Even after I've gotten a sitemeter by Pam's request, I've been very lenient and nonchalant with monitoring my blog's traffic. However, the last time I checked my counter's returns, I'm surprised at the number of hits I'm getting, for someone who admittedly doesn't post very often. You guys really do love me.

I'm still wondering if this amount of visits is due to people regularly coming and going through my blog so many times a day or it's due to a hundred people visiting every day of the week. But I'm happy both ways.

After some serious delays, I'm back.
---

While the whole world---er, America, rather---was grieving its year-long loss brought about by its very reckless political advancements last September 11, Pam and I had such a great date.

Met at Starbucks. Had cinnamon goodies at Cinnzeo. Watched (and seriously enjoyed) S1M0NE. Kissed and hugged in the dark cinema, almost constantly. Went to Topshop to scope out happy socks, "funny undies" and a couple of coats Pam really really wanted. Ate late lunch at Friday's after a frustrated attempt to locate Haagen-Dazs in Robinsons Place for cookie dough ice cream. Bought and shared fruit yogurt instead. Bought magazines at National Bookstore. Bought and shared a scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (and seriously enjoyed it, I might add), before sharing a cab back to school.

I was amazed we crammed so many things in one day.

I love you, my baby.
---

Going to Baguio for three days with only my family wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Sure, the Camp John Hay Manor was picturesque, the atmosphere was chilly and clambering up and down a fog-filled-but-newly-reconstructed Marcos Highway in a 4WD Mitsubishi Pajero/Montero/Shogun was exhilarating. (Actually seeing the SUV's altimeter point to a 1400m elevation was a point of excitement, having it level at 0m for what seems like forever.) However my company and our itinerary was dour and unexciting. The most exciting thing we all did was watch the US Open on cable TV.

Kinda like driving 20 km/h in an unrestricted German autobahn. How dull and pointless can that get? Remind me never to even consider making the climb to Baguio with less than seven people.
---

My fifth term in DLSU has started and I'm scared. I get the impression that my major-subject professors are demanding as hell, seeing as they preferred to bombard us with announcements of their grandiose final projects right off the bat. It's as if they all had this agreement to scare us out of our courses, which isn't too farfetched since they all belong in only one department and handle only two classes.

My blockmates and I feel the alienation beginning to set in. Since we're two blocks of Communication Arts majors, the damned Academic Assistant made our majors classes in such a way that each block is split in half. I can't help but think about my other blockmates all the time.
---

De La Salle snapped its chance of a 14-win sweep of the UAAP basketball tournament, and it had to lose to Ateneo de Manila, of all universities. It even had to lose with an embarrassing deficit of around 15 points.

That's what we get for being cocky. MIKE CORTEZ, CAN YOU HEAR ME, DAMMIT?!
---

Never thought a simple PE session of badminton drills was all it took to totally deplete me of energy and send me to sick bay for the weekend. I guess I also abused my sleeping habits, too...but this schedule's hard on me as it is already, and my sister had to complicate things by making me come to school at 7am for her special religion class.

That's so inconsiderate of her, really. But I'll just shut up and let my blog do the talking.

In the meantime maybe I should seriously consider being a Sports Complex resident and jog laps to keep fit.

Went to school today to pick up my course cards once and for all.

Overall I was surprised I passed Accounting 1B and Intro to Philosophy, albeit with disappointingly low grades (1.0 and 1.5 respectively). Even more surprising was how close I got to getting a flat 3.0 GPA despite my low grades, because I grabbed a trio of 4.0's, a couple of 3.5's and a 3.0 on my remaining subjects.

As it stands, my GPA stands at 2.925, which isn't a long way behind last term's 3.05 GPA effort. Not bad. Not bad at all.
---

I'm having second thoughts on staying on as newswriter for The LaSallian. I haven't been writing any news articles nor have I been finding out any information on my assigned beats. Maybe I should move to Layout and arrange the news pages to make up for my lethargy. That's the best I can think of right now, as I think I no longer have the nose for news.
---

Ruth has changed the link to my blog, renaming it "cheesecake baker." Hmmmm.
---

I love you my baby...

Had a really busy August 31st. In the morning we scheduled the fifth EB of Otakuboard in Greenbelt, which only around eight or nine of us attended. We got to meet a couple of newbies though, and they were pretty cool and sociable off the bat. By all means it should have been a pretty lousy EB, as Nicco didn't organize anything.

Paul: "What's the plan?"
Nicco: "The plan is, there is no plan."

I enjoyed it somehow, though. I liked this particular EB because I didn't feel any inhibition or feeling of being out of place, for some reason. We were all a bunch of jokers without any definite plans in mind. We split up rather early though.
---

After Otakuboard EB5, I went to Glorietta (not far away) and met up with my baby.

At first the happy-go-lucky nature of EB5 seemed to rub off on both of us as we didn't have anything in mind for our date. We simply strolled around, ate crostini and spinach dip at Cibo and later ate ice cream at Haagen-Dazs. Pam was squeezing me all the time, pinching my arms, playing with my hands, kissing my cheek. She even brought her little camera and was constantly taking pictures of me all the time---when I was eating, writing on my tickler, even when I was driving. I felt shortchanged because I didn't get to use my camera on her...I wanted to see her smile.

We made out in my car again. I think we both felt a little more urgent this time. We wanted each other so badly.

Don't worry love. My next term is very very forgiving on us...we have all the time on Wednesdays to date...
---

I actually fell asleep while talking with Pam because I was so tired. She thought it was cute listening to me breathe until our phones lost their signals.

Darling, you're cute too.
---

Received a surprise in my mail today. Angel invited me into this group blog of ours named after our barkada, the Zen Clan. Really cool.

Just because of my school's stupid online enrollment procedure and its equally stupid method of schedule adjustment, I had to waste this entire day waiting for my turn to add just one fucking measly subject. Gah. This is really not worth the three hours of sleep I had to contend with to get my ass in line at the Vice-Dean's office at 7:15am.

DLSU ought to review their entire process of making schedules and online adjustment. They better make online enrollment so that you can change your CAF if anything goes wrong, then set some date in advance when it becomes permanent. That way, "adjustment" wouldn't be necessary for a lot of people.

I'm fuming mad. I've been cheated out of my hard-earned place in the queue to the Vice-Dean's by thirty or so Lasallian assholes. I actually had to go to Robinson's Place and watch "Signs" with my three blockmates to pass the time because the people at the Vice-Dean's office are just too lazy to attend to all the students lined up outside, so they had to send 75 students like me packing at 9:00am to come back at 1:00pm. To top it all off, I was too preoccupied with the adjustment queue that I actually forgot to eat lunch.

Gah! Is this what we call a "world-class institution"? World-class, my ass.
---

To be fair, though, "Signs" was a pretty interesting and freaky flick. We found Joaquin Phoenix so funny.
---

Awww, my baby...all I wanna do is to make you smile and forget all the weird people in your life...

Felt so drained after my two finals exams. Accounting 1B was three hours' worth of utter hell. It didn't help that I had my Politics and Governance finals just half an hour afterward, which would have been cool if I actually studied for it instead of focusing all my attention on stupid accounting.

I still feel the brain drain in my head while I'm casually surfing the Web and accessing some sites. It's that bad.
---

Stupid girl says she's not angry with me anymore and that she's okay now.

Damn it, she has the nerve to say that...as if she actually has the right to get angry in the first place. Why on earth should you be fucking angry? You didn't feel betrayed. You didn't feel abandoned. You didn't feel like your trust had been broken. You didn't even feel anything but weird, seeing as I slapped your accounting practice set books onto your table.

Don't you dare tell me you're not angry with me anymore, because you never had the right to. And you had to say this just when I was considering making up with you.

You treat me like dirt. I should've known that a fucking long time ago.
---

I want to be with my lady...now that my term's over, all I want to be is her lover...

I've had a ridiculously shitty day.

Flunked my second Philosophy quiz, and even if I grab top honors for that bonus-points quiz he gave us I'd still be in the doldrums by one freaking point.

Learned from Denise that college "friends" might just turn out to be grade-conscious vampires who can turn on you just to obtain a lousy extra five or so points. And I thought I actually meant something to her at least as a friend. If that's the case I'd rather not speak to you ever again.

Still being hounded by my as-yet-unfinished Accounting practice set, which, thanks to valiant efforts of photocopying and whatnot, everyone else was able to submit today. Sigh.

And yes, we did lose the basketball game today against UST...no, wait.

We won. Yes, DLSU won. I was ready to throw in the towel by the fourth quarter, actually, seeing that they had led by as much as 18 points and kept a consistent 10-point lead until the last quarter. I never thought we'd be able to make up a game where they had led almost every single minute. Then overtime came...and they made a believer out of me.

My heart goes out to UST because I was seated with them and they seemed so hungry for the win...and their superb playing and raucous cheering proved it. I had to wonder for a while whether or not DLSU was actually worth cheering for, since we rather lacked the spirit of school support, not to mention also had the slowest cheers.

Pam, Ruth and their wonderful friends (forgive me for not being able to post links to all your blogs) were there making fun of me after the game, telling me that I was an unlucky charm for their team since I was from DLSU and seated with them. But hey, you gotta admit I was taking pretty cool pictures of the UST Growling Tigers...in fact I downed an entire roll on them...my best film, even...

