Call me a hick, but I spent my last conscious moments last night playing Breath of Fire III. I know people will call this franchise the "most boring RPG ever," but there's a certain charm to raising my dragon-boy Ryu and his friends up.

Excuuuuuuuse me.
---

Friends at HCP are thinking up ideas for an EB. They're thinking of going to Pasay for a day of karting.

If it does push through...hell, I'm in! I gotta know how much it costs though...and I hope it won't be prohibitively expensive. Or maybe I should just hold off karting until I have my own disposable income? That's going to be pretty far off.
---

I've been assigned to cover tourist spots in Manila for PRINPRO as my contribution for my class' magazine midterm project. Problem is, as of now I'm kinda spiffed as to where to go and when I should do so. I still have a week left.

Actually I wanted someone to come along with me on Wednesday, since I have just one class by then (we got a free day from Religion class). Hmmm...
---

Speaking of Wednesday, my birthday's actually coming along soon. My mom asked me about any plans I had for the 11th...and frankly enough, I said I didn't have any.

I suppose I've come to the point in my life when my own birthdays don't matter much to me anymore. Well, maybe at least not this one. My twentieth birthday falls in the middle of a particularly lonely term, where I'm pretty much left to my own devices.

What do I want to do now? I have to wonder. Do I want to meet my high school friends again? Do I want to dive into another relationship? Do I want to work part-time? Honestly, I'm feeling confused and lonely.

I suppose I should get used to feeling this sort of uncertainty, this constant uneasiness in my heart. Any semblance of security I've known for the better part of my existence will soon be gone, in---give or take---three years. Hell, job security won't be a given even for me.

I should learn how to truly be alone.
---

Lately I've rediscovered the joys of eating chocolate. I think I'm figuring out why women like the stuff so much. For crying out loud...it's natural Prozac.
---

Forget what I said about getting into relationships. Screw my longing to be with someone.

Now just isn't the right time.
---

I've been having the weirdest dreams these past few days, and most of them involve repeating some sort of death scene, over and over, ad nauseam. It's either my death or someone else's.

Creepy. Am I turning into another Denise?

I am happy.

Monday saw me in the recording booth for Radio Production most of the time, fulfilling my roles as director, spinner and mixer. Being director had to be the most gratifying of them all, especially since the group I directed never had a chance to rehearse with me beforehand. I was amazed I managed to fit Patty's PSA in a little over 30 seconds on my first take, and that I was comfortable in command of my five-man team. We took six takes in total, and we managed to wring two good takes in the span of 10 minutes.

Being mixer is pretty cool too. I was amazed at how most of the work was actually on my fingers controlling the eight input sliders for the talents' mikes, background music and SFX. It felt the closest to being a real DJ, with headset and all.

Spinning literally means pushing "play" on the CD players and tape recorders. It's a boring job but it can unnerve me when I cue the SFX/songs wrong.

I really really like RADIPRO. I wonder if I can be a technical director for radio someday.
---

Tuesday was blah, except for my haircut. I am back to looking like the Mr. Soldier-Boy I was back in freshman year. This is in response to Beia and Rich's endless remarks about me looking fat because of my hair. It's not like my haircut's gonna improve my appearance any, but I'm rather sick of having prickly bangs in my eyes all the time.

My mom remarked about my new haircut by the time she got home. I should've told her this was my "old" haircut.
---

Traffic is hellish nowadays. I dread having to go home on evenings.
---

Made a little game for my ARTCOMB subject just a while ago. It's something in the mold of tic-tac-toe, with every square having a question on our report on DOS and Windows. I'm glad my unfamiliar classmates had lots of fun with it.

The next group had a game as well, with the subject matter being MS Excel. We won! Heheheh.

This was a good day.
---

Yesterday I saw my old high school classmate Ding at University Mall looking for PC CDs. Tapped her shoulder from behind, having the vaguest feeling that it was indeed her. It was nice seeing her after all this time, as she studies in DLSU-College of St. Benilde just across Taft Ave. But she always seems so busy, so I hardly see her around.

It's amazing how in the span of two years or so, she still looked the way she did back in high school, albeit with longer hair and a more formal-looking ensemble in place of her uniform. When I think about it, I look pretty much the same, too.

I miss high school. But then again, if it weren't for college, I wouldn't have learned that my world was never limited to the microcosm that is Alabang.
---

I've been getting tired more often in the past few days. Whenever I think of just lounging around in bed, I suddenly plop off to sleep. I wonder why. Has it something to do with the weird cold weather we've been having?

Attended Otakuboard's EB last night at Greenbelt. Was a pretty nice occasion, actually, but it was kind of marred by Anna's late arrival with her friends from thesis defense. Beia and Rich were getting impatient as they had to leave for Hillsborough that night, and it was unclear as to who was going to eat with all twenty-something of us at Krocodile Grillery.

It felt like there were two EBs in one: the first with Rich and Beia but without Anna and her friends; the second the other way around. It was fun just the same, though, but I have to agree it could've been set up better.

Met the guy I was irritated with on OB...and it turns out he's a pretty okay fellow offline. Sharp sense of humor, too. I think he just needs to loosen up and realize that his problems ain't as bad as he thinks.
---

I have a new addiction now: Initial D. Yup, this is the most famous anime/manga on driving, drifting and street racing.

The sound of car exhausts at high revs is permanently glued to my ears nowadays, after watching episodes of the anime on Rich's VCDs. I'd stare in total awe as lead character Takumi Fujiwara excellently drifts his low-horsepower Toyota AE86 Trueno (lovingly known as the Hachi-Roku, Japanese for "eight-six") across the tight hairpin turns of Mt. Akina. This guy in a very very plebeian car beats people in cars from the next class up: R32 Skyline GT-Rs, S13 Silvias and 180SXs, FC and FD-series RX-7s...even a mighty Lancer Evolution IV! Hot damn!

Too bad a lot of the CDs don't work on my CD-ROM drive. Damnit.

Also, it's too bad 85% of cars here are front-engine, front-wheel-drive types (FF types) which can never drift. To learn how to drift, I'd need a front-engine, rear-wheel-drive (FR) car.

It's ultimately too bad that I'll never approach Takumi's god-like skill of drifting.

Oh well, there's always the karting grounds at Pasay, but that's expensive.

Great surprise yesterday afternoon.

While my sister and I were at SM City Bicutan to buy stuff after class, I picked up the most recent issue of Autocar Asean Edition magazine (January 2003).Everything was pretty much normal except the Letters section.

There I saw my first letter to the Singapore-based magazine. I'm surprised it made it almost unedited, save for a little typographical error (I was referring to their "excessive praise of the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VII," not the older Evolution II).

Am damn proud.

Hee.
---

The said pride turned to embarrassment though.

I learned that HCP's members are obsessed with nothing more than tuning and modifying their rides.

I'm beginning to have second thoughts on entering this forum. I know Honda makes performance cars for the plebeian, and that's central to their charm, but damnit, they ain't the only car manufacturer around.

Blech.
---

Had my Accounting quiz this morning. Managed to figure out how to solve my professor's tricky Cost of Goods Sold problem at the last ten minutes of class time. I had to work backwards...and I finished just before the bell.

I feel damn good again.
---

Am excited about the coming Otakuboard EB this Saturday. It's gonna be a whole afternoon-evening of fun. Might as well be an early birthday present to myself, too.
---

Been PMing with Bluemaxx of OB these past few days. We've been in pretty similar situations regarding our recently blown relationships.

Particularly interesting was what my Malaysian pal said: I dunno too how to react with Anna. We are PMing now, friends and all...but inside me...it feels kinda weird...

I kinda know how he feels. I felt the same way when Pam texted me while I was in SM City Bicutan yesterday. She and I admitted that we felt alone, although I think she feels lonelier than I do. I did like how we were able to text about little things that happened to us, though. It felt like we were the way we knew each other before we were lovers, and that's not bad at all, I guess. It feels gratifying that we still respect each other even after our breakup.

A lot of times I still get the impulse that wants to hug her or kiss her (I am still in love with her), but I'll have to get used to respecting her in my role in her life now. It's hard but if it's ultimately for the best, I'm amenable to it.
---

Rich, Beia's fiancee, ICQed me about my breakup and he had this to share: "Maraming beses na kami nakipag-breakup, but now look, we're getting married..." Those two are getting married on June 27-29, and I've been invited (and I would suppose most other OB people will be too). I wish them all the luck; they're a really great couple.
---

There's this pathetic self-righteous asshole on OB that just doesn't have a life.

And I have to meet him offline on Saturday along with the rest of the gang, if only for the spirit of OB camaraderie..

Crud. Don't get anywhere near me, loser.
---

Just when I thought I met all the pathetic self-righteous losers I'd know on OB, here comes a geniune self-righteous idiot with a humongous stick up his ass.

Here's a tip: DON'T GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW JACK ABOUT THE DETAILS OF THE PROBLEM. Gago ka pala eh. You are impolite and just plain wrong. Instead of helping me, you just roused my anger. Don't ever think you know me inside out, because you don't. And I sure as hell don't think the same way you do.

NOW SHUT UP AND FUCK OFF!
---

I choose to be happy. I won't let two shitheads ruin my day.

Amazing to think that when you've got all the freaking free time to surf the Internet because of long breaks, I forget to update my blog.

Blame the people at Honda Club Philippines for that. Heheheh.
---

As of yesterday afternoon, Pam and I are no longer an item.

I told her that she'd changed in the span of almost a month, that she seemed averse to any sort of display of love. I was pushing the thought away from my mind, but after we made up the last time we fought, my suspicions were confirmed. I felt that whatever was troubling her inside, I couldn't help things. I couldn't make her happy...especially when I ask her what's wrong, she keeps saying "I don't know."

