My dad left for golf this morning with another one of his "JM, please read this!" articles. This one was particularly about marketing and how to swoon Juan dela Cruz (i.e. the Filipino everyman), which I thought timely as I had just finished my Marketing intro subject and was moving toward the majors.
This evening at dinner, he gave me a piece of his mind about the article. He told me that marketing was all about common sense, and that people who don't excel in specialist fields like management or accounting usually make it big as marketers. Then he told me that an element of mystery and curiosity must be maintained at all times to keep people interested, and this applied not only to products but also to the opposite sex. In other words he was telling me to be more mysterious, less open and available to others.
As much as I don't like hearing this advice, I think my dad has a point. People usually don't go looking for me because let's face it---I'm as easy to read as a billboard up there on a highway. I'm not in any way mysterious and I always make myself available for others...perhaps even to the point of saturation, where people just get their fill of being with me and get sick of me afterwards.
I guess in this sense, maybe it's my being overly nice that turns people off, and my dad was basically telling me that "nice guys finish last."
You know what? Maybe he's right.
Sigh...
===
Or maybe this was another way of telling me that taking up marketing isn't for me?
===
My car now has a plethora of scratches all over its dented left rear door. Perhaps this is a sign that I should save enough money to get the City's dents repaired and the whole car repainted.
Where am I going to get all the money for that? I'm struggling to keep what I set aside for new tires as it is. How much harder would it be to save up for dent repair and a paint job? I bet I'd need PhP16,000 for all that.
Must...save...
===
If there was one song that best described how I am with women, this might be it.
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you for so many times
But somehow I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved...
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
That doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved...
I know where you hide, alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls...
Yeah...
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful...
--- Maroon5, "She Will Be Loved"
about the talking fish
- JM
- Writer. Wheelman. Occasional DIY mechanic. Walking collection of hang-ups. Hopeless romantic. Old-school. Analog soul in a digital world. I am all of these things and more.
Monday, December 29, 2003
The sickness that afflicts me every time I go on vacation rears its ugly head again.
Yes, I am bored.
After getting sick of playing Gran Turismo 2, watching Initial D's first season for the umpteenth time, and reading my back issues of Autocar Asean equally as many times, I wound up bored.
So bored, in fact, that I woke up this morning thinking about starting the shooting script for our feature-video thesis. So far I've gotten the intro montage done, I guess, which is just one scene.
Better to have something done than nothing at all, methinks.
===
Our house seems to have all these little annoying quirks recently.
Besides the irritating piss-inducing cold of late, we've also been unwitting mosquito fodder. Just this morning I had to walk through a small swarm of them flittering outside our front door. Where are the ever-present lizards when you need them?
There's also this awful canal stench arising from the back. I have no idea why it's there. Let me just say the stench makes the full-on smell of Lysol all the more aromatic.
And have I mentioned the non-stop fart of the chainsaw making chop suey out of this old tree at the church across the street? I have to put up with it every morning these days...
Well, at least we don't get floods...that's always good.
Yes, I am bored.
After getting sick of playing Gran Turismo 2, watching Initial D's first season for the umpteenth time, and reading my back issues of Autocar Asean equally as many times, I wound up bored.
So bored, in fact, that I woke up this morning thinking about starting the shooting script for our feature-video thesis. So far I've gotten the intro montage done, I guess, which is just one scene.
Better to have something done than nothing at all, methinks.
===
Our house seems to have all these little annoying quirks recently.
Besides the irritating piss-inducing cold of late, we've also been unwitting mosquito fodder. Just this morning I had to walk through a small swarm of them flittering outside our front door. Where are the ever-present lizards when you need them?
There's also this awful canal stench arising from the back. I have no idea why it's there. Let me just say the stench makes the full-on smell of Lysol all the more aromatic.
And have I mentioned the non-stop fart of the chainsaw making chop suey out of this old tree at the church across the street? I have to put up with it every morning these days...
Well, at least we don't get floods...that's always good.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Lately I've done nothing but drinking glass upon glass of water, and pissing it right out almost immediately after. Even now I'm still drinking water out of the green tumbler my grandma gave me---for God knows how many times already. At this rate I won't have any problems making the 64-ounce water requirement several times over.
I wonder why I'm doing this...probably best to think of it as detoxification therapy for all the excesses of the holidays.
===
Speaking of holiday excesses, food was a big part of that. (When hasn't it been?) I've gotten my weight back up to the "dreaded" 170 lb. mark, although I got it at a slower rate than I thought.
At least people still think I lost weight...which is no small feat.
Strange, really...when I tell people I lost weight, they tell me I gained it. When I do gain a little weight people think I lost it. There's no winning people over I guess...
===
I am disappointed with a lot of the new anime that's out nowadays. It seems anime has reduced itself into a convenient vehicle for introducing and selling stupid, useless toys to kids.
I suppose this trend started with "Let's and Go Mini 4WD," although I don't consider Mini-4WD car racing as totally useless. Let's face it, this is a good way to teach kids physics. I remember back in my last year of high school that our Physics teachers had an experiment for us that involved tuning Mini-4WD race cars, and it was a pretty good way of teaching us about gear ratios, acceleration, speed and other physics stuff. Besides, it's a good (but hideously expensive) hobby for any would-be armchair mechanics.
This "anime-to-sell-useless-toys" trend began in all honesty with "Beyblade." Seriously. The whole series is about competing with other players using fancy-shmancy high-speed tops. If that were the case kids could've just gotten a cheap, conventional wooden top and gotten on with it, as "beyblades" are (again) expensive. Besides there's no element of skill involved with so-called "beyblading." It's all a function of luck---and perhaps how quickly one can launch one's beyblade. Zero brain power involved, unlike Mini-4WD racing. And have I mentioned how easily these plastic beyblades can break? There goes your PhP1000...compare that expense to getting a wooden top.
And this morning I tuned in to a local TV channel only to watch "Super Yo-yo." Cripes. It's about doing tricks with fancy-shmancy yo-yos. I suppose this is the culprit of all those kids I see in the local malls playing with yo-yos with abandon.
The premise of the contests in the anime is pretty stupid: contestants come into this virtual-reality world, where they navigate and race in courses with virtual hoverboards, a la "Back to the Future." The way these players boost their speed is by performing yo-yo tricks. The faster and the wilder the trick performed, the more speed they get. I don't know about you guys but this sounds inane.
Granted, at least there's some element of physical skill involved in manipulating a yo-yo and doing tricks with it. God knows I never learned how to do any yo-yo tricks. But my point is that there are better things for anime to present to people than these stupid toy fads. It goes against my original brief of anime being something thought-provoking.
Maybe I should just switch off the TV and look for some other series with more "meat" into them...
===
Speaking of "Super Yo-yo," the main protagonist's name is Shunichi.
At least I'm pretty sure now that my alias "Shunichi" is a proper Japanese name, after nigh-on 5 or 6 years. Now if I only knew how to write it in kanji and what the name really means...
I wonder why I'm doing this...probably best to think of it as detoxification therapy for all the excesses of the holidays.
===
Speaking of holiday excesses, food was a big part of that. (When hasn't it been?) I've gotten my weight back up to the "dreaded" 170 lb. mark, although I got it at a slower rate than I thought.
At least people still think I lost weight...which is no small feat.
Strange, really...when I tell people I lost weight, they tell me I gained it. When I do gain a little weight people think I lost it. There's no winning people over I guess...
===
I am disappointed with a lot of the new anime that's out nowadays. It seems anime has reduced itself into a convenient vehicle for introducing and selling stupid, useless toys to kids.
I suppose this trend started with "Let's and Go Mini 4WD," although I don't consider Mini-4WD car racing as totally useless. Let's face it, this is a good way to teach kids physics. I remember back in my last year of high school that our Physics teachers had an experiment for us that involved tuning Mini-4WD race cars, and it was a pretty good way of teaching us about gear ratios, acceleration, speed and other physics stuff. Besides, it's a good (but hideously expensive) hobby for any would-be armchair mechanics.
This "anime-to-sell-useless-toys" trend began in all honesty with "Beyblade." Seriously. The whole series is about competing with other players using fancy-shmancy high-speed tops. If that were the case kids could've just gotten a cheap, conventional wooden top and gotten on with it, as "beyblades" are (again) expensive. Besides there's no element of skill involved with so-called "beyblading." It's all a function of luck---and perhaps how quickly one can launch one's beyblade. Zero brain power involved, unlike Mini-4WD racing. And have I mentioned how easily these plastic beyblades can break? There goes your PhP1000...compare that expense to getting a wooden top.
And this morning I tuned in to a local TV channel only to watch "Super Yo-yo." Cripes. It's about doing tricks with fancy-shmancy yo-yos. I suppose this is the culprit of all those kids I see in the local malls playing with yo-yos with abandon.
The premise of the contests in the anime is pretty stupid: contestants come into this virtual-reality world, where they navigate and race in courses with virtual hoverboards, a la "Back to the Future." The way these players boost their speed is by performing yo-yo tricks. The faster and the wilder the trick performed, the more speed they get. I don't know about you guys but this sounds inane.
Granted, at least there's some element of physical skill involved in manipulating a yo-yo and doing tricks with it. God knows I never learned how to do any yo-yo tricks. But my point is that there are better things for anime to present to people than these stupid toy fads. It goes against my original brief of anime being something thought-provoking.
Maybe I should just switch off the TV and look for some other series with more "meat" into them...
===
Speaking of "Super Yo-yo," the main protagonist's name is Shunichi.
At least I'm pretty sure now that my alias "Shunichi" is a proper Japanese name, after nigh-on 5 or 6 years. Now if I only knew how to write it in kanji and what the name really means...
Friday, December 26, 2003
Thursday, December 25, 2003
A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
===
God knows I'm not that religious, but I find it kinda disturbing that some of us seem to forget that this is a birthday party we're celebrating today. It's not just anyone's birthday---it's Jesus Christ's. We seem to be forgetting that in these materialistic times. I bet he ain't feeling too good having his birthday being used as some excuse for partying excess.
Here's a little question for all of us: Isn't he invited to his own party?
===
Christmas Day was mostly good news for me and those people that count in my life.
===
Cher managed to make it to her hometown in Leyte safe and sound, despite the recent landslides and choppy weather. First thing I did was call her on her cellphone when the clock struck twelve, and I was relieved everything was going well.
===
A lot of my friends took to their cell phones and texted me their greetings, most of them doing so "before the networks get all clogged up." As much as I wanted to reply to them, I'm not exactly rich in cellphone load. Thanks anyway though.
===
We were at Inang's in Caloocan having our annual media noche buena (midnight feast), and my uncles and aunts felt like going for a few rounds of high-stakes bingo after a long 'drought'. Either that, or drink a few glasses of red wine or Black Velvet.
This was the first time I served chauffeur duty both ways at night. Was rather impressed at my own smooth, speedy homebound progress at 2:30 am running down a pretty deserted EDSA. My speedo needle was constantly pinned at 60-80 km/h and no untoward incidents happened, save for this stupid clump of balloons a bunch of partying loonies tossed on the road while riding on a pick-up's bed. Instead of swerving to the left, I just ran the balloons over.
Considering that I just awoke from a catnap at 1:30 am, I think I'm all set for long-distance night driving.
===
Got just a few gifts this year, but that's no different from last year. No biggie.
Most important would be the aggregate PhP7,000 I got from my grandparents and other relatives, not to mention the PhP2,000 my dad gave me for spending on a new badminton racket (and I won't touch it for anything else). I'm thinking of spending on 4 new tires for my blue City, now that I've got PhP9,000 of savings all in all. I am NOT comfortable with my parents' theory that replacing just one tire will do the trick. Rubber ages even when not used.
According to some PEXers I've asked, good 185/65R14 88H Turanza rubber from Bridgestone would set me back PhP1,800 apiece. If my hunch is right, the new tires should solve the shaking that plagues my car whenever I approach 120 km/h on the Skyway. Even so, I'm thinking of saving at least PhP2,000 more come the start of the term. The extra dough's just for contingencies---say, my suspension and steering components might be to blame for the shake and not just the tires. I am, however, pretty convinced that replacing my OEM rubber will do the trick---and that's due for replacement anyway.
Got some new clothes: a black shirt and boxers from Auntie Be, one more pair of beach shorts from my mom (they had to be from Bench again, heheheh!) and this splendid pair of dark brown cargo pants from Tita Vik. Bagged a sealed drink tumbler from Nanay, a hairgel-and-bodyspray kit from Tito Joey...that's pretty much it for non-monetary gifts.
And Cher also told me that my copy of her publication The Freeman, where my little badminton article got published, was also coming to me via the mail---with something thrown in.
===
Gave myself a couple of gifts too, although I'm regretting buying myself my new pair of Aiwa earphones. They're shaped in such a way as that wearing them's similar to wearing spectacles onto your ears. My beef is that their rigid plastic mounts bruise my earlobes after a while. Otherwise the sound quality's good and they're actually identical to a pair Sony sells for PhP300 more. That sounds like shooting myself in the leg, being this painful to wear.
The other gift was a cassette of Maroon5's album "Songs About Jane." Great music---and they have surprising variety in their music for a rock band. All 12 songs are about relationships.
