Braved the atrocious midafternoon traffic along A.H. Lacson Ave. yesterday to go to my baby's place for the next installment of the Pam and JM Cooking Show.

She sliced mushrooms and potatoes while I grated cheese. Then she cooked the garlic, cheese, mushroom and potato mixture on low heat while stirring. We spooned the mixture into triangular dimsum wrappers, wrapping and sealing them before frying.

The result? Our vegetarian appetizer Deltas of Venus, the name inspired by my baby's birthday bash at Club S.EX.

I love making stuff with you, my baby. What's next on our menu?
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More presents from Cebu filled my trunk that day: a red Adidas shirt, a khaki fisherman's hat, three apricot scented candles, more of Cebu's dried mangoes and a Lilo and Stitch sticker strip.

Thanks, my darling.
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You guys still remember Erik? Turns out he got into an accident two days ago.

He was driving along the Katipunan flyover at 120 km/h (roughly 75 mph) when he tried overtaking a car immediately in front of him. Apparently he might have put too much weight into his steering, as his car (I believe it was an EK4 Honda Civic) spun off and struck the steel railing at the middle of the road. His front and rear bumpers were shorn off and a large part of his car's bodywork turned raisin-like in a matter of milliseconds. Bystanders thought the occupants of the red EK4 were dead. Worst of all, Erik had his ex-girlfriend in the front seat---who, I understand, was the source of all his misery, anger and rage a year ago.

Erik and his ex are still alive, but quite understandably shaken. Now he's trying to piece his life back together and re-evaluate things.

It's been a long time since the two of us had a decent time to talk and meet up again, largely because of my academic workload eating up any spare time I have and my lungs' intolerance for cigarette smoke. I was frankly shocked that something like this might happen to one of my friends, and it gave me a reason to value my friendships more. I am now aware that I should keep my ties alive, as anything---literally anything---can happen to them.

We at the Zen Clan miss you. You take care, dood.
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Anger isn't worth losing your life over.
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Car drivers who read my blog, heed my advice.

From personal experience, driving in the Philippines at 120 km/h is strictly for straight-line cruising along a wide, free road such as the Skyway...and I do mean STRAIGHT. Keep lane changing to an absolute minimum, and any braking should be done gradually and progressively. If it looks like you won't be able to stop in time, use engine braking but exercise extreme caution. This advice comes from a guy who's revved an AE101 1.6L Toyota Corolla to a honking 170 km/h, and I tell you it's scary to go anywhere but straight at that speed.

This weekend, or anytime you're free, check your wheel balances. Very important. You don't want your wheels to be weighted more at one side, because severe weight imbalance in your wheels will cause shanking to one side at high speed---and that's a recipe for a racing raisin, if you get my drift.

Snuck out of school after my last class today to visit Pam once more.

She prepared a little feast for me: chicken Hot Shots, rice, s'mores and our ice-cream pie. She brought out her VCD player and rolled a couple of episodes of Friends. We kissed, hugged and snuggled against each other in the kitchen, while trying to pry the newly toasted s'mores off the oven toaster rack with bread tongs.

Then I sang this song for her...I believe this is the Eraserheads' song "Fine Time":

I could drive you to the malls
Or stay home and watch TV
I don't care if we don't have lunch
Just as long as we have iced tea
I could take you to a film
Hunt for books and magazines
Is that new song out on sale?
I think that dress is kinda pale...

I hope we could spend more time together
A few hours is better than never
If we could only make it longer
A whole day would be fine, a whole day would be fine
A whole day would be fine, a whole day would be fine...
---

I love you, my baby. Napakasarap mong kasama.

Just had a wonderful day.

I mapped out the route to Pam's house using my mom's Manila road atlas this morning, after buying ingredients for s'mores. After my one and only class ended, I borrowed a couple of books and spun my engine towards the Sta. Cruz district.

