Of loneliness, insignificance and Macross

By all accounts, I should be sad. I just conceded whatever chance I had with Denise. I should be mourning.

But you know what? I'm not sad at all. Maybe I've grown a bit in all those years. I refuse to get bogged down by heartache and disappointment any longer. I can close this chapter of my life without regrets because I know I tried my best. Perhaps it took me too long to call it quits, but that's no longer important.

Next to what happened to PJ, my troubles are nothing.
===

I got a welcome surprise on YM the other day. My old friend Grace buzzed me...and after some distance between us over the past few months, I truly missed her.

We've had our misgivings and problems, but underneath it all I guess she and I are kindred spirits. We both know how demoralizing loneliness and sadness can be, how it can push us to do really stupid things in an effort to get it out of our system. Although we're doing better now, we still have bouts of that evil emotion from time to time.

Perhaps this time, we can be each other's crutches.
===

I want to watch Macross again.

I want to believe that a love so pure and untainted truly does exist, even if I already have too much knowledge to the contrary.

I want to meet my own Misa Hayase.

I want to believe that love can prevail even in the midst of sheer disappointment and after lots of effort, the same kind of effort Misa put in for her beloved Hikaru.

Macross is a boyhood dream, I guess. What's so wrong in believing in it once again?

Ending a cycle of heartbreak and disappointment

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms, open hearts
But if it never ends then where do we start?

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you'll understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back,
I have something to say

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could know
So I can show you how I...

Dream away, everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain it drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you'll understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever, ever, ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back,
I have something to say

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could know
So I can show you how I feel...

- Maroon 5, "The Sweetest Goodbye"

Fire sobers us all

No matter what sort of bullshit I encounter every day, certain sobering events come along to make me realize just how much of a lucky bastard I really am.

Today marks the week after my friend Paolo Jaucian's house in Pasay burned down. It started at 4 am last Friday morning. The blaze had started from an electrical fault in an adjoining house's wiring, setting the wooden house on fire and sparking an inferno that spread to six other houses. Six hours later, Jenny, Joel, Chielou and I were awestruck when PJ called us up at the office with the news. Apparently he and his pregnant wife Jasmine made it out okay, although they failed to salvage anything from their burnt home except important paperwork and clothes.

Without any further contact with PJ (his cellphone melted in the blaze), Chielou and I worried about him. The blaze happened at just about the worst time imaginable: PJ was restoring the house, Jasmine was pregnant, and they had a lot of bills to pay from their marriage last year.

Our hopes came back when PJ came back to the office yesterday afternoon, albeit in a shirt, denim jeans and slippers. He came to secure his share of fire contribution and settle a few things. Work in our cube literally stopped for 45 minutes as we all gathered around to welcome him and ask about the event.

It turns out PJ's house was an unnecessary casualty. Infuriatingly, the city firemen stationed nearby refused to put out the blazes as they ate at all adjoining property for almost two hours. Only the Chinese-Filipino volunteer firefighters, straight from relatively faraway Binondo, put in the effort to quell the fire. The city firemen did not raise a finger until the media came along to film the blazes! Had they sprung into action faster, PJ would most likely still have his house. What incredible bullshit! Only in the Philippines, folks...

Still, PJ was lucky he did not share the same fate of the father and his son who went back into the flames...and never came out alive. Their lives and bodies got snuffed out, leaving a horrid smell that only the overeager looters seem to be able to withstand.

PJ thanked me for visiting and surveying the damage the night after the fire. Me? I'm just thankful my good friend is still alive and well.

Lovin' my Honda's new shoes

Talking and thinking about my always wonky emotional state of mind all the time is not healthy for me. So let's move on to other things I can be happy about.

I had always planned to replace my 14-inch stock wheels and tires with something else. Originally I wanted to wait until I got my 14th-month pay for it, but a certain huge rut I encountered last week along the northbound SLEX entry at Sta. Rosa changed all that. Developing a little crack in the sidewall is enough cause for concern and replacing my rolling stock ASAP.

So this morning I drove to Wheelhaus Marketing on Evangelista St. and picked out a set of second-hand white Rota Circuit 10 wheels they happened to have. Considering their used nature, they were in very good condition, with only peeling Mugen MF10L decals and a series of evenly-spaced scratches on one spoke to give them away. (The Circuit 10s are replicas of Mugen's MF10/L wheels.) I had them shod with fresh 205/45ZR16 Bridgestone Potenza S-02 high-performance directional rubber as I traded in my old rolling stock.

After mounting, balancing, alignment and a set of center caps, my Jazz was instantly transformed into a great-looking hotshoe. Not bad for PhP20,400. Had I insisted on brand-new rims, I would have had them in bronze (no new white ones were in stock) and paid PhP9,000 more.

While having wheel alignment done, I took the chance to better peek at the underbelly of the engine bay as the Jazz sat raised on a lifter. I'm very glad to say nothing critical got damaged by last week's fall into the huge Laguna rut. The oil pan, front suspension subframe, oxygen sensor, exhaust piping and catalytic converter all looked intact and none the worse for wear. Only the plastic skidplate got scratched, gnarled and slightly torn. Unfortunately one of the Jazz-City United people had all those components damaged by a wayward metal object along NLEX in an expensive accidental encounter.

On the drive home I was wary of any rubbing against fender liners or worsening ride quality. So far, so good: ride compliance feels close to stock except for a greater awareness to the road's subtle camber changes. Tire rumble isn't greatly increased either, although I won't know for sure until the running-in period has passed.

On hindsight, I am glad I bought these rims and tires now instead of two months later. I love how my humble Honda looks now and it definitely lifts my spirits.

Off the deep end yet again

I guess I never learn.

Even after two failed attempts, a number of boyfriends and almost seven years between us, I am still trying my luck with Denise. I am still telling her that she's the one I want to spend my time with. I am still taking my chances.

And...I'm probably still asking more than what she can give me.

Tough.

Keeping a leash on my inner boyracer, part deux

Ever since the run-in with the tailgating XJJ 548, I've taken a little time to step back and think my driving style through.

