"Internet Channels was here 2004-2009"

Every time someone got rolled off from Barclays, or resigned from Accenture entirely, it used to merit a stoppage of work and at least thirty minutes of drama, saying farewells and looking back on the good times. For my first couple of years there that used to be the case.

When people started to leave en masse however, that drama went away. Everyone just bit the bullet and accepted the hard truth: that the recession was taking its toll on our client and there just wasn't any work coming our way. I used to think getting rolled off at Barclays meant that someone had screwed up, or someone didn't perform up to par. This time that just wasn't the case. We didn't fail the client. The client failed us.

For the longest time I had imagined how my own final day at Barclays would turn out like. I imagined that instead of going through the dramatic rituals, I'd just disappear in the background with only the leads knowing that I had indeed rolled off from the project. Hahaha. How prophetic. I never thought that's how I ended up leaving Barclays. One difference though: Everyone knew.

Looking back, I don't think I'd have done my final day any differently. It was in effect also the final day of the Internet Channels test team as we knew it. So few of us would remain behind. I decided to make a "shrine" out of the old nameplates that we still had lying around and slap them onto an unused whiteboard. Those with missing nameplates we just filled in with a felt-tip pen.

Jona told us there was a glimmer of hope for our team, though. We might just go back to Barclays by October if everything goes to plan. We'll see. I'm not really keeping my hopes up. I figure three years in Barclays is enough. I needed a change anyway.

It was fun while it lasted. Thanks, my friends.

Final days with Barclays

I haven't been blogging as frequently as I should. A lot of developments have happened over the past couple weeks.

The biggest and most important one is this: After three years, I am now parting with the friends I've made at the Accenture Barclays Unit. Due to the recession, there just hasn't been much work for the Internet Channels team and so the decision was made to split the team in half. The bigger half will no longer be working with Barclays but for other clients.

Well, I guess it was just a matter of time. I suppose this was also for the best too. It is not good for me and my fellow leavers to stagnate in the specialized knowledge we have. Moving to other clients will ultimately work out better for us and broaden our horizons. We don't know where we're going to yet but two possibilities have surfaced: either we stay in the Cybergate area or move to Union Bank Plaza (UBP) in Ortigas.

My seatmate Joebelle and I were wondering how this development would affect us. If we move to UBP, our problems would include parking space and looking for a gym. There's no gym inside UBP. We might have to bite the bullet and plunk down cash to work out at Gold's Gym in Robinsons Galleria or Fitness First in SM Megamall, both of which are quite a distance from UBP.

Trivalities aside...this is my final week with Barclays. My last day with them is on June 3. I'm still waiting for that email containing the details of my next gig, along with the other leavers. Just a minor shame that my good friends PJ, Paolo Cruz and Joel were part of the lucky (?) ones that will be staying with Barclays.

We'll see.

An idiot of sadness no more.

My love and I, we work well together
But often we're apart
Absence makes the heart lose weight, yeah
Till love breaks down, love breaks down

Ooh my oh my, have you seen the weather?
The sweet September rain
Rain on me, like no other
Until I drown, until I drown

When love breaks down, the things you do
To stop the truth from hurting you
When love breaks down, the lies we tell
They only serve to fool ourselves
When love breaks down, when love breaks down

My love and I, we are boxing clever
He'll never crowd me out
Both be free as old confetti
And paint the town, paint the town

When love breaks down, the things you do
To stop the truth from hurting you
When love breaks down, the lies we tell
They only serve to fool ourselves
When love breaks down, we join the wrecks
Who leave their hearts for easy sex
When love breaks down, when love breaks down

My love and I, we were high and climbing
Into the sky of blue
Loud with colors, of a rainbow
A changing view, a changing view

When love breaks down, the things you do
To stop the truth from hurting you
When love breaks down, the lies we tell
They only serve to fool ourselves
When love breaks down, we join the wrecks
Who leave their hearts for easy sex
When love breaks down, when love breaks down

- Lisa Stansfield, "When Love Breaks Down"
===

Not too long ago, I did some pretty stupid things because I couldn't accept failing with you despite all the effort.

