if I can be a technical director for radio someday.
---

Tuesday was blah, except for my haircut. I am back to looking like the Mr. Soldier-Boy I was back in freshman year. This is in response to Beia and Rich's endless remarks about me looking fat because of my hair. It's not like my haircut's gonna improve my appearance any, but I'm rather sick of having prickly bangs in my eyes all the time.

My mom remarked about my new haircut by the time she got home. I should've told her this was my "old" haircut.
---

Traffic is hellish nowadays. I dread having to go home on evenings.
---

Made a little game for my ARTCOMB subject just a while ago. It's something in the mold of tic-tac-toe, with every square having a question on our report on DOS and Windows. I'm glad my unfamiliar classmates had lots of fun with it.

The next group had a game as well, with the subject matter being MS Excel. We won! Heheheh.

This was a good day.
---

Yesterday I saw my old high school classmate Ding at University Mall looking for PC CDs. Tapped her shoulder from behind, having the vaguest feeling that it was indeed her. It was nice seeing her after all this time, as she studies in DLSU-College of St. Benilde just across Taft Ave. But she always seems so busy, so I hardly see her around.

It's amazing how in the span of two years or so, she still looked the way she did back in high school, albeit with longer hair and a more formal-looking ensemble in place of her uniform. When I think about it, I look pretty much the same, too.

I miss high school. But then again, if it weren't for college, I wouldn't have learned that my world was never limited to the microcosm that is Alabang.
---

I've been getting tired more often in the past few days. Whenever I think of just lounging around in bed, I suddenly plop off to sleep. I wonder why. Has it something to do with the weird cold weather we've been having?

Attended Otakuboard's EB last night at Greenbelt. Was a pretty nice occasion, actually, but it was kind of marred by Anna's late arrival with her friends from thesis defense. Beia and Rich were getting impatient as they had to leave for Hillsborough that night, and it was unclear as to who was going to eat with all twenty-something of us at Krocodile Grillery.

It felt like there were two EBs in one: the first with Rich and Beia but without Anna and her friends; the second the other way around. It was fun just the same, though, but I have to agree it could've been set up better.

Met the guy I was irritated with on OB...and it turns out he's a pretty okay fellow offline. Sharp sense of humor, too. I think he just needs to loosen up and realize that his problems ain't as bad as he thinks.
---

I have a new addiction now: Initial D. Yup, this is the most famous anime/manga on driving, drifting and street racing.

The sound of car exhausts at high revs is permanently glued to my ears nowadays, after watching episodes of the anime on Rich's VCDs. I'd stare in total awe as lead character Takumi Fujiwara excellently drifts his low-horsepower Toyota AE86 Trueno (lovingly known as the Hachi-Roku, Japanese for "eight-six") across the tight hairpin turns of Mt. Akina. This guy in a very very plebeian car beats people in cars from the next class up: R32 Skyline GT-Rs, S13 Silvias and 180SXs, FC and FD-series RX-7s...even a mighty Lancer Evolution IV! Hot damn!

Too bad a lot of the CDs don't work on my CD-ROM drive. Damnit.

Also, it's too bad 85% of cars here are front-engine, front-wheel-drive types (FF types) which can never drift. To learn how to drift, I'd need a front-engine, rear-wheel-drive (FR) car.

It's ultimately too bad that I'll never approach Takumi's god-like skill of drifting.

Oh well, there's always the karting grounds at Pasay, but that's expensive.

Great surprise yesterday afternoon.

While my sister and I were at SM City Bicutan to buy stuff after class, I picked up the most recent issue of Autocar Asean Edition magazine (January 2003).Everything was pretty much normal except the Letters section.

There I saw my first letter to the Singapore-based magazine. I'm surprised it made it almost unedited, save for a little typographical error (I was referring to their "excessive praise of the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VII," not the older Evolution II).

Am damn proud.

Hee.
---

The said pride turned to embarrassment though.

I learned that HCP's members are obsessed with nothing more than tuning and modifying their rides.

I'm beginning to have second thoughts on entering this forum. I know Honda makes performance cars for the plebeian, and that's central to their charm, but damnit, they ain't the only car manufacturer around.

Blech.
---

Had my Accounting quiz this morning. Managed to figure out how to solve my professor's tricky Cost of Goods Sold problem at the last ten minutes of class time. I had to work backwards...and I finished just before the bell.

I feel damn good again.
---

Am excited about the coming Otakuboard EB this Saturday. It's gonna be a whole afternoon-evening of fun. Might as well be an early birthday present to myself, too.
---

Been PMing with Bluemaxx of OB these past few days. We've been in pretty similar situations regarding our recently blown relationships.

Particularly interesting was what my Malaysian pal said: I dunno too how to react with Anna. We are PMing now, friends and all...but inside me...it feels kinda weird...

I kinda know how he feels. I felt the same way when Pam texted me while I was in SM City Bicutan yesterday. She and I admitted that we felt alone, although I think she feels lonelier than I do. I did like how we were able to text about little things that happened to us, though. It felt like we were the way we knew each other before we were lovers, and that's not bad at all, I guess. It feels gratifying that we still respect each other even after our breakup.