I've been driving for eight years already and I've had my share of thrills and spills while at it. While I don't deny that I like driving fast, the undue attention that it attracts from idiotic boyracers on the road just isn't worth it.

When I posted my story on a few forum websites I frequent, I got a number of responses. Some applauded me for just moving out of the way; others smote the speeding ES and let karma work its magic on it and its driver; still others criticized me and my driving.

One of the best responses I saw read: "The other guy was wasting his gas and you'd be wasting yours if you went along with his game. Pride is cheaper than gasoline these days." How true, I thought. If I can't police or control the idiots that just so happen to share the road with me, I might as well just change what I can.

I've pulled the driver's seat on the Jazz a little farther away from the wheel than before, to help support my right thigh and knee on longer journeys (as the Jazz doesn't have lumbar support, nor an adjustable seat squab angle). I've forced myself to learn to be a more considerate driver and travel at lower speeds. Best of all, I've focused my attention more to the great music playing on my speakers than the idiots and their equally idiotic driving I see on the road.

My newfound "relaxed" driving mode still needs some work, but I feel the benefits already.

Glam rock and blues on the road

For this quarter's teambuilding event, my colleagues decided to try something new. Instead of going out to a restaurant to yet again eat our guts out, we tried going out of town to Tagaytay on a Saturday.

We went to hilly Picnic Grove to trek, Leslie's for lunch, Mushroomburger and Sonya's Kitchen to pick up snacks, and then headed to Caleruega's Veritas Hall for our activities. All the while, I had Beng, Paolo C. and Albert to keep me company while Queen, The Darkness and the Pinoy blues bands of "Blueskrieg" rocked out inside my car.

The changing-lanes-and-pop-up-barriers chaos of the SLEX didn't do me any favors, nor did the Sta. Rosa and Carmona traffic, nor the hideously huge rut that caught my poor Jazz out on the Sta. Rosa SLEX entry on the way back home. (Luckily, the damage was mostly cosmetic and concerned nothing vital.)

In the inclement conditions, however, the four of us had a grand time discussing the greatness of Queen, the merits of blues music, and Beng's advice for courting women. None of us fell asleep on the entire trip, even though we made it back 30 minutes after everyone else did.

Many thanks guys. If you decide to tag along on our summer outing I'd be honored to have all of you as my passengers once again.

Keeping a leash on my inner boyracer

7:15pm. I had just passed the Kalayaan Avenue intersection on C5 southbound. Eager to avoid the slower traffic, I moved to the rightmost lanes to try to pass the slower traffic. Suddenly there was this bright yellow glare shooting into my rear-view mirror. The car which was the origin of this glare was still a few car-lengths away from my Jazz, but was closing in.

I shifted left, passing more cars, trying to keep a speedy pace of 90-100 km/h as I rounded the long left-hand bend that marked Petron C5 southbound. A lot of slower traffic was around, but there were enough gaps to overtake with. The insulting yellow glare burned brighter now; I would have been blinded if the light were scattershot HID from a no-projector headlamp assembly. The car was closing on my Jazz's tail until it was just three feet away---at 100 km/h.

Moving to the middle as I approached the bridge area, I made use of the large gaps between slower cars to keep my speed up. I braked first, signalled my maneuvers in advance, stepped down a gear and went past. The yellow light stuck to my tail, following me at a dangerously close distance because I had chosen the only free path through the slower traffic. It was seemingly intent on either racing me or crashing into my rear.

My right foot was almost instinctively burying itself deeper into the throttle as my speedometer read 115 km/h and climbing. I wanted to get away from this tailgating idiot.

Past the pedestrian footbridge, before the Heritage Park off-ramp, C5 finally became decongested of slower cars for a margin worth a good five car-lengths. The only other vehicle in front of me was a six-wheeler truck on the leftmost lane. Driving in the middle of the road with a car inches off my rear, I decided to put this to an end.

Aiming my steering wheel to the left, I fell in behind the light truck and gently pressed the brakes. The yellow light flashed past on my right. It came from a white ES-series Civic, with what looked like 17" black five-spoke wheels, full black tinting and a tinted plate holder. It revved its engine spitefully as it passed. As soon as it was clear, I moved back to the middle.

I watched this Civic deal with the slower traffic that awaited us as we made the final 500 meters to the SLEX on-ramp. Letting him pass was a blow to my pride, but when I watched the ES swerve maliciously around the slower cars I was almost happy to let him pass.

The mid-evening traffic awaited all of us as we merged into SLEX. I noticed the white ES forced its way into the middle of the road. Sticking to the rightmost lane anticipating an exit to Bicutan, I realized I had a chance to catch this tailgating boyracer in the act. Knowing it was unsafe, I whipped out my phone anyway and attempted to take photos of the ES' rear end twice. My phone's camera was simply too slow to process the image despite shooting in walking-pace traffic. I decided to key in the ES Civic's plate number instead.

The ES' rear plate read "XJJ 548" through the tinted plate holder.

If you encounter this moron on the road, steer clear. My blood is still boiling with frustration because the proud part of me thinks I lost our duel. But when I think about where exactly we were duking it out, on the open road, shared with many other motorists...maybe I was correct in letting the jerk pass.

Caveat emptor.

Zero-G love fills my head

Most people know me as a huge Gundam fan. However, even before I saw one frame of animation from the seminal Japanese mecha series, I had already seen and been astounded by the second most famous: The Super Dimension Fortress Macross of 1982.

At the time I saw it in 1995, I was still about twelve years old, and I had seen it as part of the heavily edited "trilogy" anime Robotech. Robotech, as you may know, is a patchwork made up of three totally unrelated anime (including Super Dimension Cavalry Southern Cross and Genesis Climber MOSPEADA), adapted and rewritten to become one continuous story. As good as Robotech was, I wanted to see how director Shoji Kawamori originally intended Macross to be.