Here's to a DLSU-UST finals match.
---

Love, thanks for being here with me. I know I was impatient with you at the game, but I can never really stay angry with you for so long...I love you so much. Thanks for understanding and listening to all my problems. You mean so much to me.
---

At least my shitty day ended on some high note.

Took a couple of quizzes I got from Gabby's blog. Both were mildly hilarious.

You are 16% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Here's the second one:

I am 21% evil. Take the test :: koolplace.com

Hahahahaha. At least I'm smiling.

"Cannot believe there was a time you thought you had been born to be a better friend than lover. You amaze me. You are so giving and so selfless and so sensitive to my needs. While as a friend you are wonderful, as a lover you are the closest there is to perfect. Am grateful I crossed the line with you. 'Us' might just be the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, JM."

This was a text message Pam sent me before I went off to sleep at 3 am. Honestly, I felt so touched. Whatever shades of drowsiness I was feeling back then I felt like pushing away. I wanted to call her one last time, just to tell her how I felt.

Not long ago, I remember posting on PEX about yearning for someone to love, someone who could love me in spite of my craziness. I feel like I've found her, really, and the bewildering part is, I didn't even know that she was with me all this time.

When I read this message on both my cell phone and her blog, I realized anew and with a greater passion that there would be no one else in my heart; no one else my lady would have to be worried about; frankly, no one else who'd matter in my life.

I love you, my lady. I'm yours.
---

People have been writing about me and Pam online. Even my friends at Otakuboard have noticed my blog and have been badgering me to spill details on our relationship. Hell, even my classmates are happy for me.

I know many of those who've written about our relationship know Pam better than they know me, but I'd like to use this opportunity to thank you all, in spite of my stranger status. All your well-wishing means a lot to me, too.
---

Am planning to watch the UST vs. DLSU basketball game on Thursday right after my class with my lady. I'm still not sure of how things might work since it's still a busy week, but I do hope things push through.
---

Ruth gave me a warning not to break Pammy's heart. Honestly, I feel scared of her.

I wouldn't do anything to break her heart, though...at least, not intentionally. Pam means too much to me. I wouldn't want her to be sad, because we make each other so happy...

I just had a wonderful, wonderful date with my love last night.

I forgot the arduous ordeal of getting my little blue car to Glorietta 4 through Friday's horrendous traffic. I forgot my jitters before the date and my worries about how I'd act. I even forgot my relative hunger from skipping a real lunch. All I remembered was Pam beside me all the time, in three predominant locations: at Taters for dinner; while watching "About a Boy" at the cinemas, and in my car making out, giving me my first ever kiss.

I saw a side of myself I had never experienced anywhere else but in my dreams. In the dark, I was kissing her hands and fingers, stroking her hair, staring into her dark eyes. I would've slapped myself silly anywhere else, but with her it felt so so right, as if these were what I was meant to do for her. I found the full extent of her soul with me as we leaned our heads on each other. I felt her heart beating through the soft swell of her chest. Everything about my darling was soft, supple and gentle, and really worth protecting. I felt nothing but love and peace with her...

We made out in my car. It was so beautiful, feeling her drink my soul into hers...her lips so full and soft, our bodies melting into each other separated by the two seats. My first ever kiss ended with us yearning for more of the act she deemed more intimate than sex itself. She told me I was great with my lips...I told her I guess I've been watching too many romantic movies.

This isn't a movie anymore. This is real.

I love you, my princess.
---

[On a side note, "About a Boy" was a marvelous film, hugely funny and touching, but I have to admit I absorbed only around 70% of all the details. I got the gist of the story and their names, but don't tell me to enumerate the nitty-gritty of visual artifacts. I did love the soundtrack though. Badly Drawn Boy is a very good act. "Silent Sigh" is a double thumbs-up.]
---

I feel like overhauling my blog's look. Honestly it's beginning to look garish. If I only had any semblance of handling HTML the same way I could handle PageMaker or InDesign...

Maybe I should leave such drastic changes for until October 7th. That's when my blog turns one year old.

You will never lose me, my love. I will never do anything to hurt you, not even if we're not a couple anymore.

You brought it up yourself: Are we friends who love each other or are we friends in love with each other?

The important thing is, we'll always be friends, my darling Pammy. Even if the relationship has to fail for some reason, the core of our co-existence will never disappear. I will never leave you, love. I guarantee you that I will always be as open with you as I already am with you as my lover.
---

Am looking at a very busy weekend.

Tomorrow, I have a movie-and-dinner date with Pam I have to schedule with my parents.

On Saturday, I have an acquaintance party to go to for The LaSallian. One I am frustrated to find out that, even after ditching an important Philosophy seminar, only two of us newswriters will attend. Sigh. I am annoyed.

On Sunday, I have to go to the University of the Philippines in Diliman, Quezon City, to watch a play meant for the consumption of two subjects.

On top of that I have a final paper in Philosophy to write, a practice set for Accounting 1B to finish, a term paper for Literature 2 to type, and I have finals exams on the 26th to the end of the month.

The good thing is, though, this hellish term's finally going to be over. No more Dean's List status, but the term WILL end. I hope I don't fail anything in the process, especially that goddamn Intro to Philosophy.

Was so listless today. I slowly felt like sleeping in my classes the whole day. Are relationships this taxing on one's sleeping habits? I just had to ask...

Pam, we're going to have to take our relationship slow and gentle. I don't want you to worry too much about me, because we'll have our days together. Right now, though, let's take it slow and gentle. You know how much I want to be with you, but schoolwork pulls me away. I don't want to distract you from work, either.
---

You know I love you so much...trust me, we'll have our quality time together.
---

Had the most terrifying drive of my entire life.

I don't know what kept my school from calling off classes until it was too damn late. As a result, every fucking street in Makati is flooded at least ankle-deep, and traffic's at its absolute worst. I had to drive through at least seven streets to get myself to the South Expressway, and what a drive it was.

My clutch foot was shaking and trembling in constant fear as I fought to blip both clutch and throttle alternately to keep my little Honda's engine above 3000 revs and avoid stalling. With nothing but murky brown floodwater and a gaggle of crawling cars constantly in front of me, I was wondering when I'd break any of my car's components: radiator, clutch plates, throttle, even the entire engine block. My ears were averse to the loud sloshing and slapping of dirty floodwater around my Honda's electric blue bodywork. Worst of all, I was in fear of the flood swallowing my car's ridiculously low and short hood, taking me, my sister and my blockmates Rachel and Zeri with it.

I finally got to the Expressway, relieved and cathartic. The brakes felt spongy awash with all that water in its discs, and the engine was getting pretty asthmatic at top gear, but I was just glad my blue City was still in one piece. Thank God, thank God for bringing me home.
---

I have you, a lover and a friend
You are everything I need
You are the song of the air I breathe
Without you, I wouldn't be the same
Please never go away
And if you go,
Then don't forget to take me with you...

You are my life's reward...

---Basia, "Reward"

That was so beautiful, Pam. What we had last night and this morning is something I'll never forget. I've even made sure I wouldn't ever forget...

I have never felt more loved in my entire life. Please do not think of yourself as my training wheels. For me, you are my ridden bike itself. No matter what happens to us, I'll always love you...you'll always haunt my heart, tugging at its strings gently yet firmly.
---

Make me feel again
Slide across my skin again
Let me uncover you
To rediscover you

And I will open up
If you promise to give in
On this perfect night
Let the two of us be one

We will be again another time
No matter what all the others say
And I will leave it all so far behind
Just to be with you today...
---Hoobastank, "To Be With You"

I've had more midnight conversations with Pam ever since she told me she loved me. Turns out I wasn't looking for help on how to organize my lovelife with my crushes...the person I loved was talking to me all this time after all.

I'm not sure whether or not I can still defend what I posted before, about Pam and I not being anything more than friends. Truth be told, I think she's wonderful. She's the first person I've found with whom I can be so open, no inhibitions or fears whatsoever. With me, that counts a lot. I've been deluding myself into falling in love with women I knew I liked from the outset. Because I know I like them, though, that means I've been trying to show all the positive sides of me and not my faults. I can't live with that.

We're both afraid of what we've realized though. Pam is afraid that she's getting into a relationship in a time when she should be numbed by relationships of any kind, and yet here I am confusing her. As for my own fears, I'm not afraid of losing myself in her, but I'm afraid that my "one chance" with her had to be spent this way, in potentially my first relationship. I remember all that talk about not taking a first relationship seriously, but now that I'm here it's rather hard to follow my head.

We agreed that if ever we didn't delve into a relationship, we'd still be with each other. That's enough solace for me, actually. I'm just grateful to Pam for showing me what reciprocated love feels like...because I've had enough of giving my love to stone statues.
---

You know I love you. I just want to be with you. You're the only person I haven't felt a twinge of cynicism, cheesiness and doubt saying "I love you" to. I want to walk with you through the streets of Hong Kong. I want to hug you and kiss you on Victoria Peak. But if you don't share my optimism, I just want you to know I'll always be your friend.
---

Came across some stuff that might mean Pam and I are meant for each other.