When I finally parked in front of Pam's house, we didn't get around to making s'mores. We made banana-vanilla ice cream pie instead, crust and all. I got introduced to her beloved grandma and grand-uncle, and later on had lunch with them. She gave me so many gifts from her recent spelunking of Cebu City---dried mango strips, dried squid flakes, a shirt, a coconut-shell mask and a little diary.

When it was time for me to go, I drove her to work. For once I didn't mind being stuck in traffic along truck-infested Quirino Ave. We were kissing and hugging all the time, savoring the time we had on our hands.

I love you, my darling. You make me feel so alive. I could picture myself going to your house regularly, just being with you.

I miss you...

I'm stumped, honestly. This new template I chose seems a lot more complicated than my blog's old one. I don't know where to insert my meager knowledge of HTML just so I can personalize my blog.

Hmmm.

I'll attempt to fine-tune what I can do so, but expect my blog to look messed up.
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I am sad. I don't know why things suddenly crop up and interfere with my plans, especially if it's with my baby. We meet only once a week and yet this is when people call on me the most...I guess it's probably because of that wonderful 90-minute respite called U-Break...

I don't want to attend any storyboard meetings. I don't want to attend any make-up classes. I just want to be with my darling again.

This week has been very tiring.
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After my only class in the morning, I sped off to Mandaluyong City on Wednesday to get an interview with the assistant director of the program "On Air" for my Intro to Broadcasting subject. This was after I had to burn PhP3,000 the night before to avail myself of a tape voice recorder in desperation.

Getting there was rather tough because of the traffic (I hate swerve-happy buses), but actually parking my car was another challenge. Mandaluyong is not like Makati or Manila which have scores of lots for motorists to park their cars in for a fee. The building's basement parking was full. I managed to find parking on Reliance St., but it meant I had to walk some two kilometers back and forth from the lot to eat lunch at KFC and/or visit the Pioneer Highlands towers. This I did while I was being rained out at noontime.

When I finally did get inside the towers, the security guards still had to clear the equipment I brought in---my trusty camera, tripod, lenses and brand-spanking new recorder. And I even had to pay PhP3 for the forms I wrote on. Urgh.

Finally I was up the elevator to the offices of Ideal Minds Corp. to have an interview with Aleah Aliporo. I have to say the interview itself went very well. She was a willing subject and she symbolized how the innovative program was their "baby."

"On Air's" premise is that they provide you a minute to tape whatever you want to do, and they'll broadcast it on their half-hour show every Friday. If you get voted by the audience as the "pick of the week" you can win PhP5,000. So as it is, my prof and I think it turns the broadcasting concept upside-down in terms of ownership and opportunity.

I went back to school afterward, satisfied with my efforts. Thank you, Ms. Aliporo.
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After my little adventure in Mandaluyong, I went into the school photo lab to print my first full-size picture. Not easy, considering that I was all alone in a room full of enlargers with nothing more than weak red "safelight" illuminating everything. It's rumored to be haunted by ghosts, too.

I'll have to get used to it, though. I can now say with all conviction that I love photography.
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Thursday was the usual dizzying mix of majors subjects: Print, Broadcast and Film Intros. Our Print professor assigned us to help him with his Journalism and Information Technology survey. He had the questionnaire forms; all we had to do was visit the newspapers or the beats of the reporters themselves. We volunteered to "saturate" the Senate's beat reporters with his questionnaires. I wonder when we'll have the time to do it though.

Later that afternoon we watched "Singin' in the Rain" on DVD for Film class. Very wonderful movie. I can see why it's part of the top ten American films of the twentieth century.

And still later that night, I went to Pam's birthday party to make amends. I wasn't able to watch her band play, though, as I had to leave when the party was just starting. Damn early Friday classes.

I love you, my darling. I just want to be with you again. If I were to be particular about it, I want to watch "Singin' in the Rain" with you.
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Which brings us to today. In Physical Education Tantan and I won a game of doubles badminton against our classmates. Had to scrape the skin off my knees though, but I'm cool.