Given my exposure to Robotech, it certainly was hard to recognize at first. I noticed it shared a lot with the original Mobile Suit Gundam series of 1979: a distinct late-1970s musical vibe, some dodgy animation compared to today's standards, and an enduring appeal. Music greatly defined Macross, and while Robotech pared down on Lynn Minmay's translated songs and introduced American 1980s battle themes, the original series has a lot of blaring battle horns and gives us the full gamut of Lynn Minmay's songs in all their aural glory, as sung by Mari Iijima. Her sheer volume of songs in this series alone could easily fill a short CD, or comprise 2/3 of a long one.

Macross' trademarks are its transforming VF-1 Valkyrie fighter planes, and they're still as amazing to watch as ever. But the real reason why Macross is so desirable is its love story---it takes as much importance as the space war drama.

The complex interplay between Valkyrie pilot/protagonist Hikaru Ichijo, pop singer Lynn Minmay and superior officer Misa Hayase really influenced me as an adolescent. Between them, all kinds of awkward situations conspire to keep lovers apart, or prevent them from being honest about their feelings, and we see the poignant consequences. In the instant death of the battlefield, we are taught to seize the day as it comes and live it as fully as we can. If Mobile Suit Gundam had mortality as its major humane element, Macross has 1980s-style romance...and really, really good music. So good, in fact, that it becomes a shock-and-awe weapon against the gigantic Zentraedi aliens. I kid you not.

I cannot recommend this classic TV series enough. It was a big part of me while growing up, and it still is today.

HCP: Do I know you?

Lately I'm beginning to regret ever having returned to Honda Club of the Philippines.

Or should I refer to them as the Honda CULT of the Philippines?

Well whatever. When a club is made out of people who are so easily indoctrinated into thinking whatever Honda makes is automatically the best ever, that's kind of scary. While I like Honda as a brand, I'll be the first to admit not everything associated with them is automatically great. I get the feeling that if I speak out against Honda or its cars in any way I'll get hostile responses from the "cult."

In the span of time I was gone, the people in HCP have really changed. It's as if I barely know any of them. I'm currently reviewing if there's any advantage at all in staying active---the only thing that comes to mind are the wonderfully accommodating Audio people.

Sacrifice this.

I'm sick of observing the usual Holy Week rituals.

I'm sick of singing for my parish choir.

I'm sick of seeing people I would rather not see.

I'm sick of performing a thankless job.

I'll leave you to whatever makes you happy. Me, I want no part of it any longer.

What on earth happened to Maroon5?!

I remember buying Maroon5's first album "Songs About Jane" when practically no one else knew who they were. Though I distinctly remember calling it a poignant breakup album with only a few truly happy numbers, I listened to the cassette tape in my car day in and day out. The band's very distinctive, smart-but-listenable vibe and profoundly written lyrics caught my ear hook, line and sinker.

Almost five years since I first heard of them on the radio, I was beginning to wonder just what happened to them and where they went. Just when the waiting got a little unbearable, they released their new album called "It Won't Be Soon Before Long."

When I heard the first three singles...I could not believe my ears.

What happened to Maroon5? Gone were their rich melodies and lovingly crafted lyrics, replaced with a vapid mess that's as good as elevator music compared to their first album. Their new "artistic direction" basically dumbed down their music to the point where it went into my ears, barely recognizable and almost incomprehensible in its pop-oriented dullness.

Sorry guys. You just lost a big fan of your music.

Shopping for shoes of a different kind

I'm thinking too much again.

Disconnecting my brains, my overactive superego, is harder than I thought.

I wonder: just how did I manage to do that only a few weeks ago?
===

After letting go of the coilovers with me still undecided on what to prioritize on my Jazz, wear and tear basically picked what my next modification will be: wheels and tires.

Due to the Jazz's suspension design, it's getting tricky trying to pick out a wheel and tire package that won't introduce any problems, such as the dreaded rubbing at the rear fender liner once laden. The limitations of wheel offset mean that my choices in rims are actually rather limited.

Anyway, I've made my choice. The only problem is the money. The wheel-and-tire upgrade is a much more important and realistic modification, though, as I'm now pinching pennies from my salary to finance the purchase by the end of May. I hope.

When a flamboyant performer goes shy...

When love breaks up
When the dawn light wakes up
A new life is born
Somehow I have to make this final breakthrough...
Now!

I wake up, feel just fine
Your face, fills my mind
I get religion quick
'Cause you're looking divine
Honey you're touching something, you're touching me
I'm under your thumb, under your spell, can't you see?

If I could only reach you
If I could make you smile
If I could only reach you
That would really be a breakthrough...oh yeah

Break through these barriers of pain
Break through, to the sunshine from the rain
Make my feelings known towards you
Turn my heart inside and out for you now
Somehow I have to make this final breakthrough...
Now!

Your smile, speaks books to me
I break up, with each and every one of your looks at me
Honey you're starting something deep inside of me
Hone you're sparking something, this fire in me
I'm outta control, I wanna rush headlong into this ecstasy!

If I could only reach you
If I could make you smile
If I could only reach you
That would really be a breakthrough
If I could only reach you
If I could make you smile
If I could only reach you
That would really be a breakthrough...

- Queen, "Breakthru"

You've been gone a while

For some reason my blog hasn't been displaying on my computer for a while. I figured I should hold off on updates until I can actually see the thing again.

Summer is now upon us and it's taking its toll on me and my general health. The heat just saps away whatever energy I have left after hitting the gym at noontime. It's funny that now matter how hard I target my abs, doing crunches on the exercise ball, my gut just seems to grow and grow. Talk about a slowing metabolism.

The last week I've had horrid driving. Locked up my brakes, chirped my worn tires and guzzled a lot of gas. 10.8 km/L might not seem like guzzling to you, but in a Jazz that's ludicrous. The even more ridiculous thing is, just when I tried to take it easy tonight, I get this steel-blue B13 Sentra almost sideswiping me twice along SLEX. What's a guy to do?

Listen to Queen, I guess. I've been on a glam-rock trip the whole weekend and my spirits are kept raised high, despite the inevitable pull of gloom I get in the office and at SVMM. There are people I just do not want to get along with, despite seeing them on a daily or weekly basis...and a heady dose of Queen through in-ear headphones are just what the doctor ordered.