A lot of times I still get the impulse that wants to hug her or kiss her (I am still in love with her), but I'll have to get used to respecting her in my role in her life now. It's hard but if it's ultimately for the best, I'm amenable to it.
---

Rich, Beia's fiancee, ICQed me about my breakup and he had this to share: "Maraming beses na kami nakipag-breakup, but now look, we're getting married..." Those two are getting married on June 27-29, and I've been invited (and I would suppose most other OB people will be too). I wish them all the luck; they're a really great couple.
---

There's this pathetic self-righteous asshole on OB that just doesn't have a life.

And I have to meet him offline on Saturday along with the rest of the gang, if only for the spirit of OB camaraderie..

Crud. Don't get anywhere near me, loser.
---

Just when I thought I met all the pathetic self-righteous losers I'd know on OB, here comes a geniune self-righteous idiot with a humongous stick up his ass.

Here's a tip: DON'T GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW JACK ABOUT THE DETAILS OF THE PROBLEM. Gago ka pala eh. You are impolite and just plain wrong. Instead of helping me, you just roused my anger. Don't ever think you know me inside out, because you don't. And I sure as hell don't think the same way you do.

NOW SHUT UP AND FUCK OFF!
---

I choose to be happy. I won't let two shitheads ruin my day.

Amazing to think that when you've got all the freaking free time to surf the Internet because of long breaks, I forget to update my blog.

Blame the people at Honda Club Philippines for that. Heheheh.
---

As of yesterday afternoon, Pam and I are no longer an item.

I told her that she'd changed in the span of almost a month, that she seemed averse to any sort of display of love. I was pushing the thought away from my mind, but after we made up the last time we fought, my suspicions were confirmed. I felt that whatever was troubling her inside, I couldn't help things. I couldn't make her happy...especially when I ask her what's wrong, she keeps saying "I don't know."

I really wanted the relationship to work, because by and large, I'm still in love with her. I still feel like reaching out for her, especially since it's been a month since we last saw each other. I will always love her, that's for sure. I can't hate her, no matter what I do. Maybe even better, I can't be indifferent to her. I feel that Pam's a beautiful person inside all her quirks and problems. The thing that was sad, though, was that she told me she had "a secret desire to be unhappy." Frankly I don't believe that, but I don't know what I can do to prove her wrong.

I am glad our relationship happened. I am proud to say that I never once thought about loving any other girl when I was with her. I am glad that I was able to grow up with her. Maybe I'm still immature, as Ruth once told me before, but at this point I have grown up, even just a little. I am glad that I was able to give her the love she admitted she'd never felt before, even just for five months...and I'm glad that she was the one who first loved me.

Our breakup was peaceful, void of the usual angry words tossed about, and this I can be happy about. We vowed to stay friends, but there's this dull ache in the back of my chest that longs for her, that prods me to call her or text her a sweet greeting of love. While I can certainly be her friend, right now I'm not sure if I can stay just being her friend.

Time heals all wounds, I suppose.

Pam, as a friend, I'm telling you this: Being happy is a choice. Your choice.
---

Chatted with a friend of mine last night. The thought suddenly crossed my mind about getting back with Pam again.

My answer: Why not?

The past couple of days I have been consumed by the desire to get even better at Percussion Freaks 4th Mix. I can't understand why blokes like me who've been playing the damn game ever since its inception can't match the skills of those who've just played the newer versions...and successfully complete the Extreme-mode songs.

Argh.

Am mentally and physically memorizing the drum line for the Extreme-mode version of "Spring."

Must...play...PF4...must...play...PF5...must...convince...Timezone...to bring in...PF 6th and 7th Mix...
---

While I was online I went here and checked the prices of new/used PF machines, out of sheer curiosity. Turns out, to purchase a PF3 machine I'd have to shell out PhP131,000, and to get my own PF 6th Mix machine I'd have to say goodbye to PhP345,000.

*faints*

Goddamnit, a PF6 machine is more expensive than my current car! Might as well try to save up for a PS2 and a drumpad controller instead...and I don't even have enough money to buy that either.

Guess I'm stuck with going to either Robinsons' Place, Glorietta 4 or Greenbelt and waiting in line and in envy at the scads of blokes who are so much better at the game than I am.
---

Pam and I have made up. I'm just happy we're finally at peace with each other.

But she's leaving for Singapore this afternoon and won't be back until Sunday.

I miss you so much, my baby...
---

When I go online nowadays and I have to use ICQ, I'm usually taking my safety precautions and remaining in Invisible mode, as to deter strangers from sending me messages.

There was this guy supposedly from Australia that I didn't meet through OB. He kept bugging me about how much I weighed, how tall I was, how often I exercised...all without telling me about himself. That was just creepy.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Don't bother me again.

As I write this post, I just came home from my friend Bong's twentieth birthday party at their house in nearby Moonville. Turns out the party was in need of drinks, ice, chicken and paper napkins, so when I came around, I volunteered to drive Bong around Doña Soledad Ave. to look for what they needed.

When we got back to Bong's almost an hour later, we still had to wait for his other friends. Old school mates Paulo, Jared, Mac and Patrick soon arrived, as well as Kelvin, Maan and Kim with his girlfriend Gel, from Meycauayan, Bulacan province. Bar a slow start, we took to the beer and brandy. Patrick and I were the exceptions, as I brought a car and Patrick had to carry his bro Mac in their scooter home.

The party was a loose festival of drinking, snacks and singing, with Kelvin and Kim taking turns on Paulo's guitar and the rest of us singing pop songs. At some point before midnight, my new friends got drunk enough to challenge Bong to drink an entire plastic glass of iced Fundador brandy, which he gamely participated to. He downed that amber liquid straight.

