But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...
- U2

After all's said and done, I find myself right back to where I started: empty. Whom have I been fooling all this time? I'm the same forlorn and abandoned soul, still looking for love in all the wrong places.

Yet time waits for no one and I should be moving along too. If only life were more like "Ang Palasyo ni Valentin"...
===

I'm currently sick with a really bad cold. I feel like I have the flu (i.e. weakened and woozy), but I still move my bowels and I actually have a lower temperature than normal.

Weird. I guess I'm a zombie now? I'm trying to remember if I ate any brains lately.
===

With the way I drive, I guess it was inevitable that I'd find the limits of my Honda and my driving skill sooner or later.

It started with braking. I was beginning to notice that I took an awfully long time to slow down because I was keeping my foot on the clutch all the time. Kookie Ramirez's advice was timely: use the engine to brake, and don't use that clutch. Simple enough.

Then came yesterday. I was forced to use C5 on the way home. Barreling along at high speed, I came to the bridge area where the asphalt undulated. I felt like rubbing off some speed so I used the brakes. However when the wheels re-contacted the asphalt after a short hop, I found that my steering wheel wasn't pointing straight, and my braking had actually locked up the wheels. Apparently I was still going too fast, as the car understeered and skidded at a narrow angle to the right---still within the left lane, but enough to give me a fright. I let go, pumped the brakes, got back online and got on the gas and I was away scot-free.

The fact that all this happened within a couple of seconds or so was shocking, but it did uncover a benefit to my driving: I had become familiar enough with the car's attitude in extremis to recognize what and when exactly was going wrong. I don't deny that I was very lucky though.

No more high-speed runs at C5 for me, I'll stick to 100 and below. Besides, my suspension isn't exactly up to snuff anymore, and I don't see a repair coming anytime in the future. :(
===

Still, it'd be nice if there were less idiots on the streets.

Hold onto love
That is what I do, now that I've found you
And from above
Everything's stinking, they're not around you

And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you.

And in the day, everything's complex,
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.

But I'll miss you when you're gone
That is what I do, hey, baby
And it's going to carry on
That is what I do, hey, baby...

Hold onto my hands,
I feel I'm sinking, sinking without you
And to my mind,
Everything's stinking, stinking without you

And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you

And in the day, everything's complex,
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you

But I'll miss you when you're gone
That is what I do, hey, baby
And it's going to carry on
That is what I do, hey, baby...

- The Cranberries, "When You're Gone"

I spent 10 hours today in the PETA Theater Center helping out in house management, and we're going to do the exact same thing tomorrow. While it wreaked considerable havoc on my feet (they hurt from all that time standing up), it was also proof that working for PETA was pretty enjoyable.

I'm looking forward to the final two showings of "Ang Palasyo ni Valentin." I've fallen in love with the play even after watching it 4 times.

"That's not even a real smile. That's just a bunch of teeth messing with my mind."
- Faceman Peck, "The A-Team"
===

Today and tomorrow are my weekends as per OJT. On Saturday and Sunday we'll have 10 hours each of house management at PETA's Theater Center, on the final two performances of "Ang Palasyo ni Valentin."

Great. After that we'll be starting with marketing "Romulus The Grayt," expected to eat our share of 200 hours' work. I do hope we finish that and our thesis paper in time.
===

The past few days have been utterly beautiful.

I may not be 100% in love, I may not have a girlfriend, and I might still remain a forlorn romantic soul for the near future. But now I'm reassured that despite my being single, I'm essentially a great guy the girls have just glossed over.

Nice guys may finish last, but when they do it will be all the more fulfilling. Girls just don't have any idea what they're missing.

Thanks, Geraldine.
===

But I'm in so deep.
You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?

- The Cranberries, "Linger"
===

"Everyone fears what they don’t understand… for example, I fear the undying idiocy of Gundam SEED DESTINY."

- Ben Davis, "Mecha Musings" on MAHQ.net

You know, you've got an uncanny knack for disappearing from my life. For a couple months every message I sent you you simply ignored with the utmost convenience. Now you pop out of nowhere. You say you're dealing with your issues and you're farther away from me than ever.

All this time I thought we were supposed to be FRIENDS?! Frankly I do my best to help you and check up on you despite our long-distance arrangement, yet the part that positively ticks me off is how you don't seem to give a damn about the people that care for you! People can only hold out believing for so long.

Friend, my ass. You've been such a major disappointment---friends aren't supposed to go ignoring each other. Let's see how YOU behave when I decide to shut you out of my life for good.

The frustrating part about all this? You still owe me.