Want To Know Which Element You Are?

You are Spirit!

Truly a rare breed, you're calm and thoughtful
but still know how to live life. Things are taken slowly but your large list of experiences (yours as well
as others) can help you adapt to new situations with little trouble or people being hurt. Unfortunately,
you're the most likely to ignore yourself over other people. Emotions rule you, and though you are quick
to kindness, your anger could scare the fiercest of creatures. Learn to relax a bit and live your own life.


Best Match: Fire, they'll pull you out of your shell and teach you plenty of things in life.

Worst Match: Water, they're too intent on their emotions to notice yours.





Streea wasted a bunch of time making this test.




She took this test and got Fire. Was never one to take these seriously, but I guess this is an exception.

Had a blissful phone conversation with Pam at midnight. Now I realize what you really meant when you told me you loved me, and now I realize I love you too. You're the friend I wish I had a very long time ago. Thanks for helping me sort out my confounded lovelife.

The pact is on.

Seems like my last post about Pam's "I love you" confession has been receiving its fair share of readers...and respondents.

My best friend texted me while I was driving home from school. "Y r u so afraid of a commitmnt? U wnt get anywhere if u always prefer to be on d safe side...open up 2 her, she may b d best girl 4 u..."

Another friend told me he saw Pam's reply to my last post. He had a lot in mind he wanted to say, but he told me the general idea that she was "protecting her ego."

All I can say is: HUH?!

First of all, Pam and I are nothing more than friends. She's actually the first online acquaintance I've made. She and I may be close and we make each other the topic of our blogs every so often, but we're nothing more than friends. Pam was first to decline my casual offer of being her boyfriend a long time ago, saying that I'd have to make some pretty unreasonable changes to my life to accommodate her (e.g. she regularly stays up until 5 am, while I can't do the same thing because of health reasons).

Second, Pam already knows the girl I've been eyeing. It's a coincidence that both of them study in the same university. While I've been rather tentative about "making my move" on my crush (because of certain ascribed factors), she's actually been egging me on to go out and court her already.

Third, from what I know, Pam's had enough of relationships, at least for now. Read her blog. She personally told me over the phone that the last guy she'd been hoping to see was an asshole she just couldn't take anymore.

Fourth, all I said in my blog was that "love is a heavy and yet vague word." I've become afraid of the consequences of misinterpreting the very word when it's told to me by female friends. Pam said so herself: she never meant to say she wanted me in her life as her boyfriend. All I meant was that I thought love, as a word, has been grossly overused by a lot of people, and that I did not want to spoil an otherwise good friendship with a simple misinterpretation on my part (which I've done too many times). If Pam were to use "love" as freely as she did with me, I would best make do with an explanation, which I got from three sources: her blog, from herself and from my friends at Otakuboard.
---

After defending my own position, I feel like those showbiz personalities getting into rumors, scandals and controversies all the time. It's tiring.
---

Pam used to tell me her reasons for shunning guestbooks and comments on her blog. She told me that the moment one puts these on, the blog often becomes too centered about what the visitors think. I think she's right. I could care less about receiving my share of Net traffic and what people think of my scrawlings, just as long as I can stay true to myself. This is the only place I can even do that, goddamnit. This is the only place where I can openly bitch about what I feel without anyone getting hurt.

To cap off, here's a quote that should kick my would-be critics in their pants: "Never edit yourself."

Frankly, I've been denying myself that rule for too long.
---

Learned that my professor in Literature 2 held high regard for me. I was doing this report on the elements of poetry, scribbling on the board all the time I was talking. She said I lectured more like a professor and less like a student. My eyebrows arched up in reluctant affirmation and I asked her why. She told me she couldn't lecture and write on the blackboard at the same time even without her allergy to chalk dust.

I went home that Wednesday in high spirits. It's not everyday that I get complimented.
---

Been digging through my "Literary" folder and I saw half-baked and barely started short stories that were cooking in my imagination back when I was still in high school. That's one of my weaknesses, I suppose. I come up with great story ideas but I am bad at developing and closing them into full short stories.

There's this particular story I still feel the creative fires for, though. It's based on a story I read in Glamour magazine back in 1997, one where a petite New York stockbroker confessed to having had 240 blind dates. I really felt for the girl. I figured maybe I should write something about her life and give it some sense of closure.

Hah! I was one to talk. I was never a good closer in the first place. Maybe I can prove myself wrong this time though.

Finally got to talk to Pam once again, after what seems like a whole month of silence.

Our conversation on the phone was nothing special, just the usual chitchat we used to have before. Turns out we had missed each other through our bad phases---she was depressed over this sorry relationship with an equally pathetic guy, and I was once again heeding the little imp in my head telling me to kill myself. We were equally glad that we'd weathered our own personal storms.

Had to cut our midnight conversation short because I had class early today. She texted me after my call like she used to before. I didn't expect the text message to read what it read, though.

"Hope this doesn't weird you out...but I love you JM."

I honestly didn't know what to say at first. Not that I found Pam weird, mind you. It's not even the fact that a girl friend of mine told these things up front to me that's shocking.

It's just that I've had this knack for getting myself in trouble for reading too deeply into things like these. Besides, love is a heavy and yet vague word. I guess I slowly conditioned myself not to believe in love anymore, because I always become too afraid of the consequences. Or maybe I even learned sometime in my life how to throw away my real feelings just to be a more tolerable member of society. Worse, perhaps I'm just too naive, or even too afraid.

Pam, if you're reading this, please don't feel offended. It's just that I tend to take these things in the wrong way most of the time, and I invariably mess up. I miss you, I enjoy being and talking with you, and I appreciate your accepting me into your life, but please don't tell me you love me. At least, not just yet. I still have a can of worms in me you don't know about.

"Friendship is not about looking for gold or silver among the rocks of life...it is about seeing each other's coal through the fire until diamonds are formed."

Went to the Enchanted Kingdom theme park yesterday with my classmates and friends for a "make-up class" for Physics. (That could've sounded like a really bad excuse, but it was supported by a school waiver.) Had an amazing head rush trying out the rides. Had an even bigger head rush from taking such cool pictures, too. Can't believe it's been seven years since I last visited the damn park. In a lot of ways I felt like a kid again today.

Had to attend this talk on illegal gambling yesterday at U-Break (Wednesdays, 1:00-2:30 pm, when everyone in DLSU is free from class). A supposed member of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo's cabinet was going to give his points. I was curious enough anyway, so I up and went.

Ugh. The problems started when we had to get into the damn North Conservatory. The air-conditioned venue was never really meant to host such a large audience, as it is usually a full student hangout almost all the time. So many classes were required to attend the talk and all had to trudge in line to have their names and ID numbers listed down. With that volume of students, it’s expected that the Conservatory would be full. What I don’t understand is why the organizers never bothered to set up more chairs to seat all the students. Many of us had to sit on the marble floor, as all the provided seats (inadequate in the first place) were located only along the middle aisle. Hmmm…

To make things worse, the Cabinet member showed up really late. I already had an exhausted 30-minute nap and our guests still weren’t there. U-Break was quickly running out.

Finally our guests arrived…and what an entrance they made, escorted by Manila’s top police officers. Typical.

The city mayor spoke first. Turns out he didn’t have to speak too long for me to pick the contents of his mind. All he talked about were his accomplishments and how the smallest and most ridiculous violations, like peeing in public, had to be apprehended. He said so in this annoyingly loud voice, fit for campaigns but not fit for intellectual gatherings. Uh-huh. I don’t even see the point of his being there.

Next up was the head of the school’s system. I thought he’d cut the bullshit and get on with it, but no… All he had to do was to introduce Mr. Cabinet Member, yet he numbered all the guest’s accomplishments from time immemorial. Never have I heard an introduction worth 5 minutes. Just goes to show that even my school has its share of nitwits in its faculty. Wait a minute…was he really DLSU faculty or Mr. Cabinet Member’s campaign manager?

Finally the main event came on the podium—with 15 minutes of U-Break remaining. The organizers never seemed to think about the audience’s schedules. They never thought that MOST OF US HAD CLASSES AFTER U-BREAK. By this time I knew I wouldn’t listen to the guy anymore, whether he’s the secretary of local government or the secretary of my school’s president.

Turns out I was right. Nothing he said was new to my ears. With ten minutes to my Sociology class, I left.

I wonder how many other clowns like Mr. Mayor and Mr. Cabinet Member exist in Philippine government. It’s no wonder why so many Filipinos prefer to leave for other countries rather than stay here and endure the discomfort.
---

My new computer just froze on me a while ago, the exact freeze my old Pentium 2 used to drive me crazy with. I am scared. Don't tell me this means having to buy yet another computer.

We held our Mexican-themed party today for our idiosyncratic PE class.

So many things were needed, actually: we planned about five games (some which didn't quite push through because of lack of time), brought an insane amount of food (considering how stringent DLSU is with bringing large amounts of food inside the premises) and got screwed by the awfully timed rainshowers. Because of that damn rain, we had trouble organizing how we'd get the food into the Sports Complex without the guards noticing...and that means using my mom's van. I actually arrived earlier than expected, not the other way around. I was expecting to come in last so I wouldn't have to wait for anyone else. Worse, actually transferring the food to my van meant that we'd have to brave the flooded canals of Taft Avenue.