===
Last night I finally got a taste of Yellow Cab's notoriously good pizza.
For Christmas Eve dinner my mom ordered an 18" "New York's Finest" pizza. What struck me was that it tasted quite different from what we were used to. The condiments that came with the pizza were certainly interesting. No hot sauce, ketchup or all that gubbins---the packets that we got read "crushed chili pepper." Sprinkling it on the pizza made a good pie taste distinctively GREAT.
Just a shame I had to burn my tongue very badly when I tried eating the leftover slice for breakfast this morning. Apparently I forgot to take note that I reheated the damn thing to uncomfortably hot levels.
===
I have one qualm about tonight: the Christmas evening mass.
The Passionist Youth Ministry was hosting this one and frankly I was disappointed, most especially with their choir. I swear, I was singing better than those 8 or so voices combined---and I'm only an 'occasional' baritone, and by the time they sang "O Night Divine" for the communion service I was singing even louder than they were.
I'm no catechist or involved parishioner or anything...but come on, this is a Christmas mass and the choir sounds like it's singing for the Black Saturday Vigil. Ain't anyone in there happy that it's Christ's birthday today? They ought to be the first ones who sound the part!
Ridiculous...
===
Oh well, that ends it for me. Merry Christmas again to everyone. Happy birthday God!
===
God knows I'm not that religious, but I find it kinda disturbing that some of us seem to forget that this is a birthday party we're celebrating today. It's not just anyone's birthday---it's Jesus Christ's. We seem to be forgetting that in these materialistic times. I bet he ain't feeling too good having his birthday being used as some excuse for partying excess.
Here's a little question for all of us: Isn't he invited to his own party?
===
Christmas Day was mostly good news for me and those people that count in my life.
===
Cher managed to make it to her hometown in Leyte safe and sound, despite the recent landslides and choppy weather. First thing I did was call her on her cellphone when the clock struck twelve, and I was relieved everything was going well.
===
A lot of my friends took to their cell phones and texted me their greetings, most of them doing so "before the networks get all clogged up." As much as I wanted to reply to them, I'm not exactly rich in cellphone load. Thanks anyway though.
===
We were at Inang's in Caloocan having our annual media noche buena (midnight feast), and my uncles and aunts felt like going for a few rounds of high-stakes bingo after a long 'drought'. Either that, or drink a few glasses of red wine or Black Velvet.
This was the first time I served chauffeur duty both ways at night. Was rather impressed at my own smooth, speedy homebound progress at 2:30 am running down a pretty deserted EDSA. My speedo needle was constantly pinned at 60-80 km/h and no untoward incidents happened, save for this stupid clump of balloons a bunch of partying loonies tossed on the road while riding on a pick-up's bed. Instead of swerving to the left, I just ran the balloons over.
Considering that I just awoke from a catnap at 1:30 am, I think I'm all set for long-distance night driving.
===
Got just a few gifts this year, but that's no different from last year. No biggie.
Most important would be the aggregate PhP7,000 I got from my grandparents and other relatives, not to mention the PhP2,000 my dad gave me for spending on a new badminton racket (and I won't touch it for anything else). I'm thinking of spending on 4 new tires for my blue City, now that I've got PhP9,000 of savings all in all. I am NOT comfortable with my parents' theory that replacing just one tire will do the trick. Rubber ages even when not used.
According to some PEXers I've asked, good 185/65R14 88H Turanza rubber from Bridgestone would set me back PhP1,800 apiece. If my hunch is right, the new tires should solve the shaking that plagues my car whenever I approach 120 km/h on the Skyway. Even so, I'm thinking of saving at least PhP2,000 more come the start of the term. The extra dough's just for contingencies---say, my suspension and steering components might be to blame for the shake and not just the tires. I am, however, pretty convinced that replacing my OEM rubber will do the trick---and that's due for replacement anyway.
Got some new clothes: a black shirt and boxers from Auntie Be, one more pair of beach shorts from my mom (they had to be from Bench again, heheheh!) and this splendid pair of dark brown cargo pants from Tita Vik. Bagged a sealed drink tumbler from Nanay, a hairgel-and-bodyspray kit from Tito Joey...that's pretty much it for non-monetary gifts.
And Cher also told me that my copy of her publication The Freeman, where my little badminton article got published, was also coming to me via the mail---with something thrown in.
===
Gave myself a couple of gifts too, although I'm regretting buying myself my new pair of Aiwa earphones. They're shaped in such a way as that wearing them's similar to wearing spectacles onto your ears. My beef is that their rigid plastic mounts bruise my earlobes after a while. Otherwise the sound quality's good and they're actually identical to a pair Sony sells for PhP300 more. That sounds like shooting myself in the leg, being this painful to wear.
The other gift was a cassette of Maroon5's album "Songs About Jane." Great music---and they have surprising variety in their music for a rock band. All 12 songs are about relationships.
===
Last night I finally got a taste of Yellow Cab's notoriously good pizza.
For Christmas Eve dinner my mom ordered an 18" "New York's Finest" pizza. What struck me was that it tasted quite different from what we were used to. The condiments that came with the pizza were certainly interesting. No hot sauce, ketchup or all that gubbins---the packets that we got read "crushed chili pepper." Sprinkling it on the pizza made a good pie taste distinctively GREAT.
Just a shame I had to burn my tongue very badly when I tried eating the leftover slice for breakfast this morning. Apparently I forgot to take note that I reheated the damn thing to uncomfortably hot levels.
===
I have one qualm about tonight: the Christmas evening mass.
The Passionist Youth Ministry was hosting this one and frankly I was disappointed, most especially with their choir. I swear, I was singing better than those 8 or so voices combined---and I'm only an 'occasional' baritone, and by the time they sang "O Night Divine" for the communion service I was singing even louder than they were.
I'm no catechist or involved parishioner or anything...but come on, this is a Christmas mass and the choir sounds like it's singing for the Black Saturday Vigil. Ain't anyone in there happy that it's Christ's birthday today? They ought to be the first ones who sound the part!
Ridiculous...
===
Oh well, that ends it for me. Merry Christmas again to everyone. Happy birthday God!
Monday, December 22, 2003
Our phone line was out for a good five days or so. I missed being online.
I suppose that's the effect of hogging the phone line 5 hours at a time on unlimited Internet usage.
That ought to be one of my New Year's resolutions...
===
Haven't been able to blog for a while because of the sheer amount of stuff I had to do. Most of it was for our FILMMAN final project movie, a retelling of Denise's VIDPROD final project short film "Hallucinations." It didn't help that I also succumbed to colds, cough and even a slight fever, although I'm more or less recuperating now.
It also didn't help that Tantan and I didn't get to edit "Hallucinations" because of Gabriel's computer refusing to work with Tantan's SDRAM chips and the video-capture card we borrowed. By the time I had left Gabriel's at 6pm, Tantan was still tinkering with how to make the computer work.
He spent the next day borrowing a computer and editing the film till the wee hours of the morning. Poor guy. I'm planning to treat him somewhere when we get together after Christmas break.
Looks like all the effort was worth it though, because Miss Mai and our other classmates liked the final effort.
Got pretty good grades too, at least enough to keep me in the Dean's List again. Officially my GPA's now at 3.045. Stellar grades in Economics 2, Statistics 101 and Film Management pulled my GPA upwards. I got a 4.0 in FILMMAN, for crying out loud. I suppose Miss Mai's just kind.
Nicole texted me about her grade as she couldn't get her course card personally. She was thanking me about getting a 3.5 in Economics 2 as well.
I just got kind of pissed with our Statistics prof because we waited an hour and a half in J111 for her damn course cards and she never showed up.
And that wraps up my 8th term in DLSU. I got at least 6 more to go.
===
Watched a fair number of movies lately...I seem to have been on a movie binge.
Most intriguing was one of Miss Mai's stash, a French film called "Ma Vie en Rose" ("My Life in Pink"). It's the story of a typical French family in a conservative neighborhood save for one of their sons, Ludovic, who at the early age of 7 realizes that he's different from most other boys. In short, he's feminine and gay. Ludovic's 'extreme' preferences and orientation causes headaches for everyone and proves to be the biggest test for the family.
Truth be told I was intrigued by the entire film, but I wouldn't really know how I would react if one of my future sons turned out to be gay. I should say I'm pretty sheltered from a lot of life's realities and I am afraid I might not be sufficiently prepared for many challenges.
I guess I'll just have to look to the Eraserheads' song "Hey Jay" for inspiration on the subject...
===
Bianca gave me one of Initial D's audio CDs as an early Christmas present: Super Eurobeat presents Initial D Super Euro-Best. I've been listening to the green CD for days on end, even playing Gran Turismo 2 on my PlayStation with the VCD player hooked up to the mono-audio jack, so I could drive my virtual cars to the thumping Super-Eurobeat soundtrack.
Not exactly what I was looking for, but it's a great compilation of remixes and tracks from the 3 volumes of the Initial D Super-Eurobeat D Selection. I'm happy anyway.
Am just wishing I had a CD player in my car...or if I could slap the CD on a cassette tape.
===
Cher's excited about the coming Christmas celebrations.
Describing the atmosphere in the office she picks the words "Happy Chaos."
Quote of the year, my friends. Seriously. :D
I suppose that's the effect of hogging the phone line 5 hours at a time on unlimited Internet usage.
That ought to be one of my New Year's resolutions...
===
Haven't been able to blog for a while because of the sheer amount of stuff I had to do. Most of it was for our FILMMAN final project movie, a retelling of Denise's VIDPROD final project short film "Hallucinations." It didn't help that I also succumbed to colds, cough and even a slight fever, although I'm more or less recuperating now.
It also didn't help that Tantan and I didn't get to edit "Hallucinations" because of Gabriel's computer refusing to work with Tantan's SDRAM chips and the video-capture card we borrowed. By the time I had left Gabriel's at 6pm, Tantan was still tinkering with how to make the computer work.
He spent the next day borrowing a computer and editing the film till the wee hours of the morning. Poor guy. I'm planning to treat him somewhere when we get together after Christmas break.
Looks like all the effort was worth it though, because Miss Mai and our other classmates liked the final effort.
Got pretty good grades too, at least enough to keep me in the Dean's List again. Officially my GPA's now at 3.045. Stellar grades in Economics 2, Statistics 101 and Film Management pulled my GPA upwards. I got a 4.0 in FILMMAN, for crying out loud. I suppose Miss Mai's just kind.
Nicole texted me about her grade as she couldn't get her course card personally. She was thanking me about getting a 3.5 in Economics 2 as well.
I just got kind of pissed with our Statistics prof because we waited an hour and a half in J111 for her damn course cards and she never showed up.
And that wraps up my 8th term in DLSU. I got at least 6 more to go.
===
Watched a fair number of movies lately...I seem to have been on a movie binge.
Most intriguing was one of Miss Mai's stash, a French film called "Ma Vie en Rose" ("My Life in Pink"). It's the story of a typical French family in a conservative neighborhood save for one of their sons, Ludovic, who at the early age of 7 realizes that he's different from most other boys. In short, he's feminine and gay. Ludovic's 'extreme' preferences and orientation causes headaches for everyone and proves to be the biggest test for the family.
Truth be told I was intrigued by the entire film, but I wouldn't really know how I would react if one of my future sons turned out to be gay. I should say I'm pretty sheltered from a lot of life's realities and I am afraid I might not be sufficiently prepared for many challenges.
I guess I'll just have to look to the Eraserheads' song "Hey Jay" for inspiration on the subject...
===
Bianca gave me one of Initial D's audio CDs as an early Christmas present: Super Eurobeat presents Initial D Super Euro-Best. I've been listening to the green CD for days on end, even playing Gran Turismo 2 on my PlayStation with the VCD player hooked up to the mono-audio jack, so I could drive my virtual cars to the thumping Super-Eurobeat soundtrack.
Not exactly what I was looking for, but it's a great compilation of remixes and tracks from the 3 volumes of the Initial D Super-Eurobeat D Selection. I'm happy anyway.
Am just wishing I had a CD player in my car...or if I could slap the CD on a cassette tape.
===
Cher's excited about the coming Christmas celebrations.
Describing the atmosphere in the office she picks the words "Happy Chaos."
Quote of the year, my friends. Seriously. :D
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Yesterday was a free day, so I didn't do much but YM with Cher, attend mass and work out after dinner.
===
Our little aerobics gang wanted to set two extra Monday-evening workouts because John, our instructor, was going to be out for a week or so come 3 days before Christmas, and everyone was amenable to setting it at 7:30pm.
Everyone but the Homeowners Association, that is.
The HA is responsible for taking care of the open-air Pergola where we hold our usual workouts on Saturday mornings. Last Saturday we tried arranging for the Monday evening sessions, so we wanted to reserve the place and ask for electricity and lighting. It looked like a done deal, but for some reason, the president of the HA, Mrs. Sugay, didn't want to give us the power and lighting at the last minute unless we pay the guard his overtime pay. This smells like a kickback scheme.
Anyway we made do with power from the guardhouse, channeled through 3 extra-long extension cords, for the sound system. Interior lighting was out of the question, so someone produced a compact-fluorescent desk lamp which fortunately gave enough light to work with. John borrowed a couple of my photo-alkaline AAs to power his portable CD player.