"I can't remember this quote exactly, but there is a writing by Jean Cocteau where he says friendship is higher than love. Sometimes it's less glamorous, or less passionate, but it's deeper and kind of wiser, I think. At the heart of my relationship [with my wife] is a great friendship."
- U2's Bono on Marie Claire

If only the world acted like that.
===

Recently I've stumbled across the huge pile of MP3s I have on my computer that it gained when it saw service in an Internet cafe for a while back, and the Cranberries immediately made their impact on me again after so long an absence. Their songs and lyrics fit my currently melancholy mood in a way Coldplay can't seem to do---the Cranberries have undeniable 1990s classics which reach deep into my soul and memories.
===

Suddenly something has happened to me
As I was having my cup of tea
Suddenly I was feeling depressed
I was utterly and totally stressed
Do you know you made me cry
Do you know you made me die

And the thing that gets to me
Is you'll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I'll always be in doubt
It is a lovely thing that we have
It is a lovely thing that we
It is a lovely thing, the animal
The animal instinct

So take my hands and come with me
We will change reality
So take my hands and we will pray
They won't take you away
They will never make me cry, no
They will never make me die

And the thing that gets to me
Is you'll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I'll always be in doubt

The animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me
It's the animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me
It's the animal, it's the animal, it's the animal instinct in me...

- The Cranberries, "Animal Instinct"

Today was supposed to be our first proper day of OJT.

I set out at 11am, walking 5 kilometers or so from my home to the Bicutan interchange. Got on the bus to Makati, then got off and took the MRT to Cubao. We had hoped to meet Leia there because she wasn't with us when we met with our mentor, Dr. Leonardo "Nards" Garcia, at CSB's Angelo King building.

Doc Nards was a bit surprised at the work plan PETA gave us. Our friend Miss Gay wanted us to formulate a marketing plan in a week for PETA's upcoming play so we could have hands-on experience as to implementing it, and determining the causes of success or failure. However Doc Nards told us that wasn't what the Marketing department was looking for in our thesis: it had to be an academic paper with a full-on research component, something that can't simply be done in a week. So we had to ask our leader Miss Queng to let us do a marketing plan for a production in the much later future.

Anyhow, when we got to the old PETA office we were briefed by Miss Arlin on the ins and outs of PETA's rather interesting org structure. Then we presented our predicament to Miss Gay and Miss Queng and they were amenable to the changes in plan; we'd still be helping out with the promotion of the November production anyway.

Funny how our meeting ended very early. We were supposed to have stayed on until 5pm, but they let us go by 2:30. Oh well, we'll finish the 200 hours on other days.

I'm kinda excited about thesis, but I'm also rather scared of what we have to do. At least it's going to be interesting.
===

My other blockmates have been complaining about OJT over on the block e-group. Kate was the first to rant, saying that their work sucked. KD followed suit remarking that it's no fun working for other people---ever the entrepreneur.

It's the same story for my other friends on the topic of work. Jason from MP misses college, as he's working as a bookkeeper for a bank in Baliuag and has a wife and a kid and another on the way. And he's younger than I am.

I suppose I've belabored the point that I've become sick of school and am raring to get to work. I've had my fill of spending too much and not earning enough. However, I didn't expect people to be dissuading me from the inevitable. Sure I'll be making my own dough, but it seems I'll end up as burnt-out from work as I have from school and the thought spooks me.

I sincerely hope I land a job I really, really love. I suppose it's about time I took my dad's advice about working for a car magazine. Where would I start?
===

Love is a funny thing.

Geraldine summed it up quite well. "Imagine you're a dog, and this really juicy steak is hanging right before your eyes. You're drooling and salivating to get it, naturally.

"WELL GUESS WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!"

While I laughed at her joke, I was thinking if that was actually a joke at all.

They say the sign of a successful romance is the presence of tension between the two parties. Not the bawling, heated argument type, but the kind that makes the girl go giddy and the guy mumble in his head "I wonder what I can do for her tonight?"

Whenever I'm in love I get the exact same thing, with a horrible twist. The giddiness and lightness of being is there, but it's not so far removed from the stuff that fuels my insecurities and self-pity.

Love is a funny thing, indeed. HA. HA. HA.

Read this interesting article in an issue of Marie Claire. The gist of it says that a lot of our problems stem from the fact that we're now living our lives too quickly for us to enjoy them. The Internet and the general pace of life have forced us to become multitaskers, mindlessly doing things and finishing them all ASAP and that isn't always good. For example, wolfing your lunch down instead of eating it slowly has always been looked at as a way of getting yourself fat.

On the bundled timeline they had, aptly entitled "A History of Hurrying," there were years where something "instant" was invented, such as the book "The Instant Millionaire," the One Minute Manicure and so-called speed dating (I'll leave out quickie sex and fast food as they're so out there). The sheer number of "instant" things we have has gotten to a point where it's so ridiculous it isn't funny. While I wholeheartedly agree with Jeremy Clarkson's old Top Gear column stating that speed is a big part of what makes us human, the Marie Claire articles also had me thinking on the flipside. This isn't totally new to my psyche as I've actually mulled it over a few times.