I'm happy though...I guess we pulled off the party quite well despite all the troubles and a cut class in Philosophy. It was more of a food-driven party than the games-driven parties our other classmates had, since we taught them how to make chicken burritos and paella with shrimp and scallops. Had some games, too...had to make do with a simple palayok (earthen pot) instead of a genuine piñata because of the price difference...had a sack-race type of game with a twist...those sorts of things.

I'm exhausted.
---

These stupid rains have caught me unawares. I was driving my sister home, honking along the Skyway at 70 km/h, when the sky suddenly darkens five shades of PANTONE gray. Every street I turned into had rollicking waves of muddy floodwater. The showers seemed tame, actually, but they were persistent enough to cut my forward visibility.

Thank goodness the Pregio van's a diesel. I would've freaked out otherwise.
---

While at the party, I brandished my old Nikon FM camera once again, after a long period of disuse. I took pictures of my constumed classmates eating, playing games, and basically having fun. While I was at it, I felt something missing in me. Taking pictures suddenly made me realize how much of a bore my life's been.

I always put off using my camera because of the most frivolous reasons---most notably that of not being "outside" of my usual daily grind. Nothing was picture-worthy if it was part of the everyday experience I get to repeat ad nauseam. I realize, though, that I have to make those picture-worthy moments happen, or at least keep a keen eye out for the unusual.

I guess this realization came just in time. I'll have my major subject in photography (FOTOCAM) next term. I can't afford to slack off, I suppose.

I have busy days up ahead. Due to the two five-day weekends we've had from the recurring storms, the school's gifted us with two days' worth of make-up classes on two consecutive Sundays. Yuck. Why this stupidity has to happen on Sundays is beyond me, actually. Why not swipe some Saturdays off instead, like they've always done?

We've been given our all-important schedules for the next term starting September, in preparation for online enrollment beginning next week. Now that our LC24 block will be practically dismantled, we're now given free rein on how we organize our lives and schedules for three months. I guess it allows for some degree of freedom, but being given the worst possible times for our oh-so-unique Communications Arts major subjects stinks. I still can't quite juggle the schedule so that I can get ample breathing room in between our demanding major classes.

I guess I formally started my tenure in The LaSallian this week as well, too. I slowly started to get to know my co-staffers at the news section, but I still have my chilly doubts as to how I'm supposed to go about collecting my factual information. I haven't written news in such a long time (I did layout in my final years at Counterpoint), and it doesn't help that Zobel and DLSU, while on the same school system, are worlds apart in terms of size and scope (not to mention population). I used to simply go to events, attend them and gather my facts without much interaction with the people behind the scenes. Now I slowly realize that what little "newswriting" I did in high school was nothing more than child's play.

Why do I suddenly feel like such a freshman in my sophomore year? I feel my co-staffers and my boss Mike have noticed...
---

Am supposed to host a party with my group for Social Recreation on Thursday (it's my PE for this term...and yes, I know it's weird). We have a Mexican theme and I'm still wondering about what we need for the big "occasion." Hmmm.

I finally have a new computer. Eherm, let me correct myself: I was finally able to make my new computer work the way it should.

My new "black box" is a Pentium 4 running at 1.7GHz with a 40GB hard drive and 128MB of memory. Okay, so it's not state-of-the-art, but hey, all I wanted was enough hardware power to run Adobe Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator and Microsoft Word simultaneously. I don't even think I'll be using this new box for heavy PC gaming either, since it doesn't have much of high-end graphics capabilities (the graphics and sound cards are integrated into the motherboard).

Most important of all, however, the thing's got a quicker 56K internal modem than our old reliable 33.6K Sportster, and it's not as crash-prone as my old Pentium 2 was. We found out the cause of the irritating 30-minute-per-use crash habit of our old PC, and it's because the cooling systems aren't working well anymore. My dad and I cleaned out the computer of all its dust (I never thought computers could get so dirty on the inside) and had the CPU fan cleaned out too. Pretty soon I'll have to clean out my stuff from the old hard disk as well.

That's fine though. I'm just happy. Now maybe I can get on with my work...

I haven't posted in such a long while that I feel myself very detached from my blog already. Oh well...since my dear Ate Pam's been badgering me about updating my blog for quite a while already, here I am back in my little home on the Web.
---

I've had the worst luck with my computer...it's been the cause of so many headaches. Every time I use it I can only do my things for 30 minutes, after which it automatically goes suicidal, freezes and hangs itself. I can't get it to reboot until 20 minutes after the dreaded crash.

What complicates it even more are my circumstances. When you're working on a thirtysomething-page Sociology paper with all your relatives crashing your house for two successive weekly parties, and you're constantly nagged by the responsibility of entertaining your cousins from America, and you're stuck with a heinously uncooperative computer, and finally you're stuck with a dreadfully slow dot-matrix printer, you can imagine how I felt. I was practically pulling my hair out in despair, begging for God to let the typhoons stay and call off classes longer. What's worse, when I submitted the damn thing, I didn't get to study for my Sociology midterms that day.

I managed to persuade my parents that I had had enough of my work interrupted with frequent computer crashes. Just last night I got home to a new CPU unit, although my Dad hadn't set it up yet because we couldn't find the activation code for Windows. Strange thing---now my old computer behaves properly.

Very very weird.
---

Speaking of computers, my parents have expressed grave concern for our Internet bill. I personally managed to make our bill shoot up to 65 hours---15 hours beyond the limit. Now I feel really guilty because we have a bill that's almost double our normal monthly charge.

Maybe I should seriously consider getting prepaid Internet instead...and hide it from my parents...
---

Auntie Carole, Uncle Butch, and my cousins Czasha and JB left for South Pasadena two Tuesdays ago. Despite my computer troubles, I was happy that they stayed at our place and actually had loads of fun, despite their being here only for a couple of weeks. I had so much fun with JB that I forgot how traumatic our first encounter was back in 1997, when we stayed at their place. The kid was very skilled with Dance Dance Revolution, about the same skill I have with Percussion Freaks. One Monday we even went to Alabang Town Center and played almost endless games of DDR and PF. My right arm was aching so much afterwards.

Czasha and I were a little more civil now, seeing as we actually were quite similar in temperament (we both had short tempers). I learned a lot of things about her when I accompanied her to buy a prepaid calling card and took a very long detour to avoid the traffic in our suburbs. I was sorry I delayed her for so long, but I was happy I actually got to talk with her.

Uncle Butch and Auntie Carole were great company. Their jokes and stories were enough to keep me sane. I'm going to miss all of them, since the next time we see each other might be five or so years from now.
---

I've been spending more time with Pam on the phone lately. What's weird, though, is finding out that her faraway significant other even got jealous of me. (I have to say...that's a first.) I won't spill the details to protect their privacy though. Just read her blog.

I am so proud to say I successfully made a fool of myself in front of her. It all started with my penchant for remembering the most useless trivia---things such as termites eating wood faster when exposed to heavy metal music, or my remembering watching the movie "The Fly" and not remembering most of the plot except for the main character having had his first sexual encounter at five years old. (Jeff Goldblum's character matured very quickly, that at 11 months of age he was already a boy of five years old.)

Then I said that mosquitoes have an attraction to the color blue. Looking out the window and seeing my blue Honda, I remarked that I found it weird that despite my choice of college, I never liked green and liked a rival college's blue instead. I innocently remarked that perhaps I was a mosquito in my past life.

I never heard the end of it. Now my name on her phone's contact list is "mosquito." She even told me, "Now I know what the M in JM stands for." Well, she laughed so heartily that I guess I didn't mind.
---

Argh, I had my accounting midterms just this morning. It was such a nerve-wracking experience, since we didn't have much of time on our hands. I was so pressed for time that I forgot to do the simplest and easiest part of the test: making adjusting entries. That's an instant 20 points down the drain...

Not that I'm aiming for Dean's List this term anymore anyway. I just don't have the same zest I used to have. At this rate I'm going to be very lucky if I even get a 3.05 GPA.
---

Sent my little blue Honda City to Honda Cars Makati for a biannual tune-up. It was such a harrowing experience. I came in at around 9:30 am and dropped my queue slip at one of two little boxes. Ninety minutes later I realize I dropped my slip at the wrong box...it was for those who had set appointments. I swapped my slip and put it into the walk-in box.

I already managed to finish watching the film Cool Runnings when I realized nothing yet had happened to my slip and it was still swallowed under the big swath of slips. I went out for lunch...only to come back and find out that I had already been called and my slip had been marked "No Response, 12:40." I waited another two hours until I was so tempted to snatch my slip and have my turn cancelled. They finally noticed my slip---it was number 99 in a whole swath of 130s and 140s---and asked me about what I wanted.

I seriously don't enjoy having to do that again. The next time, I'll set an appointment instead of losing my cool after five hours of wasted wait.

This past weekend saw me in Subic, up north in Olongapo City. Subic is a former US naval base converted into a free port in the last decade. We caught up with my mom and my other relatives who were taking JB, Czasha and my other relatives from the US around Baguio three days before. Despite warnings from friends that I'd get really bored there, I actually had quite a fun day's stay.