Kim and the others challenged Bong to do more before they left: they had him finish off what was left of the brandy bottle, which amounted to a bit more than half a glass. Gel remarked that Bong might not handle the second dose, but he gulped it anyway. Loud cheers erupted from our little al fresco table, still unable to believe that Bong indeed downed that much brandy.

I got concerned as he looked rather wobbly already. After Bong mustered enough composure to wave Kim and the others goodbye, he sat down and hurled his dinner at the stone floor.

Twice.

All of us who were left were concerned, hovering around Bong, asking if he was okay, making him sit up straight in his chair. We simply cleaned up our mess instead, as he remained in his seat, hunched over to the side, his fist on the ground, covered with spew. Then we called his elder sister for help before I left for home.

This is the second time I've been to a drinking party, apart from my family's usual "red wine, champagne, margarita and Mule" holiday family affairs in White Plains. However this is the first time I've seen one of my friends hurl, and frankly it didn't feel good. I really felt bad for Bong, especially when he was muttering while we were cleaning up.

I'm going to wait until I'm 35 to reap the benefits of the 3-glasses-a-day-of-red-wine habit. I can't trust my soon-to-be-twenty-year-old self to drive, even with a sip of alcohol. It takes a bit of patience trying to blend in with accomplished drinkers (i.e. most of the people my age), but I suppose, given my love for the open road, maybe it's a worthy trade.
---

"I need to know the truth. Do you still love me?"

I do. I really really do. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I don't want to make you sad anymore, much more see you sad. Like I said before, you deserve to be happy.

You say you are in a mess right now. You don't know how to get out of it. You don't know what will happen when you do.

For what it's worth, all I can say is this: You also deserve to live. You deserve to be happy too. You don't have to stay lonely and sad.

You deserve to be happy because inside you are a wonderful person. Don't say otherwise, because like you said so before, I should know. Thank you for letting me see how wonderful you really are.

One of these days, you will find you can be happy too. And yes, it's a choice.
---

May bukas pa namang darating (sa silangan may pag-asa)
At doon ako makakatikim ng saya...
Bukas, liligaya din ako
Bukas, liligaya din ako...
Isasakay kita sa aking barko
Iikot tayo sa buong mundo...
--- True Faith, Bukas Liligaya Din Ako

In the words of Professor Sherman Klump of "The Nutty Professor":

YES, I CAN!

I can choose to get over my loneliness and sadness. I can choose to live my life and do the things I have a passion for. I can choose to find my friends and meet new friends in any damn way I want.

Indeed, I can.

Now I know what my mom meant when she told me this:
The key to happiness is not that you never get angry, upset, irritated, frustrated or depressed. It's how quickly you decide to get out of it.
---

I can't believe it.

I've been watching VanDread and other anime series for so long. I didn't even realize that the lesson I was looking for all these years was right under my nose all along. How could I have been so slow?
---

My presence may not help, so I won't bug you to the point of pressure and irritation. I promise, though, that if you ever need anyone to listen to what you have in mind, you will always have my ear.

It's up to you, really, whether or not you push me out of your life.

For now, I wish you well. I will always love you.
---

This is weird.

My old Politics and Governance professor and I bumped into each other while I went on my way to buy lunch at Agno St., DLSU's "nicotine alley." She hadn't seen us in a couple of terms, so she was rather excited to see me again.

Prof: "Tumaba ka ah!
Me: "Ah, well..."
Prof: "Pero bagay sa iyo. Ang cute-cute mo!"

This last sentence she mentioned while pinching my arm. Then she bade goodbye and went on her way.

I know, even if I grudgingly detest it, that I gained weight these past few months, most of it showing on my face. But I never thought extra facial fat made me look...cute. It's like saying a pelican looks better with two pouches instead of one. And why that pinch on my arm?

Weird weird weird. Noonienoonienoo...
---

Am glad I found the company of my friends when I needed them. It turns out I didn't have to soldier through the next three months alone, after all.

Am also glad I found the company of strangers who had the time to turn an ear to what I had to share.

As long as I am alive, something good will happen. I know this now. I cannot quit on myself. I cannot punish myself. I am human, after all. I deserve to feel my own emotions. I deserve to be happy.

Nietzsche, I agree with you: I deserve to live.

I've been away for a while, and while I have the time to blog about what's happening to me, I'd rather not.

All I can say is, I'm depressed and frustrated. The worse part is, I can't tell anyone else of the feelings that gnaw at my heart, the same feelings that have kept me in some sort of trance. I'm paralyzed because of the constant fear in my head that I might make things worse.

I'm losing sleep, losing concentration, losing money and losing my sanity.

Worst of all, I'm so plain fucking lonely.
---

No one reads this blog anyway. Screw it.

For those of you who do, well...prove me wrong.
---

Dammit, I wanna laugh and smile again. At least I'd be doing my mom a favor.
---

Optimistic line from the loneliest anime I've ever seen:

"As long as we are alive, something good will happen!"
-- Shuzo Matsutani, Now and Then, Here and There / Ima Soko ni Iru Boku

Now I can say it officially and with all honesty: My schedule sucks.

My day started with a 7:00am Accounting 2B class for one hour. The next four and a half hours saw me looking for things to pass the time before my 11:40am Religion 2 class. Then, after Religion class I waited an astonishingly boring five and a half hours for my sister to run out of school at 6:00pm.

