It's 2:30 am and I'm still awake.

What the hell am I doing at this time of night?

I've been online checking up on old friends' sites while listening to all my Pinoy alternative MP3s.
===

Been reading most of my old posts, as well. I can't believe my blog's been documenting my life for that long. Granted I've forgotten some of the details regarding the experiences, but everything written on my blog seems like it happened just the week before.

Officially my blog is 2 years old. I guess it was good reading to those who've actually bothered to follow it all the way up to now, because I felt something different when I did so. It actually felt like the experiences I wrote way way back weren't mine; they felt like they were someone else's. There was a freshness, a raw quality to my previous posts that previously wasn't there when I typed them in.

Maybe this means I did change within this past couple of years.

Or am I just deluding myself?
===

For the sake of those who actually read my blog, I ought to continue posting. I realize I have an audience (no matter how small) that actually gives a damn about how I am.
===

Accompanied my mom and sister to the Heaven Sent bazaar today at the Manila Polo Club. There I saw my classmates Isa (an MPC regular) and KD, who'd set up a small booth along with her family and friends.

A pretty welcome surprise was the appearance of TV host Tessie Tomas, who had a TV crew tag along with her to cover the bazaar floor.

Overall the bazaar was pretty good...although I didn't really enjoy it too much. I really would prefer if I went shopping in these things alone.
===

It's been ages since I posted on PEX and I was surprised at threads popping up with the title "Sacrosanct: 1982-2003."

I was shocked when I heard the news.

Sacrosanct was a female PEXer whom I met online in the Gaming forums and e-mail, and I actually got to meet her offline once too, in UM's arcade. She's the only girl I know who loves arcade fighting games---and is pretty wicked at playing them too. I remember having had a little crush on her as she was quite pretty, although I never got to know her name or be her friend offline. Still, I remember her as quite the intelligent fellow, and she had a knack for sketching too.

Imagine my shock when I learned that she had died. Kurt, a fellow PEXer, told me it was due to an overdose of some sort.

Damn!

I probably don't have the right to say this, but I really believe we lost one great human being when we lost her.

Rest in peace, Ms. Sacrosanct. You're dearly missed down here.
===

Wasn't able to go to Tara's birthday party tonight. I had no idea what the final plans were, so I didn't go.

Happy birthday Tara! ^_^
===

Woke up this morning to discover that I lost 5 lbs.

That was a welcome surprise. After months of grappling with my weight I now weigh 165 lbs. That should silence some of the critics who've told me I've gained weight after seeing me again only in three years. It actually feels like my efforts in keeping fit are working.

But do I look like I lost weight?

Hmmm. That's a good question. I bet the answers would largely point to "no."
===

C! is a worthless, gutless local car magazine. Except for the slick layout I totally regret buying the two issues I own.

Mark my words.
===

Was a surprise seeing two of my high school batchmates on TV.

Senior-year sweethearts Kit and Kristina were on the variety show "SOP" today, and they were both dancers. Kit's gotten a bit chubbier (I had trouble recognizing him at first, no thanks to him being backlit), while Kristina looked pretty much the same, bar some shiny eyeshadow.

I wonder if the two of them are still together up till now. Knowing them, I bet they still are.
===

I've been wandering aimlessly around the Internet the whole weekend. I suppose I was looking for someone or some forum to share my emotional confusion with. Writing on my blog only gets me so far. It can even make things worse for me, actually---my blog just reminds me of my situation ad nauseam.

So far I've found zilch.
===

Been to Angel's blurty page lately (why are so many people switching from blogs to Blurty?) and I came across something on platonic love. Her two cents about it were that it was an impossibility, and I replied to her in agreement.

However, from the looks of things it seems I'm being forced to be platonic with Denise. It's so hard stifling my emotions like this. The onli thing I can really do with her is to act "normally" and wait...and wait...and wait, for God knows how long. I don't even know if all this waiting I started will pay off or be in vain.

I distinctly remember saying love never wanted anything in return...but I suppose I'm only human after all.
===

To any kind souls out there reading this, I'd appreciate it if you guys sent anything in to help. I could really use the company and the solace. All this emotion for her is killing me inside, and I just can't throw it away.