Really, when was the last time you stopped to smell the flowers?

Perhaps our lifestyles have gotten so very fast that they can literally leave us stranded on the street, dazed and bewildered. Just keeping up with the ever-increasing pace seems to be impossible---at least that's the impression I get from American culture now. Whole empires rise and fall in the span of time it takes for a kid to finish puberty. That seems to explain a growing "slow movement" happening that shuns fast food, restricts car travel and encourages people to slow down, chill out and enjoy life for once.

What's especially interesting is that some of these things we've created to increase our efficiency actually have the potential to hinder our progress and have us wallow in procrastination. Mao told me last night the Internet was the number one procrastinator's tool.

She's right.
===

Sigh. I'm thinking of her again.

The Marie Claire article had another related story covering a new way of meeting other people and going on dates in New York City, called "Quiet Parties." Part of the "slow movement" this time trying to shun speed dating, all the participants meet in a room and are not supposed to talk to anyone. All communication is anonymous and happens via pen and cards. No music, no phones, no nothing. They really mean it when they say it's a Quiet Party. Think of it as online chat, with the added benefit of instantly seeing the other party's facial reactions, says author Melissa Schweiger.

It's an interesting premise. The whole point is to get rid of small talk and get to know other people in an unpretentious way. Since the whole thing is based on anonymous cards it can be tough to tell the writing on the cards apart. But I wonder if this was what I've been doing with the girls I liked all this time.

Like I said I've been thinking of her again and I can't get her out of my head. Had we met via Quiet Party I doubt if we'd have become any different. I honestly don't know jack about courting girls---I've asked some out on dates but those didn't seem all that 'romantic.' I don't know what to do with her, honestly. Should I carry on as her friend and make my presence known more little by little, or should I completely reintroduce myself? I'm also afraid of destroying whatever friendship we already have just because I let my dick do the thinking. :(

Love is a two-way street, true. I may want her to be in my life, but what if she doesn't? Sigh.

Had an absolute hoot on YM with Geraldine last night. Now I'm convinced I really am a younger male version of her. Despite having a terrible head cold and a heavy head, I was laughing my ass off in front of the computer from all her jokes, and we were commiserating all our fuck-ups with love and relationships.
===

Managed to make a bit of magic tonight with Mao on YM too. She was having trouble with her thesis film, making a script for a pretty cool premise they had for their proposal which they found hard to do on film.

I'm trying to rack my brains for more spins on the basic idea to help her out.

There are people in my really close circle of friends that I truly, deeply care about, yet I've taken it as a given that they'll never fully reciprocate my feelings because of the nature of our relationship as longtime friends.

I know I've lambasted the idea of falling in love with friends before. Yeah I know it's doomed to fail, from personal experience. And yes I know it's messy. But dammit, given the kind of person I am, there are only so many meaningful people I meet along the way---and I believe I've already met 80% of the people that will matter to me the most till the day I croak. Why not give it a shot?

I've been by her side all this time, longer than I thought, encouraging her whenever I get the chance (increasingly rarely nowadays) and listening to her problems. I'm convinced we can connect in that really special way. I just hope my aspirations are true.

For all the tacit demeanor and romantic nonchalance I show, inside I'm just yearning for someone to love me, and how I wish it could be her. I sound pathetic, I know, but I'm too damn lonely to care.

Love being a two-way street is both a blessing and a curse, I swear.
===

Got to watch PETA's play "Ang Palasyo ni Valentin" on a rainy Thursday night after having the OJT work plan discussed to us. Gorgeous play, really---and it's the kind that people aren't doing enough of these days. There isn't much of a motivation these days to write stories about undying love. "Valentin" is a pretty good wake-up call.
===

Went to visit my ex's blog on a whim. After 30 seconds' exposure I turned around and walked away, thinking "What the hell am I doing?!"

My ex is nothing more than another ghost to exorcise from the deepest recesses of my memory. Yet I seem to be condemned never to be able to forget.

I claimed my 1/100 Gundam Astray Red Frame kit yesterday and promptly went about building it. It's a pretty cool model once finished---very, very articulated for a non-MG kit, yet also very light because it's not an MG (no internal structures, strictly speaking---check the picture) so it's more posable. The build, with cleanup, took me around 5 hours.

Would be nice to paint this baby, especially as the scabbard for its katana is in plain white, but I'm happy with it as it is.
===

Lately I've been catching that big '80s favorite, "The A-Team," on Star World in the mornings when I wake up. I used to watch this when I was a kid and it's unbelievable that the show's actually as old as I am.

"In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team."