Even more surprising was that I aced today's goodwill and bonus test in Accounting 2A. Not bad for someone who never studied a wink. Was divine providence at work here? I just hope it keeps up until tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow...shucks, I still have my Accounting midterms in the morning and a viewing of Akira Kurosawa's epic "Seven Samurai" in the afternoon.

I want to rest. But this week has been a blast.
---

Pam's in Cebu City right now, and she won't be back until Sunday.

Come back to me, my lady...please take care...I love you...

I'm so driven to defend myself in this argument, but I suppose I'm just adding insult to injury. I know I should never edit myself, but some things are better left unsaid. Even if I risk being labeled an inconsiderate asshole both ways, I would elect to still the sounds of silence.

"When emotion takes a great hold of anyone, it's very hard to make one believe otherwise. One can never expect to win against emotion." - Leia Medina

I can't believe my run of luck yesterday.

I flunked my second accounting quiz, I'm grilled to make up for TLS newswork I'm not supposed to be doing, and most of all Pam thinks I forgot her birthday.
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I am at an end. I never claimed to be perfect nor experienced. I know not what I should do. I am just a mosquito anyone can kill with a slap of the wrist, and to make it worse I am but new to my duty.

The first mistake seems enough to kill me.
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A big thank you goes to my blockmate Leia. I hope she and Joseph last a long long time together. Don't forget your bet.

I'm rather sad I've missed posting at Otakuboard for so long already. It feels like I've somehow disappeared from the boards because of my focus on my major subjects.

The way things are going (i.e. school demanding my time), it looks like I won't be able to attend their sixth EB. Oh well.

It's been a really busy couple of days but I feel really good. FOTOCAM, especially, was a blast. In the span of two days I learned how to load, develop and prepare film negatives, and I also dabbled in a bit of enlarging and printing on photo paper.

Great. Just great. I can't wait to shoot more B&W pictures.
---

One caveat: Judging from supplies alone, photography is rather expensive.

The film is cheap (COLPAN 21 is PhP40-75), but it needs its own developer (PhP80), as the M216 photo lab is stocked with Kodak developers which are for Tri-X and T-Max films at PhP175-190 a roll. Photo paper from Kodak meanwhile is PhP285 for 25 pieces.

I wonder if I have to request for a raise in allowance. It's only Wednesday and I barely have enough money left for two days' lunches.
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Took this test and was pleasantly surprised. Got 13 out of 16 right, just like my baby did. Must have been love working in the background...

Speaking of Pam, we didn't have our usual Wednesday date this week. She's too busy with school work and has had hardly enough time to sleep.

Baby, I want you to fall asleep beside me...I want to watch you sleep peacefully...without a care in the world...I love you that much...

My blog is now officially one year old. Been a great year, honestly. Because of my blog it's also been a year where I could look back at how I've grown and maybe gone rough around the edges a little.

I guess I deserve some credit or something, blogging this long and all, but I have so many things to do.
---

Chabeli was right: we've done nothing but school work these past few weeks. I could almost smell the veiled regret in her normal cheery self.
---

There's this rather sad, somber piano tune playing on what I think is Winamp Radio. Just when I picked up my headphones it suddenly began playing. Must be on one of the sites I have open right now.

Is that your blog, love?
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I'd like to think I mastered the painful art of affixing my used film into the developing tank's spiral---in the darkness of a changing bag. Thank God.

Also used up the roll of black and white film Pam gave me for my FOTOCAM class. Took so many shots of the most unexpected things, and I hope I get to develop them properly. I'd like to do justice to my shots. I just hope I didn't ruin any of them with camera shake.
---

Produced my first two articles for The LaSallian, too. My second one was something on scalping and harassment.

Hope it gets published in its virgin state.

This has been a very productive term for me so far.
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Tell me how I can be a better man, love. I find it rather disheartening at times how easily I get you hurt, and I believe it's because I'm not sensitive enough to what you're feeling, or what's on your mind. I'm so very sorry for the times I hurt you, and I didn't even know it.