Envy? Jealousy? I wonder which one I've got

In today's First Friday Mass the priest had a very interesting homily. He brought up the seven capital sins, and of all of them, it was the lethal combination of pride and envy that drove the Pharisees to plot against Jesus Christ and kill him.

Pride we basically all know about, he mused, but there is some misunderstanding about what envy really is. Often we confuse it for jealousy, when in fact they are two very different things. "For all we know, jealousy can be a good thing," the priest said. "Jealousy can save marriages. If a man has a wife whom he sees meeting with other men, jealousy is the natural reaction. She should belong to him by virtue of their marriage, not to someone else."

The crucial difference between envy and jealousy is where it is directed. Jealousy is directed to the self, as in "what do they see in him/her that's not in me?" while envy is essentially a fancy way of saying "why is God unfair?"

In sum, the priest said, if pride's opposite is humility, envy's antithesis is contentment. If envy is wanting what you do not have, contentment is wanting what you already have.
===

Why am I talking about some pastor's homily? It's because it hit pretty close to home today.

Despite my previous agreement to buy Gustav's TEIN coilovers, I got signals that perhaps they were not for me. Not right now, at least. Gustav himself sent me an SMS and said he found my post on HCP about softening the Jazz's ride a little. He said his coilovers might not be what I was looking for, as they get very stiff when lowered past two inches. Besides, blowing a significant chunk of my savings for what is essentially "a little better than stock" ride quality (according to Gustav) probably isn't the smartest thing to do. I have to say he was right; I have yet to try out my JACU friends' TEIN-equipped rides to see for myself how much better they ride.

The itch to dress up my little Honda hamster is still there, but I have to be realistic about my capabilities. I'll also have to bite the bullet and save half my monthly salary for a while if I want anything done to the car.
===

It also hit home because after all these years I have to learn my lesson once and for all. My jealousy is unfounded because Denise does not belong to me, not in any capacity.

For a while now I've been mulling over the wisdom of dating her once a month. I fear if this keeps up, I will just end up wanting more than what she can give. Also I've gotten pretty sick of feeling jealous whenever I see her with some other guy. She's just that way, and I have to be willing to accept that.

She is my girl best friend, but perhaps it is about time I found someone else to take that mantle.

Mechanical temptation has beckoned yet again...

...and this time I've given in.

Last November I wrote about how tempting it was to buy parts for my Jazz. At the Jazz-City United EBs I'm the only guy who has an almost-completely stock ride. Not to say that the Jazz is a terrible car in stock form---I love it to bits---but there are a few areas where it could get better. It's no secret that my dad and sister find the Jazz's ride harsh, for instance.

So began my yearning for suspension modifications. According to fellow JACU members, even fitment of lowering springs already soothes the restless stock ride. I did my reading and learned that just fitting lowering springs on stock dampers will just not do, unless I want the stock dampers to go kaboom in a few months' time. Coilovers---a matched set of springs and dampers---are the best and most hassle-free way to go, but are very pricey.

Fast forward to tonight. I found Gustav, a moderator/acquaintance from HCP, selling his slightly used TEIN Basic Wagon coilover set for 2/3 the brand-new price. He and his wife were arguing about the ride height---he wanted to ride low, she wanted to ride high. He decided to refit his stock suspension as a compromise.

Long story short: I made him a deal and I'm on my way to owning them.

I'm about to blow a very large amount of money, so I'm a little nervous about the worth of this modification. My consolation comes in TEIN's solid reputation over the years.

I should take photos of my car's present ride height...and I can't wait until Monday.

What I learned from badminton...

I am very, very tired. The thing is, it's nothing work-related.

I've made a habit of hitting the gym at lunch time on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to address my growing gut and my relative lack of fitness and verve around the Taraflex. Lately though, I've picked up one more opportunity to play badminton on Tuesday nights at Magallanes Village's Magdalena Park with Bong, an acquaintance from HCP and Jazz-City United.

The trouble with my first time playing there though was the lack of grip. Even my fresh gum-soled Mizuno Wave Smash RGs had trouble on the dusty wood parquet floor. That meant a lot of premature wear on the left foot's inner portion on what are essentially four-day-old shoes, as I tried lunging around on the slippery court. My soles and left ankle got so sore as a result.

That did not stop me from working on my leg power at the next day's gym session, though. And when the day was done, I played a lot of rounds on Sheridan Badminton Center's Taraflex courts, which my legs and feet missed very badly. Even after just two weeks at the gym, I could notice my old zest returning as I moved around better on court.

I learned a little life lesson while playing last Wednesday. I found I had success at net play, drop shots and pushes. This was different from my usual big-hitting "clearing, driving and smashing" play style. Perhaps we could apply this in real life.

"Ang badminton, parang buhay. Hindi lahat nadadaan sa gigil at pwersa."

Back to shoes shopping

You may remember that 2007 was a particularly bad year for buying shoes and sneakers, at least in my book. Well, I've tried to rectify that with my first pair of sneakers in 2008: the Mizuno Wave Smash RG.

I bought this yesterday at Mizuno's showroom in Magallanes. They had a clearance sale and I was surprised to see their 2007 premier mid-cut badminton shoe selling for about 3/4 the initial price back then. While my dad was rummaging through their stocks of golf bags, I couldn't find my size in all their cheaper variants so I decided to pick this one up.

The Wave Smash RG actually isn't in my size; I got one that's the next size bigger. It's still superbly comfortable to wear, even on my strangely sized left foot.

I can't wait to bring this to the Taraflex and see how it does.

Testing, testing

The BBC Science and Nature website has a number of pretty good quizzes on personality and other mental/emotional matters. I took two of them.

Your answers suggest you are a Realist

• Loyal and steady workers who meet deadlines
• Believe in established rules and respect facts
• Think of themselves as mature, stable and conscientious
• May appear too logical or tough-minded and forget their impact on other people

More about Realists

Realists are loyal to the people around them and work hard to keep their promises. They are honest and straightforward with others and expect the same in return. Realists believe in standard procedures and will only support change when there is a demonstrable benefit.

