I'm about to lose my anchor

My colleague and friend Grace is leaving us for greener pastures...much to the shock and bewilderment of many on our team. Tomorrow is the start of her final week.

While I can't deny I got saddened and a little infuriated because I didn't know about this sooner, I can't really help things by stewing. Instead I decided to give her birthday gift three weeks early. Good for me I already bought it in advance.

Ever since she got that Olympus Mju 770SW camera of hers, she's been taking snapshot upon snapshot with it on her many travels. Knowing how quirky her taste is and how frequently she shoots, I got her a Joby Gorillapod Classic as an investment for her photographic hobby. Wow, did she rave like a little kid when she opened it. Apparently she'd been wishing for one for a while after seeing one of her mountain-climbing friends bring one, and I just so happened to be the fairy godmoth...uh, godfather. Moments after opening the Gorillapod, she affectionately called it "Gorio."

We've had our share of problems but she's still my anchor to my other colleagues. Even though I was gradually weaning myself from her, nothing could have prepared me for her total departure. She was a bright bit of sunshine the whole time I knew her. All I can do is leave her with a few good memories while she's here and hope for the best for her in Switzerland.

Thank you, Gracey. Barclays definitely won't be the same without you.

The consequences of "first-child syndrome" fuelled by rage

I'm stuck in the notion that I can actually change things by sheer force of will and a lot of vitriol.

Even though I know I can't, I still engage in this idiotic, idiosyncratic folly.

Go with the flow, people say.

I can't.

I'm the proverbial salmon, fighting the tide and going upstream with no rational explanation, except for thinking things should go exactly the way I envision them to be. I want people to follow the rules. I want people to be conscious of the rules even if they aren't being enforced properly.

I want them to think, dammit! I want them to reciprocate! I want them to feel guilty before they commit to something stupid!

Sigh.

What an enormous waste of energy and willpower attributable to what our priest calls "first-child syndrome."

GAH! I feel nauseous. I am a failed Dr. Gregory House clone. At least his browbeating and overbearing behavior actually gets results. In contrast people just look at me and silently scream "What the fuck's this guy's problem?"



I have to let go at some point. I hope I don't get to the point where all the coiled-up tension and animosity just snaps my springs.

Socializing 101

When someone greets you hello after a long time, the proper thing to do is to greet them back.

What you don't do is give some cryptically sarcastic, uncalled-for reply that makes the other party actually feel bad that he/she greeted you in the first place.

Is that not correct? Of course it is.

Then why are you doing precisely the wrong thing?

Ah well, whatever. That's not for me to lose sleep and grow wrinkles and eyebags over.

Contradictory wisdom, part 1

Not everything can be explained by statistics. Intangibles are what will give you the edge over others.

So says my "big brother" at work, PJ. I suppose that's true.

Unfortunately not enough people pick up on those intangibles...which is why sometimes it really, really makes sense to follow Ayrton Senna's advice:

Nice guys don't win.

Gift-giving has its rewards...I guess

Giving presents should be a straightforward process, right?

Apparently, it isn't always that way. You see, it feels like a waste of effort and money when I hear the present isn't being enjoyed the way it's supposed to be.

I've prepared a number of gifts for my friends at work. The problem is they seldom have the time to fully enjoy what I give them...and so far my contributions have ranged from books to CDs to a free trip to the spa as a "job well done" treat.

I know it's the thought that counts, but knowing that they actually enjoyed my gift counts just that little bit more.

Rest in peace, Colin McRae.

An acquaintance of mine from an old forum I used to frequent sent me news that Colin McRae just died in a helicopter crash.

McRae's wins in the World Rally Championship while driving the Subaru Legacy WRC were my formal introduction to the world of rallying. The man loved racing in any and almost all forms: he also participated in the Paris-Dakar Rally and I know he tested Bentley's Speed Six Le Mans racer for Autocar a few times. Not many people liked him for being a colorful character, but you can't deny he had buckets of talent.

Next to the also-recently-deceased Richard Burns, I consider McRae the consummate rally driver. He will be missed.

The illusion of forgiveness

We're taught to think that sins can be forgiven, bad habits can be abolished and a return to innocence is possible.

Is that really the case?

From personal experience I know my doubts aren't simply unfounded. Old habits are hard to get rid of, if at all possible. Sins can be forgiven perhaps, but it's impractical to totally forget what people have done to us due to their character flaws---and vice versa. It's just the natural thing to do to cover our asses.

A return to innocence? Let's just say we're all dirty washcloths. The water used to supposedly launder us of our adulterations unfortunately can't be drained and changed.

