about the talking fish

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Writer. Wheelman. Occasional DIY mechanic. Walking collection of hang-ups. Hopeless romantic. Old-school. Analog soul in a digital world. I am all of these things and more.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

After leaving this thing for months to rot on its own, a little e-mail from a stranger got me scratching my head and wondering about it again in the middle of the night, bored on the Internet.

Thanks, Cher.

Why haven't I blogged?

It's largely because I've been busy. Aside from the all-invasive necessity to study (else I don't get employed), I've been training for badminton and doing aerobics in the form of powerboxing. So yes, I've managed to keep myself quite busy.

A big chunk of the reason is because of this blog itself though. Pam introduced me to blogging way before we were together, and after the breakup I tried shunning away everything that made me remember her. Which, unfortunately for my readers, includes this.

So there.

For the longest time I was actually wondering whether anyone read this little expanse of online journal. I mean, I always got notifications from SiteMeter.com in the e-mail but I never bothered to check out what it contained. I was pretty convinced them web-traffic morons already perused through my site and figured it wasn't worth spamming me for their business. Hah.

In a few months I'll be turning 21. Ooh boy.

Not that I'm excited about it or anything. Since when have my birthdays been more exciting than a regular school day? I'd have to be a pretty social person to have my birthday remembered by hundreds of strangers I barely even know.

Thing is, I'm largely unsocial. Hah.

Decided to drop by the Inquirer offices on her 23rd birthday last month. I had an excuse: Villamor's badminton courts were jam-packed so I couldn't train that day.

I'll be honest: I had tumultuous feelings and emotions when it came to my ex. Part of me wanted to hate her. Part of me wanted her back. Part of me craved the sex. Part of me hoped for some chance to become friends again, the way we used to be long ago.

The traffic along Pasong Tamo on the way there didn't help. It just served to prolong the agony and confusion of my feelings toward her (and cost me a fair bit of patience and gas money). When I did get to her office, the waiting just made my state of mind worse. Not to mention it was also getting late and I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.

When she did appear in front of me, it was for all of 5 minutes. (There's a reason for that; Monday is when her department shifts their guts to close their weekly section.) I'd visualized and pored over how I would act when I finally got to see her again after so long. I imagined a short friendly chat: how are you, oh I'm fine, how's everything.

Turns out all of those "plans" never materialized.

I was tired and desperate to go home ASAP, while she was being pressured with her work. I simply handed her my present, apologized for looking shabby and impatient, and said my greeting and goodbye. She did the same.

I suppose it was better that way. After that incident, I actually felt refreshed while stuck in traffic in my car going home. The confusion, the agony, the conflicting emotions were all gone.

All that remained was the realization that she'd become cool toward me, and perhaps I had become cool toward her too.

Man, can I write. It's been a while. I hope to be back for much longer this time.

Thesis is up and I have Erica and Denise as my groupmates. So far so good. I just hope our proposal draft gets the go-ahead from our mentor so we can start getting to work on the script come next term and Christmas, and start shooting ASAP.

I mentioned "script" and "shooting."

Yes, we're making a feature film.

All I can say for now is: Try thinking of "The Sixth Sense," turn it around on its head and flip it. That's what our movie is in a nutshell.

And am I proud to have been one of the driving forces behind the creation of the plot. It was one of the biggest "eureka!" moments I've ever experienced.

Am I happy?

I guess so.

Album and artist of the moment:
Sugar Free's "Sa Wakas."

These guys are great. I can sing along to their album all day and not give a fuck about annoying people. Great sound, great lyrics and what a voice.

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