I am not walking down that road again. I am at least a little wiser now. More importantly, my heart now has what I need to see me through this.

All I have to do is toughen my mind.

One more farewell...

My developer friend Adrian Ayala has decided to throw in the towel. In the tradition of my good work friends leaving me, he's decided to follow his own path outside Accenture...after he takes a one- or two-month sabbatical with his brother in Minnesota.

The guy is one of the funniest people I've ever met---but don't let that fool you because he's also very well read. He's also got a very keen eye for photography. I joked that he was leaving Accenture because he couldn't sufficiently finance his "vice" and get better lenses and equipment for his Nikon D50.

Godspeed, my friend. You will be missed. I'll see you around. :)

Career crossroads

My friend Angiela is leaving for Washington D.C. at the end of the month. We hadn't seen each other in a long, long while, so she asked me to dinner at Robinsons Galleria last Friday.

While we were talking I found myself getting jealous of her position. She'll be earning ten times her old salary at her previous firm over there, and she'll find it a lot easier compared to her overworked/underpaid days here. She's even getting a car once she gets there, too.

I felt happy for her. But compared to all that, I felt a little sorry for myself. I have nowhere near the toxicity of her workload, but I do have to admit I'm not paid enough for the kind of work I'm doing. My eyes turned green with envy for the better part of a weekend.

I work in an industry I don't exactly love. I work in a company that pays its employees peanuts compared to other companies...at least until I work my ass off and get at least 4 promotions, at which point the pay becomes merely "livable." I'm not getting any younger.

But I'm not willing to leave the Philippines, either.

I'm free of any extra-contractual obligations now. At this point I'm not quite sure what I should be doing. At least thanks to PJ, I know that I'm not really in as bad a position as I had thought. I guess the best thing I could do is do well in my current assignment, and tough it out.

It's Jack's turn to say goodbye.

Jacklyn Competente is undoubtedly Miss Congeniality personified. She could get along with everyone and anyone. She's got a bubbly personality and a genuine knack for getting people's affections.

She joined Accenture because she thought she'd have a chance to learn about her capability of choice, SAP. Not a day went by without her ballyhooing her desire for SAP and all its merits. It was unfortunate for that objective then that she landed in software testing. In her entire stay with Accenture she didn't have the chance to move toward what she wanted, and that triggered her resignation...much as she wanted to stay.

I'm pretty sure everyone who knew her in the company wants her to stay as well. Jack is infamous for her many, many, many candid and stolen shots taken on my cellphone's camera. But all we can do is wish her the best of luck wherever the winds of fate take her.

When your boss is actually the older sister you never had

I haven't had time to really sit down and write about anything...er, "meaty" about the people in my life. It's about time I did because a few people have thought about taking a different path than mine, and so, perhaps, a fitting seeing-off is in order.

Celine Yap is one of those older sisters I've never had. She's my boss, sure, but I've treated her more like a trusted friend. Cel was there for me when I was feeling down and needed a pep talk, which she would always give with her trademark upbeat vibe. In return, I also had the privilege of hearing some of her personal trials and tribulations. She and I had a lot of fun on the rare occasions when we'd share a cup of coffee or have lunch, just the two of us.

Ever since she assumed the managerial role she took on a lot more work...perhaps more than she could handle. At first it manifested with her barely being in her cube, attending meeting after meeting left and right. Later on, however, she started getting sick. Cel succumbed to sickness with increasing duration and frequency. Her health was literally falling apart, and we were always concerned about how she was doing.

With all that back-story, I guess it shouldn't have come as a surprise when she announced at one of our weekly meetings that she was resigning. But I was shocked all the same.

I took her aside for a minute and brought her to a quiet room, where I gave her a long-overdue hug. Ever since the last major project she led (last year) got riddled with all sorts of problems, I felt like cheering her up and giving her a little boost, the same way she did for all of us.

Tomorrow is her last day with Accenture, after eight years of tenure, after which she'll spend a much-deserved three-month break. In that span of time, she says she'll still drop by and visit us. I only hope she and I will still get to see each other and fun over coffee and lunch, as we used to.

