Dread is my predominant mood these days.

I dread doing school stuff. I dread actually having to attend what I know are worthless classes. I dread the impending close of the present trimester and with it all the things I have to do. The "event" project for MARKEVE. The PR campaign and defense for MARKPUB. The final exams for SALETAX. Pretty much the only school-related thing I enjoy doing is the layout of the children's book class project for FILIPI3, of which I'm about 70% complete.

I'm actually being a truant student now after so many years of stomaching the work. I don't even feel anything about Pops and me not doing my task. I guess this is what people call getting burned out. I don't see the point anymore, honestly. I'll be out of here in a few months anyway. I might as well sit in the many free computer labs and rot in my chair while getting absorbed into the Internet. Let the new blood replace tired and worn old university "relics" like me.

All that time spent on the Internet usually goes to three things: Honda Club Philippines, G.O.U.F., and MechaPinoy. Even so I admit to getting tired of seeing the same old, same old day in and day out. G.O.U.F., especially, has lot of annoying posters that type in super-idiotic questions, and the moderators seem to be dour, lifeless puritan types that spring into action at the very instance of out-of-line behavior. Good grief.

I'm usually alone these days as well. I've been making half-hearted efforts to reach out and find new people to talk to and old company to keep, but they're either too busy with their own lives or are too shallow in thinking for me to take a serious interest in them.
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I've been dismantling and rebuilding some of my model kits, and I've discovered the wonders of plain old Elmer's White Glue (EWG) in the process.

A dried layer of EWG is very helpful to reduce excessive play and floppiness in some mobile suit parts. Applied it onto my MG Strike Rouge's Aile Striker flight pack, on its folding wings, where they have problems staying up. After layering some EWG the joints have tightened up quite nicely, and the wings still fold while keeping their position. It works so darned well that I put some on the waist ball joint too, so that the MS stays upright and doesn't lean back due to the heavy Aile Striker.

I put in more EWG on my MG Wing Gundam ver.Ka, especially on the shoulder pegs, the wing hinges, the backpack swingarm and the overly loose right leg's lower knee joint. Worked like a charm. Apparently I hadn't installed the arms firmly enough too so my earlier comments of its arms being pathetically weak are partly my own fault.

I'm beginning to think of unique paint schemes for my kits too. My painted HG Duel Gundam is still 50% complete, but this early I plan to apply paint to my bigger kits. Fichtenfoo.com has a great rendition of the MG Wing Gundam ver.Ka that I might find some inspiration from.
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Reconstructing, rebuilding, solving problems and painting my current kits is all cheaper than buying a new one. It didn't stop me from getting an HGUC black Rick Dias though. Couldn't help it---it was half price, and I was going to get it sooner or later.

Talk about throwing a wrench into my future model kit plans. I was planning to use the money on something else.
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There was this recent column on the STAR that had me thinking. It was about a woman who had a very close guy friend, and they knew each other inside out. Both of them found each other mutually attractive, but they never actually got romantically involved with one another.

Why?

One reason I remembered with clarity was that now that they knew the traits each other's perfect partner should have, had they ended up together they would have had trouble living up to those expectations.

Besides it was better for them to remain the way they were. There is always the danger of not being able to go back to the original friendship if the relationship doesn't work out.

The guy is now married, but his wife allows her husband's "girl best friend" to hang out just like they used to, as she understands her place in her husband's life.

That got me thinking. Wouldn't it have been a lot better if I never proceeded to think with my dick and get her as my now-ex-girlfriend? I imagine the friendship described in the article would have been a lot like what my ex and I had. I suppose the fault of losing her as one of my best friends lies squarely on my shoulders. I now understand why Denise never considered me as boyfriend material.

Well anyway, so what would this mean for me in the future, in terms of romantic relationships? I suppose continuing my old habit of "friends first, possible lovers second" would be pointless. I guess I'll have to develop enough guts to get girls I like to go out with me for at least 3 dates.

No more friends-to-lovers scenarios. I'll have to wing it from now on.
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Speaking of Denise...I guess I've finally outgrown her.

Nowadays I don't even feel like talking to her all that much. To my surprise I noticed a certain formula she uses whenever she talks to me, and the said formula's just worn a little too thin on me to have much of an effect. She just doesn't appeal to me anymore. It's akin to eating one too many pineapples because they're so damn good, and when you eat one more, you notice your sense of taste gets destroyed as your tongue tells you the thing's bloody bitter.

That said, I have to say I took my fucking bloody time outgrowing her. Goodness. I feel insipid.