I guess I now realize something I should do: I should just shut up and listen.

One more lesson I can't learn in any book, I guess.

I'm feeling so crass and angry with my sister. I have to put up with driving her to school and back, her being unfriendly 99% of the time, and her offending comments towards me. With the state of things I'm just keeping my cool with the ungrateful wench.

She borrowed my PE shirt the other day because the maids forgot to let hers dry. Then she told me right after I fetched her from Kingswood that she forgot it at her friend's car right before I need it. Now very angry, I wanted to mash the Pregio's pedal to the floor and make her scream. She offered money to buy me a shirt tomorrow, but I have only one term of PE left and that ridiculous amount of money would be wasted.

I take in all her bullshit and even make the initiative of being a real brother to her, but all she does is pull away. I wanted to slap her so hard. I couldn't bring myself to do so, though. Little old abusable Mr. Convenient, that's what I am.
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I've been wondering how my life would have turned out if Pam and I didn't make that step forward into this bond we enjoy today.

My friends and blockmates tell me they knew it all along, that she and I would be deliriously in love with each other. Looking back, and after considering what they said, I guess it was just a matter of when, exactly, I would fall in love with her. We think alike, we have differing but similar interests and we are always together in one way or another. She's my new best friend, as well...with her I can be an open book, replete with craziness, insanity and emotions I would have fearfully hidden from everyone else.

I'm still left in amazement at how we met, became friends and became the mushiest pair of cheesecake lovers our friends had ever seen.

I love you so much, my lady, and I want to prove it in so many ways...

Pam's been sick for the past few days, I suspect probably due to fatigue. I feel so helpless as this bug began to happen right after we dated last Wednesday.

I only want to make you feel better, my lady. I'd do anything to make you more comfortable.
---

Had our advisor for The LaSallian for this morning's writing workshop. Was it even a workshop at all? My friends would probably agree that it was more of a lambasting tirade that lasted for a good 4 hours.

In a nutshell, our advisor Bombit Largoza criticized all the not-so-incremental mistakes and foibles that the staffers and even the editors were prone to doing, such as forgetting the logic of news articles and not being "dogged" enough to ask our interviewees those questions that might just strike a violent chord in them.

In the span of those 4 hours Bombit turned my perceptions of how a writer should operate upside-down. Honestly I don't know if I should be grateful or downright scared of all the expectations he places upon us, especially since The LaSallian is 40-odd years old already. His prevalent message was that of joining The LaSallian not simply because I needed to make employers see that I had a life aside from my studies. I should be in The LaSallian because I want to incur "critical thinking" within the student populace (all 11,000 of them) of De La Salle University.

I feel a heady rush, but my friends and I know we can't turn TLS around in the span of one month. Some of us were even thinking that may not happen in the span of one year.

Bombit's most important lesson for me was that I had to get rid of looking at the world as if it revolved around me and my bourgeois upbringing and surroundings. That's a bitter pill to swallow, I suppose.
---

Had the Student Publications Office Cup sports events in the afternoon. I played in mixed volleyball and we lost by a rather embarrasing margin, but we did make up for it by winning the basketball game against the yearbook Green & White.
---

I'm tired. Made so many lunging and diving receptions in that volleyball game which left me either rolling to a standstill or scraping my elbows and knees---and yet not one of those heroic efforts resulted in the ball landing inside the damned court.

Oh well.
---

Spammers beware. I will not entertain any unsolicited advice or "pass-to-X-number-of-people" chain-letter messages. If I do, they await an instant trip to my garbage bin.

If you got offended, then dammit, take it with a grain of salt. This isn't a matter of being nice or rude. This is all a matter of me saying "I DON'T WANT ANY MORE SPAM!" And goddamnit, if you think I'm being mean, it's not my problem anymore. People are never entitled to like what I have to say, are they?