Realists respect factual information, which they store up to use when making decisions. This group likes to have time to think quietly and carefully before taking action.

These extremely productive people like to be occupied in their leisure time with pursuits such as craftwork, hiking or reading.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Realists may become obsessed with schedules, critical of others or have trouble trusting other people to get the job done properly. Under extreme stress, Realists may complain loudly that events have taken a turn for the worse and predict negative outcomes.

Realists typically only share their opinions or personal experiences with trusted friends.

Realist Careers

Realists are attracted to jobs where decision making based on factual knowledge and experience is required.

Adultery

Results

Your scored 8 out of a possible 20.

You rate as: Medium risk promiscuity - 7 to 14 points

This group have promiscuous tendencies though they have control over these impulses. They might be more self-absorbed than average, can tend to ignore the feelings of others and will have limited social and personal conscientiousness. However they value and rely on their partner and are aware of the risk of giving up all they have in their relationship by succumbing to their desires.

You do not rate as: Low risk promiscuity - 0 to 6 points

Responsible, dependable, caring and happy with their own lot. They will not look outside of the relationship for their thrills and do not rely on novelty to give themselves the high of being in love. They have greater satisfaction, a greater degree of investment in the relationship and a lack of perceived alternatives - they look only to their partner for all the benefits of a loving relationship.

You do not rate as: High risk promiscuity - 15 to 20 points

People in this bracket will have a tendency towards excitement, novelty and risk-taking, seeking these out through high-octane activities (from skydiving to working on the trading floor) as well as meeting new people. They will seek arousal and pleasure as a result of brain chemistry: dopamine (the pleasure chemical) is released when faced by a novel or challenging situation. They might be impulsive, responding easily to external stimuli and tend to view others as play things, generally not taking life very seriously. They might also have high testosterone levels which would account for an elevated sexual drive - testosterone also makes people more determined which can explain why so many politicians and people in power have affairs.

Wanderlust strikes again

My January trip to Leyte got short-circuited at the last minute, but that hasn't stopped me from trying to organize another trip out of Manila. This time though, the travel will take much, much longer...but I won't be leaving the island of Luzon at all.

Ria and I are thinking about going to faraway Vigan in the summer, possibly in late April or in May, on a very long road trip with my Jazz. While I have no doubt that my little hamster is up to the task, I wonder if I'm in the same condition.

Another concern is passengers. Ria will not be allowed to go if it's just the two of us; we'll need at least one more girl who's willing to go. I've invited Denise, but I haven't had any reply from her yet.

Oh well. We've got two months to think about this before the idea officially goes kaput.

Short but sweet

I spent the better part of this holiday afternoon chatting away with Cher.

I miss all those days when we'd just blabber away on YM.

Let's do this again.

Bui buibuibui buuuuuuuuuui!

Mellow drama

It's been so long since I've known right from wrong
Got no job, sometimes I just sit down and sulk
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh, will you dance with me tonight?

When the sun departs I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes, come down here and listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh, will you dance with me tonight?

I'm looking at you, you're looking at me
We're the only two off the dance floor, do you see what I see?
Two broken lives, working in harmony
Might make for a decent time, so get up and dance with me

I know that its seems like the grass will grow
Better on the other side of the barbed-wire fence, but
That other side is not in sight
So I'm fine with what I have now if you'll dance with me tonight

What's the point of life if risk is just a board game?
You roll the dice but you keep hoping that the rules change
What's the point if you can't bring yourself to say
Things you want to say like "dance with me tonight..."

- Hugh Grant, "Dance With Me Tonight"

Novocaine

Last night I gave Denise a belated Valentine's present: a pair of earrings.


She offered to invite me inside for dinner and dessert, but I turned her offer down as I wasn't hungry. We stayed outside her house, cracking jokes like old times, poking fun at each other about how we were both gaining weight, and playing with her adorably sociable pug Bailey. When I told her I came from this year's auditions for the Accenture Chorale, Denise asked me to sing...and I sang her the tenor part of "The Lord Bless You and Keep You."

After all these years and failed attempts, I guess I haven't really gotten over her. She was the one...or someone pretty close to being the one. Yet I already know she will never look at me as anything more than a good friend. Still, I wonder if there's any truth to what Auntie Carole said when she saw that photo of Denise and I on the phone I lent her during her stay. When she heard my story, Auntie Carole told me not to give up hope and that things may change in the future.

There's something different this time, however. The JM of three months ago would have moped and sulked and wallowed in self-pity about the hopelessness of the situation to no end. I still feel all those emotions now, but I'm strangely detached to them, as if I had taken a shot of novocaine. I feel the distant warm fuzzy happiness of being in love, but a very muted sense of the disappointment as well---so mild, it doesn't even bother me.

I can almost say I don't mind the null possibility of Denise and I ending up together. As long as she is happy and I can remain in her life, I feel I can be content.

Perhaps I've learned to tune out most of the emotional bullshit I used to feed myself so often in the past. Perhaps I've actually grown up a little after all the drama and misery of 2007. So is this what they mean by becoming "emotionally mature?"

Being the animal of emotion I am, this is strange. But I think I can grow to like it.

The springtime of my contentment

For the first time in a while, I actually feel good about myself.

I am less encumbered by my numerous hang-ups, and it seems I've found my groove and niche. I have issues with a few of my coworkers whom I'd really rather not talk to, but for the most part I've learned to ignore them. I'm actually comfortable making jokes, and I've shunned my performance anxiety. I don't even have my self-pity or self-loathing any more. I'm just too happy to care.

My only quibble is all of this goodness and self-satisfaction came at a time when I gained a lot of weight. Grrrh. That's what a week full of celebrations gets you. I can't believe I've actually gotten sick of eating and feeling dumb and stupid and unbelievably lazy after overfilling my gut with chow one too many times.

Because I'm a lovestruck fool like the rest of you...

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love...
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday, I'm in love...

Saturday, wait!
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate

I don't care if Monday's black
Tuesday, Wednesday, heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love...