What did I do with all that time at hand? Nothing constructive. I am not so proud to announce that I wasted a lot of money on video games today out of sheer boredom. I was supposed to go back home to have my car's front wheels re-aligned, but I was afraid I wouldn't make it back to school in time to fetch Bianca. Looks like my fears were unwarranted.

In time I'll use those ridiculous breaks to do my Print Prod. projects or delve into my Comm. Research paper's requirements. As of now, though, I'd rather go home and nap out, or drop by Pam's.

Sigh...
---

Part of my ridiculous expense I used to buy some computer utilities for my PostScript fonts, so at least it wasn't all a waste. Also got myself a copy of Dreamweaver 3.0, which might prove useful for my Web magazine site project for Print Prod. later on.

I wonder when I'll find the motivation to get educated using Dreamweaver though.
---

More than ever, I am sick of the traffic choking Manila's roads in the evenings.

Thank God for Enya. Your music saves my sanity.

My baby's depressed from seeing her foreign cousins leave for home this week. To make things worse, they're leaving one by one on three different days.

I can't seem to do anything to ease her loss. All I can do is listen to her on the phone, as we haven't seen each other in a while.

Am sad for her too. :(
---

My dad was probably right.

The day before classes resumed, he protested on my schedule this term. "Is this the best you can do?" he asked, seeing as my schedule was peppered with unusual hours-long breaks over the week. Told him I couldn't reconcile my major subjects anymore.

Now I'm finding it hard to soldier on with subjects that see me mostly alone, away from my friends and even my other classmates. A little glimmer of joy today, though, as I found a couple of my former blockmates sharing Tuesday and Thursday lunch with me.

This term's going to be a lonely one.
---

My mom keeps badgering me and my sister about migrating to the US in the near future. She says life here in the Philippines has nowhere to go but down, what with the bad crime rate and all the trash and pollution choking Metro Manila. She wants us to go to America for us to learn to be more independent, to learn how to stand on our own feet and learn the value of work and hard-earned money.

We aren't exactly willing subjects, my sister and I.

We're both so tied down by the security and warmth of our relationships here that any move overseas is going to see us in terrible disorientation. It's also going to be a massive case of culture shock trying to adapt to everything American---the highways, the people, the ridiculous sizes of everything there, even the apathy of Americans. It's not like America's any semblance of paradise for me anyway. It's probably going to kill me in the end.

Besides, I think I want to do something to help the state of things here. The Philippines is down now, so there's nowhere to go but up. In order to start and continue any sort of upward trend, though, Filipinos will need to depend on each other. Fuck politicking and those star-smattered elections, I want to do something worthwhile.

I'm not yet definite in my plans, but they sure don't include migrating to America. Not anytime soon.

And I thought today's mini-EB was going to be a drag, evidenced by many Otakuboard people's fixation with that trading card game called Legend of the Five Rings (L5R).

Good thing my good old pals there---mostly the admins and mods, in this case---were in the same bored situation as I was, what with most of the guys heavily engaged in L5R. We did swing over an old Makati mall and buy some manga at little Feata Bookstore. That was before going to Glorietta to (eherm) let them play L5R, while higher-ups Beia, Anna and Virna went with me on a "date" of our own at a coffee place, talking about RPGs, lovelives and controversial gay sex scenes in Anna's manga. I bought the 2nd volume of Initial D, car freak that I am.

Dinner at Teriyaki Boy took us around half an hour to wait for seating, but that gave me an inside look into the maintaining of the peace in OB...and things weren't as easy or as glamorous as they looked. Was rather honored as I am just a lowly member (albeit around for almost a year now) but I was allowed admittance into such talk.

Was a rather pleasant EB, in my opinion. Too bad I didn't get to meet many of the new faces.
---

The less palatable side of OB reared its ugly head quite a long time ago, though, at the time when I wasn't very active in it due to school work. A friend of mine there began a gossip thread.

The very thought of a gossip thread existing in OB takes a lot of risks, especially in a forum as closely watched and guarded against any uncivil behavior as OB. Proper handling and discretion among the participants should be exercised as to not offend anyone and keep the gossip all on the fun side.

The original OB gossip thread is closed now, and I've heard the admins' stories about this particular OB member seeking the attention of others to "console" him against this admin who supposedly used her influence against him. I don't claim to know everything or believe all I've heard as I prefer to remain in the middle of it right now, but I'd really rather that the gossip thread be kept out of OB indefinitely.

The thought of a thread like that existing in a forum like OB is freaky and potentially dangerous.

A happy birthday to my sister Bianx. :)
---

I'm bored. It's been a nasty week for socializing apart from family, as I've mostly been apart from my friends, and it doesn't help that the Friday-night-out-segueing-into-sleepover plan we cooked up during the holidays isn't pushing through either, as we didn't really plan it at all.

Sigh.
---

Oh, wait a tick, there's a mini-EB being cooked up at Otakuboard tomorrow. Let's see. ^_^
---

A pleasant surprise: I now have links to my friends Anna, Tantan and Zeri's blogs. I didn't know they had blogs of their own until today.

A happy brand-spanking new year to you all. :D
---

Tita Vik sent me this SMS message just before we got to White Plains last night:
"If you had sex once a day for 365 days and kept all the condoms and melted them, you can make a tire and actually call it a GOOD YEAR! Wish you a good 2003!"