The session went pretty well and the colder temperature was a welcome boon. After getting used to seeing small spiders "floating" in mid-air in front of your face, it's pretty much okay.
After we parted ways and I took another shower, I looked outside and saw the Pergola lit up. I got jilted. Why was the Pergola lit up now? Who's using it?
Apparently someone who had "close ties" with the HA was using the place for rehearsal...and the lights were free of charge.
I don't know with you, but this seems pretty unfair.
===
YM has this "Doodle" IMVironment where one can use virtual crayons to draw anything on a medium-sized white canvas. Cher and I were playing with it the whole afternoon. I even made three little drawings for her. My best efforts looked like they were taken out of some coloring book, though, but she didn't mind.
===
I'm sleepy. Yawn.
I think I better get started on my SOCIETY paper. Procrastination rears its ugly head once again.
===
Just for kicks, I tried looking at my old PRINPRO website project, Manileño*Online.
I can't believe it's been 10 months since I finished that website. It feels like it's been longer as I don't remember much of my HTML skills. Seeing it again made me smile though. I remember I was pretty comfortable with HTML and I finished the thing before most of my classmates did.
Sure, there are some quirks (some pictures are missing, some pictures that do don't have captions) but overall I'm still mighty impressed.
This one ought to go on my resume.
===
Our little aerobics gang wanted to set two extra Monday-evening workouts because John, our instructor, was going to be out for a week or so come 3 days before Christmas, and everyone was amenable to setting it at 7:30pm.
Everyone but the Homeowners Association, that is.
The HA is responsible for taking care of the open-air Pergola where we hold our usual workouts on Saturday mornings. Last Saturday we tried arranging for the Monday evening sessions, so we wanted to reserve the place and ask for electricity and lighting. It looked like a done deal, but for some reason, the president of the HA, Mrs. Sugay, didn't want to give us the power and lighting at the last minute unless we pay the guard his overtime pay. This smells like a kickback scheme.
Anyway we made do with power from the guardhouse, channeled through 3 extra-long extension cords, for the sound system. Interior lighting was out of the question, so someone produced a compact-fluorescent desk lamp which fortunately gave enough light to work with. John borrowed a couple of my photo-alkaline AAs to power his portable CD player.
The session went pretty well and the colder temperature was a welcome boon. After getting used to seeing small spiders "floating" in mid-air in front of your face, it's pretty much okay.
After we parted ways and I took another shower, I looked outside and saw the Pergola lit up. I got jilted. Why was the Pergola lit up now? Who's using it?
Apparently someone who had "close ties" with the HA was using the place for rehearsal...and the lights were free of charge.
I don't know with you, but this seems pretty unfair.
===
YM has this "Doodle" IMVironment where one can use virtual crayons to draw anything on a medium-sized white canvas. Cher and I were playing with it the whole afternoon. I even made three little drawings for her. My best efforts looked like they were taken out of some coloring book, though, but she didn't mind.
===
I'm sleepy. Yawn.
I think I better get started on my SOCIETY paper. Procrastination rears its ugly head once again.
===
Just for kicks, I tried looking at my old PRINPRO website project, Manileño*Online.
I can't believe it's been 10 months since I finished that website. It feels like it's been longer as I don't remember much of my HTML skills. Seeing it again made me smile though. I remember I was pretty comfortable with HTML and I finished the thing before most of my classmates did.
Sure, there are some quirks (some pictures are missing, some pictures that do don't have captions) but overall I'm still mighty impressed.
This one ought to go on my resume.
Monday, December 08, 2003
I will never understand the lure of bazaars on women.
What started out as supposedly a trip to buy decor boxes for my mom's food for the gods holiday giveaways stretched itself to rummaging for clothes and food. My mom and my sis had even more of an excuse because I happened to win an additional PhP1000 to spend only on that day.
As much as I should've been tolerant of it, I was too sleepy to give a damn.
===
I'm getting better at heel-and-toe. I use the technique every time I drive wearing my sneakers, and it really makes performing decisive maneuvers and carrying speed smoother and easier.
Great. Now I need to practice on cornering...which I'd need a track day or two for. I might as well factor in the expense of a set of tires and 100+ octane aviation-grade gasoline.
Sigh...that's expensive.
===
Cher didn't meet her pare. Yet.
Apparently he had some travel troubles, and the soonest the two of them could meet was the week after Christmas and before New Year's.
It isn't too far off though. Am still praying for the two of them.
===
Mike's party went better than I thought.
It kinda helped that I was seated in the corner farthest from the hardcore RO players. I also met up with bubbly Raissa, whom I think is one of Beia's cousins. Unfortunately a lot of the people I was expecting to come weren't there yet by the time I split.
Great food though.
Thanks a lot Mike. Happy birthday again. :D
What started out as supposedly a trip to buy decor boxes for my mom's food for the gods holiday giveaways stretched itself to rummaging for clothes and food. My mom and my sis had even more of an excuse because I happened to win an additional PhP1000 to spend only on that day.
As much as I should've been tolerant of it, I was too sleepy to give a damn.
===
I'm getting better at heel-and-toe. I use the technique every time I drive wearing my sneakers, and it really makes performing decisive maneuvers and carrying speed smoother and easier.
Great. Now I need to practice on cornering...which I'd need a track day or two for. I might as well factor in the expense of a set of tires and 100+ octane aviation-grade gasoline.
Sigh...that's expensive.
===
Cher didn't meet her pare. Yet.
Apparently he had some travel troubles, and the soonest the two of them could meet was the week after Christmas and before New Year's.
It isn't too far off though. Am still praying for the two of them.
===
Mike's party went better than I thought.
It kinda helped that I was seated in the corner farthest from the hardcore RO players. I also met up with bubbly Raissa, whom I think is one of Beia's cousins. Unfortunately a lot of the people I was expecting to come weren't there yet by the time I split.
Great food though.
Thanks a lot Mike. Happy birthday again. :D
Saturday, December 06, 2003
The rest of hell week wasn't as hellish as the first couple of days.
It's actually a good thing...after hell week, I actually have a three-day weekend.
Great.
===
My MARKET1 final exam was, like I said, disappointingly easy. The second half was a bit harder, but it wasn't anything to be scared of.
Yesterday we got our course cards from the Marketing Department and I bagged a 2.0 final grade for the subject. Managed to bag a 2.5 on the final exam too, so that means I'm accepted into the department and I can go on with my two majors subjects for my Marketing Management degree. That's always good news.
One down, five more course cards to go. All on the 19th.
===
All I have to do now to finish my term requirements are to study for finals in Economics 2 and Statistics 101, as well as submit my SOCIETY paper this coming Friday.
That's still sort of a long way off...I can probably kick back and relax for a bit.
===
Bong came over yesterday, since he cut his last class, and we basically spent hours in my room starting a new game of Gran Turismo and watching the final race of Initial D.
He told me he'd be over more often come Christmas break.
Not bad by any means...I miss those days when Paolo, Bong and I could just hit the couch and watch TV or play games.
===
People are texting me about their concern for the way I drive.
Don't worry, guys. I may drive harder than most people do, and I might practice and use so-called "racing techniques" like heel-and-toe (which many people can use to smoothen their driving with manual cars anyway), but I know my limits.
I vow to reserve any misadventures for future visits on the racetrack, where I'll be running alone and in controlled conditions (i.e. safer than on public roads).
Heck, the only opponents I'd have on a track day would be myself and the stopwatch.
===
Then again, it ain't my fault as to why some people voluntarily expose themselves to danger while I'm driving.
God, the things some people do to get attention. On a highway at that. You'd think they'd have a death wish or something.
My advice: get off the fucking left lane and don't cross when the traffic lights are green!
===
Cher's meeting her pare this afternoon.
She's had a lot of emotions about it this week---confusion, nervousness, giddiness, and an occasional bout of getting pissed off. But I know she loves the guy.
I really hope the two of them hit it off well offline. I promised her that whatever happens today, I'll have my phone open if she ever decides to call.
===
Actually she called me up at midnight, when I went offline and was about to hit the sack. She was nervous and wanted someone to calm her down. I don't exactly know how I did it though. I suppose she was just distracted with how "child-like" I sounded when I laughed, or how quiet I actually was offline, or how I supposedly sounded like Luis Manzano.
Still, she was great to talk to.
Thanks, kindred spirit. Your voice cheers me up.
===
Just a final note: Nicole pinched me on the arm in Economics class.
HARD.
I was kinda mumbling about how sleepy I was...and when she did that I woke up from the pain.
Maybe this is her way of telling me I'm one of her friends now...
===
Mike invited me to his birthday dinner at Gerry's ATC tonight...that would potentially mean meeting up with all the OB gang.
Strange. I know I detest the possibility of that event being another gathering of friends-cum-Ragnarok Online addicts, but I'm still curious and I want to go.
If I don't like the way things turn out, I could always leave early...
===
According to the Spark's purity test I'm 71% pure.
Hmmmmm.
It's actually a good thing...after hell week, I actually have a three-day weekend.
Great.
===
My MARKET1 final exam was, like I said, disappointingly easy. The second half was a bit harder, but it wasn't anything to be scared of.
Yesterday we got our course cards from the Marketing Department and I bagged a 2.0 final grade for the subject. Managed to bag a 2.5 on the final exam too, so that means I'm accepted into the department and I can go on with my two majors subjects for my Marketing Management degree. That's always good news.
One down, five more course cards to go. All on the 19th.
===
All I have to do now to finish my term requirements are to study for finals in Economics 2 and Statistics 101, as well as submit my SOCIETY paper this coming Friday.
That's still sort of a long way off...I can probably kick back and relax for a bit.
===
Bong came over yesterday, since he cut his last class, and we basically spent hours in my room starting a new game of Gran Turismo and watching the final race of Initial D.
He told me he'd be over more often come Christmas break.
Not bad by any means...I miss those days when Paolo, Bong and I could just hit the couch and watch TV or play games.
===
People are texting me about their concern for the way I drive.
Don't worry, guys. I may drive harder than most people do, and I might practice and use so-called "racing techniques" like heel-and-toe (which many people can use to smoothen their driving with manual cars anyway), but I know my limits.
I vow to reserve any misadventures for future visits on the racetrack, where I'll be running alone and in controlled conditions (i.e. safer than on public roads).
Heck, the only opponents I'd have on a track day would be myself and the stopwatch.
===
Then again, it ain't my fault as to why some people voluntarily expose themselves to danger while I'm driving.
God, the things some people do to get attention. On a highway at that. You'd think they'd have a death wish or something.
My advice: get off the fucking left lane and don't cross when the traffic lights are green!
===
Cher's meeting her pare this afternoon.
She's had a lot of emotions about it this week---confusion, nervousness, giddiness, and an occasional bout of getting pissed off. But I know she loves the guy.
I really hope the two of them hit it off well offline. I promised her that whatever happens today, I'll have my phone open if she ever decides to call.
===
Actually she called me up at midnight, when I went offline and was about to hit the sack. She was nervous and wanted someone to calm her down. I don't exactly know how I did it though. I suppose she was just distracted with how "child-like" I sounded when I laughed, or how quiet I actually was offline, or how I supposedly sounded like Luis Manzano.
Still, she was great to talk to.
Thanks, kindred spirit. Your voice cheers me up.
===
Just a final note: Nicole pinched me on the arm in Economics class.
HARD.
I was kinda mumbling about how sleepy I was...and when she did that I woke up from the pain.
Maybe this is her way of telling me I'm one of her friends now...
===
Mike invited me to his birthday dinner at Gerry's ATC tonight...that would potentially mean meeting up with all the OB gang.
Strange. I know I detest the possibility of that event being another gathering of friends-cum-Ragnarok Online addicts, but I'm still curious and I want to go.
If I don't like the way things turn out, I could always leave early...
===
According to the Spark's purity test I'm 71% pure.
Hmmmmm.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Hayyy...
Today was one of those high-strung days I'd really rather not repeat. But at least it ended on a good note.
Everything I did today was centered on our 4:20pm SOCIETY seminar. I had nothing much else in mind, really. I desperately tried piecing together questions, offered to fetch speaker Fed Makabenta, paid my share for the token gift and so on.
===
Fetching Fed nearly cost me my sanity.
I had suggested that I come over to Pacific Star Bldg. and fetch him at 2:30pm to be in time for the 4:20pm seminar. I got there at 2pm. Fed asked me to wait an hour as he wasn't finished with his stuff.
3pm came and Fed told me to wait another 30 minutes. Now this was cutting too close, and my face was protesting without my control, I bet. But he had an urgent meeting to attend to and he was gone before I could refuse.
3:30pm and Fed was nowhere. At this time my groupmates Denise, Mayang, Deney and Kurt were pretty scared of the prospect of impending failure. I myself was pacing around nervously, silently threatening to kick the marble walls so many times in frustration. I don't know how many times I was tempted to bust open the boxes of Santa Porings stashed along the corridors of Level-Up!'s offices and kick them all in a mad game of Poring football. I had no idea how bad the traffic would be going to school, so I was pretty much furious.
If there's two things I hate, they would be waiting and being late.
I was pretty much going insane when Fed finally arrived a few minutes before 4. My god, I was in that office for two freaking hours. Fed was apologetic about the delay. Once I swung around to Makati Avenue, I launched my Honda like the bolt of blue lightning I tout it to be.