I really wanted the relationship to work, because by and large, I'm still in love with her. I still feel like reaching out for her, especially since it's been a month since we last saw each other. I will always love her, that's for sure. I can't hate her, no matter what I do. Maybe even better, I can't be indifferent to her. I feel that Pam's a beautiful person inside all her quirks and problems. The thing that was sad, though, was that she told me she had "a secret desire to be unhappy." Frankly I don't believe that, but I don't know what I can do to prove her wrong.

I am glad our relationship happened. I am proud to say that I never once thought about loving any other girl when I was with her. I am glad that I was able to grow up with her. Maybe I'm still immature, as Ruth once told me before, but at this point I have grown up, even just a little. I am glad that I was able to give her the love she admitted she'd never felt before, even just for five months...and I'm glad that she was the one who first loved me.

Our breakup was peaceful, void of the usual angry words tossed about, and this I can be happy about. We vowed to stay friends, but there's this dull ache in the back of my chest that longs for her, that prods me to call her or text her a sweet greeting of love. While I can certainly be her friend, right now I'm not sure if I can stay just being her friend.

Time heals all wounds, I suppose.

Pam, as a friend, I'm telling you this: Being happy is a choice. Your choice.
---

Chatted with a friend of mine last night. The thought suddenly crossed my mind about getting back with Pam again.

My answer: Why not?

The past couple of days I have been consumed by the desire to get even better at Percussion Freaks 4th Mix. I can't understand why blokes like me who've been playing the damn game ever since its inception can't match the skills of those who've just played the newer versions...and successfully complete the Extreme-mode songs.

Argh.

Am mentally and physically memorizing the drum line for the Extreme-mode version of "Spring."

Must...play...PF4...must...play...PF5...must...convince...Timezone...to bring in...PF 6th and 7th Mix...
---

While I was online I went here and checked the prices of new/used PF machines, out of sheer curiosity. Turns out, to purchase a PF3 machine I'd have to shell out PhP131,000, and to get my own PF 6th Mix machine I'd have to say goodbye to PhP345,000.

*faints*

Goddamnit, a PF6 machine is more expensive than my current car! Might as well try to save up for a PS2 and a drumpad controller instead...and I don't even have enough money to buy that either.

Guess I'm stuck with going to either Robinsons' Place, Glorietta 4 or Greenbelt and waiting in line and in envy at the scads of blokes who are so much better at the game than I am.
---

Pam and I have made up. I'm just happy we're finally at peace with each other.

But she's leaving for Singapore this afternoon and won't be back until Sunday.

I miss you so much, my baby...
---

When I go online nowadays and I have to use ICQ, I'm usually taking my safety precautions and remaining in Invisible mode, as to deter strangers from sending me messages.

There was this guy supposedly from Australia that I didn't meet through OB. He kept bugging me about how much I weighed, how tall I was, how often I exercised...all without telling me about himself. That was just creepy.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Don't bother me again.

As I write this post, I just came home from my friend Bong's twentieth birthday party at their house in nearby Moonville. Turns out the party was in need of drinks, ice, chicken and paper napkins, so when I came around, I volunteered to drive Bong around Doña Soledad Ave. to look for what they needed.

When we got back to Bong's almost an hour later, we still had to wait for his other friends. Old school mates Paulo, Jared, Mac and Patrick soon arrived, as well as Kelvin, Maan and Kim with his girlfriend Gel, from Meycauayan, Bulacan province. Bar a slow start, we took to the beer and brandy. Patrick and I were the exceptions, as I brought a car and Patrick had to carry his bro Mac in their scooter home.

The party was a loose festival of drinking, snacks and singing, with Kelvin and Kim taking turns on Paulo's guitar and the rest of us singing pop songs. At some point before midnight, my new friends got drunk enough to challenge Bong to drink an entire plastic glass of iced Fundador brandy, which he gamely participated to. He downed that amber liquid straight.

Kim and the others challenged Bong to do more before they left: they had him finish off what was left of the brandy bottle, which amounted to a bit more than half a glass. Gel remarked that Bong might not handle the second dose, but he gulped it anyway. Loud cheers erupted from our little al fresco table, still unable to believe that Bong indeed downed that much brandy.

I got concerned as he looked rather wobbly already. After Bong mustered enough composure to wave Kim and the others goodbye, he sat down and hurled his dinner at the stone floor.

Twice.

All of us who were left were concerned, hovering around Bong, asking if he was okay, making him sit up straight in his chair. We simply cleaned up our mess instead, as he remained in his seat, hunched over to the side, his fist on the ground, covered with spew. Then we called his elder sister for help before I left for home.

This is the second time I've been to a drinking party, apart from my family's usual "red wine, champagne, margarita and Mule" holiday family affairs in White Plains. However this is the first time I've seen one of my friends hurl, and frankly it didn't feel good. I really felt bad for Bong, especially when he was muttering while we were cleaning up.

I'm going to wait until I'm 35 to reap the benefits of the 3-glasses-a-day-of-red-wine habit. I can't trust my soon-to-be-twenty-year-old self to drive, even with a sip of alcohol. It takes a bit of patience trying to blend in with accomplished drinkers (i.e. most of the people my age), but I suppose, given my love for the open road, maybe it's a worthy trade.
---

"I need to know the truth. Do you still love me?"

I do. I really really do. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I don't want to make you sad anymore, much more see you sad. Like I said before, you deserve to be happy.

You say you are in a mess right now. You don't know how to get out of it. You don't know what will happen when you do.

For what it's worth, all I can say is this: You also deserve to live. You deserve to be happy too. You don't have to stay lonely and sad.

You deserve to be happy because inside you are a wonderful person. Don't say otherwise, because like you said so before, I should know. Thank you for letting me see how wonderful you really are.

One of these days, you will find you can be happy too. And yes, it's a choice.
---

May bukas pa namang darating (sa silangan may pag-asa)
At doon ako makakatikim ng saya...
Bukas, liligaya din ako
Bukas, liligaya din ako...
Isasakay kita sa aking barko
Iikot tayo sa buong mundo...
--- True Faith, Bukas Liligaya Din Ako

In the words of Professor Sherman Klump of "The Nutty Professor":

YES, I CAN!

I can choose to get over my loneliness and sadness. I can choose to live my life and do the things I have a passion for. I can choose to find my friends and meet new friends in any damn way I want.

Indeed, I can.

Now I know what my mom meant when she told me this:
The key to happiness is not that you never get angry, upset, irritated, frustrated or depressed. It's how quickly you decide to get out of it.
---

I can't believe it.

I've been watching VanDread and other anime series for so long. I didn't even realize that the lesson I was looking for all these years was right under my nose all along. How could I have been so slow?
---

My presence may not help, so I won't bug you to the point of pressure and irritation. I promise, though, that if you ever need anyone to listen to what you have in mind, you will always have my ear.

It's up to you, really, whether or not you push me out of your life.

For now, I wish you well. I will always love you.
---

This is weird.

My old Politics and Governance professor and I bumped into each other while I went on my way to buy lunch at Agno St., DLSU's "nicotine alley." She hadn't seen us in a couple of terms, so she was rather excited to see me again.

Prof: "Tumaba ka ah!
Me: "Ah, well..."
Prof: "Pero bagay sa iyo. Ang cute-cute mo!"

This last sentence she mentioned while pinching my arm. Then she bade goodbye and went on her way.

I know, even if I grudgingly detest it, that I gained weight these past few months, most of it showing on my face. But I never thought extra facial fat made me look...cute. It's like saying a pelican looks better with two pouches instead of one. And why that pinch on my arm?

Weird weird weird. Noonienoonienoo...
---

Am glad I found the company of my friends when I needed them. It turns out I didn't have to soldier through the next three months alone, after all.

Am also glad I found the company of strangers who had the time to turn an ear to what I had to share.

As long as I am alive, something good will happen. I know this now. I cannot quit on myself. I cannot punish myself. I am human, after all. I deserve to feel my own emotions. I deserve to be happy.

Nietzsche, I agree with you: I deserve to live.

I've been away for a while, and while I have the time to blog about what's happening to me, I'd rather not.

All I can say is, I'm depressed and frustrated. The worse part is, I can't tell anyone else of the feelings that gnaw at my heart, the same feelings that have kept me in some sort of trance. I'm paralyzed because of the constant fear in my head that I might make things worse.

I'm losing sleep, losing concentration, losing money and losing my sanity.

Worst of all, I'm so plain fucking lonely.
---

No one reads this blog anyway. Screw it.

For those of you who do, well...prove me wrong.
---

Dammit, I wanna laugh and smile again. At least I'd be doing my mom a favor.
---

Optimistic line from the loneliest anime I've ever seen:

"As long as we are alive, something good will happen!"
-- Shuzo Matsutani, Now and Then, Here and There / Ima Soko ni Iru Boku

Now I can say it officially and with all honesty: My schedule sucks.

My day started with a 7:00am Accounting 2B class for one hour. The next four and a half hours saw me looking for things to pass the time before my 11:40am Religion 2 class. Then, after Religion class I waited an astonishingly boring five and a half hours for my sister to run out of school at 6:00pm.

What did I do with all that time at hand? Nothing constructive. I am not so proud to announce that I wasted a lot of money on video games today out of sheer boredom. I was supposed to go back home to have my car's front wheels re-aligned, but I was afraid I wouldn't make it back to school in time to fetch Bianca. Looks like my fears were unwarranted.

In time I'll use those ridiculous breaks to do my Print Prod. projects or delve into my Comm. Research paper's requirements. As of now, though, I'd rather go home and nap out, or drop by Pam's.

Sigh...
---

Part of my ridiculous expense I used to buy some computer utilities for my PostScript fonts, so at least it wasn't all a waste. Also got myself a copy of Dreamweaver 3.0, which might prove useful for my Web magazine site project for Print Prod. later on.

I wonder when I'll find the motivation to get educated using Dreamweaver though.
---

More than ever, I am sick of the traffic choking Manila's roads in the evenings.

Thank God for Enya. Your music saves my sanity.