Naughty naughty, Tita. But it was funny.
---

The last day of 2002 was a bit of a traveling affair for me.

Went to Pam's after lunch. The whole trip took me a mite less than 30 minutes...goes some way into proving that Metro Manila isn't really that big a city in land size; it's just the horrific population density that makes it a "megacity." Brought my PlayStation and some CDs along, too, just for something different.

I got there to a still-drowsy Pam having a stiff neck which cause we didn't know. We just sat together, ate some pomelo and talked. She gave me her old mobile phone, a Nokia 8250 with a new battery, "so you can give your phone a rest." Later on we got around to playing a round of Jeopardy on my PS and with her looking at the cars I "bought" for her on Gran Turismo 2. She particularly liked the cuirass-metallic (aka lavender) Ford Ka I got her, and I played back a replay video of one of the races I used the Ka on.

I didn't stay too long as my dad had other plans for my family that night. I did enjoy every minute of it, though. Thanks for everything, love. Happy new year, my darling.
---

"Other plans" saw me in White Plains for the traditional "second dinner" at my grandma Nanay's house with every one of my dad's relatives present...which wasn't too many to begin with.

Tita Dani and Uncle Bobby were there, like they usually were around the holidays, from Jakarta and somewhere in Switzerland (my Chinese uncle works a year for the WTO, I hear). Tita Vik was...well, she still lives with my grandma. Tito Francis and Tita Agnes were there, too, with all my boisterous cousins present.

Drank a Mule and goblets of red wine and champagne to shoo the new year in...and I could feel my face heating up in the weirdest way. I am still not good with handling my alcohol. I don't plan to drink too much anyway---I am not looking forward to getting my Honda's windshield grotesquely embedded on my face anytime soon. Make that anytime at all, for that matter.

Worth looking forward to was some quality time spent with my three cousins. Carlo, Bea and little Martin were a blast. Tita Vik mumbled that I was going to be their new favorite relative pretty soon. Hee. We'll see.

Another welcome guest was Nanay's pet Rottweiler, Zero. The big black girl seemed happy that we were all around her, keeping her away from the expendable gunpowder that was New Year's. She was still big and heavy even after talk that she was "on a diet," so that meant my little rascal cousins used her as a big body pillow. Seems Zero even knows how to snatch thrown grapes in mid-air, too.
---

On the way home, the soupy clouds of Quezon City smoke from the New Year livery made driving home hard for my dad. It sure beat being in Baguio clambering up Kennon Road on a January day.

What a stark contrast to the midnight skies of Bicutan. Hardly any smoke at all was present. Papa says it's all about the difference of disposable income. True, but I bet SM City Bicutan ate all that disposable income up instead of fireworks.

I just love this song.

Ika'y matutumba, ika'y masasawi
Mabibilangan ka ngunit babangon ka muli
Walang maniniwala, walang makikinig
Wala na raw pag-asa ang daigdig mong tagilid
Padadala ka ba sa agos o hindi? Hindi!

Patay na kung patay, mag-aalaman na
Lahat ibibigay dahil wala na 'tong atrasan
Bakit di na lang puso ang labanan?

Lumuha ka, kung hindi mo mapigilan ang tuwa
Matagal kang naghintay, kaibigan
Umawit ka, paabutin mo sa langit ang
tamis ng sandaling ibinigay...

Tagumpay, tagumpay
Alab ng puso, kailanma'y hindi sumuko
Tagumpay...
--- "Alab ng Puso," Rivermaya

I am so bored.
---

Watched our little video project for JPRIZAL last term, Bukangliwayway ("Sunrise"). The little CD my friends gave me as a Christmas present included a thirty-minute collection of bloopers, as well, so at least I was genuinely laughing my pants out for a good hour or so.

The video is admittedly not professional in quality, and I admit our little "film" reeks of amateur moviemaking, but I don't give a damn. My classmates and I really had fun making it and watching it, and in retrospect we think the sacrifices we had to make for this little project of ours were worth it after all.

I don't think I can be an actor for film though. My eyes are just too jittery, unable to stay still.
---

One of the presents my baby gave me was Santana's latest CD "Shaman." I've been listening to it on my trusty PlayStation all day long. I'm so amazed at how well Carlos Santana and his musicians work well in session with diverse acts like Michelle Branch, Seal, Chad Kroeger and P.O.D.---they even have a track with tenor Placido Domingo, of all people. That's a measure of how great a band Santana is. Even their originals, like "Victory is Won," are simply delectable.
---

Thanks, love.

I miss you.

I take back what I said three days ago: Christmas is just about as good as it can be.
---

In case I offended anyone for being late, here's my greetings: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
---

Christmas this year was okay, if a bit on the woozy side because of my lack of good sleep. The night of the 24th was at Caloocan with my mom's relatives, playing rounds and rounds of Bingo over money and Hershey's extra-creamy Symphony chocolate bars. Lucky birthday celebrant Uncle Cesar won eight bars.

The 25th had me extra-woozy. Slept a lousy six hours of rattled sleep when I had to wake up for lunch at the Richmonde Hotel with my dad's relatives, then off to White Plains Quezon City for gifts. The hotel's creme brulee was right on. Got too petered out trying to help my three little cousins assemble their dinosaur puzzles, some of them even having to be rebuilt after the rambunctious threesome played with them. Ugh. I liked it though.