6500 RPM before upshifts. That's how furiously I was driving. That's literally pushing to the limit, a smidgen before my engine threatens to blow itself up at 6800+ RPM.
At this point in time I didn't care about Fed's comfort. All I cared about was getting to school in the least amount of time possible.
I even managed to impress myself, performing a PERFECT heel-and-toe downshift to second gear, while rounding the Makati Avenue-Ayala Avenue right-hand corner at 40 km/h. Initial D instantly came to mind. (One of those reasons why I have to go to a track day someday---I found out I can actually drive well in extremis.)
I got to DLSU South Gate at 4:35pm, 15 minutes late.
At least Fed's seminar managed to touch on all our questions and somehow impress Ms. Sibayan. The guy was the perfect speaker for the topic, really. Just a shame that our prof isn't all that updated in computer games and the like.
I brought Fed back to Makati this evening, thankful that at least we have a chance of NOT scoring a zero.
===
Hell week...hahh...thank God there are only a few days to go.
===
My MARKETI final exam was disappointingly easy. So much so that I didn't bother studying for my Economics 2 quiz, which involved a lot more brains.
I expect the second half of that final exam to be the same. I ain't studying for it, even though it's happening tomorrow.
===
Hey, don't feel too bad if we can't go YMing tonight. I really am okay, my friend.
We'll YM next time. I promise.
Thank you. *hugs*
Today was one of those high-strung days I'd really rather not repeat. But at least it ended on a good note.
Everything I did today was centered on our 4:20pm SOCIETY seminar. I had nothing much else in mind, really. I desperately tried piecing together questions, offered to fetch speaker Fed Makabenta, paid my share for the token gift and so on.
===
Fetching Fed nearly cost me my sanity.
I had suggested that I come over to Pacific Star Bldg. and fetch him at 2:30pm to be in time for the 4:20pm seminar. I got there at 2pm. Fed asked me to wait an hour as he wasn't finished with his stuff.
3pm came and Fed told me to wait another 30 minutes. Now this was cutting too close, and my face was protesting without my control, I bet. But he had an urgent meeting to attend to and he was gone before I could refuse.
3:30pm and Fed was nowhere. At this time my groupmates Denise, Mayang, Deney and Kurt were pretty scared of the prospect of impending failure. I myself was pacing around nervously, silently threatening to kick the marble walls so many times in frustration. I don't know how many times I was tempted to bust open the boxes of Santa Porings stashed along the corridors of Level-Up!'s offices and kick them all in a mad game of Poring football. I had no idea how bad the traffic would be going to school, so I was pretty much furious.
If there's two things I hate, they would be waiting and being late.
I was pretty much going insane when Fed finally arrived a few minutes before 4. My god, I was in that office for two freaking hours. Fed was apologetic about the delay. Once I swung around to Makati Avenue, I launched my Honda like the bolt of blue lightning I tout it to be.
6500 RPM before upshifts. That's how furiously I was driving. That's literally pushing to the limit, a smidgen before my engine threatens to blow itself up at 6800+ RPM.
At this point in time I didn't care about Fed's comfort. All I cared about was getting to school in the least amount of time possible.
I even managed to impress myself, performing a PERFECT heel-and-toe downshift to second gear, while rounding the Makati Avenue-Ayala Avenue right-hand corner at 40 km/h. Initial D instantly came to mind. (One of those reasons why I have to go to a track day someday---I found out I can actually drive well in extremis.)
I got to DLSU South Gate at 4:35pm, 15 minutes late.
At least Fed's seminar managed to touch on all our questions and somehow impress Ms. Sibayan. The guy was the perfect speaker for the topic, really. Just a shame that our prof isn't all that updated in computer games and the like.
I brought Fed back to Makati this evening, thankful that at least we have a chance of NOT scoring a zero.
===
Hell week...hahh...thank God there are only a few days to go.
===
My MARKETI final exam was disappointingly easy. So much so that I didn't bother studying for my Economics 2 quiz, which involved a lot more brains.
I expect the second half of that final exam to be the same. I ain't studying for it, even though it's happening tomorrow.
===
Hey, don't feel too bad if we can't go YMing tonight. I really am okay, my friend.
We'll YM next time. I promise.
Thank you. *hugs*
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Saturday started out as a mess but ended pretty well.
===
I was very irritable in the morning as I was in school at 8 am and with a bad night's worth of sleep, hoping that my groupmates would meet up with me about any changes to the PowerPoint presentation I made. Imagine all my worrying when Mao finally did come at around 9:30. At that time, at least I was already in a computer shop adding animations.
After I was finished with those pesky animations (which they really should've told me to add in advance), we went to the presentation room to await our turn. I was getting pretty pissed about where my other groupmates were. As it turned out the didn't arrive until 10:30, with little to call a proper presentation plan.
I know I should've been more understanding of them as Mao and Zeri were both from producing "A Night of the Arts" for their production org, but I wasn't. The trouble is, we really could've set the presentation up a long time ago and we didn't. That's what I was pissed about.
I decided to leave them to their own devices because noon was fast approaching and I still had to go meet our speaker, Federico Makabenta of Level-Up Games. I don't care about any points I'd miss out on the concept report. I may be an unconfirmed Marketing Management major, but I have other, more urgent things to do.
===
I am very thankful our group got Sir Fed.
We briefed him in Level-Up's stock room about the seminar and how it'd go, and it seemed as if he could already anticipate the seminar itself. He was a Philosophy and Economics major, and he used to be in print for news advocacy, so that was doubly good for his credentials.
He knew what he was talking about. He knew what kind of atmosphere to expect. More importantly, Fed placed a lot more importance in humanity's free will than we ever did in the three months of SOCIETY class.
Kurt, Denise and I left the building with a sense of hope. We might not be blasted with zeros by Miss Sibayan come Tuesday after all.
===
Kurt and I went to Greenbelt after the visit to Fed's, to burn the time until Bianx was done with ORIENT2. He bought some comics, we perused some CDs at Music One, I played a few games of Dance Maniax and Percussion Freaks (the latter of which I'm pretty rusty at nowadays).
We noticed DM and PF actually attracted the game-playing babes. By chance we got to follow a couple of cute girls in tank tops and dark jeans on the way back to basement parking. Kurt wanted to hit on them. Hahahahaha!
I've been in the same school with this guy for over 15 years and it's only now that I got to goof around with him. Was quite fun.
===
Bianx took me to free dinner from one of her blockmates' SK activities---a billiards tourney on Pasay Road.
How nice of her. The food might not have been genuine beef salpicado like it claimed to be, but it was pretty good and I got no complaints.
Got to meet some of her blockmates too.
Saturday ended pretty well.
===
Cher was with me through SMS the whole time I was angry, disappointed, delighted and relieved yesterday. We were on YM as usual last night.
She updated her blog, too, but I ain't saying where it is. And she's meeting her pare for the first time next Friday.
Maraming salamat, Kerya. Sana talaga mag-click din kayo ni pare offline. ;)
Hey, show me that toothy grin, friend. :D
===
For once I slept pretty well. Yaaaaaawn.
I oughta sleep more.
===
I found out Helene enjoys Dance Dance Revolution and Dance Maniax just as much as I do. Cool!
And I thought I was the only one in DLSU who did. ^_^;;;
===
Man, I spent a lot of time in my car driving around lately. I oughta consider living in it. Mweheheheheh. :P
===
I was very irritable in the morning as I was in school at 8 am and with a bad night's worth of sleep, hoping that my groupmates would meet up with me about any changes to the PowerPoint presentation I made. Imagine all my worrying when Mao finally did come at around 9:30. At that time, at least I was already in a computer shop adding animations.
After I was finished with those pesky animations (which they really should've told me to add in advance), we went to the presentation room to await our turn. I was getting pretty pissed about where my other groupmates were. As it turned out the didn't arrive until 10:30, with little to call a proper presentation plan.
I know I should've been more understanding of them as Mao and Zeri were both from producing "A Night of the Arts" for their production org, but I wasn't. The trouble is, we really could've set the presentation up a long time ago and we didn't. That's what I was pissed about.
I decided to leave them to their own devices because noon was fast approaching and I still had to go meet our speaker, Federico Makabenta of Level-Up Games. I don't care about any points I'd miss out on the concept report. I may be an unconfirmed Marketing Management major, but I have other, more urgent things to do.
===
I am very thankful our group got Sir Fed.
We briefed him in Level-Up's stock room about the seminar and how it'd go, and it seemed as if he could already anticipate the seminar itself. He was a Philosophy and Economics major, and he used to be in print for news advocacy, so that was doubly good for his credentials.
He knew what he was talking about. He knew what kind of atmosphere to expect. More importantly, Fed placed a lot more importance in humanity's free will than we ever did in the three months of SOCIETY class.
Kurt, Denise and I left the building with a sense of hope. We might not be blasted with zeros by Miss Sibayan come Tuesday after all.
===
Kurt and I went to Greenbelt after the visit to Fed's, to burn the time until Bianx was done with ORIENT2. He bought some comics, we perused some CDs at Music One, I played a few games of Dance Maniax and Percussion Freaks (the latter of which I'm pretty rusty at nowadays).
We noticed DM and PF actually attracted the game-playing babes. By chance we got to follow a couple of cute girls in tank tops and dark jeans on the way back to basement parking. Kurt wanted to hit on them. Hahahahaha!
I've been in the same school with this guy for over 15 years and it's only now that I got to goof around with him. Was quite fun.
===
Bianx took me to free dinner from one of her blockmates' SK activities---a billiards tourney on Pasay Road.
How nice of her. The food might not have been genuine beef salpicado like it claimed to be, but it was pretty good and I got no complaints.
Got to meet some of her blockmates too.
Saturday ended pretty well.
===
Cher was with me through SMS the whole time I was angry, disappointed, delighted and relieved yesterday. We were on YM as usual last night.
She updated her blog, too, but I ain't saying where it is. And she's meeting her pare for the first time next Friday.
Maraming salamat, Kerya. Sana talaga mag-click din kayo ni pare offline. ;)
Hey, show me that toothy grin, friend. :D
===
For once I slept pretty well. Yaaaaaawn.
I oughta sleep more.
===
I found out Helene enjoys Dance Dance Revolution and Dance Maniax just as much as I do. Cool!
And I thought I was the only one in DLSU who did. ^_^;;;
===
Man, I spent a lot of time in my car driving around lately. I oughta consider living in it. Mweheheheheh. :P
Friday, November 28, 2003
What a long day.
===
I didn't start the day on an ideal note. My jolly manner of waking up was rudely interrupted when responsibilities that weren't even mine to begin with were shoved into my lap. Whether or not it was chance I don't really care. I still got pretty disappointed with my groupmates for SOCIETY.
Because the two previous media seminars were bombs, we as the next group were determined not to have that same explosion on our faces. We decided to prepare our speaker, Mr. Federico Makabenta of Level-Up Games (creators of that game Ragnarok Online), for what sort of questions and atmosphere he should expect from the seminar. We wanted to see whether he could answer our rather deep and philosophical questions in a manner which would make Ms. Sibayan happy.
Unfortunately all my groupmates had other things to do or were sick. Only Denise and I remained...and we didn't exactly set the meeting with Fed for today.
This is why I was so pissed. I was not the mastermind of the seminar, and I did not set the meeting, but because no one else could go it was left to me and Denise.
So off we went, with Tantan's friend Gab. I braved the traffic of Buendia and finally located the Pacific Star building only to find that Fed wasn't in. He was at a hospital himself, looking after his younger brother. We decided to come back tomorrow (Saturday).
Not having had lunch we decided to crash Glorietta for a while. Had lunch, went to Timezone and played some games. Didn't stay for too long though.
It turns out today was payday Friday. Worse, it was a Christmas payday Friday. Imagine the traffic that awaited me and my little blue Honda...and imagine the pain of my left foot, as it was always on the clutch.
I bet I made a serious dent on my usually-lean fuel consumption too. Fuck it.
===
Am just happy to be home.
===
Nicole was beside me today in Economics class, as usual. We got into a conversation that started with movies and just somehow ended up with the subject of love.
She told me she had male friends who had lots of girl friends, but weren't in any relationship because they were too friendly. In other words, they acted in such a way that they were better friends than boyfriends. From what I got from her, there was some sort of difference.
So does this mean that nice guys finish last?
===
I'm probably doomed to not being able to swoon any girl at all, bar my previous relationship (as I never really courted Pam formally). Y'see, I tend to befriend the girls I'd like to know better...and if I like them enough, I try to gather enough guts to tell them how I feel. But now I found out that things like these are "hard to do."
I told Cher about it on YM tonight. I was so frustrated to find out that girls tended to avoid nice guys who'd be great friends for them?! After everything I've seen and read about women's complaints, saying "Men oughta understand us better," in the end they'll still prefer being with "bad boys"? Then what's the point of all this feminizing everything? What was the point of me trying to attune myself for so long to what girls wanted out of men?
What a sad state of affairs.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually thinking that girls aren't as great as I've cracked them up to be. I am sorely disappointed.
Maybe I'm just confused, maybe I'm just jilted. But this is really hitting a nerve in me.
===
Cher did tell me I shouldn't change, that someone would come along who would accept me for what I am...and am not.