My baby's depressed from seeing her foreign cousins leave for home this week. To make things worse, they're leaving one by one on three different days.

I can't seem to do anything to ease her loss. All I can do is listen to her on the phone, as we haven't seen each other in a while.

Am sad for her too. :(
---

My dad was probably right.

The day before classes resumed, he protested on my schedule this term. "Is this the best you can do?" he asked, seeing as my schedule was peppered with unusual hours-long breaks over the week. Told him I couldn't reconcile my major subjects anymore.

Now I'm finding it hard to soldier on with subjects that see me mostly alone, away from my friends and even my other classmates. A little glimmer of joy today, though, as I found a couple of my former blockmates sharing Tuesday and Thursday lunch with me.

This term's going to be a lonely one.
---

My mom keeps badgering me and my sister about migrating to the US in the near future. She says life here in the Philippines has nowhere to go but down, what with the bad crime rate and all the trash and pollution choking Metro Manila. She wants us to go to America for us to learn to be more independent, to learn how to stand on our own feet and learn the value of work and hard-earned money.

We aren't exactly willing subjects, my sister and I.

We're both so tied down by the security and warmth of our relationships here that any move overseas is going to see us in terrible disorientation. It's also going to be a massive case of culture shock trying to adapt to everything American---the highways, the people, the ridiculous sizes of everything there, even the apathy of Americans. It's not like America's any semblance of paradise for me anyway. It's probably going to kill me in the end.

Besides, I think I want to do something to help the state of things here. The Philippines is down now, so there's nowhere to go but up. In order to start and continue any sort of upward trend, though, Filipinos will need to depend on each other. Fuck politicking and those star-smattered elections, I want to do something worthwhile.

I'm not yet definite in my plans, but they sure don't include migrating to America. Not anytime soon.

And I thought today's mini-EB was going to be a drag, evidenced by many Otakuboard people's fixation with that trading card game called Legend of the Five Rings (L5R).

Good thing my good old pals there---mostly the admins and mods, in this case---were in the same bored situation as I was, what with most of the guys heavily engaged in L5R. We did swing over an old Makati mall and buy some manga at little Feata Bookstore. That was before going to Glorietta to (eherm) let them play L5R, while higher-ups Beia, Anna and Virna went with me on a "date" of our own at a coffee place, talking about RPGs, lovelives and controversial gay sex scenes in Anna's manga. I bought the 2nd volume of Initial D, car freak that I am.

Dinner at Teriyaki Boy took us around half an hour to wait for seating, but that gave me an inside look into the maintaining of the peace in OB...and things weren't as easy or as glamorous as they looked. Was rather honored as I am just a lowly member (albeit around for almost a year now) but I was allowed admittance into such talk.

Was a rather pleasant EB, in my opinion. Too bad I didn't get to meet many of the new faces.
---

The less palatable side of OB reared its ugly head quite a long time ago, though, at the time when I wasn't very active in it due to school work. A friend of mine there began a gossip thread.

The very thought of a gossip thread existing in OB takes a lot of risks, especially in a forum as closely watched and guarded against any uncivil behavior as OB. Proper handling and discretion among the participants should be exercised as to not offend anyone and keep the gossip all on the fun side.

The original OB gossip thread is closed now, and I've heard the admins' stories about this particular OB member seeking the attention of others to "console" him against this admin who supposedly used her influence against him. I don't claim to know everything or believe all I've heard as I prefer to remain in the middle of it right now, but I'd really rather that the gossip thread be kept out of OB indefinitely.

The thought of a thread like that existing in a forum like OB is freaky and potentially dangerous.

A happy birthday to my sister Bianx. :)
---

I'm bored. It's been a nasty week for socializing apart from family, as I've mostly been apart from my friends, and it doesn't help that the Friday-night-out-segueing-into-sleepover plan we cooked up during the holidays isn't pushing through either, as we didn't really plan it at all.

Sigh.
---

Oh, wait a tick, there's a mini-EB being cooked up at Otakuboard tomorrow. Let's see. ^_^
---

A pleasant surprise: I now have links to my friends Anna, Tantan and Zeri's blogs. I didn't know they had blogs of their own until today.

A happy brand-spanking new year to you all. :D
---

Tita Vik sent me this SMS message just before we got to White Plains last night:
"If you had sex once a day for 365 days and kept all the condoms and melted them, you can make a tire and actually call it a GOOD YEAR! Wish you a good 2003!"

Naughty naughty, Tita. But it was funny.
---

The last day of 2002 was a bit of a traveling affair for me.

Went to Pam's after lunch. The whole trip took me a mite less than 30 minutes...goes some way into proving that Metro Manila isn't really that big a city in land size; it's just the horrific population density that makes it a "megacity." Brought my PlayStation and some CDs along, too, just for something different.

I got there to a still-drowsy Pam having a stiff neck which cause we didn't know. We just sat together, ate some pomelo and talked. She gave me her old mobile phone, a Nokia 8250 with a new battery, "so you can give your phone a rest." Later on we got around to playing a round of Jeopardy on my PS and with her looking at the cars I "bought" for her on Gran Turismo 2. She particularly liked the cuirass-metallic (aka lavender) Ford Ka I got her, and I played back a replay video of one of the races I used the Ka on.

I didn't stay too long as my dad had other plans for my family that night. I did enjoy every minute of it, though. Thanks for everything, love. Happy new year, my darling.
---

"Other plans" saw me in White Plains for the traditional "second dinner" at my grandma Nanay's house with every one of my dad's relatives present...which wasn't too many to begin with.

Tita Dani and Uncle Bobby were there, like they usually were around the holidays, from Jakarta and somewhere in Switzerland (my Chinese uncle works a year for the WTO, I hear). Tita Vik was...well, she still lives with my grandma. Tito Francis and Tita Agnes were there, too, with all my boisterous cousins present.

Drank a Mule and goblets of red wine and champagne to shoo the new year in...and I could feel my face heating up in the weirdest way. I am still not good with handling my alcohol. I don't plan to drink too much anyway---I am not looking forward to getting my Honda's windshield grotesquely embedded on my face anytime soon. Make that anytime at all, for that matter.

Worth looking forward to was some quality time spent with my three cousins. Carlo, Bea and little Martin were a blast. Tita Vik mumbled that I was going to be their new favorite relative pretty soon. Hee. We'll see.

Another welcome guest was Nanay's pet Rottweiler, Zero. The big black girl seemed happy that we were all around her, keeping her away from the expendable gunpowder that was New Year's. She was still big and heavy even after talk that she was "on a diet," so that meant my little rascal cousins used her as a big body pillow. Seems Zero even knows how to snatch thrown grapes in mid-air, too.
---

On the way home, the soupy clouds of Quezon City smoke from the New Year livery made driving home hard for my dad. It sure beat being in Baguio clambering up Kennon Road on a January day.

What a stark contrast to the midnight skies of Bicutan. Hardly any smoke at all was present. Papa says it's all about the difference of disposable income. True, but I bet SM City Bicutan ate all that disposable income up instead of fireworks.

I just love this song.

Ika'y matutumba, ika'y masasawi
Mabibilangan ka ngunit babangon ka muli
Walang maniniwala, walang makikinig
Wala na raw pag-asa ang daigdig mong tagilid
Padadala ka ba sa agos o hindi? Hindi!

Patay na kung patay, mag-aalaman na
Lahat ibibigay dahil wala na 'tong atrasan
Bakit di na lang puso ang labanan?

Lumuha ka, kung hindi mo mapigilan ang tuwa
Matagal kang naghintay, kaibigan
Umawit ka, paabutin mo sa langit ang
tamis ng sandaling ibinigay...

Tagumpay, tagumpay
Alab ng puso, kailanma'y hindi sumuko
Tagumpay...
--- "Alab ng Puso," Rivermaya

I am so bored.
---

Watched our little video project for JPRIZAL last term, Bukangliwayway ("Sunrise"). The little CD my friends gave me as a Christmas present included a thirty-minute collection of bloopers, as well, so at least I was genuinely laughing my pants out for a good hour or so.

The video is admittedly not professional in quality, and I admit our little "film" reeks of amateur moviemaking, but I don't give a damn. My classmates and I really had fun making it and watching it, and in retrospect we think the sacrifices we had to make for this little project of ours were worth it after all.

I don't think I can be an actor for film though. My eyes are just too jittery, unable to stay still.
---

One of the presents my baby gave me was Santana's latest CD "Shaman." I've been listening to it on my trusty PlayStation all day long. I'm so amazed at how well Carlos Santana and his musicians work well in session with diverse acts like Michelle Branch, Seal, Chad Kroeger and P.O.D.---they even have a track with tenor Placido Domingo, of all people. That's a measure of how great a band Santana is. Even their originals, like "Victory is Won," are simply delectable.
---

Thanks, love.

I miss you.

I take back what I said three days ago: Christmas is just about as good as it can be.
---

In case I offended anyone for being late, here's my greetings: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
---

Christmas this year was okay, if a bit on the woozy side because of my lack of good sleep. The night of the 24th was at Caloocan with my mom's relatives, playing rounds and rounds of Bingo over money and Hershey's extra-creamy Symphony chocolate bars. Lucky birthday celebrant Uncle Cesar won eight bars.

The 25th had me extra-woozy. Slept a lousy six hours of rattled sleep when I had to wake up for lunch at the Richmonde Hotel with my dad's relatives, then off to White Plains Quezon City for gifts. The hotel's creme brulee was right on. Got too petered out trying to help my three little cousins assemble their dinosaur puzzles, some of them even having to be rebuilt after the rambunctious threesome played with them. Ugh. I liked it though.

As for the gifts: I am proud to announce that I've recouped most of what I lost in my life savings during the year; I got PhP7,000 worth of aguinaldo money. Hee. Bagged a wallet from my Lola Imelda; a VCD of our little film Bukangliwayway ("Sunrise") from my classmates; an unopenable picture frame from my godparents; a Nike shirt from my fave aunt, Tita Vik; new khaki cargo pants from my mom; and a polo shirt from my sister.

