Amazing to think that when you've got all the freaking free time to surf the Internet because of long breaks, I forget to update my blog.

Blame the people at Honda Club Philippines for that. Heheheh.
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As of yesterday afternoon, Pam and I are no longer an item.

I told her that she'd changed in the span of almost a month, that she seemed averse to any sort of display of love. I was pushing the thought away from my mind, but after we made up the last time we fought, my suspicions were confirmed. I felt that whatever was troubling her inside, I couldn't help things. I couldn't make her happy...especially when I ask her what's wrong, she keeps saying "I don't know."

I really wanted the relationship to work, because by and large, I'm still in love with her. I still feel like reaching out for her, especially since it's been a month since we last saw each other. I will always love her, that's for sure. I can't hate her, no matter what I do. Maybe even better, I can't be indifferent to her. I feel that Pam's a beautiful person inside all her quirks and problems. The thing that was sad, though, was that she told me she had "a secret desire to be unhappy." Frankly I don't believe that, but I don't know what I can do to prove her wrong.

I am glad our relationship happened. I am proud to say that I never once thought about loving any other girl when I was with her. I am glad that I was able to grow up with her. Maybe I'm still immature, as Ruth once told me before, but at this point I have grown up, even just a little. I am glad that I was able to give her the love she admitted she'd never felt before, even just for five months...and I'm glad that she was the one who first loved me.

Our breakup was peaceful, void of the usual angry words tossed about, and this I can be happy about. We vowed to stay friends, but there's this dull ache in the back of my chest that longs for her, that prods me to call her or text her a sweet greeting of love. While I can certainly be her friend, right now I'm not sure if I can stay just being her friend.

Time heals all wounds, I suppose.

Pam, as a friend, I'm telling you this: Being happy is a choice. Your choice.
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Chatted with a friend of mine last night. The thought suddenly crossed my mind about getting back with Pam again.

My answer: Why not?