about the talking fish

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Writer. Wheelman. Occasional DIY mechanic. Walking collection of hang-ups. Hopeless romantic. Old-school. Analog soul in a digital world. I am all of these things and more.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

There are people in my really close circle of friends that I truly, deeply care about, yet I've taken it as a given that they'll never fully reciprocate my feelings because of the nature of our relationship as longtime friends.

I know I've lambasted the idea of falling in love with friends before. Yeah I know it's doomed to fail, from personal experience. And yes I know it's messy. But dammit, given the kind of person I am, there are only so many meaningful people I meet along the way---and I believe I've already met 80% of the people that will matter to me the most till the day I croak. Why not give it a shot?

I've been by her side all this time, longer than I thought, encouraging her whenever I get the chance (increasingly rarely nowadays) and listening to her problems. I'm convinced we can connect in that really special way. I just hope my aspirations are true.

For all the tacit demeanor and romantic nonchalance I show, inside I'm just yearning for someone to love me, and how I wish it could be her. I sound pathetic, I know, but I'm too damn lonely to care.

Love being a two-way street is both a blessing and a curse, I swear.
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Got to watch PETA's play "Ang Palasyo ni Valentin" on a rainy Thursday night after having the OJT work plan discussed to us. Gorgeous play, really---and it's the kind that people aren't doing enough of these days. There isn't much of a motivation these days to write stories about undying love. "Valentin" is a pretty good wake-up call.
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Went to visit my ex's blog on a whim. After 30 seconds' exposure I turned around and walked away, thinking "What the hell am I doing?!"

My ex is nothing more than another ghost to exorcise from the deepest recesses of my memory. Yet I seem to be condemned never to be able to forget.

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