But the knockout of the year came from Pam: gave me four CDs, a Calvin and Hobbes compilation book, a GoldenEye 007 40th anniversary Swatch...and, as she says, more to come when I visit her again next week. Thanks, my darling. I missed you so much.

Well, thanks for everything and everyone who gave me gifts, in cash or in kind.
---

Went to Robinsons Place before going to Pam's today, as she wasn't home yet. Went to their arcade and I was pleasantly surprised to see a Drum Mania 4th Mix machine upstairs at PhP12 a pop. Yum...that's a lot cheaper than Timezone's price, although I'll have to get used to using a Japanese machine...
---

Been seeing a lot of "Japan domestic model" cars around Manila this month.

Two weeks ago I saw a white Nissan R32 Skyline GTS25 Type S around the village. Just last week I saw a really cute 1997 brown Mitsubishi Pajero Mini XR-II on the toll queue. And just this afternoon, of all JDM cars, I saw a heartbreaking Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VII, in Ah Beng yellow, on the way home---PhP2.5 million worth of Mitsubishi's crowning glory.

That car auction "gray" market in Subic and Malinta may be highly controversial, but at least we're beginning to see more diverse cars on the roads than your generic EK/ES-series Civic, Sentra/Sunny or ZZ121-series Corolla Altis.
---

Still wishing for my ultimate in-my-dreams-only Christmas present: an EP3 Honda Civic Type R hatchback in Championship White and with red Recaros at the front. But I---not even any of my acquaintances---cannot afford the PhP2 million price tag.

How I wish I could teach the thousands of Filipino fakers out there, that stick "CIVIC TYPE-R" badges on their garden-variety sedans with reckless abandon, that the only genuine Civic Type Rs Honda makes are 3-DOOR HATCHBACKS and that the Accord Type R never made it to Asia because it was a Europe-only model. I could teach them fakers a thing or two on the streets...just let that glorious 215bhp K20A engine do the 9000rpm talk...

Oh well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas is a spanking great time for 99% of people around the Christian world.

Not for me.

I feel lonely, empty, bored and out of whack. Worst of all, I'm broke.

Someone please invent some sort of machine so I can warp forward to school on January 6th.
---

Oh, wait a minute, I still need to have my car's wheels balanced.

Maybe there's something to look forward to this season after all, although it ain't anything "spanking great."

Collected my course cards last Friday, and I report great news. I didn't flunk Accounting...no no no. I passed with a 1.5. Hahahaha.

My other majors went well, scoring from 2.5's to 3.5's, and I mustered enough oomph to bag myself a 2.9 GPA for this term. Not that bad, I must say. Like my classmate Deney told me, it feels like all the effort, the countless hours devoted to the course and whatnot were worth it in terms of the grades. Then again, she was ecstatic with what she got.

Am just glad I don't have to attend the god-awful regular adjustment proceedings on January 3 and 4...yikes.
---

I'm practically done with my Christmas shopping already, the last of which I did today at a surprisingly roomy SM Bicutan. Yes, I've rued the day it opened but it seems to be a more tolerable place to go to nowadays.

Particularly liked my little Beef Bowl meal with red radish at Yoshinoya, paired with green iced tea. Yum. I wouldn't mind eating there again, especially since they serve meals real cheap.

Am getting hungry as I think back to what I ate. Uh-oh.
---

Speaking of hunger, I've been getting a lot of it lately. Is it just me or is food at home really getting scarcer? I've had various occasions where I'd crave for simple foods---only to find that they aren't available.

And I thought Christmastime was supposed to be a feast. Where's the goddamned food? Or is this some sort of trick to make me lose weight I never gained anyway?
---

Been considering having my little blue car wheel-balanced after the festivities are over, preferably on a weekday. It's been a good year and a half since the Honda service mechanics recommended that. I wonder why they don't offer the balancing service there, though. I thought servicing via an official dealer network was supposed to be a complete thing?

Honda Philippines is especially idiosyncratic as they don't service cars which have been tinkered with by non-official mechanics. So what's the deal, huh?
---

My baby's been out practically the entire week, and we haven't even seen each other now that we're both free of scholarly responsibilities, even for the holidays.

I miss you.
---

The term's over and done, my girlfriend's busy with family and work, my wallet's filled with fleas and my car's due in for wheel balancing.

What's JM to do?

Burn his eyes out playing his unplayed RPGs on his PlayStation. Right now that's the only thing I can do.

@_@

Had a night out with my friends at the Hard Rock Cafe in Glorietta 3. Getting there was a shitty experience.

Left home at 6 pm. The first few northbound kilometers on the South Luzon Expressway passed by okay, but when I got to Nichols everything just went haywire. My car was literally inches away from colliding or scratching other cars in the jam-packed three-lane highway, now accomodating five or six lanes of cars. (Only in the Philippines, folks.)

Tried evading the traffic going to EDSA by hanging a right to Don Bosco instead, but even there it was bad. Two lanes of cars, buses and whatnot were jostling to enter the cramped corner. At this point I could smell my clutch frying...definitely not good.

When I finally got to Ayala Avenue and parked my car, it was already 8 pm. Goddamnit. Just my luck to leave home on a payday Friday. AGAIN.
---

The party itself was okay, but I didn't seem to be enjoying myself. It had nothing to do with not drinking a shot of tequila (hey, I was driving...that's out of the question). It had nothing to do with the fact that I didn't dance, even though the famous show band South Border was making the crammed venue move.

I just felt tired and I missed my baby. As early as 10:30 pm I wanted to go home.

Hard Rock's "pig sandwich" was good, but I really wanted to share their mud pie with my baby.

Just to prove how sick I am of school right now: I have a final paper to do for Intro to Broadcasting (arguably the only major subject I'm sure to pass) that's due tomorrow at 3 pm, but I have absolutely no initiative to do it. I'm supposed to make a paper on putting up my own radio or TV station, present a vision-mission statement, make imaginary rate cards and other related stuff, like a logo.

It's supposed to be easy but I hardly have anything in mind right now.

Sheesh.

Am back in procrastination mode.
---

Speaking of procrastination, I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. Yikes.
---

I was almost late at my ACCOM2A finals, thanks to my sister having a bum gut just when we were supposed to leave. I left for school alone at 6:30 am, driving the big white Pregio at full-whack 110 km/h on the Skyway, to catch a 7 am test. I was too pressed for time that I forgot to notice how hard I was pressing on the gas. The autobox was stuck at third gear at 85 km/h...not good, not good, as I actually saw the malfunctioning fuel needle slip four fucking big notches towards "E".

When I finally did make it there, my lack of sleep struck me hard. I had problems solving my problem-solving questions, and my stockholders' equity didn't equate with the rest of the class. Looks like I'm in for a traumatizing experience.

I just don't want to think about it anymore.
---

For film class we were tasked to make a two-page paper on our favorite film viewed this term. Not wanting to think like everyone else favoring Schindler's List as favorite as it was the last film shown, I chose Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai.

Turns out my hunch was right. Steven Spielberg's Polish Holocaust epic won 11 votes, easily becoming the favorite. In comparison, Kurosawa's rounin movie garnered three votes.

Both are great films, though, and I can't fault Spielberg...his film was my second favorite.

In a rare occurrence, I remember a dream I had about a week ago. I was the same age I am now, but I grew up in a society 20 years back, in the height of the Marcos regime and martial law. I was a photojournalist of some sort which had just taken pictures of a really juicy story for the then-fledgling anti-Marcos newspaper, the Philippine Daily Inquirer, and I found myself in a bank trying to withdraw money for some reason or other.

Suddenly the bank was held up.

The armed muggers told everyone to drop to the floor and began taking valuables from people. One of them saw the bulky-looking canvas shoulder bag I was toting, and got interested in its contents. Of course, this housed my trusty Nikon FM SLR camera.

He saw the camera and began to snatch it away from the bag. I remember having the strangest feeling of wanting it back because the camera was my dad's in the first place. On impulse I lunged forward, wrestling with the man and telling him to give me back the FM.

Then I heard a gunshot...and I was dead. I could barely feel the impact as it hit my head.

For some reason I couldn't accept this fate, so I jumped back in time to when I was wrestling with the mugger. Instead of receiving a hot dose of lead, I sidestepped and managed to wrestle the gun away from him aikido-style.

And that's when I woke up.

If lucid dreaming is an art, I don't seem to have mastered it yet.
---

When I think about this dream, I guess I got it because I got too spooked by the tales our resource person had in our interview.

For our Intro to Print course, we had to do an oral history of a Filipino journalist. Having met and listened to him before in a seminar for The LaSallian, I immediately thought of Jimmy S. Gomez, Associated Press staff reporter. The guy had so many tales of his stories, including those of his Abu Sayyaf interviews and his documented experiences with riots and tear gas inhalation.

Back in grade school I wanted to be a newsman.

Damn, I think now I know better.
---

We may have not gone to Robinsons Place or Glorietta. We may have not gone to Alda's or Cibo for a great lunch. We may have simply spent four hours watching video CDs, kissing and eating delivered pizza and pasta.

But I enjoyed every minute of it, and that's what matters.

I love you my baby.

Sheesh. I blog so infrequently.
---

Spent last Wednesday with my darling, highlighted by a delicious lunch banquet at Alda's, a quaint little "pizza kitchen and restaurant" along Adriatico St.

The place is supposedly a sacred one for couples: they say if your significant other takes you there to eat, it means he's serious about you. Aside from that "tradition," I could really see why Alda's is so popular, albeit not at the "jam-packed-standing-room-only" level. That little eatery is just too cozy to be besmirched by the trappings of large-scale commercialization. It really has this small town laid-back feel to it that's nowhere to be found in Pam's old favorite place, T. G. I. Friday's.

