about the talking fish

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Writer. Wheelman. Occasional DIY mechanic. Walking collection of hang-ups. Hopeless romantic. Old-school. Analog soul in a digital world. I am all of these things and more.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wanderlust strikes again

My January trip to Leyte got short-circuited at the last minute, but that hasn't stopped me from trying to organize another trip out of Manila. This time though, the travel will take much, much longer...but I won't be leaving the island of Luzon at all.

Ria and I are thinking about going to faraway Vigan in the summer, possibly in late April or in May, on a very long road trip with my Jazz. While I have no doubt that my little hamster is up to the task, I wonder if I'm in the same condition.

Another concern is passengers. Ria will not be allowed to go if it's just the two of us; we'll need at least one more girl who's willing to go. I've invited Denise, but I haven't had any reply from her yet.

Oh well. We've got two months to think about this before the idea officially goes kaput.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Short but sweet

I spent the better part of this holiday afternoon chatting away with Cher.

I miss all those days when we'd just blabber away on YM.

Let's do this again.

Bui buibuibui buuuuuuuuuui!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Mellow drama

It's been so long since I've known right from wrong
Got no job, sometimes I just sit down and sulk
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh, will you dance with me tonight?

When the sun departs I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes, come down here and listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh, will you dance with me tonight?

I'm looking at you, you're looking at me
We're the only two off the dance floor, do you see what I see?
Two broken lives, working in harmony
Might make for a decent time, so get up and dance with me

I know that its seems like the grass will grow
Better on the other side of the barbed-wire fence, but
That other side is not in sight
So I'm fine with what I have now if you'll dance with me tonight

What's the point of life if risk is just a board game?
You roll the dice but you keep hoping that the rules change
What's the point if you can't bring yourself to say
Things you want to say like "dance with me tonight..."

- Hugh Grant, "Dance With Me Tonight"

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Novocaine

Last night I gave Denise a belated Valentine's present: a pair of earrings.


She offered to invite me inside for dinner and dessert, but I turned her offer down as I wasn't hungry. We stayed outside her house, cracking jokes like old times, poking fun at each other about how we were both gaining weight, and playing with her adorably sociable pug Bailey. When I told her I came from this year's auditions for the Accenture Chorale, Denise asked me to sing...and I sang her the tenor part of "The Lord Bless You and Keep You."

After all these years and failed attempts, I guess I haven't really gotten over her. She was the one...or someone pretty close to being the one. Yet I already know she will never look at me as anything more than a good friend. Still, I wonder if there's any truth to what Auntie Carole said when she saw that photo of Denise and I on the phone I lent her during her stay. When she heard my story, Auntie Carole told me not to give up hope and that things may change in the future.

There's something different this time, however. The JM of three months ago would have moped and sulked and wallowed in self-pity about the hopelessness of the situation to no end. I still feel all those emotions now, but I'm strangely detached to them, as if I had taken a shot of novocaine. I feel the distant warm fuzzy happiness of being in love, but a very muted sense of the disappointment as well---so mild, it doesn't even bother me.

I can almost say I don't mind the null possibility of Denise and I ending up together. As long as she is happy and I can remain in her life, I feel I can be content.

Perhaps I've learned to tune out most of the emotional bullshit I used to feed myself so often in the past. Perhaps I've actually grown up a little after all the drama and misery of 2007. So is this what they mean by becoming "emotionally mature?"

Being the animal of emotion I am, this is strange. But I think I can grow to like it.

Monday, February 18, 2008

The springtime of my contentment

For the first time in a while, I actually feel good about myself.

I am less encumbered by my numerous hang-ups, and it seems I've found my groove and niche. I have issues with a few of my coworkers whom I'd really rather not talk to, but for the most part I've learned to ignore them. I'm actually comfortable making jokes, and I've shunned my performance anxiety. I don't even have my self-pity or self-loathing any more. I'm just too happy to care.

My only quibble is all of this goodness and self-satisfaction came at a time when I gained a lot of weight. Grrrh. That's what a week full of celebrations gets you. I can't believe I've actually gotten sick of eating and feeling dumb and stupid and unbelievably lazy after overfilling my gut with chow one too many times.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Because I'm a lovestruck fool like the rest of you...

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love...
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday, I'm in love...

Saturday, wait!
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate

I don't care if Monday's black
Tuesday, Wednesday, heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love...

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday, stay in bed
Thursday, watch the walls instead
It's Friday, I'm in love...