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday, stay in bed
Thursday, watch the walls instead
It's Friday, I'm in love...

Saturday, wait!
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate

Dressed up to the eyes, it's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown and just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek spinning round and round
Always take a big bite, it's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough, enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love!

- The Cure, "Friday I'm In Love"

A somber Valentine's Day

It is with sorrow that I report the passing of my colleague, Ray Poso.

He was part of the ESDS PAT test team, and while I never really knew him well, he was a big jolly guy. He succumbed last night to multiple organ failure, including kidney damage, and did not even make it to Valentine's Day. He left behind a wife, a kid, and the family of his brother whom he was also supporting.

The sad thing about this is he's my equal in rank, yet he was the sole breadwinner for so many people. I can only wonder how he makes do with his financial situation. Well, that's moot and academic now, really.

Rest in peace, Ray. I will pray for your soul.

So what vintage am I?

And just like that, I'm officially twenty-five years old. A quarter of a century. Wow. The slightly disconcerting thing is it doesn't seem to have been that long. Talk about time flying when you're having fun...

Kathy buzzed me on YM lately and gave me a mock interview about being 25. She was asking me about the greatest thing I've ever done, my happiest moment, where I'd want to spend 25 years of my life in...those sorts of things. Along the course of the "interview" I found myself asking, have I really done what I could in the last 25 years? I remember having all these lofty goals when I was a kid by the time I was 18...and I'm pretty sure I haven't reached a lot of those seven years later.

Still, life goes on and waits for no one. I'm not celebrating my birthday looking like garbage though. The flab on my belly I can't do much about immediately, but I can at least have a haircut and an acne-surgery session, both of which I'm overdue for.

Since my birthday is also my parents' wedding anniversary, I treated the family out to dinner at CPK Glorietta. Had I not wrestled the bill away from my mom's hand I'm sure she would have sneakily tried to pay. Hey, it's my treat. Besides, this was to make up for not treating them yet since my promotion last September.

I'm grateful for the people who remembered my birthday. There wasn't a lot of you, but you were the ones that mattered and you didn't let me down---especially you, Denise, despite greeting me one day early. It's the thought that counts, though...especially the SMS you gave me at midnight. Now cut down on the drinks, dear. Heeheehee.

A special thank-you to Celine, too, for dropping an early birthday present on my desk. Totally unexpected, and quite funny I might add.

That's some parting gift, congressmen

It truly is unfortunate when the last thing your vacationing aunt sees and hears on TV and AM radio the day before she leaves for home is the loud bickering of a complaining House Speaker. Last night's episode just exposes the Philippine Congress as the pathetic excuse of a legislative body it is, complete with the infamous utang na loob and admittance of political favors straight out of the horses' mouths.

Philippine politics at its best? If this is the best we can muster, I truly feel sorry for our country.

Meeting the ladies of the Girl Racers Club

I was at the Fort Strip again this afternoon for Jazz-City United's monthly EB. This month's meet was a little more special: it was a joint meet with the now-famous Girl Racers Club.

Francis, one of our moderators, had the presence of mind to note two records held by this event. This was by far the meet with the most attendees at the earliest time, and 95% of them had no one else with them. I guess that's what a little "incentive" can do for EB attendance...

Anyway, I've always been a little hesitant about reaching out to the GRC ladies online. Let's just say I have my reasons. I'm happy to report though that the handful of members that did show up (today was a Sunday after all) were quite all right. They even found us "disappointing" because we were too shy.

After the EB proper, Jobs, Steve, Andrei and I hied off to Pier One for an early dinner with the rest of the GRC ladies. I got to meet Cherish, Chalie and Jackie.

All in all, a nice day.

I should cut down on these trips a little though...the expense is eating into my bank account. Heheheh.

Friday night barhopping

The past couple of Fridays, I've been going out drinking with work friends Mao, Anne, Candice, Tri, Beng, Adrian, PJ and Robert. I guess that's nothing special to most of you guys, but these are my first drinking sessions where I've had to actively monitor my state of inebriation. We all know we shouldn't be driving when we're tipsy or drunk.

So far, so good. I admit to a low tolerance for alcohol compared to many people my age, but I've managed to piss most of it out without the remainder affecting my driving. I had my first mojito last night and it was actually pretty good, although a little heavy on the head due to the gin content.

Worrying aside though, hanging out with these guys was fun. It was nice seeing Tri again after her resignation last year, and she had most of the stories last night. Last week we were arguably more animated, vocally laughing our guts out when Adrian and Beng cracked jokes.

This is an expensive habit, but it's great if done once in a while I guess.

Hontou no Nihon-ryori ramen da!

The week I was off work, Paolo Campos and his dad took me along to Makati Cinema Square with their shopping and errands. Our afternoon stopover was a rather run-down place called "Shinjuku." What the place lacked in glamour, it more than made up for with its authentic Japanese ramen---just about the most authentic Japanese I've eaten, even besting Jipan in Glorietta 4. Both establishments are owned and managed by real Japanese guys, not some gaijin who corrupts the process, taste and ingredients to suit local palates.

Just take a look at that countertop---exactly how you'd imagine a real-life ramen stand is in Japan. I'm planning to take Denise there for our next dinner date.

Liham para kay Cher

Hi. Salamat at nagawa mong sabihin sa akin ang saloobin mo.

Hindi ako magkukunwaring hindi ako nagalit sa iyo. Pero tandang-tanda ko ang una kong naramdaman nung nag-text ka sa akin nung ika-4 ng Enero ang matinding pagkalungkot. Ang dating sa akin ng ginawa mo, parang tinulak mo lang ako palayo kung kailan ginawa ko na ang lahat para lang puntahan ka sa iyong kaarawan. Kaya ako unti-unting nagalit. Masakit ang ginawa mo kasi kaibigan kita, matagal na. Naisip ko natural lang na magkita na rin tayo. Sana man lang sinabi mo nang maaga na hwag na lang ako tumuloy.

