DISCLAIMER:
Okay, I've been very silent the past few weeks. I haven't posted anything here in such a long time. In reality however, I've been mulling over a few personal problems over the course of my "sabbatical". I just didn't feel as if posting personal problems here would be any good simply because they'll cease to be personal the second I hit the "publish" button on my blog editor. Worse, I feel responsible for the egos and feelings I may hurt in posting my thoughts. I'll hide any real-life characters behind fictional names just in case.

Anyway...(sigh)...here goes shit...

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Erik and I are newfound college friends, coming from different schools. During our first term the two of us were good buddies; it seemed like we thought and acted alike, with a few differences (e.g. he smokes and I don't, he likes R&B while I loathe it, etc.).

When the second term started I [slowly] realized that Erik was drifting away from our group. He was smoking more often and he later seemed dazed and distracted, as if he lost his focus somewhat. I was late in realizing that he'd broken up with his girlfriend at the end of the first term (around September), which I believe is the reason for his behavior. Being the friend I am, I told him about what I felt and he was okay about it.

As the 2nd term went along, I found myself getting acquainted with Denise. To put it bluntly, I'll admit I recently developed a crush on her. I was beginning to think about whether I should go court her, or simply remain her friend until some other time. I was still mulling about this when Erik came into the picture and began to get close with Denise as well. She's been very receptive to his charms.

To be honest, I think I'm way behind compared to Erik. People who've known me a long time know me as a torpe guy...your timid unromantic loser incapable of making the first move. Erik, in comparison, has had previous relationship(s)...it doesn't take much of a genius to find out who wins out over whom. Other people have noticed this going on and are left uneasy about it.

Here's my problem. Although it makes me jealous and irritated to see Erik and Denise with each other directly in front of me, I feel I'm not obligated to tell any of them how angry/annoyed I really feel. First off, both people are my friends. I don't want to lose them, especially Erik, since I'm actually more concerned about his behavior than most, even though I'm reserved about it. Second, I've heard that Denise's reception toward Manny is her normal treatment toward her male friends. Without being too forward, I am just worried that Erik might be patching up the hole left by his recent breakup with a love that doesn't quite hold its weight in gold, much less water. Lastly, I am now questioning whether or not Denise is a friend of mine worth keeping or not...not because of something she's consciously done, but because of her underlying behavior. If I may put it correctly, I think Denise has successfully teased both Erik and I, either consciously or unconsciously.

I've been thinking about this over the last week, and I think the best way to solve this is to stay away from both of them and act with full restraint. Not because I detest them, but because this is what I think is the right decision. Sacrifices must be made, and although I personally feel I've been making too many of them in my short life, I willfully concede to Erik if it's going to help our friendship in any way.

If anyone even reads this blog, please e-mail me your thoughts. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

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We had this volleyball game yesterday against another block. We won! Although I really feel I should practice more...

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It's kind of sad knowing that the girl you like is being courted by your best friend. When I look back at my high school days (and how I loathe looking back at high school days), I regret the many times I developed crushes on girls with boyfriends or suitors. When will I ever grow myself the spine to court the girl(s) I like? I feel like a hopeless case.