Battle Gear 4 for me, thanks

I tried Initial D 4 again. Sure enough, my suspicions of "invisible walls" are confirmed, at least on Akagi and Shin-Myogi. Colliding against these things slows me down to an inexplicably sluggish pace that I have so much trouble recovering from.

This isn't stopping the game from gaining relative popularity though. Well, the players can have it. At this point I can say I'm through with Initial D 4.

As far as I'm concerned, if I wanted a satisfying driving game I'd play Battle Gear 4. No invisible walls of frustration, no sluggish response from the wheel and a much more realistic driving experience make this my arcade racer of choice for realism.

Besides, I already have my own car and I've slain more than my share of giants in real life. People can harp about realism and my sucking in arcade driving games all they want. However, I've already humiliated a fair number of hotshot drivers on the streets---I have nothing else to prove.

Four years in the making

I haven't seen my friend Kathy in the longest time, so I was glad when we finally got the chance to go out last night.

After her party and my weekend work session, we met up at Shangri-la Plaza. The place is unfamiliar to both our peepers, so we ended up consulting the directory on where to go. After buying movie tickets, we ambled our way to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner, conversation and jokes.

We had an hour to burn before the movie began, so we simply walked around and window-shopped while laughing our guts out and making fools of ourselves.

Then "Hairspray" began. We marveled at newcomer and headliner Nikki Blonsky's perky sweetness, an in-drag John Travolta showing what he could have been before Saturday Night Fever, laughed at Christopher Walken's kooky gags and gasped at Michelle Pfeiffer's mean bitchy streak.

When big girl Tracy Turnblad's (Blonsky) dream to star on "The Corny Collins Show" comes true, she becomes a catalyst for social change as she fights for integration of African-Americans and plus-size women on TV in Baltimore, circa 1962. The movie is simply wonderful, both in message and execution, and within the first five minutes I decided I was going to buy this soundtrack.

In short, we had a rollicking good time.

Thanks Kathy! We should do this more often. I hope it doesn't take another four years.

"Everything's fine in the morning"

I absolutely love this song.

Little child, be not afraid
Though rain pounds harsh against the glass
Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight

Little child, be not afraid
Though thunder explodes and lightning crash
Illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight

And someday you'll know
That nature is so
The same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
On forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you'll see
In the morning

Little child, be not afraid
Though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
And its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight

Little child, be not afraid
Though wind makes creatures of our trees
And their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
And I am here tonight

And someday you'll know
That nature is so
The same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
On forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you'll see
In the morning

For you know, once even I was a
Little child, and I was afraid
But a gentle someone always came
To dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
And to give a kiss goodnight

Well now I am grown
And these years have shown
That rain's a part of how life goes
But it's dark and it's late
So I'll hold you and wait
'Til your frightened eyes do close

And I hope that you'll know
That nature is so
The same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
On forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you'll see
In the morning

Everything's fine in the morning,
The rain'll be gone in the morning,
But I'll still be here in the morning...

- Vienna Teng with Tiffany Shih, "Lullaby for a Stormy Night"

Celluloid wisdom

Over lunch, we got to watch "The Pursuit of Happyness." Say what you will about Will Smith, but apart from a few errors in continuity and history this movie is just about perfect...and Smith does put in a very very good performance.

At its core it's a heartwarming true story about a father in San Francisco who is determined to make ends meet and become successful in the worst possible circumstances. He has a five-year-old son, his wife leaves him for work in New York, he sells portable bone-density scanners no one wants and soon enough he's homeless. And while without a salary, he's trying for an internship only one person out of a batch of would-be stockbrokers will get.

What's admirable about Chris Gardner is how he took it all on the chin. In the face of adversity, he left the bare minimum of time to mope, if he did at all. Then he moved on to what he thought was the next best course of action.

And he did all this without leaving his son's side. His son knew first-hand what kind of a man his old man was.

One of the film's initial scenes is a downcast Chris watching a horde of happy stockbrokers. "What makes them so damn happy?" he muses. At the very end, we see him raising his hands, crying in joy, merging with the same crowd after all the hardship he had gone through.
===

Quotes of the moment:

"Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something, not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they want to tell you you can't do it. You want something, you go get it. Period."
- Chris Gardner to his son, "The Pursuit of Happyness"

"You know what the problem with you is? You don't know when you've won."
- Jacob Fuller to Seth Gecko, "From Dusk Till Dawn"

The "My Accenture" party photos

Not much of an update today, except for my uploaded photos of the recently concluded "My Accenture" party I was talking about in previous posts.