Saturday, wait!
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate

Dressed up to the eyes, it's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown and just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek spinning round and round
Always take a big bite, it's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough, enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love!

- The Cure, "Friday I'm In Love"

A somber Valentine's Day

It is with sorrow that I report the passing of my colleague, Ray Poso.

He was part of the ESDS PAT test team, and while I never really knew him well, he was a big jolly guy. He succumbed last night to multiple organ failure, including kidney damage, and did not even make it to Valentine's Day. He left behind a wife, a kid, and the family of his brother whom he was also supporting.

The sad thing about this is he's my equal in rank, yet he was the sole breadwinner for so many people. I can only wonder how he makes do with his financial situation. Well, that's moot and academic now, really.

Rest in peace, Ray. I will pray for your soul.

Monday, February 11, 2008

So what vintage am I?

And just like that, I'm officially twenty-five years old. A quarter of a century. Wow. The slightly disconcerting thing is it doesn't seem to have been that long. Talk about time flying when you're having fun...

Kathy buzzed me on YM lately and gave me a mock interview about being 25. She was asking me about the greatest thing I've ever done, my happiest moment, where I'd want to spend 25 years of my life in...those sorts of things. Along the course of the "interview" I found myself asking, have I really done what I could in the last 25 years? I remember having all these lofty goals when I was a kid by the time I was 18...and I'm pretty sure I haven't reached a lot of those seven years later.

Still, life goes on and waits for no one. I'm not celebrating my birthday looking like garbage though. The flab on my belly I can't do much about immediately, but I can at least have a haircut and an acne-surgery session, both of which I'm overdue for.

Since my birthday is also my parents' wedding anniversary, I treated the family out to dinner at CPK Glorietta. Had I not wrestled the bill away from my mom's hand I'm sure she would have sneakily tried to pay. Hey, it's my treat. Besides, this was to make up for not treating them yet since my promotion last September.

I'm grateful for the people who remembered my birthday. There wasn't a lot of you, but you were the ones that mattered and you didn't let me down---especially you, Denise, despite greeting me one day early. It's the thought that counts, though...especially the SMS you gave me at midnight. Now cut down on the drinks, dear. Heeheehee.

A special thank-you to Celine, too, for dropping an early birthday present on my desk. Totally unexpected, and quite funny I might add.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

That's some parting gift, congressmen

It truly is unfortunate when the last thing your vacationing aunt sees and hears on TV and AM radio the day before she leaves for home is the loud bickering of a complaining House Speaker. Last night's episode just exposes the Philippine Congress as the pathetic excuse of a legislative body it is, complete with the infamous utang na loob and admittance of political favors straight out of the horses' mouths.

Philippine politics at its best? If this is the best we can muster, I truly feel sorry for our country.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Meeting the ladies of the Girl Racers Club

I was at the Fort Strip again this afternoon for Jazz-City United's monthly EB. This month's meet was a little more special: it was a joint meet with the now-famous Girl Racers Club.

Francis, one of our moderators, had the presence of mind to note two records held by this event. This was by far the meet with the most attendees at the earliest time, and 95% of them had no one else with them. I guess that's what a little "incentive" can do for EB attendance...

Anyway, I've always been a little hesitant about reaching out to the GRC ladies online. Let's just say I have my reasons. I'm happy to report though that the handful of members that did show up (today was a Sunday after all) were quite all right. They even found us "disappointing" because we were too shy.

After the EB proper, Jobs, Steve, Andrei and I hied off to Pier One for an early dinner with the rest of the GRC ladies. I got to meet Cherish, Chalie and Jackie.

All in all, a nice day.

I should cut down on these trips a little though...the expense is eating into my bank account. Heheheh.







Saturday, February 02, 2008

Friday night barhopping

The past couple of Fridays, I've been going out drinking with work friends Mao, Anne, Candice, Tri, Beng, Adrian, PJ and Robert. I guess that's nothing special to most of you guys, but these are my first drinking sessions where I've had to actively monitor my state of inebriation. We all know we shouldn't be driving when we're tipsy or drunk.


So far, so good. I admit to a low tolerance for alcohol compared to many people my age, but I've managed to piss most of it out without the remainder affecting my driving. I had my first mojito last night and it was actually pretty good, although a little heavy on the head due to the gin content.


Worrying aside though, hanging out with these guys was fun. It was nice seeing Tri again after her resignation last year, and she had most of the stories last night. Last week we were arguably more animated, vocally laughing our guts out when Adrian and Beng cracked jokes.


This is an expensive habit, but it's great if done once in a while I guess.