Understood?!
---

I better ease off on my temper. Getting angry just drains me of my energy.

The people who send me spam e-mail are actually complaining that I've been quite mean.

Let's just put it this way: There are things I don't need to receive...

Sigh...is there no remotely civil way of telling spammers that I don't want what they give me? All the thoughts I have in reply mulling in my head are violent.

---
Will add to this post later.

Word of the week: Burn-out. Please don't ask why.

I mean it. DON'T ASK.
---

I'm pretty sure I have that fair handful of offline friends who read the trash I post on my blog, whether by force of habit or by sheer coincidence. Let me just take this opportunity to kindly request well-being friends from filling my mailbox with unsolicited advice, quotes or pass-to-X-number-of-people e-mail. There's one very good word for those sorts of things ending up in my mail: SPAM. I don't fucking need it, so stop shoving it down my throat.

Capisce?!
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I'm feeling rather evil today. Ain't it obvious.

Yesterday was so fucked-up.

I absolutely could not sleep. I was awake on an entire 6-hour stretch, eating up most of what should've been all-important sleep especially since I just recovered from exhaustion-induced fever. No matter what I did---read, listen to music, watch late-night TV, call Pam, eat breadsticks---I just could not sleep even at 4am.

I woke up from a horrible 90-minute dose of kip with a massive headache, which surprisingly dissipated while I was driving myself and my sister to school. It didn't manifest itself too much while I was in class too. Getting home, however, was another story. I actually felt my temperature rising while I was crankily navigating myself through flood and traffic-ridden streets, and it didn't help that my windshield and windows were constantly fogging up while I was on the Skyway. Imagine driving with that.

Sure enough I got home to a mercury column kissing the 38-degree mark. I was sick. AGAIN. So last night, I made it a point to sleep as early as possible since we had only one morning class. And right now, I'm home because I drove back ASAP and promised to fetch my sister instead.

I feel a lot better but I can't seem to get rid of my headache.
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My Net connection isn't working! Damnit! How am I supposed to do research on German expressionism for my Film class' reaction paper due tomorrow?!
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Thanks for the help, Pam. Was nice seeing you again, love.

Even after I've gotten a sitemeter by Pam's request, I've been very lenient and nonchalant with monitoring my blog's traffic. However, the last time I checked my counter's returns, I'm surprised at the number of hits I'm getting, for someone who admittedly doesn't post very often. You guys really do love me.

I'm still wondering if this amount of visits is due to people regularly coming and going through my blog so many times a day or it's due to a hundred people visiting every day of the week. But I'm happy both ways.

After some serious delays, I'm back.
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While the whole world---er, America, rather---was grieving its year-long loss brought about by its very reckless political advancements last September 11, Pam and I had such a great date.

Met at Starbucks. Had cinnamon goodies at Cinnzeo. Watched (and seriously enjoyed) S1M0NE. Kissed and hugged in the dark cinema, almost constantly. Went to Topshop to scope out happy socks, "funny undies" and a couple of coats Pam really really wanted. Ate late lunch at Friday's after a frustrated attempt to locate Haagen-Dazs in Robinsons Place for cookie dough ice cream. Bought and shared fruit yogurt instead. Bought magazines at National Bookstore. Bought and shared a scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (and seriously enjoyed it, I might add), before sharing a cab back to school.

I was amazed we crammed so many things in one day.

I love you, my baby.
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Going to Baguio for three days with only my family wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Sure, the Camp John Hay Manor was picturesque, the atmosphere was chilly and clambering up and down a fog-filled-but-newly-reconstructed Marcos Highway in a 4WD Mitsubishi Pajero/Montero/Shogun was exhilarating. (Actually seeing the SUV's altimeter point to a 1400m elevation was a point of excitement, having it level at 0m for what seems like forever.) However my company and our itinerary was dour and unexciting. The most exciting thing we all did was watch the US Open on cable TV.