She also whispered a prayer for Denise, that she finds out what she's missing and finds it in me.
Maybe. That just may be the case.
But I'm kinda tired of waiting...
===
I've talked about Cher this past week on my blog. Let me just say I am very, very thankful I got to meet her, even only online.
It's surprising how quickly we hit it off as friends---we started out quite reserved last week, but now we drive each other crazy with our little jokes, nonstop emoticons and innocent banter. We made a pact to be each others' emotional closets. No embarrassment, no shyness, no entanglements, no need for pretense. Just pure, unadulterated friendship and mutual conversation about our feelings and emotions.
It feels good having a friend like this.
I promise, one of these days I will visit Cebu and have a cup or two of coffee with you. (Just pray I win the lottery.)
Thanks Ate Kerya. :) *hugs*
===
Hell week isn't starting on Monday.
It started TODAY.
God give me enough brain matter to last the week. I'll need it.
===
I tried being a jerk to Denise today. Unfortunately it didn't work.
For all the not-so-veiled anger, disappointment, resentment and loneliness I put into "jerk mode," I still can't help but make her laugh and be happy.
Seems I still like her around after all.
Yikes. Someone stop me.
===
Was about to log off the Internet and go to sleep when I heard a nasty buzz outside the house. Twice. The transformer on our post had fizzled to its death at 1 am in the morning.
Thanks to that, my legs were mosquitoes' feast and I barely slept last night.
===
I didn't start the day on an ideal note. My jolly manner of waking up was rudely interrupted when responsibilities that weren't even mine to begin with were shoved into my lap. Whether or not it was chance I don't really care. I still got pretty disappointed with my groupmates for SOCIETY.
Because the two previous media seminars were bombs, we as the next group were determined not to have that same explosion on our faces. We decided to prepare our speaker, Mr. Federico Makabenta of Level-Up Games (creators of that game Ragnarok Online), for what sort of questions and atmosphere he should expect from the seminar. We wanted to see whether he could answer our rather deep and philosophical questions in a manner which would make Ms. Sibayan happy.
Unfortunately all my groupmates had other things to do or were sick. Only Denise and I remained...and we didn't exactly set the meeting with Fed for today.
This is why I was so pissed. I was not the mastermind of the seminar, and I did not set the meeting, but because no one else could go it was left to me and Denise.
So off we went, with Tantan's friend Gab. I braved the traffic of Buendia and finally located the Pacific Star building only to find that Fed wasn't in. He was at a hospital himself, looking after his younger brother. We decided to come back tomorrow (Saturday).
Not having had lunch we decided to crash Glorietta for a while. Had lunch, went to Timezone and played some games. Didn't stay for too long though.
It turns out today was payday Friday. Worse, it was a Christmas payday Friday. Imagine the traffic that awaited me and my little blue Honda...and imagine the pain of my left foot, as it was always on the clutch.
I bet I made a serious dent on my usually-lean fuel consumption too. Fuck it.
===
Am just happy to be home.
===
Nicole was beside me today in Economics class, as usual. We got into a conversation that started with movies and just somehow ended up with the subject of love.
She told me she had male friends who had lots of girl friends, but weren't in any relationship because they were too friendly. In other words, they acted in such a way that they were better friends than boyfriends. From what I got from her, there was some sort of difference.
So does this mean that nice guys finish last?
===
I'm probably doomed to not being able to swoon any girl at all, bar my previous relationship (as I never really courted Pam formally). Y'see, I tend to befriend the girls I'd like to know better...and if I like them enough, I try to gather enough guts to tell them how I feel. But now I found out that things like these are "hard to do."
I told Cher about it on YM tonight. I was so frustrated to find out that girls tended to avoid nice guys who'd be great friends for them?! After everything I've seen and read about women's complaints, saying "Men oughta understand us better," in the end they'll still prefer being with "bad boys"? Then what's the point of all this feminizing everything? What was the point of me trying to attune myself for so long to what girls wanted out of men?
What a sad state of affairs.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually thinking that girls aren't as great as I've cracked them up to be. I am sorely disappointed.
Maybe I'm just confused, maybe I'm just jilted. But this is really hitting a nerve in me.
===
Cher did tell me I shouldn't change, that someone would come along who would accept me for what I am...and am not.
She also whispered a prayer for Denise, that she finds out what she's missing and finds it in me.
Maybe. That just may be the case.
But I'm kinda tired of waiting...
===
I've talked about Cher this past week on my blog. Let me just say I am very, very thankful I got to meet her, even only online.
It's surprising how quickly we hit it off as friends---we started out quite reserved last week, but now we drive each other crazy with our little jokes, nonstop emoticons and innocent banter. We made a pact to be each others' emotional closets. No embarrassment, no shyness, no entanglements, no need for pretense. Just pure, unadulterated friendship and mutual conversation about our feelings and emotions.
It feels good having a friend like this.
I promise, one of these days I will visit Cebu and have a cup or two of coffee with you. (Just pray I win the lottery.)
Thanks Ate Kerya. :) *hugs*
===
Hell week isn't starting on Monday.
It started TODAY.
God give me enough brain matter to last the week. I'll need it.
===
I tried being a jerk to Denise today. Unfortunately it didn't work.
For all the not-so-veiled anger, disappointment, resentment and loneliness I put into "jerk mode," I still can't help but make her laugh and be happy.
Seems I still like her around after all.
Yikes. Someone stop me.
===
Was about to log off the Internet and go to sleep when I heard a nasty buzz outside the house. Twice. The transformer on our post had fizzled to its death at 1 am in the morning.
Thanks to that, my legs were mosquitoes' feast and I barely slept last night.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
Am back in school, blogging away in my free time.
===
Film Management class was cancelled this morning...yawn. I woke up early for nothing.
At least I was able to ferry my sister to school and study a bit for the statistics quiz we had today. Fairly easy, it was a short one. My prof did tell me I had this habit of being careless.
Why bother? I never liked math anyway.
===
It's only recently that I learned PY was on a leave of absence. She used to be a colleague back in my stint at The LaSallian. Apparently her fragile heart needs the vacation---I hear she has some sort of congenital heart defect concerning her mitral valve or something.
I'm going to be brutally honest---I once found her beautiful, I once felt like taking care of her and her weak heart, but after a while I just resisted her. I simply can't stand the kind of people who approach you for something they need and nothing else.
I would like to think I'm more than just a bottomless fountain of tangible things to share with other people. I like to think I'm human.
In short...I think PY's absence this term did me some good.
I sound mean...but sometimes I just have to be.
===
After the stat quiz, my classmate Kim and I just waited for her friend on the third floor benches.
She's one of those people whom I can consider one of my "prodigal little sisters." Ever since this term started, we kept badgering and kidding each other come Stat period. This time she kept kidding me about my getting her a gift on MY birthday three months away. Heheheheh.
Now that's what I call a real friend: someone who ain't after what's in my smarts or what's in my bag.
Might not see her again next term though. Thanks for the time, Kim.
===
Might not be able to blog next week, either. It's going to be a pretty busy one. I'll have a lot more on my hands.
Why do requirements and responsibilities have this nasty habit of concentrating themselves into one week?
That's just one of those existential questions I guess we'll never know the answer to... :P
===
Sigh...right now I don't know what my standing is with Denise. I don't know whether to pursue or to just sit back. Like I said, it's hard being in unrequited love when everything else is saying "no go."
I might as well move on.
It's not that I have someone else in mind, nor am I desperate to look for someone new (thanks to KD for that one). It's just that I deserve to be happy too. I can't go sleepless, moping and heartbroken all my life. I would've had a serious relapse of tuberculosis if I did---perhaps that's the worst-case scenario. Mind you, I don't plan on making my parents pay one term's worth of money to get me treated for TB again. I may be reckless but I'm not that dumb anymore.
Nothing bad happened between Denise and I; we're still friends. I just gave up on her being more than that.
Cher was right. Acceptance comes after denial.
It's just that I feel like I was never given the chance to prove myself. That's what hurts.
"What might have been" is just so full of hot air...and I'm gassy enough already.
===
At least I learned I lost enough weight to raise my eyebrows. I now weigh 164 lb. That's the lightest I've weighed in 11 months.
I told my mom, "Apparently something's working with what I've been doing."
Maybe being single does make one weigh less.
===
And before any thoughts creep into your psyches: NO, I am not bulimic nor anorexic.
===
Just updated some of my links to my friends' blogs/LJs/blurties/whatever. My, how things change in the span of 5 months spent not posting.
===
I think I have to go to SOCIETY class now. Catch you later.
===
Film Management class was cancelled this morning...yawn. I woke up early for nothing.
At least I was able to ferry my sister to school and study a bit for the statistics quiz we had today. Fairly easy, it was a short one. My prof did tell me I had this habit of being careless.
Why bother? I never liked math anyway.
===
It's only recently that I learned PY was on a leave of absence. She used to be a colleague back in my stint at The LaSallian. Apparently her fragile heart needs the vacation---I hear she has some sort of congenital heart defect concerning her mitral valve or something.
I'm going to be brutally honest---I once found her beautiful, I once felt like taking care of her and her weak heart, but after a while I just resisted her. I simply can't stand the kind of people who approach you for something they need and nothing else.
I would like to think I'm more than just a bottomless fountain of tangible things to share with other people. I like to think I'm human.
In short...I think PY's absence this term did me some good.
I sound mean...but sometimes I just have to be.
===
After the stat quiz, my classmate Kim and I just waited for her friend on the third floor benches.
She's one of those people whom I can consider one of my "prodigal little sisters." Ever since this term started, we kept badgering and kidding each other come Stat period. This time she kept kidding me about my getting her a gift on MY birthday three months away. Heheheheh.
Now that's what I call a real friend: someone who ain't after what's in my smarts or what's in my bag.
Might not see her again next term though. Thanks for the time, Kim.
===
Might not be able to blog next week, either. It's going to be a pretty busy one. I'll have a lot more on my hands.
Why do requirements and responsibilities have this nasty habit of concentrating themselves into one week?
That's just one of those existential questions I guess we'll never know the answer to... :P
===
Sigh...right now I don't know what my standing is with Denise. I don't know whether to pursue or to just sit back. Like I said, it's hard being in unrequited love when everything else is saying "no go."
I might as well move on.
It's not that I have someone else in mind, nor am I desperate to look for someone new (thanks to KD for that one). It's just that I deserve to be happy too. I can't go sleepless, moping and heartbroken all my life. I would've had a serious relapse of tuberculosis if I did---perhaps that's the worst-case scenario. Mind you, I don't plan on making my parents pay one term's worth of money to get me treated for TB again. I may be reckless but I'm not that dumb anymore.
Nothing bad happened between Denise and I; we're still friends. I just gave up on her being more than that.
Cher was right. Acceptance comes after denial.
It's just that I feel like I was never given the chance to prove myself. That's what hurts.
"What might have been" is just so full of hot air...and I'm gassy enough already.
===
At least I learned I lost enough weight to raise my eyebrows. I now weigh 164 lb. That's the lightest I've weighed in 11 months.
I told my mom, "Apparently something's working with what I've been doing."
Maybe being single does make one weigh less.
===
And before any thoughts creep into your psyches: NO, I am not bulimic nor anorexic.
===
Just updated some of my links to my friends' blogs/LJs/blurties/whatever. My, how things change in the span of 5 months spent not posting.
===
I think I have to go to SOCIETY class now. Catch you later.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Pakiramdam ko ngayon ako ay nagmumukhang gago
Ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag-I love you
Kasi, hindi na tayo tulad ng dati!
Ngayon sa akin ika'y diring-diri!
--Parokya ni Edgar, Maniwala Ka Sana
===
This really scary hissing noise creeps into the house at midnight and has been annoying the hell out of me for two days now. It sounds not unlike some hyperactive unattended kettle.
Apparently my mom heard it too...and she hypothesized that the sound might be a snake's hiss.
Yikes.
I didn't know my home was so reptile-friendly. First lizards and now snakes?
I never knew death was just under my kitchen.
===
I invited Denise over to my house last night to get some of the revisions to our thesis proposal over and done with. It felt like we spent more time being distracted and joking each other silly.
Too bad she had to leave early. We were actually in the middle of something productive when she had to go.
===
Wait a minute.
She left her birthday brownies in our fridge. :P
===
I don't have any clue as to what exactly "Super Eurobeat" is, but if it's as great as the music I hear on Initial D, I'll buy it.
Scoured the Web for Initial D soundtracks last night and I found out there were at least 9 volumes. The songs I so loved from Initial D's first season were on 3 CDs already.
Damn. I hope Feata Bookstore carries them.
One more reason for me to save up some money!
===
every night you drive me crazy like you know
every day I scream so loud you'll always be my queen
so you can be my shining star tonight
I'm not alone with all your love
fly across the sky, you will be mine
like a real dream with you, babe
gonna get you, like a space boy
I'm ready babe
gonna catch you, I'm your space boy
dive into your heart baby
gonna get you, like a space boy
I hear you babe
gonna catch you, I'm your space boy
take a chance with me baby
--Dave Rodgers, Space Boy (Initial D, D Selection 1)
===
I guess it's pretty obvious music has a heavy influence in my life, despite my inability to play any instrument (other than drums I guess).