The flat we stayed in had ridiculously cold air conditioning, which was non-adjustable. This countered with the dry, arid Palm Springs-like heat of the outdoors in mid-afternoon (I thought that kind of heat would be impossible here in the Philippines). All this just made my persistent cold much worse than it already was.

We didn't really get to do much since we stayed there only about a day. I brought my PlayStation there to help keep my little devil cousins busy, but eventually had to stay behind most of the time to keep them from fighting over my machine. Bianca and Czasha got to swim with whales in a nearby marine park for about 45 minutes. The cost was ridiculously expensive though...it cost around PhP4,600 just for their time with the black pilot whales. I suppose it was worth it though, seeing as the two girls enjoyed. Later on we went around and saw bats swooping over our vans. Along the way we stopped at an obstacle course probably used by the US soldiers before, and my cousins went all over it. Back at the flat, my uncles and aunts played endless rounds of Bingo, even inviting my cousins over.

It was a fun stay, but I wish I could've done and explored more. I wish I didn't have to play babysitter to the little brats.

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.


You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.
---

Not to sound egotistic or anything, this quiz just piqued my interest. Ladeeda...

Got some mail from strangers about my blog. Apparently they stumbled over my little hut on the Net while looking for something else (really, how else would people I've never met know about my existence?), and they actually thought I write well. One of them even wanted to be friends with me.

Well, I feel quite honored. Thanks.
---

Online enlistment for my courses next term was a bitch. I can't blame DLSU for much though...most of the fault was on my damn unreliable computer. I was really close to burying my measly little knuckle into the case's sheet metal. Never seemed to work properly for more than an hour. I need a new computer. Or at least I need an upgrade.
---

My car's battery finally gave out on me. He came to the rescue and got me a new one while I was parked in a nearby Caltex station. Although I appreciate that he was there, I hate the way he, along with his other, has to rub in every little mistake I make. Being treated like this, I suppose you wouldn't be surprised as to why I hide the truth from you two so often. I don't want to be constantly bugged by my blatant mistakes again. I'm nineteen, for crying out loud. You should know that I know when I'm wrong. I should know; I have an overdeveloped sense of guilt, no thanks to my lack of credit in your perception.

Scratch that. EVERYTHING I do is never right, correct or adequate for you two. Not even the fact that I managed to stay on the Dean's List for the whole year entitles me to any benefit whatsoever. I wonder what the point is in ranting about this when I know not any amount of pleading or pleasing you will change things.
---

I felt so lethargic today. I couldn't help but fall asleep in Physics Lab class. The whole week I've been so damn tired because my sleep's been very erratic. When I plan on waking up at 9 am, I wake up at 6 for one reason or another. So weird. Maybe I need downers to sleep well this time.
---

My erstwhile crush and now close friend Denise was kidding me after I told her about my little lunch date with Pam yesterday. She was telling me that the two of us might end up as a couple.

Nah, I told her. Not likely. She's sworn off relationships.

Den wouldn't give up. "That's where things get started." Oh...kay. I just smiled it off.
---

Had the weirdest smoothie I ever tasted. I ordered a banana smoothie from a Japanese restaurant in University Mall. When I got it, it was a shade of pink and hardly tasted like banana at all. Weird. I'm never getting smoothies from that place again. I fear for my safety.

Had no classes today because of Manila's city anniversary. Had nothing better to do. So I decided to ask Pam out to lunch before she went to work.

We met and ate at Cibo in Glorietta, and spent our time just talking away. She was worried that her section had only 4 pages on Wednesday, a far cry from their usual two 8-page sections. Although it meant that they'd finish their work earlier, it also meant being somewhat shortchanged by their advertisers...

Later on we went to her office inside the Philippine Daily Inquirer's halls. She introduced me to her section editor and some of her co-writers, but I was too shy to make any particularly memorable impression on them. Still, it was a great day and I had loads of fun. Not even the rude greeting of my car's discharged battery spoiled my day today (it's somewhat charged now).

Thanks a lot, Pam.

Saturday was a hectic day. Had my admission exams for The LaSallian in the morning, then had this talk for Philosophy (which was incidentally more political than philosophical -- the talk may as well have been for POLIGOV, not INTPHIL). In the evening I went to Angel's debut at the Pan Pacific Hotel.

The exams were long. Whoever made that news test made damn sure applicants like me wouldn't take exams for other departments -- but I got the one for graphics and layout too, hahaha. It didn't help that I was an hour late for it either. I felt like my writing skills were being forced out of my latent laziness because I haven't been writing news full time for about a couple of years.

The debut was okay, but so many irritations spoiled my evening. With the Pan Pacific Hotel being in the heart of downtown Manila, I got lost driving around in circles because of Manila's maze of one-way streets. The debut was right in the middle of the Manila Filmfest as well, so traffic was rather bad. When I got to the restaurant, these waiters served an extraordinary amount of Chinese food; I think I counted at least 12 entrees. Just trying to sample them all was a chore, being all sated with food.

The greatest disappointment, though, didn't come in until I left the damn place. Since I parked in the basement and it was my first time in the damn hotel, I didn't know I had to validate my parking ticket (no one ever told me, and I swear it wasn't on the ticket). That made the difference of paying PhP90 for parking (expensive enough, but manageable) and PhP300 for parking. Frustrated, I simply palmed the bills to the parking lady and drove off on full throttle. I left there broke. I was hoping to save that, you assholes...
---

Oh well, I guess what matters is that I actually went there. Happy belated "debut," Angel. You know what I mean.

---
I finally met Pam Pastor in person. And what a surprise it was.

It was one of those spur-of-the-moment meetings, actually -- she had to do an interview of our basketball training team, and I was up long enough to be able to talk to her on her home phone the night before. I arranged to escort her around DLSU right in between my tests and my lecture.

We met at South Gate, and then I proceeded to escort her to the Sports Complex's hardwood courts. After her interview, we went down to La Casita for lunch. Far from being an awkward meeting, we were talking and laughing like two old friends who hadn't seen each other in years. It was also great to be able to be with Pam without being hassled by cell phone credits or excessive Net usage. As we found out, we actually had a common time where we could just hang around in Makati. Yes, Pam, I agree: we really should go out more often.

I loved making my friend smile and forget about all her recent troubles with weird guys. 'Twas just too bad that I had to leave for my Philosophy lecture, as she was free until 5 pm that afternoon. We'll do this again, Pam, I promise. You make me realize how nice I really am.
---

As I was typing this I've had to rewrite and rewrite this post at least four times. My four-year-old computer's uncooperative again. I thought I had the problem fixed when I removed 75MB of junk and temporary files from this lump, but no...

Methinks it's about time I took up my mom's suggestion of getting a new computer.

Don't you dare start with me. You already test my patience severely, you liar. You so proudly claim to think the same way I do yet you fail to realize that you've been lacking decency toward me. You should know a lot better, kid. It's getting to the point that I can barely contain an impulse to bash your face in.

Computer's been very problematic though. It's been crashing on me whenever I'm online, for no apparent reason. I suspect my aging hard disk, but I'm no technician.

It's been quite a while since I updated...not that there's been much of anything worth posting.
---

Went to Otakuboard's first anniversary today, at Beia's house in BF Las Piñas. Basically had a great time hanging around with the wacky members of our little online community. Her house was rather hot inside -- most of us sweated a lot and got dehydrated -- but it wasn't too bad a deal. I actually talked and opened up more with them, not just persisting by my lonesome at some Percussion Freaks machine --- and found some pretty nice and funny people.

I got the chance to ferry two OB newbies to Beia's place; the twins were Chinese-Filipino. I felt so glad to be able to somehow rid Annabelle and Matthew of their self-consciousness, and I fully related with how they felt because I was the sole newbie in the third OB EB two months ago. I think they left my car quite satisfied with the entire event. Till next time guys. I had fun.
---

I should probably realize by now how much of a bad liar I am. Seriously, I should always remember that I'm one of the most transparent persons on earth. No amount of experience is ever going to make me a better bluffer.

I guess that means I can't play good poker though. Heheheh.
---

Pam was off to Hong Kong for an entire weekend. My cellphone was absolutely silent, void of text messages during that period. Although I missed keeping her company, I also realized how much of a big spender I've been. A lot of my expenses went to cellphone loading. I've spent an easy PhP6,000 off my bank account during the last summer, and I haven't been saving up any.

I really want to keep in touch with Pam, but maybe I should think of meeting and hanging out with her sometime and someplace convenient. I can't phone her at home, and I'm limited by cellular calls and texts. Kind of in a fix. Maybe I should return to e-mail. Then again...

This afternoon I collected what was due me from the old guy who crashed into my bumper. Trouble was, though, he paid just PhP2,000, which wasn't the amount I had in mind (PhP4,000 was more like it). Good thing Papa knew of a repair shop that was willing to charge PhP1,500 for the damage.