Click here to check them out. Enjoy!

Bumming out is healthy

My ten-day vacation comes to an end tonight. Tomorrow it's back to the same old Tuesday grind, waking up at 6 am to haul my ass to the office by 7 and avoid the MMDA.

What did I do the whole time I was out?

I had my "live" facial mole removed, for one. I'm now living with the post-operation idiosyncrasies: not wetting the wound for three days, applying antibiotic ointment, and contending with the Tegaderm bandage that refuses to stay still because of the location of my mole. It's so conveniently located on the corner of my mouth. After two weeks I'll see if this was all worth it.

A visit to the HMO clinic was also in my itinerary. I had a blood test done, but the doctor was quick to rule out anything wrong with my endocrine system. The proof's going to come tomorrow with the result of the blood test.

Yes, I went to Trinoma again...and you already know my impressions of the place. You also know what happened during the party last Saturday. Watching the Turkish Grand Prix was also on the menu but that doesn't need a vacation to do.

One of the things I said I missed was playing involving video games for hours on end. It turns out I didn't have to look very far. I already had a few pretty good games here I just didn't get to play anymore, most notably "Super Robot Wars: Original Generation" on the Game Boy Advance. That turn-based strategy game is so demanding of micro-management it turned me off the first time I played it, but now I finally understand how it all works. It takes me hours to get through individual missions, though.

It was a good vacation, and the break from work was much appreciated despite the lack of money for a trip or some other event of the sort. Unfortunately all things must come to an end, and too much of a tension-free time like this will make me dull.

I think I'll do this again in a few months.

Oh, and did I mention I managed a surprise 13.521 km/L?

Of hoarse voices, anonymity and mole removal

Today marks the formal introduction of the two-month-old Accenture Chorale Group to the general public, via the "My Accenture" party at the PICC Forum. We've been rehearsing over the weekends and holidays for this day and our five-song lineup.

While we were a little irked at how the other celebrities kept pushing our performance time back, when we finally did perform, we didn't disappoint and our "hello" was greeted by appreciative applause. That, despite the many errors I committed and my voice running hoarse. We sang "Ode to Joy," "Ewan," "With A Little Help From My Friends" and our piece de resistance, "Seasons of Love."

Sugarfree totally rocks. They rocked out at center stage this afternoon to the whole crowd's delight, and this is the first time I got to watch them live. I couldn't resist taking snapshots and video. After their performance I even saw frontman Ebe Dancel watching the proceedings, hiding in relative anonymity after taking a leak. I wanted to meet the man and shake his hand, but due to our moving performance time I decided not to. Shame.

Today also marks my first public appearance after having my biggest mole removed...the live one on the right corner of my mouth. Because of the transparent adhesive covering to prevent infection, and the bleeding from the wound that just won't turn into a scab, people looked at me with the general expression of shock and the question of "what happened to you?" I don't think the wound's going to scab anytime soon because of the location, too---it's ridiculously hard to keep dry and still because I need to eat, drink, talk and sing.

That thick, big mole has become something of an identifying mark for me, a "signature" if you will. I had it removed for convenience and avoiding it from turning malignant, but that came at a rather hefty price that means I haven't had anything left to save. Sheesh.

Visiting the mall with the weird name

Everyone seems to be talking about that new mall in Quezon City called Trinoma. With this, Ayala is giving SM North Edsa some serious competition. Since I had the whole week off I decided to finally give it a visit.

Twice.

I don't know about you, but compared to Greenbelt, Alabang Town Center and Glorietta, Trinoma's parking complex is a huge mess. The whole place is too dark, and the roads snake around with no discernable pattern to them. There aren't enough signs to lead you to where you want to go, either. Most irritating is the way the levels have been set up---you can't go back down a level without having to pay for your parking ticket, and when you do go down, it's in one fell swoop.

When I finally got out of my Jazz and explored the area on foot, I found a decent mall with socking big halls. Around 40% of the stores are still closed, but the open shops are a good mix. A shame there aren't any ATMs apart from BPI's. I was expecting a mind-blowing mall layout, but Trinoma is just big and wide---a few stops short of plain-looking. Despite the Zen garden in the topmost level, it's definitely not a patch on Greenbelt.

One brownie point for Trinoma is its food court, though. I had Singapore-style black pepper chicken cutlet at Cavana for dinner and came away thoroughly pleased with the slow-burning spiciness. Other than that, my melon remains untwisted.

Makati is still my weekend haunt of choice.