As for the gifts: I am proud to announce that I've recouped most of what I lost in my life savings during the year; I got PhP7,000 worth of aguinaldo money. Hee. Bagged a wallet from my Lola Imelda; a VCD of our little film Bukangliwayway ("Sunrise") from my classmates; an unopenable picture frame from my godparents; a Nike shirt from my fave aunt, Tita Vik; new khaki cargo pants from my mom; and a polo shirt from my sister.

But the knockout of the year came from Pam: gave me four CDs, a Calvin and Hobbes compilation book, a GoldenEye 007 40th anniversary Swatch...and, as she says, more to come when I visit her again next week. Thanks, my darling. I missed you so much.

Well, thanks for everything and everyone who gave me gifts, in cash or in kind.
---

Went to Robinsons Place before going to Pam's today, as she wasn't home yet. Went to their arcade and I was pleasantly surprised to see a Drum Mania 4th Mix machine upstairs at PhP12 a pop. Yum...that's a lot cheaper than Timezone's price, although I'll have to get used to using a Japanese machine...
---

Been seeing a lot of "Japan domestic model" cars around Manila this month.

Two weeks ago I saw a white Nissan R32 Skyline GTS25 Type S around the village. Just last week I saw a really cute 1997 brown Mitsubishi Pajero Mini XR-II on the toll queue. And just this afternoon, of all JDM cars, I saw a heartbreaking Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VII, in Ah Beng yellow, on the way home---PhP2.5 million worth of Mitsubishi's crowning glory.

That car auction "gray" market in Subic and Malinta may be highly controversial, but at least we're beginning to see more diverse cars on the roads than your generic EK/ES-series Civic, Sentra/Sunny or ZZ121-series Corolla Altis.
---

Still wishing for my ultimate in-my-dreams-only Christmas present: an EP3 Honda Civic Type R hatchback in Championship White and with red Recaros at the front. But I---not even any of my acquaintances---cannot afford the PhP2 million price tag.

How I wish I could teach the thousands of Filipino fakers out there, that stick "CIVIC TYPE-R" badges on their garden-variety sedans with reckless abandon, that the only genuine Civic Type Rs Honda makes are 3-DOOR HATCHBACKS and that the Accord Type R never made it to Asia because it was a Europe-only model. I could teach them fakers a thing or two on the streets...just let that glorious 215bhp K20A engine do the 9000rpm talk...

Oh well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas is a spanking great time for 99% of people around the Christian world.

Not for me.

I feel lonely, empty, bored and out of whack. Worst of all, I'm broke.

Someone please invent some sort of machine so I can warp forward to school on January 6th.
---

Oh, wait a minute, I still need to have my car's wheels balanced.

Maybe there's something to look forward to this season after all, although it ain't anything "spanking great."

Collected my course cards last Friday, and I report great news. I didn't flunk Accounting...no no no. I passed with a 1.5. Hahahaha.

My other majors went well, scoring from 2.5's to 3.5's, and I mustered enough oomph to bag myself a 2.9 GPA for this term. Not that bad, I must say. Like my classmate Deney told me, it feels like all the effort, the countless hours devoted to the course and whatnot were worth it in terms of the grades. Then again, she was ecstatic with what she got.

Am just glad I don't have to attend the god-awful regular adjustment proceedings on January 3 and 4...yikes.
---

I'm practically done with my Christmas shopping already, the last of which I did today at a surprisingly roomy SM Bicutan. Yes, I've rued the day it opened but it seems to be a more tolerable place to go to nowadays.

Particularly liked my little Beef Bowl meal with red radish at Yoshinoya, paired with green iced tea. Yum. I wouldn't mind eating there again, especially since they serve meals real cheap.

Am getting hungry as I think back to what I ate. Uh-oh.
---

Speaking of hunger, I've been getting a lot of it lately. Is it just me or is food at home really getting scarcer? I've had various occasions where I'd crave for simple foods---only to find that they aren't available.

And I thought Christmastime was supposed to be a feast. Where's the goddamned food? Or is this some sort of trick to make me lose weight I never gained anyway?
---

Been considering having my little blue car wheel-balanced after the festivities are over, preferably on a weekday. It's been a good year and a half since the Honda service mechanics recommended that. I wonder why they don't offer the balancing service there, though. I thought servicing via an official dealer network was supposed to be a complete thing?

Honda Philippines is especially idiosyncratic as they don't service cars which have been tinkered with by non-official mechanics. So what's the deal, huh?
---

My baby's been out practically the entire week, and we haven't even seen each other now that we're both free of scholarly responsibilities, even for the holidays.

I miss you.
---

The term's over and done, my girlfriend's busy with family and work, my wallet's filled with fleas and my car's due in for wheel balancing.

What's JM to do?

Burn his eyes out playing his unplayed RPGs on his PlayStation. Right now that's the only thing I can do.

@_@

Had a night out with my friends at the Hard Rock Cafe in Glorietta 3. Getting there was a shitty experience.

Left home at 6 pm. The first few northbound kilometers on the South Luzon Expressway passed by okay, but when I got to Nichols everything just went haywire. My car was literally inches away from colliding or scratching other cars in the jam-packed three-lane highway, now accomodating five or six lanes of cars. (Only in the Philippines, folks.)

Tried evading the traffic going to EDSA by hanging a right to Don Bosco instead, but even there it was bad. Two lanes of cars, buses and whatnot were jostling to enter the cramped corner. At this point I could smell my clutch frying...definitely not good.