I'm still green with these things. I still have zero street smarts.
---

This term, we have this subject called PETWODA. It's supposed to stand for Physical Education 2: (Ballroom) Dancing, but somehow we got something so weird that we wonder how it managed to fit into the PE program in the first place. We got "Social Recreation." In short, we were going to plan parties. Uh-huh. Strange things happen in college, indeed.
---

There's this guy on television whom Bianca claims to have seen on almost every major game show. I wonder how much money this crazy guy's won already. "Why don't you join in game shows yourselves?" Papa told us. "With the money they offer you could buy a car...and you wouldn't have to run after a PhP2,000 debtor!" It seems like a good idea, since I know a lot of trivia, but maybe there's truth to the adage "easy come, easy go."
---

I've been dreaming of owning a garage full of the best Japanese cars, the inevitable result of being immersed with car magazines these past five months and a healthy chunk of my summer spent on Gran Turismo 2. I lust after rally machines (Mitsubishi Lancer Evo VII, Subaru Impreza WRX), hot hatches (Honda EP3 Civic Type R), supercars (Nissan R34 Skyline GT-R, Toyota Supra RZ, Nissan S15 Silvia) and the ridiculously small k-cars (Mitsubishi Pajero Mini Turbo, Subaru Vivio RX-R and the cute Honda Beat convertible). It's a shame most of these cars are unavailable here in the Philippines, save for the PhP2.1 million Impreza WRX and the gray-market Lancer Evo VII (I was lucky enough to see a red one parked along a Buendia car seller).

Then again, I'm not really stuck with the worst car on the planet. When I think about it, my little runabout -- a second-hand blue 1999 Honda City 1.5 -- is actually a go-kart with four short doors, seating for four and a trunk, which is pretty practical. That little steering wheel makes cornering the car a joy. The tricky spring-loaded clutch takes getting used to, though, and so does that stick shift, which sometimes refuses to go into reverse. The low hood gives the best visibility of any car I've tried; you can even see the dust on the road with it. The non-VTEC engine doesn't accelerate the quickest but has good grunt (Autocar Asean Edition claims 103 horsepower), and it's brought me to a top speed of 145 km/h along the Skyway, which I am ill-advised to surpass since cops might flag me down this time. Economy's great too, since it's kept a consistent 9 km/L in city traffic (it really is a CITY car).

Not minding the dents and the scratches from the crash, I think my City's a good car for a bargain price -- PhP325,000. I could drool for the performance and practicality mix of the 215 hp EP3 Civic Type R, but I'm just happy I have my blue car.

While on the way to school I got into an accident. Was driving through a clear intersection along Estrada St. when someone suddenly hung a left turn and hit my left rear bumper. Shocking, but I was okay. The Honda's still okay, but it now has a lot of long white scratches and a shallow dimple in the sheet metal.

When we pulled over to the side to talk matters over, I even stepped on dog shit while getting out of the car. Yuck. When I got to school I immediately used rocks to scrape it off and used a janitor's mop and alcogel to clean my left shoe. (Thank God for alcogel...it's being sold in sachets in DLSU.)

The culprit was an old guy from nearby Malate. Claims he was distracted by a nearby noisy ambulance which passed him by. Didn't see me coming through. Wasn't too angry with him though, because he was quick to admit that it was his fault.

I just hope he stays true to his word.

This feels like one of those days when I'm invariably feeling stupid or tactless. Nothing I say or do comes out quite right. Perhaps it's just because I'm actually a little nervous of how things will be when class starts.
---

There are those things which are extraordinary the first few times one sees, hears or experiences them. All too soon however, familiarity begins to set in and robs us of all that is remarkable about those things, leaving them mundane and overplayed. I just can't seem to get through that trap. I guess this is my curse. I'm just too bland and boring.
---

Dug up something from Pam's blog. I bet this information's going to be a real find for people who hate me. Here goes.

three things that scare you:
death
the sight of internal organs
the thought that maybe life has no purpose

three things that make you laugh:
myself
Jay Leno
hearing other people laughing -- it's contagious

three things you love:
music
cars/driving
women

three things you hate:
helplessness
inferiority
making others angry

three things you don't understand:
accounting
law
Filipinos' irritating traits and their persistence

three things on your desk:
sketch pad
mechanical pencil
my very old boombox

right now you are:
seriously bored
longing to be bugged by a friend
a little drowsy

three facts about you:
I'm esoteric (thanks to JM Ibañez for that one)
I'm shy around new people
I brood

three things you plan to do before you die:
formally learn how to play drums
keep my future wife happy
buy and drive a Subaru Impreza WRX...but that's worth PhP2.1 million :(

three things you can do:
listen
operate a 1977 Nikon FM manual camera -- at least it's a bit unique
do magazine layouts

three things you can't do:
stay motivated for long
keep a cool head
pull-ups

three famous people you want to meet:
Michael Schumacher -- I want to beat his face to a pulp
Zhang Zi Yi, just for kicks
the guys of Hoobastank

top 3 songs you currently like:
Lamb's "Gorecki" -- original and remix
Hoobastank's "To Be With You"
The Dawn's "Talaga Naman"

top 3 things that turn you on about your sex of choice:
sensitivity
sense
smile

top 3 movies you watch all the time:
"Bata, Bata, Paano Ka Ginawa?" -- easily my fave Filipino movie
"Disclosure"
"The Hunt for Red October"

top 3 things you say the most:
"basically..."
"shit"
"easy lang"

Adjustment was a total bitch yesterday due to that island-wide blackout. Woke up at 5 am to get to school only to stand in line for seven hours waiting for a server which had not enough power for its client PCs to begin with.

At least I don't have to return tomorrow and try my luck once again. My parents seem to be okay with my sked. They've pitched in with fetching Bianx, swapping with me every week. Wow, they cut me some slack this time...

---
Having my right wisdom tooth pulled next Saturday. Just when school starts, I have to deal with all the hassle and bleeding of my damn wisdom tooth. Bad, bad timing.

To prevent hurting anyone's feelings with my random outbursts of anger, frustration and inferiority, I guess I'll just go to sleep.

Was finally able to talk to my best friend Paolo "Kwapaw" Lacdao, after what seemed to be an eternity apart from each other. College does that I guess, even if you study in the same university.

I say the guy has his busy summer better than I have. Yes, he has work and he's the sports editor of The Lasallian (which they're planning to turn into a magazine in 3 years), but the important thing is that he has fun, he actually meets people and he enjoys what he does. Heck, the guy's had a new girlfriend. Me? Kwapaw put it best: "You're still alone?"

Listening to his tales makes me somehow apprehensive. Listening to him makes me suddenly hungry for the presence of tangible friends, no matter how inadequate they might seem, not just those I meet online and never otherwise. I feel like I somehow wasted my summer -- all that short respite away from school. I feel upset. I know I can't just blame it on numerous failed plans to go to South Pasadena, to watch the Spider-Man premiere, etc. I simply don't have the drive and initiative I should've had, most especially while I'm on vacation.

It's the fucking most critical time of the year and yet I have no drive. Everyone my age is celebrating life while I'm stuck in this fishbowl. Why?! Goddamned fucking why?!

I'm going to DLSU to have my freaking schedule adjusted once and for all. Suddenly that last week from school seems so far away. Forget the promises my friends made with me, invitations to do things before my vacation was up. It's practically up, goddamn it. Where the hell were you?

I guess Panjee Tapales-Lopez was right after all. I gotta grow up. Naivete is just making me a disillusioned idealist. Fear is making me a prisoner of failure. I feel like throwing away the computer and my cell phone in frustration, but I can't. They're not exactly mine to throw away.

I feel so helpless.

I've been burning my cell phone's text credits these past couple of weeks, but I don't mind very much. I've kept company with new people along the way and I'm glad my phone isn't just for emergencies anymore.

I know it's a risk exposing my identity and personality to practical strangers, but somehow I haven't been struck by the misfortune of blending in bad company. The whole experience has made me a little more adventurous and sociable, even only through electronic means. Even though Panjee Tapales-Lopez wrote in last week's Philippine Star that the only tangible relationships are those founded on trust and personal acquaintance (and consequently not those founded in the one-dimensional field of e-mail or text), I've been lucky enough to meet people online and off --- and somehow make a good friendship, or at least a functional acquaintance.

A Cynthia Alexander song somehow came to mind while I was thinking about this:
I have seen/ I have been to places far and deep/ in my mind/ Only to find/ Comfort in your strangeness...
---

I've been talking to friends and blockmates (they shall remain anonymous -- I respect their privacy) who've had philandering fathers that can't quite keep their commitment to their original families. Some of these fathers are staying with other women; others have another family to tend, not leaving the original family what is due them; still others even have many families with which they have sired children with. Listening to their stories makes my own problems with my dad feel miniscule and mundane.

People say that there are more women than men in this world. My dad used to tell me it was two girls to one guy (that was back in his day, thirty years ago). In college alone, there are only 6 of us guys in my block of 42. Maybe it's denying the doctrine of nature for us males (I hear it's to have as much sex and sire as many children as possible), but I don't see the point of leaving families, children, spouses and other such commitments behind.

Maybe it's the effect of all these women's lib/feminism movements and "girl power" statements, but sometimes I don't see the point of being male at all. We're lazy, lethargic, lying creatures. Most of us don't know how to swallow our own pride, myself included. Most of all, it seems the sole biological purpose of our existence is to impregnate women. Hearing all these stories about philandering fathers and incestuous uncles makes me wonder so. We don't even do a good job of rearing children -- almost universally it's the moms who get that credit, unless the dads are single parents.