I'm about to lose my anchor

My colleague and friend Grace is leaving us for greener pastures...much to the shock and bewilderment of many on our team. Tomorrow is the start of her final week.

While I can't deny I got saddened and a little infuriated because I didn't know about this sooner, I can't really help things by stewing. Instead I decided to give her birthday gift three weeks early. Good for me I already bought it in advance.

Ever since she got that Olympus Mju 770SW camera of hers, she's been taking snapshot upon snapshot with it on her many travels. Knowing how quirky her taste is and how frequently she shoots, I got her a Joby Gorillapod Classic as an investment for her photographic hobby. Wow, did she rave like a little kid when she opened it. Apparently she'd been wishing for one for a while after seeing one of her mountain-climbing friends bring one, and I just so happened to be the fairy godmoth...uh, godfather. Moments after opening the Gorillapod, she affectionately called it "Gorio."

We've had our share of problems but she's still my anchor to my other colleagues. Even though I was gradually weaning myself from her, nothing could have prepared me for her total departure. She was a bright bit of sunshine the whole time I knew her. All I can do is leave her with a few good memories while she's here and hope for the best for her in Switzerland.

Thank you, Gracey. Barclays definitely won't be the same without you.

Quarter-life crisis

As I mentioned in another post, Rachel is leaving for America. It was all so sudden, but basically she's leaving because she wants a vacation and she'll do some soul-searching there for half a year. She told me she wanted to find out if there were opportunities for her in the "land of the free, home of the brave."

I could understand why she decided on doing this. The two of us are in the dreaded "quarter-life crisis," where we're starting to question what we're doing with our lives and how it doesn't exactly match what we wanted to be doing. True to form, she's being braver about it than I am, gambling her savings and the last of her current US visa on this trip. She's not without her worries, though, as she wonders if it's going to be worth it.

As far as I'm concerned I think it will be. The trip will have valuable lessons, even if she doesn't land a permanent job. I told her I learned from my new friend Nina that she'd really have to bust her gut to survive on her own over there, independently. That in itself will make the trip worth it.

I wish her the best of luck. Thanks, Rachel. We'll keep in touch.

My blog, an endless wellspring?

I have no expectations of this blog. While my ex may have started me off, I've kept my blog for six years simply because it's my way of unwinding. The personal nature of my blog, limited customization and my own less-than-charming personality mean that my readership figure is low by design. (Don't tell me it's otherwise, I know this as a fact.)

So it's always nice when good word comes in about my little piece of online estate.

My high school friend, blockmate and thesismate Leia chatted me up on YM "by mistake" and mentioned my blog. She said it's as if I never ran out of things to share. It's odd because most of what's printed in these pages is simply my personal nonsense, the petty ravings of a mind that lacks quality sleep.

After graduation she stayed in DLSU for her master's degree and a job at the Cultural Arts Office. It's been a while since we last saw each other, and she missed talking with me. The feeling is mutual; I miss her zest and wacky ideas. We've been together for such a long time.

So many of my college friends are going abroad. Rachel's leaving for America soon, so Leia and I might just bump into each other at her despedida dinner tonight.

Because I'm not writing as much as I used to...

I really should write more often. There's a lot on my mind that unfortunately has not been put down on paper. Since it's pretty late, though, I'll keep this short.

My friend Mao is unfortunately ending her blog. I've always been fond of her way of writing and how profound it is. She's always been a better writer than I ever was. Now that she's left for America I fear I won't have any means of checking how she's doing. But if this means she becomes "personally independent" then I am nothing but glad for her.

The last book I bought was Ha Jin's novel "The Crazed." Ha Jin is at it again, with his bleak prose and simple situations, this time illustrating the failures of an academic mind trapped in 1989's China.

Try as I may, I am still having difficulty living my day-to-day life with my brains and emotions detached. If only that were realistically possible, things could be so much easier. But no, there's gotta be something for my character here somewhere. I should stick this out and see what happens.