Sinabi mo na, tao lamang ako, nagkakamali rin, pikunin at nadadala ng emosyon. Di ako santo o mabuting tao, alam mo na iyon. Madalas akong mabulol kahit sa pag-Inggles. Kaya walang dahilan para ilagay mo ako sa pedestal. Ewan ko kung pwede mo pang bawiin ang ginawa mong pag-angat sa akin sa pedestal, nasa iyo na iyon.

Ikaw lang naman ang pupuntahan ko eh. Eh ano ngayon kung mabagot ako sa Isabel tulad ng sinasabi mo? Problema ko na iyon. Ang mahalaga lang sa akin, magkita tayo at magkasamang magdiwang ng iyong kaarawan. Wala na akong iba pang hangarin.

Kaya inis na inis ako nung sinabi mong pupunta kang Cebu. Di na ako tumuloy sa Isabel kasi wala na akong pupuntahan doon kung wala ka, at mas lalo akong walang alam tungkol sa Cebu kundi ang opisina namin doon. Sa Isabel kahit papaano may address na akong pupuntahan.

Alam mo...hindi ka bobo, hindi ka tanga, hindi ka kahiya-hiya kung ihahambing ka sa akin. Sana ipasok mo na sa kukorte mo iyan. May mga magagawa ka na hanggang sa panaginip ko lang magagaya. Eh ano ngayon kung hindi ka umabot sa inaasahan ng ibang tao sa iyo? Tao ka lang, hindi diyosa. Kung ginawa mo ang lahat para mapasaya ang ibang tao, mamamatay ka nang maaga at nang malungkot. Ang nag-iisang taong kailangan mong pasayahin ay ang iyong sarili. Alam ko iyan kasi naranasan ko na rin iyan at araw-araw kong kalaban ang dwende sa utak kong nagsasabing palagi akong sawi at talunan.

Wala akong inasahan sa iyo. Ang ginusto ko lang makilala ka bilang ikaw. Sana ganoon din ang naging tingin mo sa akin---paano na lang kaya kung hindi ako yung taong naisip mong sobrang galing at kahanga-hanga?

Alam mo pareho tayo ng problema. Masyado tayong nag-iisip, kaya bago pa natin gawin ang gusto nating gawin, natalo na tayo. Masyadong maikli ang buhay para umiral ang takot at hiya. Kaya mo naman iyang itabi eh. Hindi ka natakot nung nag-iwan ka ng comment sa blog ko apat na taon na ang nakalilipas di ba? Walang pinagkaiba ito sa pakikipag-chat natin o sa binalak kong pagkikita natin sa Leyte.

Aaminin ko, habang sinusulat ko ang email na ito nawawala na ang galit ko sa iyo. Hihintayin na lang kitang gumawa ng unang hakbang para mawala ang takot mo sa akin. Ito na siguro ang hinihintay mong "pag-iintindi" na gusto mo mula sa akin. Makikita mo rin balang araw na kailangan mong kalasin ang pedestal na ginawa mo para sa akin. At makikita mo rin, sana, balang araw, na magagawa mo ang lahat ng kaya mong gawin...basta naisip mong kaya mo.

Mag-iingat ka.

JM, isang hamak na tao.





PS. Buksan mo na ang regalo. Sige na. Kung hindi mo yan bubuksan, eh di sino pa? Di mo rin pwede ibigay iyan sa iba dahil may nakasulat na sa loob na para sa iyo lamang.

A flat tire and a folded-up note

As usual, I pulled up to a parking slot at 7:00 am this morning at the lower ground floor of my building. As I maneuvered the rear of the Jazz into place and disembarked, I noticed the blue ES Civic in the slot to my left had its right rear tire gone flat.

Tearing a page off the notebook that serves as my fuel consumption journal, I scribbled a note to let the owner know of the puncture, and left the byline "A Concerned Motorist." I pinned it under one of the Civic's wipers before walking to the elevator lobby.

I pretty much forgot about the note for the rest of the day, until I walked back to my car twelve hours later. The blue ES had gone, but the folded-up note was now pinned under my Jazz's wiper...with a reply in cursive writing.



Thank you for letting me know - got a taxi driver to change tires for me - :)
A. Cortez, Accenture 8F

Seven things that make me unique

Joy tagged me in the hope of grilling me for seven strange things about myself. This is just about the first time I've attempted any memes like this...and I didn't know they had rules!

Speaking of rules, here they are...
1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.

2. Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.

3. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

4. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


Here goes nothing...

1. My left foot is almost a half-size larger than my right.

2. There are a lot of Pinoy foods I simply won't eat. Balut, dinuguan, isaw, sinigang sa bayabas...considering our "exotic" cuisine I'm probably not suited to join "Fear Factor."

3. I've contributed some works for a few local newspapers since I was in seventh grade, but I've never been compensated for any of them.

4. My first and only drag on a cigarette happened when I was three years old. Even without my scarred lungs, I would have sworn them off.

5. For the longest time I've been afraid of using credit cards. It's only recently that I learned to trust in my own financial discipline.

6. Compared to most people I need a lot of sleep, but I seem to be predisposed to abhor it.

7. I really, really hate the cold.

Now I call upon the following to bare their idiosyncrasies: Ria, Cara, Kathy, Beia, Richie, Ryan and Chrissa.

Down the hatch!

My mom and I fetched a vacationing Auntie Carole from the airport at midnight, and so we took my dad's Trooper to fit all her heavy, bulky luggage. Being the SUV-hater that I usually am, I wondered if we really had to contend with the Trooper's clumsiness and size just to get the job done. Even loading the heavy, bulky suitcases was a chore because of the Trooper's high load lip, and it wasn't even that roomy.

Taking advantage of a half-day off work, the moment I got home I hauled out Auntie Carole's bags and did a little test on my Jazz. How well will the little Honda swallow the bags without folding any of the back seats?

See the results for yourself.

Books I want to buy...

If you're familiar with the James Bond movie franchise, you'll know there's a running joke about Moneypenny's huge, huge crush on the famous 00-agent...and its awkward consequences. That's precisely why this tome got my attention. Imagine Moneypenny kicking ass normally reserved for her beloved James, with a woman's touch as she goes about it.

The premise has me sold already.