Initial D 4 vs. Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3

Initial D 4 is finally out and I've just tried it.

First thing's first: the game is ridiculously expensive at PhP30 a pop. Okay, that's fair enough, but the thicker newfangled IC Card costs the equivalent of four games. Gulp.

Okay then. I buy a card, put in my usual car (a black Mazda RX-8 Type S) and go take it for a spin. There are a number of new courses now: Lake Akina is the new beginner loop track, while the previously looping Myogi has become a downhill/uphill mountain pass and thus much harder than before. At the very end of the difficulty ladder is Tsukuba. For my first few games I tried Myogi. It's much wider than the other mountain passes but it's also pretty challenging.

Unfortunately this is the biggest failing of Initial D 4: it feels almost artificially hard. While battling against Takeshi Nakazato and his R32 Skyline GT-R, I found it too easy to lose control of my drifts and I was colliding against invisible "walls" that logically should not exist. I kept losing against Nakazato no matter what I did.

I appreciate the fact that actual drifts are now part of the game, but it's nowhere near as intuitive as it should be. I doubt it's just the learning curve.

My gaming money goes to Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3, thanks. Cheaper, more intuitive and faster to boot---the only thing I don't like is the horde of game hogs that load up PhP1000 on their cards and play the whole afternoon away.

"Seasons of Love"

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife, in
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love...
Seasons of love
Seasons of love...

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned or the way that she died?
It's time now to sing out though the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love...
Seasons of love
Seasons of love...

- from the Broadway play "Rent"

Jaded

Once again, Cher, you prove that you are indeed my fwend, because you can see right through me even though we've never met in person.

That's right, my day-to-day life is no fun at all. Maybe that's why, try as I might, I've had difficulty with saving as I keep squandering my money on pointless things. I am lonely but I am tired of trying to fit in with colleagues whom I know will never laugh or marvel at the same things I do. My laugh seems loud and full but frequntly it's just an act I put on.

Despite being jaded, I'm still hoping for someone to come along and prove that I can live my life laughing. I'm still hoping that someone could make me see the joy in things I've dismissed as overhyped.

I'm still waiting, but I'm not sure for how long I'll be willing to.

Aural sanctuary

Spelunking around malls on my frequent window-shopping weekends, I've come across many a gadget store and checked out the wares being sold. Usually the ones I fancy run the gamut of digital audio players, cellphones and computer parts like hard disks and flash drives.

One gadget that can't be ignored as of late: headphones and earphones. Headphones I already know well, but my curiosity got piqued when I found tech stores selling fancy earphones for a whopping PhP21,000. What could be so good about a couple of funny-looking earbuds that, on initial impression, just look like they fit better than normal ones? That most earbuds don't fit my finicky ears doesn't help either.

Lucky for me, not all these so-called canalphones or in-ear monitors (IEMs) sell at such exorbitant prices. I chanced upon Creative's EP-635s, costing a much more reasonable (though still pricey) PhP1,500, and I decided to try these IEMs with their fit-adjusting exchangable tips for myself.

Initially I dreaded I may have wasted my money. Bass was a bit lacking, and high notes seemed a little scratchy. It wasn't until I figured out the proper fit of these 'phones---fitting the biggest silicone rubber tips, then twisting them all the way into my ears for an airtight seal---that I realized what the fuss was about.

Instantly I was 80% isolated from the normal noise of my workplace, with nothing but the music and the sounds of my own breathing and swallowing. The satisfying bass thump on my trance CDs began to fill my head, vocals sounded clearer at just 15% total volume, and I could hear instruments on my rock CDs I never noticed before. This was aural sanctuary, and I loved it!

This doesn't mean I condone spending almost twenty times that amount for a Shure E500PTH, but now I'm a convert and I can see why some people spend serious cash on these tiny things.

Modified cars, stupid drivers

When visibility is poor, the roads are wet and the rain is pouring in buckets, I don't understand why there are idiots on the road who still insist on doing everything wrong---passing from the right, not turning on headlights, tailgating at high speed, and getting to within inches of a collision.

All in my Wednesday morning commute, folks.

I kept the pressure from this C5-charging white ES Civic at bay today, and narrowly avoided the low, low bonnet of an overeager S2000 while trying to change lanes in a crawling EDSA. Both had a collection of parts fitted, including stickers, badges and larger-than-stock wheels and tires.

So is this to say the more aftermarket parts you buy and fit on your car, the stupider a driver you get?

A chilling thought. Which is why I opt to keep my car stock and modify my driving skills instead.