I loved sharing ultimate combo pizza, crabmeat fettucine and garlic bread with you, my baby. Needless to say, yes, I am serious about us. If I had things my way, I'd repeat December 4th over and over again. I love you.
---

Now with nothing but the radio on
We are dancing to a new emotion
We've got nothing but the radio on
And making love in slow motion
---Dave Koz, "Nothing But the Radio On"
---

Spent so much money on photo paper and film, and spent so much time in the darkroom, before realizing the whole point of having photo essays as projects for FOTOCAM. It's the preparation for VIDPROD (Video Production), a major subject I can't take unless I take FOTOCAM first, as it's its prerequisite course. If a photo essay can't stand alone without explanation, my future videos/films wouldn't be able to stand alone either.

As much as I hate slaving over enlargers and delinquent photo paper once more, I feel like redoing that vague 10-image photo essay I submitted today on desire. I feel like it's going to be for my own good once I get to VIDPROD next term.

Maybe I should seriously consider joining that photo contest Ruth asked me to join, even if it's for Ateneo...
---

Spent the better part of a Monday cooped up in the M216 enlarging room, churning out photo after flawed photo. I have enough flawed 5" x 7" photos to make postcards.

Just as practiced, my classmates set up a portable CD player in the darkroom and brought CDs to make the large complex a little more cozy. Was singing along with a lot of the songs absent-mindedly, trying to sneak in second-voice bass parts of my own creation just for kicks, when a new classmate of mine noticed.

"Who's singing the second-voice parts?"
"I did."
"Okey ah! You have a gift there."

Was rather dumbfounded. I never thought my penchant for putting unusual spins on singing pop songs was a gift anyone would appreciate.

Thanks, Jewel.
---

Art serves the laymen and bows to no master.
---

Am dead tired of school. I really want to rest. Good thing the break's almost here, and I've got only one final exam---Accounting 2A. It's going to be three fucking hours of early-morning torture in a stone-cold classroom on Thursday.

At least I think I have a fighting chance to pass ACCOM2A after all. I just hope my ability matches my own ego's expectations.
---

A while back, you posted about what you would do when you switched sexes and became a man.

If you did take that step across the sexes, I'd be honored to be your hypothetical girl.

I love you, Pam.

Thank you for four months of us.

Moo. :D

MOOOOOOOOO! :D

Been gone from blogging for a particularly long while. The sad part is, I don't even really know why.
---

November 29th was a nightmare for drivers like me going home to the south. It's actually a given since it's a Friday night and it's even a payday at that, the 30th being a national holiday. But I don't know what the hell the guys at Shoemart (SM) were thinking when they opened their new mall right smack at the mouth of the already traffic-ridden Bicutan interchange.

Scores of people were crossing the streets at any one time. It didn't help that traffic was bad across 5 kilometers...along the expressway. The traffic cops didn't seem to be doing their duty---hey, wait a tick...perhaps they're there to make sure that there's a traffic jam in the first place. All in all it wasn't a great place to be in, especially if you're trying to keep your car from being a gas guzzler (which I desperately am).
---

The next day, I invited neighborhood friends Paolo, Bong and Mac to come along with me to the brand-spanking new mall literally at our backyard. We thought we'd be in for a relatively quiet but boisterous affair, looking at shoes, games, CDs, pigging out and maybe enjoy a game or two of Percussion Freaks.

Yikes.

When we got there we were in for a shock. The cramped mall was literally crammed with people, most of them the sort that haven't even smelled a mall in the first place and are abusing the place. Where on earth can you find people in the food court not eating or doing anything except enjoy the air-conditioning?

There was a literal traffic jam of human flesh and blood crowding the newly opened mall, and we quickly got annoyed by the sheer amount of noise and confusion. Nasty thoughts began to pop in my head about blowing up a cherry bomb or two and turning the manic mall into a Bicutan bum rush. Hee.

We couldn't stand staying in there for more than two hours. Anyway I was glad that I was able to spend time with my old friends again, after such a long while.
---

I finally get a weekend off and what do I do?

Since I haven't been on Otakuboard for the longest time, I didn't have any idea when the supposedly Christmas EB would be...little did I know that it would fall on November 30th, Bonifacio Day. I didn't really have enough money to spend either, and I hated dipping into what's left of my measly savings account which value I managed to halve in the span of four months. Sigh.

Well then, what did I do?

Shackled myself to a PlayStation playing countless games of Gran Turismo 2 and Street Fighter Zero 3. Funny when I have absolutely no resources left, I'm just a gamer at heart.
---

Why the hell can't I post to my blog?! Is Blogger going haywire or something? Or is this a punishment for not blogging as regularly as my girlfriend does?
---

I remember the first day we met online. Was surprised to see a girl enjoy Percussion Freaks as much as I did. I even remember you bringing your musician ex-boyfriend to play, and even the time when you couldn't play because your foot was sore.

I remember the very first day we met offline. You were trying to get an interview with my school's reserve basketball players and their coach. Little did I know that we---two practical strangers---would hit it off so easily afterwards. We were laughing our asses out at the school canteen.

I remember our first real date after that. Nothing fancy, just a lunch date at Cibo. I even remember the way you were dressed. I remember how I ferried you to your office, looked around for parking, and spent the better part of an afternoon in your cubicle. Although I was shy and really quiet due to having nothing to say to anyone else, I enjoyed. That was even the day my car's battery conked out on me and you got your colleagues to push my car while I was starting it up.

I remember the afternoon I realized my feelings for you, neophyte that I was to love. I didn't doubt it, but I was wondering if you'd pull away because you were still recovering from an ex's misdemeanors, those which you shared with me over the phone countless nights. I remember how glad I was when you loved me too.

I remember all the happy moments, the "fights" we had, and all the times we made up and reaffirmed our feelings for each other.

Thank you so much for being with me all this time. It's practically been four months. I feel like it's been forever being with you, and I honestly wish you and I would last that long.

I love you.

I've done absolutely nothing today.

At least apart from shooting pictures from the most unusual places, buying photo paper, developing two rolls of film at the same time, and making my prints, sometimes in dismay and sometimes in glee.

Apart from that...yeah, absolutely nothing. Hee.
---

I never thought a fuddy-duddy like me could be so darned cute to my baby. It helps that she's so darn cute herself, too.

Can't resist being cute with you, my love...
---

I gotta wonder if school's simply taken too much of my time lately. I have scarcely any time to go to Otakuboard, or update my blog, or report to The LaSallian for articles and work.

Hmmm...I'm still glad I have time to be with my darling, though. That's something I wouldn't allow omitting.

It's been so long since I blogged, but if you've read my baby's blog, you probably have kept tabs with what essentially has happened with me these past few days.

Yes, I have been a major asshole to Pam. I could go into details, but ultimately I made her doubt her place in my life and the scheme of things. Every night, we'd be fighting over the phone, crying our eyes out with feelings of inadequacy, grief and loneliness. I hurt her so much with the things I kept from her, and no matter what I did, I couldn't even take the pain away even if I wanted to. I didn't know how.

Yet all that mattered to me was her.

In the span of our three months together, I have never felt so loved and so special. There had been problems along the way, yes, but we somehow hurdled them together and stayed with each other. She is the one woman whose happiness matters to me the most---I dare say, more than even the happiness I keep trying to give my parents to no avail. She is the only one I can stand to be with when I feel I am at my worst, because she knows and understands me so completely.

Pam, you're the only one I can see myself growing old with. You just suit me so well. I will never love anyone as much or as deeply as I have loved you. No matter what happens to us, I always will love you---because you're such a great person, friend and lover. Thank you for giving me the love you've never given anyone else these past three months, and I want to share our love as long as humanly possible.

I love you, Pam.

There are so many things I'd like to write about that happened these past few days, but I don't have the time. Besides I'll be gone for the weekend; we'll be in Marilao, Bulacan to shoot our video project for JPRIZAL.
---

Love...thank you for accepting me for all my faults, for recognizing the strengths in me I never even knew I had...I fall deeper in love with you with each passing day...

The COLPAN film negatives I shot last Friday evening got screwed by my clumsy loading inside the changing bags, so I had to buy film and photo paper, and reshoot my portraits yesterday. COLPAN 21 was out of stock, so I had to buy Kodak T-MAX 400 for a staggering PhP190 per roll, along with Kodabrome F3-grade paper for PhP310 (comparatively, not too bad a price).

I wish I didn't screw up loading my film negatives last Friday.

Even after nine minutes of developing in 1:1 solution of developer and water, T-MAX film has very bad contrast. No matter what I did with my brand-new LPL enlarger this morning, and all through the afternoon, I couldn't produce satisfactory 5" x 7" prints with the whitest whites and the blackest blacks. All my portraits had contrast problems, which had nothing to do with the way I shot my photos---some of them even without the intervention of my camera's meter (my batteries died on both shoots). I could only peer at my classmates' portraits with envy as they came out contrasty and sharp.

I'm glad I got to submit all 7 of my bad portraits and their test strips before 4:00 pm today, but I'm sorely irritated with the waste of photo paper T-MAX cost me. I started my FOTOCAM this term with with COLPAN, and I'll end it with COLPAN.

Now I see why my FOTOCAM classmates are all recent COLPAN converts. And at PhP45-75 a roll, plus PhP80 for Atlas developer, who wouldn't be?
---

Speaking of my FOTOCAM classmates, they lifted me out of my midday mopes with absolutely the wackiest behavior we've displayed while inside the M216 photo workshop. We were actually singing our hearts out with the cheesiest songs while printing, laughing all the time. At one point we even cooked up a plan to drive Eastman Kodak into bankruptcy.

Thanks guys. We've only just met, but it means a lot to me.
---

And speaking of moping, my darling was there with all-too-disconsolate me on the phone.

Love, we'll always get COLPAN film for my shoots. Thank you for everything. With you I am as human as I can possibly get, and I feel so liberated when I am with you.
---

For now, I don't want to smell the pungent scent of fixer. Give me a break.