I ought to have more CDs.
That means I ought to save more money.
It's an endless cycle.
Aaaaaahh!
===
Got to visit Helene's livejournal recently...and I can say that, for a couple of Comm Arts majors who aren't blockmates and who don't talk that often, we can relate with each other pretty well.
Actually maybe it was just another case of my overt shyness working with her. She's really a pretty approachable fellow.
Thanks Helene. You take care now okay? Stay happy and stay yourself.
===
Helene suggested I should put up some sort of feedback module on my blog...a tagboard perhaps. Unfortunately I don't like the way tagboards can be exploited, as was the case with my ex's blog. The whole time it was up, it was filled with garbage from some strangers.
Maybe I'll just wait until there's a more convenient feedback mode. But I'm considering it.
===
I never thought "System Shock" was the name of a game by Electronic Arts.
Do I get sued for misuse of name then?
Damn I hope not. C'mon, really, what's in a name? I first decided to name my blog "Culture Shock" but it was already taken. :P
===
Let me just say, I think you're a really cool friend and I've been really happy since I got to meet you.
Thanks so much Cher. I hope you and John last a long time. :)
In the meantime I'll keep your secret. :)
Ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag-I love you
Kasi, hindi na tayo tulad ng dati!
Ngayon sa akin ika'y diring-diri!
--Parokya ni Edgar, Maniwala Ka Sana
===
This really scary hissing noise creeps into the house at midnight and has been annoying the hell out of me for two days now. It sounds not unlike some hyperactive unattended kettle.
Apparently my mom heard it too...and she hypothesized that the sound might be a snake's hiss.
Yikes.
I didn't know my home was so reptile-friendly. First lizards and now snakes?
I never knew death was just under my kitchen.
===
I invited Denise over to my house last night to get some of the revisions to our thesis proposal over and done with. It felt like we spent more time being distracted and joking each other silly.
Too bad she had to leave early. We were actually in the middle of something productive when she had to go.
===
Wait a minute.
She left her birthday brownies in our fridge. :P
===
I don't have any clue as to what exactly "Super Eurobeat" is, but if it's as great as the music I hear on Initial D, I'll buy it.
Scoured the Web for Initial D soundtracks last night and I found out there were at least 9 volumes. The songs I so loved from Initial D's first season were on 3 CDs already.
Damn. I hope Feata Bookstore carries them.
One more reason for me to save up some money!
===
every night you drive me crazy like you know
every day I scream so loud you'll always be my queen
so you can be my shining star tonight
I'm not alone with all your love
fly across the sky, you will be mine
like a real dream with you, babe
gonna get you, like a space boy
I'm ready babe
gonna catch you, I'm your space boy
dive into your heart baby
gonna get you, like a space boy
I hear you babe
gonna catch you, I'm your space boy
take a chance with me baby
--Dave Rodgers, Space Boy (Initial D, D Selection 1)
===
I guess it's pretty obvious music has a heavy influence in my life, despite my inability to play any instrument (other than drums I guess).
I ought to have more CDs.
That means I ought to save more money.
It's an endless cycle.
Aaaaaahh!
===
Got to visit Helene's livejournal recently...and I can say that, for a couple of Comm Arts majors who aren't blockmates and who don't talk that often, we can relate with each other pretty well.
Actually maybe it was just another case of my overt shyness working with her. She's really a pretty approachable fellow.
Thanks Helene. You take care now okay? Stay happy and stay yourself.
===
Helene suggested I should put up some sort of feedback module on my blog...a tagboard perhaps. Unfortunately I don't like the way tagboards can be exploited, as was the case with my ex's blog. The whole time it was up, it was filled with garbage from some strangers.
Maybe I'll just wait until there's a more convenient feedback mode. But I'm considering it.
===
I never thought "System Shock" was the name of a game by Electronic Arts.
Do I get sued for misuse of name then?
Damn I hope not. C'mon, really, what's in a name? I first decided to name my blog "Culture Shock" but it was already taken. :P
===
Let me just say, I think you're a really cool friend and I've been really happy since I got to meet you.
Thanks so much Cher. I hope you and John last a long time. :)
In the meantime I'll keep your secret. :)
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Got to chat with Cher last night on YM...and I got to find out a lot about my new friend. She's probably the second or third from all my friends from the Visayas. Spent the better part of last night chatting about anything under the sun and exchanging innocent banter. I was chuckling in my seat a few times from the replies we exchanged.
She made a pretty good case for me to go to Cebu. Frankly I've never been there. I might as well go, given enough money and moolah.
At least until she joked about Cebuanos sucking human blood. Hahahahaha!
Let's do this again some time Cher.
===
The badminton tourney at Villamor AFB had begun since Saturday, and has its games every two days...that means I'm limited in my playing hours. I gotta train or play games before 5:30.
At least I got to learn how to make drop-shots. Goodbye last-minute diving for the shuttlecock.
Speaking of dives my right side still hurts when I twist or bend my body a certain way. I wonder if I should go see a physical therapist or something...
===
I got something for Denise's birthday today. I'm pretty sure it'll make her laugh.
Mwahahahahaha.
===
Cher told me that wooing Denise was probably a losing battle.
Maybe she's right.
Now I'm kinda stuck between thinking "damn I hope she's wrong" and "where do I go from here?"
===
Finally got to buy for myself the final 2 episodes of Initial D, the first season.
Man, what a race. That's easily the best street duel anywhere in the series.
===
Am high enough on Initial D to post this.
You're not bad. Just... keep your eyes on the
road, and calm down.
Which Initial D Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Not bad at all...Mako's the babe in the whole series and she drives like hell!
She made a pretty good case for me to go to Cebu. Frankly I've never been there. I might as well go, given enough money and moolah.
At least until she joked about Cebuanos sucking human blood. Hahahahaha!
Let's do this again some time Cher.
===
The badminton tourney at Villamor AFB had begun since Saturday, and has its games every two days...that means I'm limited in my playing hours. I gotta train or play games before 5:30.
At least I got to learn how to make drop-shots. Goodbye last-minute diving for the shuttlecock.
Speaking of dives my right side still hurts when I twist or bend my body a certain way. I wonder if I should go see a physical therapist or something...
===
I got something for Denise's birthday today. I'm pretty sure it'll make her laugh.
Mwahahahahaha.
===
Cher told me that wooing Denise was probably a losing battle.
Maybe she's right.
Now I'm kinda stuck between thinking "damn I hope she's wrong" and "where do I go from here?"
===
Finally got to buy for myself the final 2 episodes of Initial D, the first season.
Man, what a race. That's easily the best street duel anywhere in the series.
===
Am high enough on Initial D to post this.
You're not bad. Just... keep your eyes on the
road, and calm down.
Which Initial D Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Not bad at all...Mako's the babe in the whole series and she drives like hell!
Sunday, November 23, 2003
It's 2:30 am and I'm still awake.
What the hell am I doing at this time of night?
I've been online checking up on old friends' sites while listening to all my Pinoy alternative MP3s.
===
Been reading most of my old posts, as well. I can't believe my blog's been documenting my life for that long. Granted I've forgotten some of the details regarding the experiences, but everything written on my blog seems like it happened just the week before.
Officially my blog is 2 years old. I guess it was good reading to those who've actually bothered to follow it all the way up to now, because I felt something different when I did so. It actually felt like the experiences I wrote way way back weren't mine; they felt like they were someone else's. There was a freshness, a raw quality to my previous posts that previously wasn't there when I typed them in.
Maybe this means I did change within this past couple of years.
Or am I just deluding myself?
===
For the sake of those who actually read my blog, I ought to continue posting. I realize I have an audience (no matter how small) that actually gives a damn about how I am.
===
Accompanied my mom and sister to the Heaven Sent bazaar today at the Manila Polo Club. There I saw my classmates Isa (an MPC regular) and KD, who'd set up a small booth along with her family and friends.
A pretty welcome surprise was the appearance of TV host Tessie Tomas, who had a TV crew tag along with her to cover the bazaar floor.
Overall the bazaar was pretty good...although I didn't really enjoy it too much. I really would prefer if I went shopping in these things alone.
===
It's been ages since I posted on PEX and I was surprised at threads popping up with the title "Sacrosanct: 1982-2003."
I was shocked when I heard the news.
Sacrosanct was a female PEXer whom I met online in the Gaming forums and e-mail, and I actually got to meet her offline once too, in UM's arcade. She's the only girl I know who loves arcade fighting games---and is pretty wicked at playing them too. I remember having had a little crush on her as she was quite pretty, although I never got to know her name or be her friend offline. Still, I remember her as quite the intelligent fellow, and she had a knack for sketching too.
Imagine my shock when I learned that she had died. Kurt, a fellow PEXer, told me it was due to an overdose of some sort.
Damn!
I probably don't have the right to say this, but I really believe we lost one great human being when we lost her.
Rest in peace, Ms. Sacrosanct. You're dearly missed down here.
===
Wasn't able to go to Tara's birthday party tonight. I had no idea what the final plans were, so I didn't go.
Happy birthday Tara! ^_^
===
Woke up this morning to discover that I lost 5 lbs.
That was a welcome surprise. After months of grappling with my weight I now weigh 165 lbs. That should silence some of the critics who've told me I've gained weight after seeing me again only in three years. It actually feels like my efforts in keeping fit are working.
But do I look like I lost weight?
Hmmm. That's a good question. I bet the answers would largely point to "no."
===
C! is a worthless, gutless local car magazine. Except for the slick layout I totally regret buying the two issues I own.
Mark my words.
===
Was a surprise seeing two of my high school batchmates on TV.
Senior-year sweethearts Kit and Kristina were on the variety show "SOP" today, and they were both dancers. Kit's gotten a bit chubbier (I had trouble recognizing him at first, no thanks to him being backlit), while Kristina looked pretty much the same, bar some shiny eyeshadow.
I wonder if the two of them are still together up till now. Knowing them, I bet they still are.
===
I've been wandering aimlessly around the Internet the whole weekend. I suppose I was looking for someone or some forum to share my emotional confusion with. Writing on my blog only gets me so far. It can even make things worse for me, actually---my blog just reminds me of my situation ad nauseam.
So far I've found zilch.
===
Been to Angel's blurty page lately (why are so many people switching from blogs to Blurty?) and I came across something on platonic love. Her two cents about it were that it was an impossibility, and I replied to her in agreement.
However, from the looks of things it seems I'm being forced to be platonic with Denise. It's so hard stifling my emotions like this. The onli thing I can really do with her is to act "normally" and wait...and wait...and wait, for God knows how long. I don't even know if all this waiting I started will pay off or be in vain.
I distinctly remember saying love never wanted anything in return...but I suppose I'm only human after all.
===
To any kind souls out there reading this, I'd appreciate it if you guys sent anything in to help. I could really use the company and the solace. All this emotion for her is killing me inside, and I just can't throw it away.
What the hell am I doing at this time of night?
I've been online checking up on old friends' sites while listening to all my Pinoy alternative MP3s.
===
Been reading most of my old posts, as well. I can't believe my blog's been documenting my life for that long. Granted I've forgotten some of the details regarding the experiences, but everything written on my blog seems like it happened just the week before.
Officially my blog is 2 years old. I guess it was good reading to those who've actually bothered to follow it all the way up to now, because I felt something different when I did so. It actually felt like the experiences I wrote way way back weren't mine; they felt like they were someone else's. There was a freshness, a raw quality to my previous posts that previously wasn't there when I typed them in.
Maybe this means I did change within this past couple of years.
Or am I just deluding myself?
===
For the sake of those who actually read my blog, I ought to continue posting. I realize I have an audience (no matter how small) that actually gives a damn about how I am.
===
Accompanied my mom and sister to the Heaven Sent bazaar today at the Manila Polo Club. There I saw my classmates Isa (an MPC regular) and KD, who'd set up a small booth along with her family and friends.
A pretty welcome surprise was the appearance of TV host Tessie Tomas, who had a TV crew tag along with her to cover the bazaar floor.
Overall the bazaar was pretty good...although I didn't really enjoy it too much. I really would prefer if I went shopping in these things alone.
===
It's been ages since I posted on PEX and I was surprised at threads popping up with the title "Sacrosanct: 1982-2003."
I was shocked when I heard the news.
Sacrosanct was a female PEXer whom I met online in the Gaming forums and e-mail, and I actually got to meet her offline once too, in UM's arcade. She's the only girl I know who loves arcade fighting games---and is pretty wicked at playing them too. I remember having had a little crush on her as she was quite pretty, although I never got to know her name or be her friend offline. Still, I remember her as quite the intelligent fellow, and she had a knack for sketching too.
Imagine my shock when I learned that she had died. Kurt, a fellow PEXer, told me it was due to an overdose of some sort.
Damn!
I probably don't have the right to say this, but I really believe we lost one great human being when we lost her.
Rest in peace, Ms. Sacrosanct. You're dearly missed down here.
===
Wasn't able to go to Tara's birthday party tonight. I had no idea what the final plans were, so I didn't go.
Happy birthday Tara! ^_^
===
Woke up this morning to discover that I lost 5 lbs.
That was a welcome surprise. After months of grappling with my weight I now weigh 165 lbs. That should silence some of the critics who've told me I've gained weight after seeing me again only in three years. It actually feels like my efforts in keeping fit are working.
