about the talking fish

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Writer. Wheelman. Occasional DIY mechanic. Walking collection of hang-ups. Hopeless romantic. Old-school. Analog soul in a digital world. I am all of these things and more.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Been gone for a while. It's not like there's much to write about these days.

Let me start with grades. I got them around the 19th, and while I'm happy I passed MATHAN1 (got a 1.5), that also means I lose my Dean's List status when I need it the most. Oh well...I hope my schedule next term's flexible enough to help us keep shooting.

On the same day, I got started on doing our storyboard---this time using the correct 3-shots-per-page format. Because I was working alone and I had a whole lot of distractions coming my way, it took me a whole week to finish.

All in all I filled up 49 pages full of my usual anime-style sketches, and they were hell to finish. There were times when I really did not feel like sketching; that's something I can't be forced to do well. It has to come naturally because I have my sketching off-days. It doesn't help that the storyboard I made was meant to be more detailed than most (I am a stickler for visual detail).

I'm not even sure if the shots I picked and drew in were all right, but finishing in such a tight deadline is heaven for me and my aching eyes.

Finally, I had Sunday afternoon out with Paolo C. Original plan was to invite Bong and Jared but the two of us were the only ones available. We went to Alabang Town Center where we watched Hellboy and hung around. I was surprised at how critical Paolo was of Hellboy---he kept seeing "a little bit of everything" in the movie, and I tended to agree with him. While it started well, the movie gets a bit mediocre at the end, but it's still an enjoyable action movie.

While I'm talking on the subject, Paolo finally made it to DLSU. Am going with him on the 7th of May to help him with enrollment. That means I may have a potential carpool ready, if our schedules coincide.

Am amazed at Paolo's Pajero. He spent a little moolah on it to get himself a pretty spiffy sound system. We tried playing my Initial D Super Euro-best CD on it, and I heard bass being kicked out by the subwoofer that I wasn't even aware of before. He also lent me Bamboo's new CD, "As the Music Plays," which is a kick-ass track.

That cool set of sounds makes me scratch my head. I wonder when I'll get enough moolah to spend on a good, cheap sound system of my own in my little blue Honda.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Tonight I tried my hand at writing prose yet again.

Buoyed by the confidence of coming up with much of our thesis project's script---of which most of my contribution came from modifying Denise's story at a massively huge "eureka!" moment---I thought I'd go back to writing the short stories I used to do way back in high school. I even had the misguided impulse at that time to write a whole novel, although my best friend Kwapaw beat me to that twice.

Sad to say, most if not all my stories and novels got stuck in the middle. I never finished any of them. I had a better chance of finishing proper poems (which I seldom wrote) than motivating myself to get over prose-writer's block. I sort of relented to the realization that I was better at thinking up ideas for stories than writing them.

I'd like to think thesis was different though. I'd like to think that my conception of our thesis story was an insight into something genuine, something approaching talent, something more than just a one-shot deal.

But then I got thinking...what do I want to write about?

I immediately identified my weaknesses. I am bad at making characters because they come off being too perfect, too similar, too goody-goody. Somehow I was under the notion that writing should be an escape from reality. I was constantly setting my stories in places I wished to be, yet never had an idea of what life was in them (e.g. Japan). And don't get me started about rivals. I never made antagonists convincing enough to make my stories interesting.

Maybe I should write about stuff that happens to me. Rewrite it somehow so that it comes off as something a little different, a little more interesting.

That was one of the things I've mulled over when I looked at my blog after posting in here for so long. Maybe, just maybe, I should recycle all these electronic memories I've posted on this page and spin them around, use them for something else. God knows just around 100 people read this page every month anyway.

I don't know. Maybe I should give it another try. I probably won't get to write any life-changing stories but knowing my friends enjoy them will be all right by me.
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My PlayStation's acting up very badly nowadays. There goes one of my sources of entertainment.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I now live in a sea
Full of numbers
Indecipherable symbols
Cryptic, verbose words
And enigmas who call
Themselves fellow souls

My head spins
Dazed and confused
What current do I follow?
Which wave should I ride?
How sure am I that
Whichever I set my feeble mind to
Won't drag me deeper
Drown me in the depth
Of manufactured despair?

Why can't things be
As easy as 1, 2, 3
Where there isn't any gray,
Simply black and white
Why can't I just
Pull myself out of this ocean
Float to the surface
Feel the air beyond my fingertips
Why can't life be
A little less complicated

I tread and swim
No matter how much effort I put
I see dregs of numerous souls
Sinking as I rise
...Or am I even rising at all?
This sea is simply too deep
And we are all
Drowning
Killing ourselves
In our own complexities
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One of my grandmas was hospitalized on Good Friday (which also happened to be Mom's birthday) for high blood pressure. We had a little scare that day, but now Inang's doing better and should be out of the hospital.

I'm just glad nothing else happened.
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Finals week, it is. Statistics went pretty good, although some doubts entered my psyche about some of the questions...

I got MATHAN1 finals later. Wish me luck.
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Mao's leaving for the US this summer. I think she's leaving right after the calculus finals.

I wish you well, friend. Take care.
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Rumor says it that Cher's in the running for councilorship of Isabel, Leyte. She told me she was reportedly slated at fourth spot out of eight winners, and there are 26 candidates all in all.

I'm proud of you, friend. Whatever happens, I'll be behind you all the time.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Watched the Formula 1 Bahrain Grand Prix last night.

Despite the inevitable conclusion (Ferrari winning AGAIN), I'm glad everywhere else on the track, there was a lot of honest-to-goodness, wheel-to-wheel racing that I thought F1 never had. All too often the 16 or so races seem so processional and boring. No wonder WRC now has more viewers.