Kinda like driving 20 km/h in an unrestricted German autobahn. How dull and pointless can that get? Remind me never to even consider making the climb to Baguio with less than seven people.
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My fifth term in DLSU has started and I'm scared. I get the impression that my major-subject professors are demanding as hell, seeing as they preferred to bombard us with announcements of their grandiose final projects right off the bat. It's as if they all had this agreement to scare us out of our courses, which isn't too farfetched since they all belong in only one department and handle only two classes.

My blockmates and I feel the alienation beginning to set in. Since we're two blocks of Communication Arts majors, the damned Academic Assistant made our majors classes in such a way that each block is split in half. I can't help but think about my other blockmates all the time.
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De La Salle snapped its chance of a 14-win sweep of the UAAP basketball tournament, and it had to lose to Ateneo de Manila, of all universities. It even had to lose with an embarrassing deficit of around 15 points.

That's what we get for being cocky. MIKE CORTEZ, CAN YOU HEAR ME, DAMMIT?!
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Never thought a simple PE session of badminton drills was all it took to totally deplete me of energy and send me to sick bay for the weekend. I guess I also abused my sleeping habits, too...but this schedule's hard on me as it is already, and my sister had to complicate things by making me come to school at 7am for her special religion class.

That's so inconsiderate of her, really. But I'll just shut up and let my blog do the talking.

In the meantime maybe I should seriously consider being a Sports Complex resident and jog laps to keep fit.

Went to school today to pick up my course cards once and for all.

Overall I was surprised I passed Accounting 1B and Intro to Philosophy, albeit with disappointingly low grades (1.0 and 1.5 respectively). Even more surprising was how close I got to getting a flat 3.0 GPA despite my low grades, because I grabbed a trio of 4.0's, a couple of 3.5's and a 3.0 on my remaining subjects.

As it stands, my GPA stands at 2.925, which isn't a long way behind last term's 3.05 GPA effort. Not bad. Not bad at all.
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I'm having second thoughts on staying on as newswriter for The LaSallian. I haven't been writing any news articles nor have I been finding out any information on my assigned beats. Maybe I should move to Layout and arrange the news pages to make up for my lethargy. That's the best I can think of right now, as I think I no longer have the nose for news.
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Ruth has changed the link to my blog, renaming it "cheesecake baker." Hmmmm.
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I love you my baby...

Had a really busy August 31st. In the morning we scheduled the fifth EB of Otakuboard in Greenbelt, which only around eight or nine of us attended. We got to meet a couple of newbies though, and they were pretty cool and sociable off the bat. By all means it should have been a pretty lousy EB, as Nicco didn't organize anything.

Paul: "What's the plan?"
Nicco: "The plan is, there is no plan."

I enjoyed it somehow, though. I liked this particular EB because I didn't feel any inhibition or feeling of being out of place, for some reason. We were all a bunch of jokers without any definite plans in mind. We split up rather early though.
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After Otakuboard EB5, I went to Glorietta (not far away) and met up with my baby.

At first the happy-go-lucky nature of EB5 seemed to rub off on both of us as we didn't have anything in mind for our date. We simply strolled around, ate crostini and spinach dip at Cibo and later ate ice cream at Haagen-Dazs. Pam was squeezing me all the time, pinching my arms, playing with my hands, kissing my cheek. She even brought her little camera and was constantly taking pictures of me all the time---when I was eating, writing on my tickler, even when I was driving. I felt shortchanged because I didn't get to use my camera on her...I wanted to see her smile.

We made out in my car again. I think we both felt a little more urgent this time. We wanted each other so badly.

Don't worry love. My next term is very very forgiving on us...we have all the time on Wednesdays to date...
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I actually fell asleep while talking with Pam because I was so tired. She thought it was cute listening to me breathe until our phones lost their signals.

Darling, you're cute too.
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Received a surprise in my mail today. Angel invited me into this group blog of ours named after our barkada, the Zen Clan. Really cool.