But do I look like I lost weight?
Hmmm. That's a good question. I bet the answers would largely point to "no."
===
C! is a worthless, gutless local car magazine. Except for the slick layout I totally regret buying the two issues I own.
Mark my words.
===
Was a surprise seeing two of my high school batchmates on TV.
Senior-year sweethearts Kit and Kristina were on the variety show "SOP" today, and they were both dancers. Kit's gotten a bit chubbier (I had trouble recognizing him at first, no thanks to him being backlit), while Kristina looked pretty much the same, bar some shiny eyeshadow.
I wonder if the two of them are still together up till now. Knowing them, I bet they still are.
===
I've been wandering aimlessly around the Internet the whole weekend. I suppose I was looking for someone or some forum to share my emotional confusion with. Writing on my blog only gets me so far. It can even make things worse for me, actually---my blog just reminds me of my situation ad nauseam.
So far I've found zilch.
===
Been to Angel's blurty page lately (why are so many people switching from blogs to Blurty?) and I came across something on platonic love. Her two cents about it were that it was an impossibility, and I replied to her in agreement.
However, from the looks of things it seems I'm being forced to be platonic with Denise. It's so hard stifling my emotions like this. The onli thing I can really do with her is to act "normally" and wait...and wait...and wait, for God knows how long. I don't even know if all this waiting I started will pay off or be in vain.
I distinctly remember saying love never wanted anything in return...but I suppose I'm only human after all.
===
To any kind souls out there reading this, I'd appreciate it if you guys sent anything in to help. I could really use the company and the solace. All this emotion for her is killing me inside, and I just can't throw it away.
Saturday, November 22, 2003
My song of the moment: Sugarfree's "Telepono."
Natatandaan mo ba, kagabi?
Apat na oras tayong nagbabad
Sa telepono
Oh, inabutan na tayo ng umaga noon
Ngunit bakit ngayon, malamig ka bigla?
Magdamag nasa tabi mo
Wala man lang hello, hello, hello...
Oh, hello?
Naririnig mo pa ba ako?
Kung wala na tayo sa telepono
At nandito na tayo sa tunay na mundo
Oh-whoa...
Oh, hello?
Di na kita naiintindihan, malabo
Na ba ang linya sa ating dal'wa?
Hello...gising ka pa kaya?
Oh, hello...nahihilo na ako sa iyo...
Ngayong gabi, pag nagri-ring
Ang telepono
Ikaw ang naiisip ko
Tumawag ka, tumawag ka
Darling please, tumawag ka naman dahil
Kailangan lamang marinig ang boses mo
Oh, ngayong gabi managinip,
Managinip muli tayo sa sarili nating mundo...
Oh, hello?
Di na kita naiintindihan, malabo
Na ba ang linya sa ating dal'wa?
Hello...gising ka pa kaya?
Oh, hello...nahihilo na ako sa iyo...
===
Been thinking about what to give Denise for her birthday, which is coming up pretty soon.
Flowers might be a little too much. I'm sick of giving away CDs. Giving away bags is old hat, I suppose (I already gave her one for her debut two years ago), and fragrances are largely off my budget.
I remember I recently joked about giving her a kiss. Much as I'd want to give her that, she'd probably chide me again for being too cheap. Heheheheh. My friend apparently has a feisty sense of humor.
Hmmm...I got three days to think about that.
===
The term is ending and once again I am struck at how quickly time actually flies in college. It seems like only yesterday when my classmates met Thai and Wujin, foreign students from Vietnam and China respectively. Now there are only 4 or so meetings left in our Market-I class...and I still barely know either of them. Man.
===
Such speed of day-to-day existence leaves me reminiscing about the "good old days" when I was still a college freshman. It really does feel like all those experiences were from some bygone era, free from the pressures of major subjects and thesis proposals. We used to have all the time in the world to hang out, cut classes, have/attend debuts and go to wherever we wanted. Needless to say that doesn't apply nowadays.
Still, it's nice how I've grown along with most of my original blockmates. I'm pretty proud that I belonged to LC24. Even though we do our own things, we still tend to gravitate toward each other.
Lately I've been treasuring the moments I spend with them nowadays. I've been having lunch with a little group composed of Denise, Ercx, Catcat and Kate, and it seems everytime we're together, all we talk about is where we're eating next (as our group seems to be permanently undecided). Silly, I know, but endearing quirks like those are the things I'll probably remember when I'm out of college.
Speaking of being out of college, I still have two more years to go. Damn. Nicole, on the other hand, has been "rubbing it in my face" that she has only two more terms to go. Man.
I bet those two years won't feel like two years at all. They'd be more like five or something.
Okay, okay, I'm rambling. :P
===
Bakit tuwing ikaw ay aking nakikita
Lumulundag ang aking puso?
Kapag ang ang tinig mo nama'y naririnig
Tahimik ang buong daigdig
Bawat gabi, mag-isa akong nag-iisip
Sana ay kapiling ka
Balak ko sana'y sabihin ko na
Ang aking nadarama
Kailan pa ito magagawa?
Kailan pagbibigyan ang tadhana?
Bukas ba? O sa makalawa?
Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?
Minsan tayo'y naiwang
Walang ibang kasama
Ngunit nang ikaw ay kaharap ko na
Hindi ko masabing mahal kita...
Kailan pa ito magagawa?
Kailan pagbibigyan ang tadhana?
Bukas ba? O sa makalawa?
Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?
- Parokya ni Edgar, "Kailan Pa"
===
I don't know about you guys, but I certainly don't feel like Christmas is approaching.
I suppose there are a lot of reasons why. First of all there's this ridiculous weather we have. It's already November and it's still so fucking hot! You'd think there'd at least be some windiness around this time, but no. Makes me wonder whether the world is polluted enough to kill us with greenhouse effect.
Next I suppose it's a function of my age. Twenty is hardly worth calling "old," but when you've outgrown Santa Claus, there isn't really a reason to look forward to Christmas. Instead one looks forward to gaining at least 5 pounds from all the eating, and losing at least PhP5,000 from all the gift-spending. It's an inverse relationship, no? Yes, friends, Christmas is a horribly materialistic feast.
Third...hmmm...maybe it's just because my mom and sis haven't gotten around to decorating the house yet.
===
I still remember the day I found our Christmas tree burning from the back side. Seriously scary shit, it was. That led to our ban on Christmas lights.
I remember how helpless I was in dealing with it, mostly because I figured out what I should do in a panic. I mean, I can't just douse water on it, as it's an electrical fire and it'll just get worse. In the end what I did was pretty pathetic but at least sensible given the nature of the fire: I blew on it with my breath.
That made my dad angry...but he didn't kill the fire either.
Looking back I realize I should've just cut the power to the tree.
===
Picked up an issue of Friday's "Young Star" section after missing it for what seems to be the longest time. Lots of new people have their columns in nowadays. One of them's model/TV host Marc Nelson ("Question Marc").
Someone wrote in about falling in love with her stepcousin, although he treats her as nothing more than his 'insan. Marc basically wrote at length about "welcome to the real world of unrequited love." Here's the start of the last paragraph:
"True, it might take some time, but if he really is such a great guy, then I'm sure he'd make a fantastic friend. This is where you have the advantage over his other admirers. To him, you're family, and therefore already a permanent part of his life. From the sounds of it you guys you guys already share a certain closeness as pinsan, so it's just a matter of developing that into further friendship when you're ready for it. In the long run, this is actually a lot more durable than if you were to become his girlfriend...So if you and he were an item now, odds are that you'd split up at one stage or another and then where would you be? Isn't it better to cultivate a friendship that would last forever?"
Hmmm...just reverse the gender roles and I wonder: is this piece of advice written for me?
===
I realize this is the biggest reason why Denise decided to keep me as a friend. At the risk of sounding egoistic, I think she treasures me enough not to want to lose me in her life.
I realize I feel the same way to her too. I never want her away from my life. She and I are each other's security blankets, I guess---we can be ourselves with each other. She and I want to be friends even until we're old and gray, and frankly this is the first time I've encountered this.
Still, I feel I'm so in love with her. I want to do so many things with her. I want her to be as happy as I can make her. I want to teach her so many things only love can teach us. I want to be in her arms after hard days.
Sigh...yes, I should welcome myself to the real world of unrequited love.
===
All the words I write simply fail to convey my emotions of the moment. I'm happy, confused, in love, slightly sad. Love is such a hard emotion to grapple with when everything else tells you not to go for it. When that happens, it hurts somewhere inside me.
Am I still hopelessly idealistic? Maybe I haven't grown up at all.
===
By all means, I ought to hang out in StupidLove.com more often.
Only problem is, whenever I visit the place seems dead. Whenever I'm off it, the place comes alive. :-\
Natatandaan mo ba, kagabi?
Apat na oras tayong nagbabad
Sa telepono
Oh, inabutan na tayo ng umaga noon
Ngunit bakit ngayon, malamig ka bigla?
Magdamag nasa tabi mo
Wala man lang hello, hello, hello...
Oh, hello?
Naririnig mo pa ba ako?
Kung wala na tayo sa telepono
At nandito na tayo sa tunay na mundo
Oh-whoa...
Oh, hello?
Di na kita naiintindihan, malabo
Na ba ang linya sa ating dal'wa?
Hello...gising ka pa kaya?
Oh, hello...nahihilo na ako sa iyo...
Ngayong gabi, pag nagri-ring
Ang telepono
Ikaw ang naiisip ko
Tumawag ka, tumawag ka
Darling please, tumawag ka naman dahil
Kailangan lamang marinig ang boses mo
Oh, ngayong gabi managinip,
Managinip muli tayo sa sarili nating mundo...
Oh, hello?
Di na kita naiintindihan, malabo
Na ba ang linya sa ating dal'wa?
Hello...gising ka pa kaya?
Oh, hello...nahihilo na ako sa iyo...
===
Been thinking about what to give Denise for her birthday, which is coming up pretty soon.
Flowers might be a little too much. I'm sick of giving away CDs. Giving away bags is old hat, I suppose (I already gave her one for her debut two years ago), and fragrances are largely off my budget.
I remember I recently joked about giving her a kiss. Much as I'd want to give her that, she'd probably chide me again for being too cheap. Heheheheh. My friend apparently has a feisty sense of humor.
Hmmm...I got three days to think about that.
===
The term is ending and once again I am struck at how quickly time actually flies in college. It seems like only yesterday when my classmates met Thai and Wujin, foreign students from Vietnam and China respectively. Now there are only 4 or so meetings left in our Market-I class...and I still barely know either of them. Man.
===
Such speed of day-to-day existence leaves me reminiscing about the "good old days" when I was still a college freshman. It really does feel like all those experiences were from some bygone era, free from the pressures of major subjects and thesis proposals. We used to have all the time in the world to hang out, cut classes, have/attend debuts and go to wherever we wanted. Needless to say that doesn't apply nowadays.
Still, it's nice how I've grown along with most of my original blockmates. I'm pretty proud that I belonged to LC24. Even though we do our own things, we still tend to gravitate toward each other.
Lately I've been treasuring the moments I spend with them nowadays. I've been having lunch with a little group composed of Denise, Ercx, Catcat and Kate, and it seems everytime we're together, all we talk about is where we're eating next (as our group seems to be permanently undecided). Silly, I know, but endearing quirks like those are the things I'll probably remember when I'm out of college.
Speaking of being out of college, I still have two more years to go. Damn. Nicole, on the other hand, has been "rubbing it in my face" that she has only two more terms to go. Man.
I bet those two years won't feel like two years at all. They'd be more like five or something.
Okay, okay, I'm rambling. :P
===
Bakit tuwing ikaw ay aking nakikita
Lumulundag ang aking puso?
Kapag ang ang tinig mo nama'y naririnig
Tahimik ang buong daigdig
Bawat gabi, mag-isa akong nag-iisip
Sana ay kapiling ka
Balak ko sana'y sabihin ko na
Ang aking nadarama
Kailan pa ito magagawa?
Kailan pagbibigyan ang tadhana?
Bukas ba? O sa makalawa?
Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?
Minsan tayo'y naiwang
Walang ibang kasama
Ngunit nang ikaw ay kaharap ko na
Hindi ko masabing mahal kita...
Kailan pa ito magagawa?
Kailan pagbibigyan ang tadhana?
Bukas ba? O sa makalawa?
Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?
- Parokya ni Edgar, "Kailan Pa"
===
I don't know about you guys, but I certainly don't feel like Christmas is approaching.
I suppose there are a lot of reasons why. First of all there's this ridiculous weather we have. It's already November and it's still so fucking hot! You'd think there'd at least be some windiness around this time, but no. Makes me wonder whether the world is polluted enough to kill us with greenhouse effect.
Next I suppose it's a function of my age. Twenty is hardly worth calling "old," but when you've outgrown Santa Claus, there isn't really a reason to look forward to Christmas. Instead one looks forward to gaining at least 5 pounds from all the eating, and losing at least PhP5,000 from all the gift-spending. It's an inverse relationship, no? Yes, friends, Christmas is a horribly materialistic feast.
Third...hmmm...maybe it's just because my mom and sis haven't gotten around to decorating the house yet.
