Seems like my last post about Pam's "I love you" confession has been receiving its fair share of readers...and respondents.

My best friend texted me while I was driving home from school. "Y r u so afraid of a commitmnt? U wnt get anywhere if u always prefer to be on d safe side...open up 2 her, she may b d best girl 4 u..."

Another friend told me he saw Pam's reply to my last post. He had a lot in mind he wanted to say, but he told me the general idea that she was "protecting her ego."

All I can say is: HUH?!

First of all, Pam and I are nothing more than friends. She's actually the first online acquaintance I've made. She and I may be close and we make each other the topic of our blogs every so often, but we're nothing more than friends. Pam was first to decline my casual offer of being her boyfriend a long time ago, saying that I'd have to make some pretty unreasonable changes to my life to accommodate her (e.g. she regularly stays up until 5 am, while I can't do the same thing because of health reasons).

Second, Pam already knows the girl I've been eyeing. It's a coincidence that both of them study in the same university. While I've been rather tentative about "making my move" on my crush (because of certain ascribed factors), she's actually been egging me on to go out and court her already.

Third, from what I know, Pam's had enough of relationships, at least for now. Read her blog. She personally told me over the phone that the last guy she'd been hoping to see was an asshole she just couldn't take anymore.

Fourth, all I said in my blog was that "love is a heavy and yet vague word." I've become afraid of the consequences of misinterpreting the very word when it's told to me by female friends. Pam said so herself: she never meant to say she wanted me in her life as her boyfriend. All I meant was that I thought love, as a word, has been grossly overused by a lot of people, and that I did not want to spoil an otherwise good friendship with a simple misinterpretation on my part (which I've done too many times). If Pam were to use "love" as freely as she did with me, I would best make do with an explanation, which I got from three sources: her blog, from herself and from my friends at Otakuboard.
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After defending my own position, I feel like those showbiz personalities getting into rumors, scandals and controversies all the time. It's tiring.
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Pam used to tell me her reasons for shunning guestbooks and comments on her blog. She told me that the moment one puts these on, the blog often becomes too centered about what the visitors think. I think she's right. I could care less about receiving my share of Net traffic and what people think of my scrawlings, just as long as I can stay true to myself. This is the only place I can even do that, goddamnit. This is the only place where I can openly bitch about what I feel without anyone getting hurt.

To cap off, here's a quote that should kick my would-be critics in their pants: "Never edit yourself."

Frankly, I've been denying myself that rule for too long.
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Learned that my professor in Literature 2 held high regard for me. I was doing this report on the elements of poetry, scribbling on the board all the time I was talking. She said I lectured more like a professor and less like a student. My eyebrows arched up in reluctant affirmation and I asked her why. She told me she couldn't lecture and write on the blackboard at the same time even without her allergy to chalk dust.

I went home that Wednesday in high spirits. It's not everyday that I get complimented.
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Been digging through my "Literary" folder and I saw half-baked and barely started short stories that were cooking in my imagination back when I was still in high school. That's one of my weaknesses, I suppose. I come up with great story ideas but I am bad at developing and closing them into full short stories.

There's this particular story I still feel the creative fires for, though. It's based on a story I read in Glamour magazine back in 1997, one where a petite New York stockbroker confessed to having had 240 blind dates. I really felt for the girl. I figured maybe I should write something about her life and give it some sense of closure.

Hah! I was one to talk. I was never a good closer in the first place. Maybe I can prove myself wrong this time though.