Don't even get me started on how humans are supposed to perpetuate without men -- human cloning's almost around the corner. I watched the anime VanDread a couple of months ago, and it explored the idea of men and women living in separate worlds in the future. Baby boys were essentially cloned and mixed up in machines, while women had families consisting of parents ('Homme,' the egg donor, and 'Femme,' the pregnant mom). After watching the scenario, I would say the women were better off.

I know my line of thinking right now's rather sexist (actually, it's sexist in reverse -- Webster's says sexism favors men), but this is just what I've been thinking. You guys don't even have to agree with me.
---

Thanks so much Pam. Good luck on your gig tomorrow.

Just when I finally felt like blogging, the power trips on my computer and deletes the post I was typing ten minutes ago. Damn. Have to start over.
---

Quoted from Blogger's news page:
U.S. News: "One vote here in favor of the blogging revolution. Bloggers (from the words 'Web log') write online diaries and commentaries. The best bloggers weigh in on social and political issues, report nuggets of information that the national media miss or suppress, and provide links to other bloggers with something sharp to say."

When I set up this blog back in October of last year, I never intended it to be nerve-wracking and all so serious. I never intended my blog to be the best, much less the most famous. I believe I've posted only one thought-provoking and intellectual post here, and that was back in January. Had I possessed greater proficiency with HTML and all its idiosyncratic protocols, I would've learned to do so much with my plain-vanilla blog. Had I learned to put up a Web counter to know just how many people visit this little page regularly, I won't be surprised if I return just a mundane number of hits. Just how many people know me anyway, as myself or as my online alter-ego?

I'm happy with my blog just as it is. Granted, if Web page layout were as easy as using Adobe PageMaker or InDesign, I would've relied less on Blogspot's templates and created my own very slick-but-static page. (Then again, there's that Java and Flash/Shockwave bullshit I have to contend with. Not willing to learn that anymore.) But I'm cool.

This page has been something meaningful to me and to my closest friends. It soothes me from my unhealthy constant hunger for attention. People I've never even met in person have written to me about my less-than-rational thoughts, some criticizing, some praising, some simply forgetting that my page possesses a certain Blogspot URL. The dearest people to me actually know what I'm doing because of it.

Okay, enough about that. I'll shut up.
---

Pam texted me just as my mom's friends were over for a little lunch party here.

Normally people avoid texting me unless it's something they need or have to tell me, so my cell phone is usually extraneous and just there for emergency purposes. As time passed, though, we were talking about a lot of things -- watching the Karate Kid over Coyote Ugly, her appointment with her orthodontist, my hyperacidic stomach remedied by green tea, and how Matt LeBlanc used to be a personal obsession. Before I knew it, we'd spent twelve intermittent hours texting each other...and that is a personal first.

All summer long, I've been chasing my high school and college friends for just a little uninterrupted chat on the phone, and I've largely been either left out cold or on the wrong trail(s)/phone number(s). I wonder how much more boring my summer might have turned out if I hadn't had Pam as my friend. Thanks a lot, Ate. It really means a lot. Given the chance, I would really hug you.

Bianca enrolled into DLSU two days ago. The whole process didn't take too long (thank God), apart from waiting for the tuition fee receipts. Impressive, considering so many people enrolled into the College of Liberal Arts.

However I think her schedule's ridiculous. She starts classes at 7 am and leaves by 11:40 on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I have classes starting at 2 pm ending at 6 pm on the same days. Blech. Since I'm driving Bianca to school, there's a big problem. At least our Tuesday/Thursday schedules are in sync.

I've been thinking of coming to school early and exercising while waiting for my classes to start, but that's very impractical and exhausting. By the time I attend my classes I may as well be asleep in my class armchair. I'm now thinking of adjusting my MWF schedule to suit Bianca's.

Nothing's final yet though. Still have two more weeks until adjustment period. I just hope there are enough slots for morning classes.
---

I haven't been able to thank you properly, but I'm absolutely grateful to you, Ate Pam. I know I usually ramble on about the most mundane things (especially now that it's the boring summer season), but thanks for bothering to reply to me. Means a lot.

I remember joining my classmate's FlipBlogs webring for Filipino bloggers. When I initially registered it required all members to update their blogs at least once every week...hmmm...looks like I'm out of there...

But seriously, there are reasons why I haven't updated my little journal as of late. Most prominent would be the FTP space I'd be wasting just telling the whole world that I'm a bored bum on my summer vacation, doing nothing but check my e-mail and play video games. Repeat ad nauseam.
---

When that Otakuboard EB happened, I seriously thought things would be looking up for this bored imp. I was actually getting out of my suburban residence. Looks like my affair with Otakuboard was rather short-lived too. Two days after the EB, OB's host found our board very resource-heavy and had no choice but to drop us. Good thing one of the members had a spare ezBoard, billed as the temporary OB.

Since then, I feel things have been going downhill. Bea, the OB administrator, has had the worst luck, having a virus wipe out her hard disk and around 10% of important OB site files. The temporary OB isn't as active as the original, to add to the "downhill" nature of things. Gello was planning a Spider-Man movie EB later this month, but it seems a lot of people can't go.

Oh well. Back to my couch and my PlayStation. :(
---

Speaking of my PlayStation, I believe I've played the snot out of most of my games. The games I haven't played yet, I dread playing. Seems I've had my fill of video games for a while...until I get new ones at least...heheheh. Whatever. I'm just bored! I wanna go somewhere!
---

Yesterday I drove Bianca to my pulmonologist to have her X-rays taken. DLSU needed it for her enrollment. Rather bored herself, she suggested that we go shopping at Robinsons Place in Ermita, not far from school.

Lots of hang-ups on the way there. Initially I forgot my charging cell phone, so upon leaving the village we turned back for it. Then we turned back on a traffic-laden Service Road to change cars, since my Honda City wasn't permitted that day due to traffic reduction. Was rather averse to taking the big white Kia Pregio van, because I didn't drive it often and I felt like I'd bump into something or someone every five minutes.

Anyway, Robinsons Place was okay, but I'd rather make sure that I always drive my sister there. Ermita isn't exactly the safest part of Manila. Managed to buy blue Girbaud sneakers for PhP900 -- an absolute steal, considering most stores had them for PhP1,500 to PhP2,500. Bianx bought a leather belt and a leather Girbaud bag. I really wish I was out more often. I wouldn't even mind the traffic...whoops. I'd rather not say things I don't mean...heheheh.

Visited the wake of Catcat's mom today at the Magallanes chapels. Mrs. Victoria Marasigan died on April 20, 2002 at 5:30 pm due to her original breast cancer spreading to vital organs. She was 43.

Catcat told us that her mom died a peaceful death, so unlike the characteristic frantic final gasping the dying usually are remembered to do. As we asked Catcat about the details, I was very impressed to see her carry herself as cool and poised. My classmate seemed strong and very much able to carry the realization. I've got to hand it to her: she's one brave lass. If I ever decide to crown someone I know as the "queen of poise," she would easily be it.
---

The Zen people present at the wake decided to watch The Scorpion King at Glorietta 4 right after. We have this sort of superstition that attendees of a wake shouldn't go home immediately; they should go somewhere else first. In all honesty though, I'd rather have avoided watching the movie. Not that it was bad (it was pretty entertaining) --- it's just that I feel I've spent too much time in Glorietta already. I'm dreadfully short on cash and I'm spending too much of it.

We had my relatives over here for lunch, instead of our usual "hangout," my grandma's house in Caloocan. Never quite thought that hosting would be such a chore. Partly because I didn't expect so many of my usually missing-in-action aunts/uncles/cousins to come over. We prepared an absolute feast.

My mom was too tired to realize that there were too many people for our rented tables -- she never even got to take a bath or freshen up before they all came over. My dad was more talkative than usual, mostly due to the indoor drinking spree my uncles invited him into. My sister was helping along and entertaining the little rascals I call my younger cousins. I in turn was trying my best to avoid my cousins fighting over my PlayStation and their chances of being next to play Street Fighter Zero 3 or Tekken 3. I really really didn't want my cousins to play those games, knowing how quickly their squabbles turn into screamfests.

Thank God the day's over. What a mess. At least it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd turn out.

I had a fitful sleep just before the Otakuboard EB today. I dreamt about the worst possible things that could happen to the day when I would meet my online friends in person...trust me, I'd rather not go into details.

Turns out I never had to worry at all.

Today was the third Otakuboard.com "grand eyeball" meeting/gimmick, and frankly my very first eyeball ever. I arrived at Congo Grille at 9:55 am only to see it was closed until 11:00 am this morning. I texted everyone that I'd kill time at nearby Powerbooks until it does open. I was a bunch of jangled nerves, rather insecure about how the guys would take me as part of their little posse on the Web. It didn't help that my first few minutes with the early bird members were spent in awkwardly silence.

When we did get to Congo Grille, though, I managed to loosen up after lunch. I was rather afraid of what to say to each of them, but when I saw them having fun, I just went along. After lunch we had a game of billiards and played some arcade games at Timezone. I guess I impressed them with my prowess with Percussion Freaks and billiards. Strange, though --- I don't play billiards that often, yet they were telling me how "decisive" some of my shots were...if only they knew how I shy away from the game most of the time...