===
I still remember the day I found our Christmas tree burning from the back side. Seriously scary shit, it was. That led to our ban on Christmas lights.
I remember how helpless I was in dealing with it, mostly because I figured out what I should do in a panic. I mean, I can't just douse water on it, as it's an electrical fire and it'll just get worse. In the end what I did was pretty pathetic but at least sensible given the nature of the fire: I blew on it with my breath.
That made my dad angry...but he didn't kill the fire either.
Looking back I realize I should've just cut the power to the tree.
===
Picked up an issue of Friday's "Young Star" section after missing it for what seems to be the longest time. Lots of new people have their columns in nowadays. One of them's model/TV host Marc Nelson ("Question Marc").
Someone wrote in about falling in love with her stepcousin, although he treats her as nothing more than his 'insan. Marc basically wrote at length about "welcome to the real world of unrequited love." Here's the start of the last paragraph:
"True, it might take some time, but if he really is such a great guy, then I'm sure he'd make a fantastic friend. This is where you have the advantage over his other admirers. To him, you're family, and therefore already a permanent part of his life. From the sounds of it you guys you guys already share a certain closeness as pinsan, so it's just a matter of developing that into further friendship when you're ready for it. In the long run, this is actually a lot more durable than if you were to become his girlfriend...So if you and he were an item now, odds are that you'd split up at one stage or another and then where would you be? Isn't it better to cultivate a friendship that would last forever?"
Hmmm...just reverse the gender roles and I wonder: is this piece of advice written for me?
===
I realize this is the biggest reason why Denise decided to keep me as a friend. At the risk of sounding egoistic, I think she treasures me enough not to want to lose me in her life.
I realize I feel the same way to her too. I never want her away from my life. She and I are each other's security blankets, I guess---we can be ourselves with each other. She and I want to be friends even until we're old and gray, and frankly this is the first time I've encountered this.
Still, I feel I'm so in love with her. I want to do so many things with her. I want her to be as happy as I can make her. I want to teach her so many things only love can teach us. I want to be in her arms after hard days.
Sigh...yes, I should welcome myself to the real world of unrequited love.
===
All the words I write simply fail to convey my emotions of the moment. I'm happy, confused, in love, slightly sad. Love is such a hard emotion to grapple with when everything else tells you not to go for it. When that happens, it hurts somewhere inside me.
Am I still hopelessly idealistic? Maybe I haven't grown up at all.
===
By all means, I ought to hang out in StupidLove.com more often.
Only problem is, whenever I visit the place seems dead. Whenever I'm off it, the place comes alive. :-\
Friday, November 21, 2003
This was a seriously shitty day. I don't know how things conspired to make my day so irritatingly maddening. It started with badminton, ended with a highway near-collision (nowhere near my fault) and left me in a state of elevated blood pressure (I'm pretty sure) for an hour or so.
I'll save you the details. It'll also help my sanity.
I'll save you the details. It'll also help my sanity.
Denise got to read my latest post, and we got to talk about it on the way home from Ercx's.
I was actually prepared for the response I got. I don't know how I was. It's probably just because I'm a little more mature about these matters and I've experienced what being in a relationship is like. (I never actually thought I would call myself anywhere near "mature.")
I am honored, though. Being one of her closest friends isn't something to be scoffed at, and she was afraid of losing me had we taken the step I mulled over. Somewhere in my heart I know I should feel depressed about what essentially is a rejection from her, but I don't mind not being so if it meant having her with me. I suppose the best way to sum this all up is that love doesn't seek return, and I still do love her so.
We held hands in the van. I know this sort of thing's reserved for those in a relationship, but we held hands quite naturally and she never pulled away. She mulled over my mentioning the "My Best Friend's Wedding" scenario: if we weren't involved with anyone by a certain age, we'd marry each other.
"Are you serious about it?" She asked me.
I guess I was. Barring any other circumstances, I was. No one can say what time has in store for us, though.
We promised to be friends for the longest possible time, and that no alienation would happen in between us---tomorrow or whenever. To me anyway, it doesn't feel like that'll happen with us, seeing how we've settled into each other's lives.
I managed to sneak in an "I love you" before she alighted.
===
When I got home I plopped into bed and slept right away. I didn't bother with my usual nightly rituals. I simply slept carrying all these emotions with me.
I was actually prepared for the response I got. I don't know how I was. It's probably just because I'm a little more mature about these matters and I've experienced what being in a relationship is like. (I never actually thought I would call myself anywhere near "mature.")
I am honored, though. Being one of her closest friends isn't something to be scoffed at, and she was afraid of losing me had we taken the step I mulled over. Somewhere in my heart I know I should feel depressed about what essentially is a rejection from her, but I don't mind not being so if it meant having her with me. I suppose the best way to sum this all up is that love doesn't seek return, and I still do love her so.
We held hands in the van. I know this sort of thing's reserved for those in a relationship, but we held hands quite naturally and she never pulled away. She mulled over my mentioning the "My Best Friend's Wedding" scenario: if we weren't involved with anyone by a certain age, we'd marry each other.
"Are you serious about it?" She asked me.
I guess I was. Barring any other circumstances, I was. No one can say what time has in store for us, though.
We promised to be friends for the longest possible time, and that no alienation would happen in between us---tomorrow or whenever. To me anyway, it doesn't feel like that'll happen with us, seeing how we've settled into each other's lives.
I managed to sneak in an "I love you" before she alighted.
===
When I got home I plopped into bed and slept right away. I didn't bother with my usual nightly rituals. I simply slept carrying all these emotions with me.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Maybe all my efforts of looking for crushes weren't such a good idea. It seems I already had someone I should seriously consider right beside me.
I remember I documented in this blog way, way back about my feelings for Denise. I remember quite foggily that I sort of promised to let the two of us remain as friends. Now it seems I didn't quite keep that promise. It feels like I was silently keeping all my emotions for her all this time---and the shocking thing is, I didn't even know about it myself until recently.
Last night, while en route to Ercx's house to work on our thesis, she told us that she'd be coming home late and that we should go somewhere to spend the time until then.
After a lengthy dinner and conversation at Hen Lin, Denise and I decided to head back to my parked car to talk, as we were getting conscious of our stale welcome. While in the car I popped the question.
"Hypothetically speaking, how would you react if I courted you?"
She looked at me with a quizzical look and was silent for a while. Then she reacted, "But we're friends..."
It seems Denise had reservations about her close friends becoming "too close." I already knew this from previous experience. But as the question went on I learned some things.
She had become jaded about love and happiness and all these happily ending love stories commercialized on TV and in the movies. She confided in me that she didn't believe the real world acted in that rose-tinted glasses sort of way, and that she just might be a pessimist after all. I related to her my personal experience on this.
After that she asked, "Why me? I'm not girlfriend material..."
===
This was a pivotal question. I had mulled over this quite seriously and I really don't believe her when she says that.
See, Denise is the kind of person I could talk about anything and everything about. Whenever I'm with her, I don't feel like I need to hide anything. I'm as close as I can get to being genuinely me when I am graced with her company. I believe I knew this from way, way back---even before I delved into my first relationship.
I won't deny that she's physically attractive to me too. She might grumble about having gained weight but I don't really care. I don't even notice it. I even know for a fact that she has this charm over guys that maybe she just doesn't acknowledge. I can't quite explain it fully but maybe it's because she makes people feel like they can be themselves---she's not stuck up or anything like that.
I left this all unsaid. All I said was: "Never think you're not girlfriend material, because you are."
===
I slowly began to feel this old familiar sense of warmth in my chest---the sort that arises when you want to be with someone you love. I'm not saying I'm in love with her, but I might as well be. At this point in time, I've known enough about Denise to know that she's worth giving my heart to. I know enough about her to realize that if I ever did fall in love with her, I would be sure I didn't force myself into feeling the emotion, like I did so many times in high school.
I suppose I was, and am, being persistent about this to her in sneaky ways like in mid-conversation. Maybe that was just a subconscious manifestation of my true feelings, and this was simply the full monty of manifestations.
Still, I am afraid. Denise told me she would so wish it for the two of us to be friends until we were old and gray, and I echo that sentiment. She had written and told me that I had become one of her closest friends, and I was quite touched. As much as I am sure about my feelings for her, I wouldn't want to force her into loving me. Nor would I want to delve into something deeper, yet risk losing what friendship we already had.
I had ideal thoughts of a relationship simply being a deeper form of friendship, and that if the relationship were to fail, there was always the friendship to fall back on. My experience with Pam tells me this just isn't the case with some people.
===
When I drove up to Denise's village and it was time for her to leave, I was seriously considering giving her a kiss---one on her cheek would be enough. I know I joked about it as my birthday present for her, but when we were on our way home, I was quite serious. For the first time, I really wanted to hug her tight and kiss her.
I didn't.
I suppose I had "scared" her enough already, and I didn't want to force anything. Besides, who knows who was inside the red Sentra that was supposed to pick her up. If it had been her father, I would've been had at least a good telling-to.
I adore the feeling I get when I realize I have loved somebody, but I should admit I don't like the feeling of anxiety or indecision over whether my love will be requited or not.
Truth be told, it feels like we're an informal couple, Denise and I. We're always together, we're always laughing, we're always happy with each other. The only thing missing is the tenderness.
Sigh...
===
If you decide to read this, Denise, I hope you simply take all of this as an entire blog post about you and how great a person you are. How you will react to what I have written is beyond my control. Just be aware that I am very thankful that I got to know someone like you in my life.
I remember I documented in this blog way, way back about my feelings for Denise. I remember quite foggily that I sort of promised to let the two of us remain as friends. Now it seems I didn't quite keep that promise. It feels like I was silently keeping all my emotions for her all this time---and the shocking thing is, I didn't even know about it myself until recently.
Last night, while en route to Ercx's house to work on our thesis, she told us that she'd be coming home late and that we should go somewhere to spend the time until then.
After a lengthy dinner and conversation at Hen Lin, Denise and I decided to head back to my parked car to talk, as we were getting conscious of our stale welcome. While in the car I popped the question.
"Hypothetically speaking, how would you react if I courted you?"
She looked at me with a quizzical look and was silent for a while. Then she reacted, "But we're friends..."
It seems Denise had reservations about her close friends becoming "too close." I already knew this from previous experience. But as the question went on I learned some things.
She had become jaded about love and happiness and all these happily ending love stories commercialized on TV and in the movies. She confided in me that she didn't believe the real world acted in that rose-tinted glasses sort of way, and that she just might be a pessimist after all. I related to her my personal experience on this.
After that she asked, "Why me? I'm not girlfriend material..."
===
This was a pivotal question. I had mulled over this quite seriously and I really don't believe her when she says that.
See, Denise is the kind of person I could talk about anything and everything about. Whenever I'm with her, I don't feel like I need to hide anything. I'm as close as I can get to being genuinely me when I am graced with her company. I believe I knew this from way, way back---even before I delved into my first relationship.
I won't deny that she's physically attractive to me too. She might grumble about having gained weight but I don't really care. I don't even notice it. I even know for a fact that she has this charm over guys that maybe she just doesn't acknowledge. I can't quite explain it fully but maybe it's because she makes people feel like they can be themselves---she's not stuck up or anything like that.
I left this all unsaid. All I said was: "Never think you're not girlfriend material, because you are."
===
I slowly began to feel this old familiar sense of warmth in my chest---the sort that arises when you want to be with someone you love. I'm not saying I'm in love with her, but I might as well be. At this point in time, I've known enough about Denise to know that she's worth giving my heart to. I know enough about her to realize that if I ever did fall in love with her, I would be sure I didn't force myself into feeling the emotion, like I did so many times in high school.
I suppose I was, and am, being persistent about this to her in sneaky ways like in mid-conversation. Maybe that was just a subconscious manifestation of my true feelings, and this was simply the full monty of manifestations.
Still, I am afraid. Denise told me she would so wish it for the two of us to be friends until we were old and gray, and I echo that sentiment. She had written and told me that I had become one of her closest friends, and I was quite touched. As much as I am sure about my feelings for her, I wouldn't want to force her into loving me. Nor would I want to delve into something deeper, yet risk losing what friendship we already had.
I had ideal thoughts of a relationship simply being a deeper form of friendship, and that if the relationship were to fail, there was always the friendship to fall back on. My experience with Pam tells me this just isn't the case with some people.
===
When I drove up to Denise's village and it was time for her to leave, I was seriously considering giving her a kiss---one on her cheek would be enough. I know I joked about it as my birthday present for her, but when we were on our way home, I was quite serious. For the first time, I really wanted to hug her tight and kiss her.
I didn't.
I suppose I had "scared" her enough already, and I didn't want to force anything. Besides, who knows who was inside the red Sentra that was supposed to pick her up. If it had been her father, I would've been had at least a good telling-to.
I adore the feeling I get when I realize I have loved somebody, but I should admit I don't like the feeling of anxiety or indecision over whether my love will be requited or not.
Truth be told, it feels like we're an informal couple, Denise and I. We're always together, we're always laughing, we're always happy with each other. The only thing missing is the tenderness.
Sigh...
===
If you decide to read this, Denise, I hope you simply take all of this as an entire blog post about you and how great a person you are. How you will react to what I have written is beyond my control. Just be aware that I am very thankful that I got to know someone like you in my life.
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