Had an unusual breakfast this morning: french fries, onion rings and fried mushrooms from Outback Steakhouse. It's indicative of where my baby and I have been the other day.

Yes, Pam is back from Beijing. And yes, we had a date last night---this time in Alabang Town Center.

---
It just so happened there was a car exposition inside Corte de las Palmas, and one of the cars on show was the exact same car I bought for Pam in GT2: a raven-black Audi TT 1.8 quattro Coupe. (Okay, fine, I bought one in denim blue pearl-effect.) We were both bowled over with awe at how concept-car-like the damn thing was (read: stunning little details). Might not be a total hoot to drive, but it sure looks great...

Other notable cars in the expo were a red-and-white supercharged Mini Cooper S (never thought I'd see one here...it's so gorgeous), a black Porsche 911 Carrera, a couple of BMWs and a silver Mercedes-Benz/Brabus-tuned SLK. Oh, and I got to see the new Subaru Forester, too.

And to complement our joy at seeing them multi-million-peso automotive marvels, we bought lots of candy too. Wasn't too keen on the purple balloon that came free, though.
---

Went to the cinemas and bought tickets for Sweet Home Alabama. Since we had a lot of time to burn, we went over to Olympic World and Timezone. Played three games of Percussion Freaks 3rd Mix non-stop, and I was able to finish all nine songs I played. Grew a couple of blisters and sweated like a pig, but damn I felt good.
---

Had a nice strawberry milkshake before actually watching the movie.

Pam and I agreed: we didn't really like it. There were some funny moments but I was constantly wondering what kind of film Sweet Home Alabama was. I didn't know what it was trying to be until the closing credits rolled in, and that's bad.

It's also too bad that you only need to know the title of the movie to know what's going to happen.
---

After that, we ordered take-out from Outback before taking Pam back to Starbucks in Makati for her to get a cab home. While humming along at 80 km/h, she was feeding me morsels of food all the time.

I miss you, my baby. I love capping off three months' worth of love with such a perfect perfect date.
---

We did forget something, though. We didn't get to eat pistachio ice cream. But that's for next time. I love you, Pam.

Rain poured in buckets last night while I was driving my sister home. Trying to avoid the traffic on the expressway, I took the Skyway instead.

Set my pace at a humming 85 km/h (speed limit's 100) along the elevated stretch of the highway, more relaxed than I normally do. Perhaps the rain was worse than it usually was, or the Skyway's drainage wasn't working as well, because I could feel my steering wheel kick back abnormally against my steady hands at speed. I could actually feel my tires slipping; something that's never happened before even on rainy nights.

That gave me a little scare. After that I eased off a bit on the loud pedal and held my hands as firmly as possible on the little helm. No point in driving home ASAP when you can aquaplane and skid your tires into a flatspin over rainy tarmac.
---

Finally had a change of hair fashion in 19 years. I had an undercut.

Was actually having second thoughts about the whole thing, but my ears got so itchy from all the surplus uncut hair growing from my temples like weeds. I wanted to keep my long bangs without the hassle of mussing up my hair so often.

When I finally finished with the haircut my nape felt weird, having long hair but without any shorter hair under it. I suppose I'll get used to it though. The little inconvenience I pay to get hair that arranges itself back with only a flick of my head.

Look Ma, no combing.
---

Thanks, my baby. I love you. I wish I could be in Beijing with you and keep you warm...

As of this morning, Pam's already left for Beijing, China.

Forgetting to set my alarm clock, I bolt right out of bed anyway, seemingly simultaneously greeted by Pam's SMS message on my phone. At 5:15 am, she was already waiting at the airport for her boarding call, yet we were both worried as to why we couldn't use our mobile phones to actually call each other.

We texted right through the day as I sat through a JPRIZAL screening of Bayaning Third World, processed my All Saints' roll of film, took an Accounting quiz and printed my test strip and contact print. Then as I went online a while ago, my inbox had a list of bilin she left before she had to run off to the plane.

Love...even if you're in China's "northern capital" (that's what Beijing means...heheheh), I can still feel you here with me somehow. I love you so much. Please come back to me soon...
---

Passed my last Accounting quiz with a 40.5 out of 50. Not bad, not bad. I doubt it's going to be good enough for me to pass this term though.

Shit. Shitshitshit.
---

This morning, while we were at the M216 photo lab developing our rolls of film, the unthinkable happened. One by one, my classmates' rolls of Kodak film were coming out of their developing tanks with nothing but the faintest traces of pictures on the emulsion side.

So imagine my surprise when my COLPAN roll came out as dark and contrasty as it's always been, albeit suffering from a lot of crimps due to a bad time loading.

Turns out someone had inadvertently poured the reusable fixer solution into the tank of disposable D-76 Kodak developer, effectively weakening the action of the developer on the film by a factor of 20. My roll wasn't affected because COLPAN film used its own developer D-76 chemical.

That morning saw a lot of us rushing to Paco Park or the South Cemetery in Makati to hurriedly shoot frames of B&W film for tomorrow's photo essay. Shame. An innocent mistake cost so many students a lot of headaches.

Like most Filipinos on All Saints' Day, I went to my family's cemetery a few hours north to Baliwag, Bulacan province. It's been a while since I've last been there, and it's also been some time since I've seen my relatives on my father's side, too.

Dr. Forbes made sure we didn't leave for the cemeteries without anything to do. She told us she'd be asking for a photo essay of what All Saints' meant to me. Right. And I shot my roll of particularly slow ISO 100 film at late afternoon to early evening---without a tripod or flash. Interesting at the least, frustrating at the most.

I'm glad I was able to talk to Tita Vik again, though. We strolled through the cemetery grounds looking for anything particularly interesting. At first I had a central theme to my roll, depicting All Saints' Day celebration as a cruel joke of what it was supposed to be, but towards the end I simply took snapshots because of the godforsaken lighting conditions.
---

My baby's leaving for China tomorrow for four days. Even worse, the forecast for Beijing reads 8-9 degrees Celsius for the length of her stay there, and 9 degrees is the coldest it's ever been here---at least in mountainous Baguio City.

Baby, I'll miss you. I wish I was there to keep you warm and cozy.
---

I don't understand what the fuss is all about with Audi's TT coupe/roadster. It looks good, yeah, and it looks like it came straight out of a car show in concept form, but it drives so horribly. Even its four-wheel-drive system doesn't help at all in navigating tight corners at speed, as it loses grip so easily it does a horrible combination of fishtailing and understeer.

This is one car whose donor chassis and engine---a "humble" S3 hatchback---is actually better than itself. Audi, grow up. Trash your TT, please.

Braved the atrocious midafternoon traffic along A.H. Lacson Ave. yesterday to go to my baby's place for the next installment of the Pam and JM Cooking Show.

She sliced mushrooms and potatoes while I grated cheese. Then she cooked the garlic, cheese, mushroom and potato mixture on low heat while stirring. We spooned the mixture into triangular dimsum wrappers, wrapping and sealing them before frying.

The result? Our vegetarian appetizer Deltas of Venus, the name inspired by my baby's birthday bash at Club S.EX.

I love making stuff with you, my baby. What's next on our menu?
---

More presents from Cebu filled my trunk that day: a red Adidas shirt, a khaki fisherman's hat, three apricot scented candles, more of Cebu's dried mangoes and a Lilo and Stitch sticker strip.

Thanks, my darling.
---

You guys still remember Erik? Turns out he got into an accident two days ago.

He was driving along the Katipunan flyover at 120 km/h (roughly 75 mph) when he tried overtaking a car immediately in front of him. Apparently he might have put too much weight into his steering, as his car (I believe it was an EK4 Honda Civic) spun off and struck the steel railing at the middle of the road. His front and rear bumpers were shorn off and a large part of his car's bodywork turned raisin-like in a matter of milliseconds. Bystanders thought the occupants of the red EK4 were dead. Worst of all, Erik had his ex-girlfriend in the front seat---who, I understand, was the source of all his misery, anger and rage a year ago.

Erik and his ex are still alive, but quite understandably shaken. Now he's trying to piece his life back together and re-evaluate things.

It's been a long time since the two of us had a decent time to talk and meet up again, largely because of my academic workload eating up any spare time I have and my lungs' intolerance for cigarette smoke. I was frankly shocked that something like this might happen to one of my friends, and it gave me a reason to value my friendships more. I am now aware that I should keep my ties alive, as anything---literally anything---can happen to them.

We at the Zen Clan miss you. You take care, dood.
---

Anger isn't worth losing your life over.
---

Car drivers who read my blog, heed my advice.

From personal experience, driving in the Philippines at 120 km/h is strictly for straight-line cruising along a wide, free road such as the Skyway...and I do mean STRAIGHT. Keep lane changing to an absolute minimum, and any braking should be done gradually and progressively. If it looks like you won't be able to stop in time, use engine braking but exercise extreme caution. This advice comes from a guy who's revved an AE101 1.6L Toyota Corolla to a honking 170 km/h, and I tell you it's scary to go anywhere but straight at that speed.

This weekend, or anytime you're free, check your wheel balances. Very important. You don't want your wheels to be weighted more at one side, because severe weight imbalance in your wheels will cause shanking to one side at high speed---and that's a recipe for a racing raisin, if you get my drift.

Snuck out of school after my last class today to visit Pam once more.

She prepared a little feast for me: chicken Hot Shots, rice, s'mores and our ice-cream pie. She brought out her VCD player and rolled a couple of episodes of Friends. We kissed, hugged and snuggled against each other in the kitchen, while trying to pry the newly toasted s'mores off the oven toaster rack with bread tongs.

Then I sang this song for her...I believe this is the Eraserheads' song "Fine Time":

I could drive you to the malls
Or stay home and watch TV
I don't care if we don't have lunch
Just as long as we have iced tea
I could take you to a film
Hunt for books and magazines
Is that new song out on sale?
I think that dress is kinda pale...

