about the talking fish

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Writer. Wheelman. Occasional DIY mechanic. Walking collection of hang-ups. Hopeless romantic. Old-school. Analog soul in a digital world. I am all of these things and more.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Am back in school, blogging away in my free time.
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Film Management class was cancelled this morning...yawn. I woke up early for nothing.

At least I was able to ferry my sister to school and study a bit for the statistics quiz we had today. Fairly easy, it was a short one. My prof did tell me I had this habit of being careless.

Why bother? I never liked math anyway.
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It's only recently that I learned PY was on a leave of absence. She used to be a colleague back in my stint at The LaSallian. Apparently her fragile heart needs the vacation---I hear she has some sort of congenital heart defect concerning her mitral valve or something.

I'm going to be brutally honest---I once found her beautiful, I once felt like taking care of her and her weak heart, but after a while I just resisted her. I simply can't stand the kind of people who approach you for something they need and nothing else.

I would like to think I'm more than just a bottomless fountain of tangible things to share with other people. I like to think I'm human.

In short...I think PY's absence this term did me some good.

I sound mean...but sometimes I just have to be.
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After the stat quiz, my classmate Kim and I just waited for her friend on the third floor benches.

She's one of those people whom I can consider one of my "prodigal little sisters." Ever since this term started, we kept badgering and kidding each other come Stat period. This time she kept kidding me about my getting her a gift on MY birthday three months away. Heheheheh.

Now that's what I call a real friend: someone who ain't after what's in my smarts or what's in my bag.

Might not see her again next term though. Thanks for the time, Kim.
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Might not be able to blog next week, either. It's going to be a pretty busy one. I'll have a lot more on my hands.

Why do requirements and responsibilities have this nasty habit of concentrating themselves into one week?

That's just one of those existential questions I guess we'll never know the answer to... :P
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Sigh...right now I don't know what my standing is with Denise. I don't know whether to pursue or to just sit back. Like I said, it's hard being in unrequited love when everything else is saying "no go."

I might as well move on.

It's not that I have someone else in mind, nor am I desperate to look for someone new (thanks to KD for that one). It's just that I deserve to be happy too. I can't go sleepless, moping and heartbroken all my life. I would've had a serious relapse of tuberculosis if I did---perhaps that's the worst-case scenario. Mind you, I don't plan on making my parents pay one term's worth of money to get me treated for TB again. I may be reckless but I'm not that dumb anymore.

Nothing bad happened between Denise and I; we're still friends. I just gave up on her being more than that.

Cher was right. Acceptance comes after denial.

It's just that I feel like I was never given the chance to prove myself. That's what hurts.

"What might have been" is just so full of hot air...and I'm gassy enough already.
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At least I learned I lost enough weight to raise my eyebrows. I now weigh 164 lb. That's the lightest I've weighed in 11 months.

I told my mom, "Apparently something's working with what I've been doing."

Maybe being single does make one weigh less.
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And before any thoughts creep into your psyches: NO, I am not bulimic nor anorexic.
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Just updated some of my links to my friends' blogs/LJs/blurties/whatever. My, how things change in the span of 5 months spent not posting.
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I think I have to go to SOCIETY class now. Catch you later.

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