So why am I still the lone wolf?
It is supposedly because the little things matter so much to me. They do, because it's through the little things that I show my humanity.
Yet again I am a slave to the tightening garrote of expectations...I expect something in return for what I do, and I am disappointed when I don't get it. How expensive is it, in the grand scheme of things, to be recognized and appreciated?
Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.
I am told that just doing the right thing should be the reward in itself.
Homogeneity is not the answer I was looking for. Homogeneity is not what belonging should be all about. I am not evil or twisted or sociopathic; I am just different; I am myself. I do not need to be invited by people and colleagues to parties and gimmicks just to validate that we're friends. All I have to do is be myself, as helpful as I've ever been.
Maybe that time will come. Maybe that person will come. Until then, all I can do is work behind the scenes like I've always done.
...I am still eternally hungry for appreciation.