This is more of my traditional Asian-literature fare. Most Pinoys already know Takeshi Kitano as the guy behind the wacky 1980s Japanese game show "Takeshi's Castle," which is a cult hit here. But not many of the said Pinoys know that he's also an acclaimed director and actor under the alias "Beat Takeshi."

And now he's dabbled in writing. This is the first book I know that bears Kitano's byline. I wonder if it's as good as that last film of his I watched, "Zatoichi"?

By the way, I bumped into Cara at PowerBooks Alabang while browsing these. She looked pretty good. It was nice seeing her again.

Birth of an audiophile, part deux: Return to HCP!

Over the final days of December 2007, I decided to revisit the Honda Club of the Philippines forums after an absence of more than 18 months---purely on a whim. I had planned to just drop in and say hi to the few friends I made there in my years of being an active member.

Little did I know that I would end up staying again. I was surprised how warmly I was welcomed back into the fold, even by some people whom I didn't know very well. With the sheer number of newbies since I left, though, I felt like a newbie myself---having to start off from a clean-slate reputation.

Fast forward almost a month later and I end up going to the HCP Audio Get-Together (GT) for January at Automoville along Ortigas Ave.

Now a confession: In my previous three years in HCP I paid almost no attention to audio. I had my sights squarely on engine performance (but spent not one penny on it). Nowadays, however, I realize there's not much point in spending to raise your car's power output because of how clogged our streets are and how expensive fuel is. It would make much more sense to enjoy your stay in the gridlocked streets, so off I turned my attention to sonics.

I know next to nothing about car audio, though. This is why I found myself in Ortigas last night. I wanted to hear different brands of speakers and amps, and perhaps learn a thing or two about what I should look for in a high-quality setup.

I auditioned five cars, with varying amounts of expense and component brands. Two cars had Focal setups from different price levels, while Hertz, DLS and Polk Audio had one representative each. All of them blew me away, to be honest, but to my ears the Hertz units offered maximum bang for my meager buck, so that's what I'll likely save up for. Thanks to fellow KotseAudioClub members Pooch and Elco, I also learned a lot about sound staging, imaging and installation. Perhaps it was the optimized aiming of the component speakers, but I could now hear cymbals crashing on the left, vocals in the center and the keyboards over to the right---nuances I could never notice in the Jazz's stock speakers.

With all the fine automobiles and sound setups on hand there, it was a huge shame I didn't get to listen to more of them as I left close to midnight. That said, I can't wait for next month's audio GT.

And truth be told, it does feel good to be back.

Thank God for this particular Friday

I awaited with bated breath the result of the test.

I am glad to say I am still as unblemished as I was when I was born.

I realize just how stupid I was last year when I took my chances just to feel good. This is one of those things that sadly cannot be considered safe per se. You can only be safer.

Had it not been for you, I would never have given myself a damn. In times like these, I am so grateful that you are my girl best friend.

Thank you, Den.

What does your name mean?

I thought I'd try this out also after seeing a number of my friends get theirs. I think I should use my full name and my nickname just to be sure.

What JM Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Juan Miguel Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

For some reason I'm not fully convinced, but I think they got me 80% right.

Hitching a ride, a game and a dinner

To cap off my week-long vacation leave, I spent a lot of time with my buddy Paolo Campos. Conveniently, he had arrived from his three-month post-graduation vacation in the US, and he invited me over for a few games of Forza Motorsport 2 on his brand-new Xbox 360.

Forza is just about the most realistic driving game I've ever tried. I had to relearn how to play using the Xbox 360's gamepad and how to drive using the game's physics. Driving there isn't as simple as just holding down buttons mindlessly; you have to feather your throttle and brake inputs and stay smooth throughout the course. Depending on your car's drivetrain and power characteristics, stabbing the throttle too hard too soon can cause your car to fishtail, while being clumsy with the brakes can send you straight to the barriers. It took me quite a while to get used to it, but on my second day I was driving pretty well already, cornering on part-throttle and making smooth entry with the brakes.

It wasn't all gameplay too. Yesterday we went to Greenhills, while today I hitched along with Pao and his dad while laughing along in their Pajero. They even brought me to Shinjuku, an authentic Japanese restaurant in Makati with the best gyoza dumplings in town, and their kakiage tempura udon is pretty damn good.

Not a bad way to cap off a week-long vacation, I reckon.

Date with Denise: January

Continuing our promise of having a date each month, my girl best friend Denise and I went out to CPK Glorietta a while ago for dinner. All we ordered were my mom's favorites, the Tuscan Hummus and their Mango Tandoori Chicken pizza, but we walked away stuffed.

Well okay, technically we missed one month (December) already due to the hullabaloo of the holidays, but that was excusable. I'm still glad she and I see each other to relax and just be ourselves. Den was glad she discovered some new foods and new music too, as she enjoyed listening to Incognito and the Brand New Heavies' brand of acid jazz on my Jazz.

I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

Bliss in a box

My friend Celine gave me something special as a belated Christmas present. She gave me a box of Royce Nama Chocolate Au Lait.

Now I'm a dark chocolate junkie, but this is just about the best milk chocolate I've ever had. The top is powdered chocolate and its scent just sticks to your fingers, while the mildly sweet, soft and chewy body has Cherry Marnier liqueur mixed in.

If you know anything about kanji or Chinese characters, you'll notice the one used to match the word "nama" means "star." The star of chocolate? As far as the milk variety goes, I have to agree.

I've been bummed out by a series of saddening and infuriating events, so the Royce box was well appreciated. Thanks, Cel!

After a long drought, a quiz

It's been a while since I last posted anything of this type. I tried this test.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Enough is enough

I've just about had it with women. I'm sick of putting them on a pedestal, listening to them, trying to be extra nice to them...I want them to give me back the time and effort I wasted. If friendships and relationships are investments I'm damn sure I'm overdue on my return.

I'm sick of thinking about women.

Like my Tita Vik says, perhaps then they'd start coming...no pun intended.

Mwahahahaha!

If anyone of them wants me that fucking badly, I'll be working on my car.