Finally got to talk to Pam once again, after what seems like a whole month of silence.

Our conversation on the phone was nothing special, just the usual chitchat we used to have before. Turns out we had missed each other through our bad phases---she was depressed over this sorry relationship with an equally pathetic guy, and I was once again heeding the little imp in my head telling me to kill myself. We were equally glad that we'd weathered our own personal storms.

Had to cut our midnight conversation short because I had class early today. She texted me after my call like she used to before. I didn't expect the text message to read what it read, though.

"Hope this doesn't weird you out...but I love you JM."

I honestly didn't know what to say at first. Not that I found Pam weird, mind you. It's not even the fact that a girl friend of mine told these things up front to me that's shocking.

It's just that I've had this knack for getting myself in trouble for reading too deeply into things like these. Besides, love is a heavy and yet vague word. I guess I slowly conditioned myself not to believe in love anymore, because I always become too afraid of the consequences. Or maybe I even learned sometime in my life how to throw away my real feelings just to be a more tolerable member of society. Worse, perhaps I'm just too naive, or even too afraid.

Pam, if you're reading this, please don't feel offended. It's just that I tend to take these things in the wrong way most of the time, and I invariably mess up. I miss you, I enjoy being and talking with you, and I appreciate your accepting me into your life, but please don't tell me you love me. At least, not just yet. I still have a can of worms in me you don't know about.

"Friendship is not about looking for gold or silver among the rocks of life...it is about seeing each other's coal through the fire until diamonds are formed."