When I finally got to Ayala Avenue and parked my car, it was already 8 pm. Goddamnit. Just my luck to leave home on a payday Friday. AGAIN.
---

The party itself was okay, but I didn't seem to be enjoying myself. It had nothing to do with not drinking a shot of tequila (hey, I was driving...that's out of the question). It had nothing to do with the fact that I didn't dance, even though the famous show band South Border was making the crammed venue move.

I just felt tired and I missed my baby. As early as 10:30 pm I wanted to go home.

Hard Rock's "pig sandwich" was good, but I really wanted to share their mud pie with my baby.

Just to prove how sick I am of school right now: I have a final paper to do for Intro to Broadcasting (arguably the only major subject I'm sure to pass) that's due tomorrow at 3 pm, but I have absolutely no initiative to do it. I'm supposed to make a paper on putting up my own radio or TV station, present a vision-mission statement, make imaginary rate cards and other related stuff, like a logo.

It's supposed to be easy but I hardly have anything in mind right now.

Sheesh.

Am back in procrastination mode.
---

Speaking of procrastination, I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. Yikes.
---

I was almost late at my ACCOM2A finals, thanks to my sister having a bum gut just when we were supposed to leave. I left for school alone at 6:30 am, driving the big white Pregio at full-whack 110 km/h on the Skyway, to catch a 7 am test. I was too pressed for time that I forgot to notice how hard I was pressing on the gas. The autobox was stuck at third gear at 85 km/h...not good, not good, as I actually saw the malfunctioning fuel needle slip four fucking big notches towards "E".

When I finally did make it there, my lack of sleep struck me hard. I had problems solving my problem-solving questions, and my stockholders' equity didn't equate with the rest of the class. Looks like I'm in for a traumatizing experience.

I just don't want to think about it anymore.
---

For film class we were tasked to make a two-page paper on our favorite film viewed this term. Not wanting to think like everyone else favoring Schindler's List as favorite as it was the last film shown, I chose Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai.

Turns out my hunch was right. Steven Spielberg's Polish Holocaust epic won 11 votes, easily becoming the favorite. In comparison, Kurosawa's rounin movie garnered three votes.

Both are great films, though, and I can't fault Spielberg...his film was my second favorite.

In a rare occurrence, I remember a dream I had about a week ago. I was the same age I am now, but I grew up in a society 20 years back, in the height of the Marcos regime and martial law. I was a photojournalist of some sort which had just taken pictures of a really juicy story for the then-fledgling anti-Marcos newspaper, the Philippine Daily Inquirer, and I found myself in a bank trying to withdraw money for some reason or other.

Suddenly the bank was held up.

The armed muggers told everyone to drop to the floor and began taking valuables from people. One of them saw the bulky-looking canvas shoulder bag I was toting, and got interested in its contents. Of course, this housed my trusty Nikon FM SLR camera.

He saw the camera and began to snatch it away from the bag. I remember having the strangest feeling of wanting it back because the camera was my dad's in the first place. On impulse I lunged forward, wrestling with the man and telling him to give me back the FM.

Then I heard a gunshot...and I was dead. I could barely feel the impact as it hit my head.

For some reason I couldn't accept this fate, so I jumped back in time to when I was wrestling with the mugger. Instead of receiving a hot dose of lead, I sidestepped and managed to wrestle the gun away from him aikido-style.

And that's when I woke up.

If lucid dreaming is an art, I don't seem to have mastered it yet.
---

When I think about this dream, I guess I got it because I got too spooked by the tales our resource person had in our interview.

For our Intro to Print course, we had to do an oral history of a Filipino journalist. Having met and listened to him before in a seminar for The LaSallian, I immediately thought of Jimmy S. Gomez, Associated Press staff reporter. The guy had so many tales of his stories, including those of his Abu Sayyaf interviews and his documented experiences with riots and tear gas inhalation.

Back in grade school I wanted to be a newsman.

Damn, I think now I know better.
---

We may have not gone to Robinsons Place or Glorietta. We may have not gone to Alda's or Cibo for a great lunch. We may have simply spent four hours watching video CDs, kissing and eating delivered pizza and pasta.

But I enjoyed every minute of it, and that's what matters.

I love you my baby.

Sheesh. I blog so infrequently.
---

Spent last Wednesday with my darling, highlighted by a delicious lunch banquet at Alda's, a quaint little "pizza kitchen and restaurant" along Adriatico St.

The place is supposedly a sacred one for couples: they say if your significant other takes you there to eat, it means he's serious about you. Aside from that "tradition," I could really see why Alda's is so popular, albeit not at the "jam-packed-standing-room-only" level. That little eatery is just too cozy to be besmirched by the trappings of large-scale commercialization. It really has this small town laid-back feel to it that's nowhere to be found in Pam's old favorite place, T. G. I. Friday's.

I loved sharing ultimate combo pizza, crabmeat fettucine and garlic bread with you, my baby. Needless to say, yes, I am serious about us. If I had things my way, I'd repeat December 4th over and over again. I love you.
---

Now with nothing but the radio on
We are dancing to a new emotion
We've got nothing but the radio on
And making love in slow motion
---Dave Koz, "Nothing But the Radio On"
---

Spent so much money on photo paper and film, and spent so much time in the darkroom, before realizing the whole point of having photo essays as projects for FOTOCAM. It's the preparation for VIDPROD (Video Production), a major subject I can't take unless I take FOTOCAM first, as it's its prerequisite course. If a photo essay can't stand alone without explanation, my future videos/films wouldn't be able to stand alone either.