I hope we could spend more time together
A few hours is better than never
If we could only make it longer
A whole day would be fine, a whole day would be fine
A whole day would be fine, a whole day would be fine...
---

I love you, my baby. Napakasarap mong kasama.

Just had a wonderful day.

I mapped out the route to Pam's house using my mom's Manila road atlas this morning, after buying ingredients for s'mores. After my one and only class ended, I borrowed a couple of books and spun my engine towards the Sta. Cruz district.

When I finally parked in front of Pam's house, we didn't get around to making s'mores. We made banana-vanilla ice cream pie instead, crust and all. I got introduced to her beloved grandma and grand-uncle, and later on had lunch with them. She gave me so many gifts from her recent spelunking of Cebu City---dried mango strips, dried squid flakes, a shirt, a coconut-shell mask and a little diary.

When it was time for me to go, I drove her to work. For once I didn't mind being stuck in traffic along truck-infested Quirino Ave. We were kissing and hugging all the time, savoring the time we had on our hands.

I love you, my darling. You make me feel so alive. I could picture myself going to your house regularly, just being with you.

I miss you...

I'm stumped, honestly. This new template I chose seems a lot more complicated than my blog's old one. I don't know where to insert my meager knowledge of HTML just so I can personalize my blog.

Hmmm.

I'll attempt to fine-tune what I can do so, but expect my blog to look messed up.
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I am sad. I don't know why things suddenly crop up and interfere with my plans, especially if it's with my baby. We meet only once a week and yet this is when people call on me the most...I guess it's probably because of that wonderful 90-minute respite called U-Break...

I don't want to attend any storyboard meetings. I don't want to attend any make-up classes. I just want to be with my darling again.

This week has been very tiring.
---

After my only class in the morning, I sped off to Mandaluyong City on Wednesday to get an interview with the assistant director of the program "On Air" for my Intro to Broadcasting subject. This was after I had to burn PhP3,000 the night before to avail myself of a tape voice recorder in desperation.

Getting there was rather tough because of the traffic (I hate swerve-happy buses), but actually parking my car was another challenge. Mandaluyong is not like Makati or Manila which have scores of lots for motorists to park their cars in for a fee. The building's basement parking was full. I managed to find parking on Reliance St., but it meant I had to walk some two kilometers back and forth from the lot to eat lunch at KFC and/or visit the Pioneer Highlands towers. This I did while I was being rained out at noontime.

When I finally did get inside the towers, the security guards still had to clear the equipment I brought in---my trusty camera, tripod, lenses and brand-spanking new recorder. And I even had to pay PhP3 for the forms I wrote on. Urgh.

Finally I was up the elevator to the offices of Ideal Minds Corp. to have an interview with Aleah Aliporo. I have to say the interview itself went very well. She was a willing subject and she symbolized how the innovative program was their "baby."

"On Air's" premise is that they provide you a minute to tape whatever you want to do, and they'll broadcast it on their half-hour show every Friday. If you get voted by the audience as the "pick of the week" you can win PhP5,000. So as it is, my prof and I think it turns the broadcasting concept upside-down in terms of ownership and opportunity.

I went back to school afterward, satisfied with my efforts. Thank you, Ms. Aliporo.
---

After my little adventure in Mandaluyong, I went into the school photo lab to print my first full-size picture. Not easy, considering that I was all alone in a room full of enlargers with nothing more than weak red "safelight" illuminating everything. It's rumored to be haunted by ghosts, too.

I'll have to get used to it, though. I can now say with all conviction that I love photography.
---

Thursday was the usual dizzying mix of majors subjects: Print, Broadcast and Film Intros. Our Print professor assigned us to help him with his Journalism and Information Technology survey. He had the questionnaire forms; all we had to do was visit the newspapers or the beats of the reporters themselves. We volunteered to "saturate" the Senate's beat reporters with his questionnaires. I wonder when we'll have the time to do it though.

Later that afternoon we watched "Singin' in the Rain" on DVD for Film class. Very wonderful movie. I can see why it's part of the top ten American films of the twentieth century.

And still later that night, I went to Pam's birthday party to make amends. I wasn't able to watch her band play, though, as I had to leave when the party was just starting. Damn early Friday classes.

I love you, my darling. I just want to be with you again. If I were to be particular about it, I want to watch "Singin' in the Rain" with you.
---

Which brings us to today. In Physical Education Tantan and I won a game of doubles badminton against our classmates. Had to scrape the skin off my knees though, but I'm cool.

Even more surprising was that I aced today's goodwill and bonus test in Accounting 2A. Not bad for someone who never studied a wink. Was divine providence at work here? I just hope it keeps up until tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow...shucks, I still have my Accounting midterms in the morning and a viewing of Akira Kurosawa's epic "Seven Samurai" in the afternoon.

I want to rest. But this week has been a blast.
---

Pam's in Cebu City right now, and she won't be back until Sunday.

Come back to me, my lady...please take care...I love you...

I'm so driven to defend myself in this argument, but I suppose I'm just adding insult to injury. I know I should never edit myself, but some things are better left unsaid. Even if I risk being labeled an inconsiderate asshole both ways, I would elect to still the sounds of silence.

"When emotion takes a great hold of anyone, it's very hard to make one believe otherwise. One can never expect to win against emotion." - Leia Medina

I can't believe my run of luck yesterday.

I flunked my second accounting quiz, I'm grilled to make up for TLS newswork I'm not supposed to be doing, and most of all Pam thinks I forgot her birthday.
---

I am at an end. I never claimed to be perfect nor experienced. I know not what I should do. I am just a mosquito anyone can kill with a slap of the wrist, and to make it worse I am but new to my duty.

The first mistake seems enough to kill me.
---

A big thank you goes to my blockmate Leia. I hope she and Joseph last a long long time together. Don't forget your bet.

I'm rather sad I've missed posting at Otakuboard for so long already. It feels like I've somehow disappeared from the boards because of my focus on my major subjects.

The way things are going (i.e. school demanding my time), it looks like I won't be able to attend their sixth EB. Oh well.

It's been a really busy couple of days but I feel really good. FOTOCAM, especially, was a blast. In the span of two days I learned how to load, develop and prepare film negatives, and I also dabbled in a bit of enlarging and printing on photo paper.

Great. Just great. I can't wait to shoot more B&W pictures.
---

One caveat: Judging from supplies alone, photography is rather expensive.

The film is cheap (COLPAN 21 is PhP40-75), but it needs its own developer (PhP80), as the M216 photo lab is stocked with Kodak developers which are for Tri-X and T-Max films at PhP175-190 a roll. Photo paper from Kodak meanwhile is PhP285 for 25 pieces.

I wonder if I have to request for a raise in allowance. It's only Wednesday and I barely have enough money left for two days' lunches.
---

Took this test and was pleasantly surprised. Got 13 out of 16 right, just like my baby did. Must have been love working in the background...

Speaking of Pam, we didn't have our usual Wednesday date this week. She's too busy with school work and has had hardly enough time to sleep.

Baby, I want you to fall asleep beside me...I want to watch you sleep peacefully...without a care in the world...I love you that much...

My blog is now officially one year old. Been a great year, honestly. Because of my blog it's also been a year where I could look back at how I've grown and maybe gone rough around the edges a little.

I guess I deserve some credit or something, blogging this long and all, but I have so many things to do.
---

Chabeli was right: we've done nothing but school work these past few weeks. I could almost smell the veiled regret in her normal cheery self.
---

There's this rather sad, somber piano tune playing on what I think is Winamp Radio. Just when I picked up my headphones it suddenly began playing. Must be on one of the sites I have open right now.

Is that your blog, love?
---

I'd like to think I mastered the painful art of affixing my used film into the developing tank's spiral---in the darkness of a changing bag. Thank God.

Also used up the roll of black and white film Pam gave me for my FOTOCAM class. Took so many shots of the most unexpected things, and I hope I get to develop them properly. I'd like to do justice to my shots. I just hope I didn't ruin any of them with camera shake.
---

Produced my first two articles for The LaSallian, too. My second one was something on scalping and harassment.

Hope it gets published in its virgin state.

This has been a very productive term for me so far.
---

Tell me how I can be a better man, love. I find it rather disheartening at times how easily I get you hurt, and I believe it's because I'm not sensitive enough to what you're feeling, or what's on your mind. I'm so very sorry for the times I hurt you, and I didn't even know it.

I guess I now realize something I should do: I should just shut up and listen.

One more lesson I can't learn in any book, I guess.

I'm feeling so crass and angry with my sister. I have to put up with driving her to school and back, her being unfriendly 99% of the time, and her offending comments towards me. With the state of things I'm just keeping my cool with the ungrateful wench.

She borrowed my PE shirt the other day because the maids forgot to let hers dry. Then she told me right after I fetched her from Kingswood that she forgot it at her friend's car right before I need it. Now very angry, I wanted to mash the Pregio's pedal to the floor and make her scream. She offered money to buy me a shirt tomorrow, but I have only one term of PE left and that ridiculous amount of money would be wasted.

I take in all her bullshit and even make the initiative of being a real brother to her, but all she does is pull away. I wanted to slap her so hard. I couldn't bring myself to do so, though. Little old abusable Mr. Convenient, that's what I am.
---

I've been wondering how my life would have turned out if Pam and I didn't make that step forward into this bond we enjoy today.

My friends and blockmates tell me they knew it all along, that she and I would be deliriously in love with each other. Looking back, and after considering what they said, I guess it was just a matter of when, exactly, I would fall in love with her. We think alike, we have differing but similar interests and we are always together in one way or another. She's my new best friend, as well...with her I can be an open book, replete with craziness, insanity and emotions I would have fearfully hidden from everyone else.

I'm still left in amazement at how we met, became friends and became the mushiest pair of cheesecake lovers our friends had ever seen.

I love you so much, my lady, and I want to prove it in so many ways...