My biggest consolation is I've made a new friend. I took the chance to get to know her as a human being and I am delighted with what I have discovered so far.

Celine was right when she told me over lunch that the best relationships are those that are effortless to begin and maintain. This is precisely one of those cases.

I am young and still have a lot ahead of me. I should stop wasting my time and punishing myself for things I can't do anything about.

Farewell, WHH-687.

Farewell, WHH-687.

The whole time my folks were in Bohol for vacation, my mom had left her new FD1 Civic wedged in our garage and the old SX8 City at her office parking lot. She had to because she fetched her new ride. Now that they're back and my mom's found a potential buyer for my old car, she decided we should bring it back home.

When we got there, it was in need of a wash, with water stains smeared all over the windows and bodywork. My mom dropped me off at the lot and I slipped the key into the ignition. The instant I shifted into reverse and let go of the clutch, I realized I had forgotten how short the travel on the City's clutch was, as it bucked, hungry for more revs.

Initial idle awkwardness with the clutch aside, my final drive of the City reminded me of the good old days. Next to all of our current cars it looks and feels decidedly old-school, save for perhaps my dad's Trooper. The steering is still at the right weight, the car's still at its pointy best, and the rorty D15B7 engine still reminds me that my Jazz lacks 30 HP to be truly fun. The Jazz's infinitely better stock sound system reclaims a lot of brownie points though.

Surprisingly enough, now that I've grown accustomed to economy-mode driving, the old City's perfectly amenable to an early-shifting life below 2500 RPM. I decided I'd have none of that though and gave the City an Italian tune-up---a trip to redline in second gear along EDSA.

Wonky clutch, loose rear-view mirror, dents, rust and surplus aircon aside, my old SX8 is still a pretty damn good car.

I will miss WHH-687 terribly.

My pep talk for you, part deux.

My pep talk for you, part deux.

You know, we are in the same boat.

We both think about love more frequently than is healthy. We both know the pain of unrequited love: how it pulls our legs, takes us for a ride and then unceremoniously dumps us on the cold lonely sidewalk with a heart and head that refuse to work in tandem. Oh, how familiar it all seems to us.

We both thought at one point or another that we were wasting time on people whom we felt deserved our affection. Let me tell you: They were not a waste of time, effort or affection. They were learning experiences we didn't really sign up for but ended up taking anyway. I guess I should know, I just came from one.

We are basically a pair of lonely souls. We should not use this fact as an excuse to mope and curse the fates for our failures in love. Instead, we should stop wasting time this way. We should put on a brave face and live our lives as best as we can, for nobody else but ourselves.

You already know by now how I was and still am enamored by how beautiful your mind is, how it seeks to break out with this amazing level of creativity and independence. My only regret is I never asked you out on a date in the five years we had in common. In hindsight, however, perhaps it was for the best.

I am still a little surprised by how you called my belated confession of affection a "pep talk." That was...cute. Certainly a tidy way of putting it, I reckon.

I once wished a couple of years ago that you could continue making me your "constant listening ear" and "personal punching bag"...these were your own words. Regardless of our newfound distance away from each other, this offer still stands. I'll be right here and you know how to find me.

Take care of yourself, Mao. I will miss you.

Mao bids farewell.

Mao bids farewell.

And so we went to Mao's despedida party at Taberna Otso in Quezon City.

Being the typical early bird I am, I got there an hour before anyone familiar showed up. No matter, I had good food and pasta to keep me company. Mao chatted with me for a few minutes. She was leaving for Los Angeles on Friday in hopes of work, most probably for good. She then left to tend to her many guests, most of them high school friends of hers.

Later that evening my blockmates Rachel, Denise, Kate, Catcat, Isa, Zeri and Tantan all piled into the place at the same time. Apparently they met up somewhere, got lost and managed to find their way to the venue. Bottles of beer and a glorious amount of noise and laughter followed.

I'm going to miss Mao. Fiercely independent, very creative and possessing a style that's uniquely hers, she certainly brought a lot of color into LC24, and I'm honored I got to meet her, even just for a short while.