As much as I hate slaving over enlargers and delinquent photo paper once more, I feel like redoing that vague 10-image photo essay I submitted today on desire. I feel like it's going to be for my own good once I get to VIDPROD next term.

Maybe I should seriously consider joining that photo contest Ruth asked me to join, even if it's for Ateneo...
---

Spent the better part of a Monday cooped up in the M216 enlarging room, churning out photo after flawed photo. I have enough flawed 5" x 7" photos to make postcards.

Just as practiced, my classmates set up a portable CD player in the darkroom and brought CDs to make the large complex a little more cozy. Was singing along with a lot of the songs absent-mindedly, trying to sneak in second-voice bass parts of my own creation just for kicks, when a new classmate of mine noticed.

"Who's singing the second-voice parts?"
"I did."
"Okey ah! You have a gift there."

Was rather dumbfounded. I never thought my penchant for putting unusual spins on singing pop songs was a gift anyone would appreciate.

Thanks, Jewel.
---

Art serves the laymen and bows to no master.
---

Am dead tired of school. I really want to rest. Good thing the break's almost here, and I've got only one final exam---Accounting 2A. It's going to be three fucking hours of early-morning torture in a stone-cold classroom on Thursday.

At least I think I have a fighting chance to pass ACCOM2A after all. I just hope my ability matches my own ego's expectations.
---

A while back, you posted about what you would do when you switched sexes and became a man.

If you did take that step across the sexes, I'd be honored to be your hypothetical girl.

I love you, Pam.

Thank you for four months of us.

Moo. :D

MOOOOOOOOO! :D

Been gone from blogging for a particularly long while. The sad part is, I don't even really know why.
---

November 29th was a nightmare for drivers like me going home to the south. It's actually a given since it's a Friday night and it's even a payday at that, the 30th being a national holiday. But I don't know what the hell the guys at Shoemart (SM) were thinking when they opened their new mall right smack at the mouth of the already traffic-ridden Bicutan interchange.

Scores of people were crossing the streets at any one time. It didn't help that traffic was bad across 5 kilometers...along the expressway. The traffic cops didn't seem to be doing their duty---hey, wait a tick...perhaps they're there to make sure that there's a traffic jam in the first place. All in all it wasn't a great place to be in, especially if you're trying to keep your car from being a gas guzzler (which I desperately am).
---

The next day, I invited neighborhood friends Paolo, Bong and Mac to come along with me to the brand-spanking new mall literally at our backyard. We thought we'd be in for a relatively quiet but boisterous affair, looking at shoes, games, CDs, pigging out and maybe enjoy a game or two of Percussion Freaks.

Yikes.

When we got there we were in for a shock. The cramped mall was literally crammed with people, most of them the sort that haven't even smelled a mall in the first place and are abusing the place. Where on earth can you find people in the food court not eating or doing anything except enjoy the air-conditioning?

There was a literal traffic jam of human flesh and blood crowding the newly opened mall, and we quickly got annoyed by the sheer amount of noise and confusion. Nasty thoughts began to pop in my head about blowing up a cherry bomb or two and turning the manic mall into a Bicutan bum rush. Hee.

We couldn't stand staying in there for more than two hours. Anyway I was glad that I was able to spend time with my old friends again, after such a long while.
---

I finally get a weekend off and what do I do?

Since I haven't been on Otakuboard for the longest time, I didn't have any idea when the supposedly Christmas EB would be...little did I know that it would fall on November 30th, Bonifacio Day. I didn't really have enough money to spend either, and I hated dipping into what's left of my measly savings account which value I managed to halve in the span of four months. Sigh.

Well then, what did I do?

Shackled myself to a PlayStation playing countless games of Gran Turismo 2 and Street Fighter Zero 3. Funny when I have absolutely no resources left, I'm just a gamer at heart.
---

Why the hell can't I post to my blog?! Is Blogger going haywire or something? Or is this a punishment for not blogging as regularly as my girlfriend does?
---

I remember the first day we met online. Was surprised to see a girl enjoy Percussion Freaks as much as I did. I even remember you bringing your musician ex-boyfriend to play, and even the time when you couldn't play because your foot was sore.

I remember the very first day we met offline. You were trying to get an interview with my school's reserve basketball players and their coach. Little did I know that we---two practical strangers---would hit it off so easily afterwards. We were laughing our asses out at the school canteen.

I remember our first real date after that. Nothing fancy, just a lunch date at Cibo. I even remember the way you were dressed. I remember how I ferried you to your office, looked around for parking, and spent the better part of an afternoon in your cubicle. Although I was shy and really quiet due to having nothing to say to anyone else, I enjoyed. That was even the day my car's battery conked out on me and you got your colleagues to push my car while I was starting it up.

I remember the afternoon I realized my feelings for you, neophyte that I was to love. I didn't doubt it, but I was wondering if you'd pull away because you were still recovering from an ex's misdemeanors, those which you shared with me over the phone countless nights. I remember how glad I was when you loved me too.

I remember all the happy moments, the "fights" we had, and all the times we made up and reaffirmed our feelings for each other.

Thank you so much for being with me all this time. It's practically been four months. I feel like it's been forever being with you, and I honestly wish you and I would last that long.

I love you.