Pam's been sick for the past few days, I suspect probably due to fatigue. I feel so helpless as this bug began to happen right after we dated last Wednesday.

I only want to make you feel better, my lady. I'd do anything to make you more comfortable.
---

Had our advisor for The LaSallian for this morning's writing workshop. Was it even a workshop at all? My friends would probably agree that it was more of a lambasting tirade that lasted for a good 4 hours.

In a nutshell, our advisor Bombit Largoza criticized all the not-so-incremental mistakes and foibles that the staffers and even the editors were prone to doing, such as forgetting the logic of news articles and not being "dogged" enough to ask our interviewees those questions that might just strike a violent chord in them.

In the span of those 4 hours Bombit turned my perceptions of how a writer should operate upside-down. Honestly I don't know if I should be grateful or downright scared of all the expectations he places upon us, especially since The LaSallian is 40-odd years old already. His prevalent message was that of joining The LaSallian not simply because I needed to make employers see that I had a life aside from my studies. I should be in The LaSallian because I want to incur "critical thinking" within the student populace (all 11,000 of them) of De La Salle University.

I feel a heady rush, but my friends and I know we can't turn TLS around in the span of one month. Some of us were even thinking that may not happen in the span of one year.

Bombit's most important lesson for me was that I had to get rid of looking at the world as if it revolved around me and my bourgeois upbringing and surroundings. That's a bitter pill to swallow, I suppose.
---

Had the Student Publications Office Cup sports events in the afternoon. I played in mixed volleyball and we lost by a rather embarrasing margin, but we did make up for it by winning the basketball game against the yearbook Green & White.
---

I'm tired. Made so many lunging and diving receptions in that volleyball game which left me either rolling to a standstill or scraping my elbows and knees---and yet not one of those heroic efforts resulted in the ball landing inside the damned court.

Oh well.
---

Spammers beware. I will not entertain any unsolicited advice or "pass-to-X-number-of-people" chain-letter messages. If I do, they await an instant trip to my garbage bin.

If you got offended, then dammit, take it with a grain of salt. This isn't a matter of being nice or rude. This is all a matter of me saying "I DON'T WANT ANY MORE SPAM!" And goddamnit, if you think I'm being mean, it's not my problem anymore. People are never entitled to like what I have to say, are they?

Understood?!
---

I better ease off on my temper. Getting angry just drains me of my energy.

The people who send me spam e-mail are actually complaining that I've been quite mean.

Let's just put it this way: There are things I don't need to receive...

Sigh...is there no remotely civil way of telling spammers that I don't want what they give me? All the thoughts I have in reply mulling in my head are violent.

---
Will add to this post later.

Word of the week: Burn-out. Please don't ask why.

I mean it. DON'T ASK.
---

I'm pretty sure I have that fair handful of offline friends who read the trash I post on my blog, whether by force of habit or by sheer coincidence. Let me just take this opportunity to kindly request well-being friends from filling my mailbox with unsolicited advice, quotes or pass-to-X-number-of-people e-mail. There's one very good word for those sorts of things ending up in my mail: SPAM. I don't fucking need it, so stop shoving it down my throat.

Capisce?!
---

I'm feeling rather evil today. Ain't it obvious.

Yesterday was so fucked-up.

I absolutely could not sleep. I was awake on an entire 6-hour stretch, eating up most of what should've been all-important sleep especially since I just recovered from exhaustion-induced fever. No matter what I did---read, listen to music, watch late-night TV, call Pam, eat breadsticks---I just could not sleep even at 4am.

I woke up from a horrible 90-minute dose of kip with a massive headache, which surprisingly dissipated while I was driving myself and my sister to school. It didn't manifest itself too much while I was in class too. Getting home, however, was another story. I actually felt my temperature rising while I was crankily navigating myself through flood and traffic-ridden streets, and it didn't help that my windshield and windows were constantly fogging up while I was on the Skyway. Imagine driving with that.

Sure enough I got home to a mercury column kissing the 38-degree mark. I was sick. AGAIN. So last night, I made it a point to sleep as early as possible since we had only one morning class. And right now, I'm home because I drove back ASAP and promised to fetch my sister instead.

I feel a lot better but I can't seem to get rid of my headache.
---

My Net connection isn't working! Damnit! How am I supposed to do research on German expressionism for my Film class' reaction paper due tomorrow?!
---

Thanks for the help, Pam. Was nice seeing you again, love.

Even after I've gotten a sitemeter by Pam's request, I've been very lenient and nonchalant with monitoring my blog's traffic. However, the last time I checked my counter's returns, I'm surprised at the number of hits I'm getting, for someone who admittedly doesn't post very often. You guys really do love me.

I'm still wondering if this amount of visits is due to people regularly coming and going through my blog so many times a day or it's due to a hundred people visiting every day of the week. But I'm happy both ways.

After some serious delays, I'm back.
---

While the whole world---er, America, rather---was grieving its year-long loss brought about by its very reckless political advancements last September 11, Pam and I had such a great date.

Met at Starbucks. Had cinnamon goodies at Cinnzeo. Watched (and seriously enjoyed) S1M0NE. Kissed and hugged in the dark cinema, almost constantly. Went to Topshop to scope out happy socks, "funny undies" and a couple of coats Pam really really wanted. Ate late lunch at Friday's after a frustrated attempt to locate Haagen-Dazs in Robinsons Place for cookie dough ice cream. Bought and shared fruit yogurt instead. Bought magazines at National Bookstore. Bought and shared a scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (and seriously enjoyed it, I might add), before sharing a cab back to school.

I was amazed we crammed so many things in one day.

I love you, my baby.
---

Going to Baguio for three days with only my family wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Sure, the Camp John Hay Manor was picturesque, the atmosphere was chilly and clambering up and down a fog-filled-but-newly-reconstructed Marcos Highway in a 4WD Mitsubishi Pajero/Montero/Shogun was exhilarating. (Actually seeing the SUV's altimeter point to a 1400m elevation was a point of excitement, having it level at 0m for what seems like forever.) However my company and our itinerary was dour and unexciting. The most exciting thing we all did was watch the US Open on cable TV.

Kinda like driving 20 km/h in an unrestricted German autobahn. How dull and pointless can that get? Remind me never to even consider making the climb to Baguio with less than seven people.
---

My fifth term in DLSU has started and I'm scared. I get the impression that my major-subject professors are demanding as hell, seeing as they preferred to bombard us with announcements of their grandiose final projects right off the bat. It's as if they all had this agreement to scare us out of our courses, which isn't too farfetched since they all belong in only one department and handle only two classes.

My blockmates and I feel the alienation beginning to set in. Since we're two blocks of Communication Arts majors, the damned Academic Assistant made our majors classes in such a way that each block is split in half. I can't help but think about my other blockmates all the time.
---

De La Salle snapped its chance of a 14-win sweep of the UAAP basketball tournament, and it had to lose to Ateneo de Manila, of all universities. It even had to lose with an embarrassing deficit of around 15 points.

That's what we get for being cocky. MIKE CORTEZ, CAN YOU HEAR ME, DAMMIT?!
---

Never thought a simple PE session of badminton drills was all it took to totally deplete me of energy and send me to sick bay for the weekend. I guess I also abused my sleeping habits, too...but this schedule's hard on me as it is already, and my sister had to complicate things by making me come to school at 7am for her special religion class.

That's so inconsiderate of her, really. But I'll just shut up and let my blog do the talking.

In the meantime maybe I should seriously consider being a Sports Complex resident and jog laps to keep fit.

Went to school today to pick up my course cards once and for all.

Overall I was surprised I passed Accounting 1B and Intro to Philosophy, albeit with disappointingly low grades (1.0 and 1.5 respectively). Even more surprising was how close I got to getting a flat 3.0 GPA despite my low grades, because I grabbed a trio of 4.0's, a couple of 3.5's and a 3.0 on my remaining subjects.

As it stands, my GPA stands at 2.925, which isn't a long way behind last term's 3.05 GPA effort. Not bad. Not bad at all.
---

I'm having second thoughts on staying on as newswriter for The LaSallian. I haven't been writing any news articles nor have I been finding out any information on my assigned beats. Maybe I should move to Layout and arrange the news pages to make up for my lethargy. That's the best I can think of right now, as I think I no longer have the nose for news.
---

Ruth has changed the link to my blog, renaming it "cheesecake baker." Hmmmm.
---

I love you my baby...

Had a really busy August 31st. In the morning we scheduled the fifth EB of Otakuboard in Greenbelt, which only around eight or nine of us attended. We got to meet a couple of newbies though, and they were pretty cool and sociable off the bat. By all means it should have been a pretty lousy EB, as Nicco didn't organize anything.

Paul: "What's the plan?"
Nicco: "The plan is, there is no plan."

I enjoyed it somehow, though. I liked this particular EB because I didn't feel any inhibition or feeling of being out of place, for some reason. We were all a bunch of jokers without any definite plans in mind. We split up rather early though.
---

After Otakuboard EB5, I went to Glorietta (not far away) and met up with my baby.

At first the happy-go-lucky nature of EB5 seemed to rub off on both of us as we didn't have anything in mind for our date. We simply strolled around, ate crostini and spinach dip at Cibo and later ate ice cream at Haagen-Dazs. Pam was squeezing me all the time, pinching my arms, playing with my hands, kissing my cheek. She even brought her little camera and was constantly taking pictures of me all the time---when I was eating, writing on my tickler, even when I was driving. I felt shortchanged because I didn't get to use my camera on her...I wanted to see her smile.

We made out in my car again. I think we both felt a little more urgent this time. We wanted each other so badly.

Don't worry love. My next term is very very forgiving on us...we have all the time on Wednesdays to date...
---

I actually fell asleep while talking with Pam because I was so tired. She thought it was cute listening to me breathe until our phones lost their signals.

Darling, you're cute too.
---

Received a surprise in my mail today. Angel invited me into this group blog of ours named after our barkada, the Zen Clan. Really cool.