Bahrain proved F1 has what it takes to win the hearts of race aficionados. I just wish there were more tracks like it, the kind that provide overtaking opportunities EVERYWHERE, not just in the pits. No one enjoys watching clever pit strategy, Mr. Ecclestone.

Am very disappointed with McLaren-Mercedes Benz, whom I've supported ever since I followed F1. All their cars seem to get worse and worse each year. What use is getting the best race drivers when you can't get them the machinery to do their jobs in?

But now I'm very delighted with British American Racing Honda's consistent performance, winning their second straight podium position in third. Honda seem to be able to recoup their humiliating recent record of grenading engines. Kudos to long-overdue miracle boy Jenson Button...I am now officially one of his fans.
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After two weeks of missing badminton, I am pleasantly surprised at how well I did today, when I did come back to play. Today's record: three wins, one loss.

I am ON today.
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Found a dead mosquito in our rice bowl tonight as I was having dinner. It must have died from the trapped heat. Ewww.

No matter what people say about eating insects as an extra dose of protein, I cannot stomach eating them.
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Amazing how true friends can find enough time from their busy schedules to listen to others rant and whine.

Thanks for the advice, Cher. Amishu. Am always here if you need help. *LOTSAHUGS*
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I've long been
Staring at your life
A forbidden glance
Into the secrets you hold
The workings of your mind
The yearnings of your soul
Yet I find
When it comes to being
What I want to be to you
All the staring I do
Into your being
No matter how hard
No matter how long
No matter how often
I find myself
As confused as ever
I always return
To the nothingness I began with

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Attended the first death anniversary of one of my mom's friends. After the mass (way shorter than I'm used to), we had a really early dinner at the grotto area. For dessert there were four dozen-boxes of Gonuts Donuts---pretty much the local equivalent of Krispy Kreme.

Inevitably we had to talk about Krispy Kreme's pending arrival here as well. Funny how anyone with a sane state of mind will consider forking out PhP80 for each piece of what's essentially policeman food. There's something really, really wrong with that picture...
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Sigh...I've been lethargic for the past couple of weeks and blaming it all on the heat doesn't seem to make sense.

I guess part of me isn't happy with how things are right now. I have to admit this term has been the most monotonous I've ever had---one I never really enjoyed, one I simply let slide over me, one I didn't feel any motivation to perform in. The only thing I really devoted myself to was badminton...and even then I don't feel like I got much out of it. I feel as if I wasted my time playing games when I should have been involved with orgs...even just to fill up my resume to show potential employers that I had a life.

And then there's this issue of me admiring a certain someone who suddenly seems so cold and aloof. I guess I'm doomed to never have my way with women at all.

I'm really not happy. I've become so sick of this routine...mainly because 90% of the time, I've been alone. I guess after all this time, I've gotten rather sick of myself.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Found out today that my MATHAN quiz scores were really, really low. I'm going to need a small miracle to muster enough points in the final exam just to pass.

Our prof asked me what was the matter. I told her I didn't know, myself. I'm aware I'm one of the more active people in class and I usually give the right answers orally, but whenever I'm alone and faced with a test booklet and only so many minutes to do the quiz in, I just get lost.

Shit.
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On a side note I'm glad my instruction helped my young classmates in today's STAT102 quiz. It kinda took the edge off my moping over MATHAN.

Good luck guys. I'll tutor you again for the finals.
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Now that the term's almost over I feel like going to sleep for a little while.

I can't just yet though. I still have to adjust my schedule next term so that I get PROJCO2 with my thesismates as well. I still have to do statistical analysis for our Market Research survey. I still have final exams to finish.

Looks like that extended nap will have to wait.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

It amazes me how people can go on for so long without sleep.

Me? I'd rather hit the sack than succumb to another bout of TB.
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It's April Fools day today...not like I'm one for pranks, much.
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Got to YM with Chrissa last night after not having contact with my UPian friend for so long. Apparently she and Kathy had problems with their academics lately and were in danger of getting delayed.

Good luck to your exam tomorrow, friend.
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I'm hosting our Literature Elective and Marketing Research final projects later (they're both presentations). That means I'm coming to school in stuffy businesslike clothes in the sweltering summer heat.

Right.
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I've had my fill of driving in the cramped streets of Binondo, Manila and Caloocan. I'm sick of opportunistic drivers blocking my lane because they want to make a left turn in the wrong places. I spite the swerving buses and lane-cutting jeeps.

I'm just glad I live in the suburbs of Para?aque.
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Honda Club's planning an outrageously packed-chock-full-of-activities Summer EB this April 24th at Subic.

MAN! I wish I can come! If only to try out a lap or two of circuit driving...

Kudos to President Jun and all the other officers for this one.
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I'm back from school...and while our reports were a mixed bag, at least I went home happy and in a good mood.

After the extended MARKRES class (our final meeting), three of my classmates from STAT102 wanted me to help them study for tomorrow's quiz. I originally planned to go home at 4:00pm, but I ended up leaving for home at 6:30. I guess that's how much I wanted these girls to pass the coming quiz---I didn't mind being late as long as I was able to help them understand what I was able to. (Good luck to BJ, Pia and Lyn.)

I think it's also an indication of a potential career I should consider taking in the future. I've been ignoring it all this time, but on the way home, mired in the traffic of Quirino Ave., I was actually pondering being a teacher.

I've been helping classmates all this time with the subjects I was good at; I know I'll need some sort of M.A. if I'm going to teach in DLSU, and I don't really plan to take an M.A. in Economics or Statistics or whatever. Maybe I should take it to DLSZ, my high school...and while I'm at it maybe I can teach either economics or statistics?

I now have two possible careers---my dad pushed me into being a motoring writer once. What pipe dreams, these two are. Heheheheh!
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Happy birthday Twisha! :D