It was kind of sad because I had to leave by 4:30 pm. They were planning to watch Spider-Man after lounging at the Starbucks balcony. Oh well, I guess I can't have it all. Don't get me wrong though; I really enjoyed today. Thanks guys. I never thought a day spent in the company of strangers could be so much fun. :)

Boy, am I a lucky man.

I got my course cards just this afternoon. By some sheer stroke of divine intervention I got the exact grades I was hoping for in Accounting and Algebra: 2.0 and 2.5 respectively. Even better, I managed to sneak into the Dean's List for the third time --- all thanks to my sky-high 4.0 grades in Literature 1 and General Psychology (subjects I never thought I'd be able to score very high in). My GPA this term is a good 3.05; it means I managed to make it to the Dean's List for the entire year.

In addition to that, I'm clear for the Otakuboard EB at Congo Grille in Makati. I'll finally get to meet some of the wacky Pinoys behind the even wackier aliases tomorrow over high-calorie sizzling plates of sisig. I hope I'm in my best mood tomorrow.

Ah, life is good.
---

I seriously want to learn how to play real drums. Three years of playing Percussion Freaks can only do so much for me. I've probably spent enough money on the various incarnations of the game (PF, PF 2nd Mix, PF 3rd Mix, PF 4th Mix) to buy my own cheap drum set, complete with cymbals and drumsticks. Well, that might be a slight exaggeration.

After PE this term, I've also discovered that after so many years of abstinence and semi-hate for the sport, I actually like playing basketball. I mean, really, I can be quite good at it if I just had a ball and practiced as often as I could. Yeah, sure, I might not have the skyscraping height (I'm only five feet, eight inches tall) and I get tired real quick, but there's something in the game I just have to achieve.

Perhaps it's the disappointment after my joining the Milo BEST basketball training camp when I was in first grade. I joined simply because my mom wanted it more, she being a b-ball fanatic back in the day. I never took it seriously.

I wonder if it isn't too late to join the DLSU Green Archers. Nah. I'd probably make them lose. The college president wouldn't want that...heheheh.

Tomorrow's the day I get my course cards --- and learn whether or not my meager expertise in Accounting and Algebra did the job. Strange --- I'm not feeling tense or anything. Perhaps it's because I've played too many games of Gran Turismo 2...
---

Why on earth is she coming back to my mind's eye? After a whole year managing to forget about my high school crush, she's appeared to me once again in a dream. Does this mean I still seriously want her in my life after she dropped me like a hot potato upon entering college?

Relax, JM. It's only a dream. Then again, Freudian psychology would say otherwise...

Bought a copy of Ha Jin's novel "Waiting." It's rather old already, and it was a supposed bestseller a year ago. I decided to pick it up, since I was always so curious about the Chinese, having had enough exposure to Japanese culture already.

It's about this doctor in the Chinese Red Army who had a wife he didn't love, since they were married under arranged marriage conditions. Now that his parents are deceased, the doctor decides to divorce his wife for a nurse he meets in the army hospital in the town of Muji. Every time the doctor talks to his wife about divorce, she goes along until she disagrees in front of the judge himself. Now it's been eighteen years, and the doctor decides it's been long enough waiting.

The book is quite simple to read, and it isn't that long either. "Waiting" is a pretty good book because it's actually full of ironies about love. Living in a country where native Chinese usually insist on keeping their bloodline pure, I noticed in the book that deep down, the Chinese and the Filipinos are very similar when it comes to emotions, love and family.

Now if only we had a lot more respect for each other's cultural peculiarities...

I wonder when exactly the trip to South Pasadena was supposed to take place. For something my mom really wanted to happen, it seems she's half-hearted about the details. I don't even know when she planned on leaving. True, our passports are still unapproved and sitting at the US Embassy's desks, but come on -- at least a definite date would do.
---

I'm beginning to worry about what I'd actually do in America once we finally get there. The last time I was there I just wasted away playing video games. Knowing how fattening food is in America, I gained at least seven pounds. That was five years ago.

I should exercise when I get there. Perhaps I could borrow a friend's mountain bike and go exploring. Too bad my mom wouldn't allow any exploring by my lonesome. That's no fun...

Summer vacation's finally here.

I managed to get over my finals exams, especially those in Accounting 1a and Algebra 101. These were such hellishly difficult exams. Algebra wasn't as tedious as I thought, but I managed to fudge up and miss three problem-solving questions. Accounting was utter hell. I could only hope I journalized as well as I thought I did, because I am no good with income statements.

Moving on to better things...
---

Jake left home for the US while I was slaving over my Algebra finals exam. I feel rather sad about not being able to take him around town before he left. I guess it wasn't really my fault, although I couldn't help but feel guilty. Perhaps it was his wrong timing then?

He consoled me once by saying he'd be back next year, and this time his elder brother and sister would come along too. Hmmm...better not fudge up that opportunity.
---

Today we had a Zen "sports day" over at Angel Aguinaldo's place in Alabang. It was sort of an antidote to all the stress and studying we had to endure for this term's shocking subjects and its fucking hard finals. I was rather sad that not too many people were able to come due to unexpected events taking up their time. Zerissa and Teresa were able to come along though, as "new" members of our little posse.

We had a lot of fun...had a whole bucket of KFC chicken to ourselves; played basketball; went swimming in Angel's pool; played a mean game of Charades...and snapped so many pictures along the way. We were actually acting like aspiring/real Communication Arts students. I wonder if things like these are meant to last a long time, since we managed to stay together for ten months already. I do wish the Zen barkada would still be there even after our courses would inevitably dismantle our noisy little block.

Whoops. It's been a full month since I last wrote anything in this little corner of mine. I never really noticed. Perhaps it was just all the ordinariness of life in college which I already tire of. I feel as if I'm right back in high school, stuck in the same old routine repeated everyday ad nauseam.

Whenever I get to visit my friend Pam Pastor's blog, I read about her and I turn a little jealous. Compared to my mundane existence, at the very least her life's a little more exciting to read about (if not more angsty and traumatic). I rather wonder why I never managed to break out of this irritatingly little bubble I feel squished inside of. I've always played life on the safe side even at this horrendously adverturous age that I am right now. It makes for smooth sailing most of the time but it's so goddamn fucking BORING!

I need a break. I need a big fucking dose of adventure. At least I think I'm gonna get that pretty soon when my family's month-long trip to South Pasadena pushes through later on this month.
---

Jake arrived March 13th. I'm surprised at how much he's changed. He's no longer the mischievous little imp I knew him eight years ago. He's actually amazing me at how much he's been able to accomplish.

He's turned a deep tan lately because of his work at Mountain View, a ski resort 150 miles from their Chino Hills home. According to him, Mountain View's pay's a lot better than what he used to get back as a manager at McDonald's. He's yet to enter college in September. And while I only race virtual Supras and Skyline GT-Rs in the PlayStation game Gran Turismo 2, he's already been modifying his 1980s Sentra and racing it. He quit it because it was too expensive though. Yeah right. At the buying power you enjoy? C'mon, Jake...

There's one thing he does like about the Philippines. "Do you know how expensive music CDs are back there?" he told me, on the subject of his purchase of a System of a Down CD.

I give a safe answer. "Nine, ten bucks?"

He shakes his head. "Twenty bucks, dude. It's expensive there!" Turns out it's more than twice our price.

He's only going to be here for a month and I haven't been able to take him out anywhere because of a multitude of hang-ups (he got sick for a while; Holy Week; my finals are coming up). I'm finally going to have the chance to show him around on Saturday. I haven't even decided on where exactly I'm going to take him. I just hope I don't screw it all up...
---

I got into my first vehicular accident the day after Jake arrived. Apparently I was too busy scoping my side mirrors for an empty spot in the left lane. I didn't notice my bumper was creeping dangerously close to the Space Wagon in front of me. I applied my brakes...not enough. Intending to avoid my brakes squeaking all over the gas station, I braked only halfway in.

I gotta learn how to leave myself enough distance to avoid such close calls next time...and I gotta find new brake pads! I hate having to hear my wheels squeak like hell.
---

Managed to snap up Hoobastank's new CD just before the Holy Week weekend. I've been totally addicted to it so far. I think it's rather unfair for them to be compared to Incubus as I've always heard over here. They have their own brand of music, a raucous yet unique mix of Incubus, Blink 182, Foo Fighters and the Offspring's sound. Two thumbs up.

Now I need a new CD Walkman.
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When I thought of entering DLSU, I never thought my schoolyear would have to go on three whole weeks after everyone else starts enjoying the goddamned summer vacation. It's actually rather ridiculous. No matter how much DLSU prides itself on its trimestral system, it's really rather impractical to keep students locked in airconditioned classrooms on ridiculous overtime.

Worse, Comm Arts students like me don't get to reap the benefits of really important subjects where practical application of theory is important. Everything has to be crammed into 14 quick weeks. I'm getting rather irritated.
---

Well, that's my life so far. I'll make sure I won't have to wait another whole month before posting in my blog once again. I just hope I remember to exercise while I'm in the US. The last time I was there (1997), I gained a LOT of weight. American food sure is fattening compared to Pinoy food...