All the characters are zany and memorable, especially Mr. T as Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus who raised the flag for African-Americans on '80s TV next to a primarily white cast. Despite his grumpy demeanor, B.A. was smart, brave and capable with all things mechanical (except airplanes---he hated flying), and I gotta say he probably started the whole "bling" phenomenon on black hip-hop artists with all the rings and jewelry he wore on the show. I checked his Wikipedia page, and Mr. T says all the (heavy) bling he carries is his way of sympathizing with his ancestors---Negro slaves. Pretty cool!

The other cast members are still alive, save for George Peppard (who played lead character Col. John "Hannibal" Smith"), who died in 1994 from pneumonia. Apparently the guy had a sad life.

The A-Team lives on: Some guy in the UK made a fantastic shrine on them. Click here for more on this fantastic five-season TV show.

We're finally going to start OJT on Thursday night. Tantan, Leia, Rachel and I are to meet at PETA's new Theater Center at 6pm to learn of our work plan. After that, our first assignment is to watch one of their plays at 7:30 pm.

Great. I'm finally going to get busy after a month of stagnation. One concern is my mode of transport though, since I'm pretty sure the play will end sometime around 10pm. Being a Thursday rules out bringing a car too, so I guess I'll commute. Should be no problem, but I don't know how much of a fit my mom's going to throw. Sigh.
===

Geraldine's been sending me hilarious messages on Friendster, talking about how being old makes her more makulit, or how her nose sank New Orleans. She sees me as a younger male version of herself---although I'm not sure I live up to the claim.

Thanks, Lola Basyang. :p
===

She sent me one of those email surveys about love. Although I admit I can live without erotic love (I should!), the fact remains I won't mind having it in my life once again. I can only have so much talking to myself before the very thought gets sickening.

I've been looking for it especially since these days I've become pretty jaded. As irrational and selfish as it seems, I'd like nothing more than to be swept away by my feet by an unearthly impulse to be with the woman I love, whom as of now remains faceless.
===

It's only now that I noticed how much I gave up to finance this modelmaking hobby of mine. I haven't bought a new CD in months, and there are in fact a number I'd like to buy. I've been pining for Anton Ramos' Chillout Project Acid Jazz album, as well as Keane's and Franz Ferdinand's. Mao got me interested in listening to Coldplay too. It's funny how I never really detested their music (I rather like it), but I never got around to buying their CDs either.

It's also been months since I bought a new car magazine. Bought one this month, just to bring me up to date with what's been happening to the local motoring scene. I miss the days when I could buy Autocar ASEAN---now I hardly see any issues in stock. Hmmm.

Ahh, money. I never have enough of it. Now that I'm close to earning my own dough, I'm hearing stories from employed friends that they'd really rather stay as students for a bit longer. I don't know---I'm rather sick of studying. I'm sick of not being able to earn anything, which is why I'm actually quite jealous of my sister's entrepreneurial sense.

Oh well. At least I haven't done the absolute worst thing I can do---fuck and get a girl pregnant. Maybe there's an upside to this avoiding relationships after all.
===

Put in a 25% downpayment reservation for this kit, finally: the 1/100 Gundam Astray Red Frame. It's very close to being a MG model at a few hundred pesos less.



Great news: Bandai finally intends to release an MG Zeta Gundam ver.2.0 in December! Damn! This puts me at a quandary...should I get it or the MG Dom?

Spammers are fucking with my blog and leaving nonsense comments. I'm disabling them. Have anything to say? E-mail me instead.
===

This is from my friend and former actress Geraldine. Had nothing to do so here goes.

Name your 5 favorite:
1. Color
Yellow, Black, Blue, White, Ecru

2. Foods
Salpicao, pasta with red sauce, chopsuey, grilled veggie sandwiches, bread

3. Pastimes
going online, singing, working out, reading, modelmaking

4. Outfits
boot-cut jeans, cargo shorts, slogan shirts, caps and anything from American Eagle

5. Animals
cats, dogs, tigers, sheep, reindeer

6. Movies
Seven Samurai, Schindler's List, Driven, Shall We Dance, Wicker Park

7. TV channels
Animax, Sports Plus, Star Sports, HBO, AXN

8. Drink
water, hot green tea, rich hot chocolate, hot jasmine tea, 7-Up

9. Months
None in particular

10. Subjects in school
literature, philosophy, history, physics, chemistry

11. Breakfast foods
rice crispies, sinangag, longganiza, tocino, bread

12. Ice cream flavors
vanilla, cookie dough, cookies and cream, strawberry, mint choco chip

13. Scents
not much of a cologne person

14. Websites
hondaclub.com.ph, mechapinoy.net, gmail.com, pinoyexchange.com, autocar.co.uk

15. Junk Food
Oishi pillows, piattos, nova, chocolate, Lil' Caesars crazy bread
***
1. IF...you were a day, you'd be...
Wednesday.

2. IF you were a mythical goddess/god, you'd be...
Apollo.

3. IF you were an animal, you'd be...
A rabbit.

4. IF you were a fruit, (sounds bad, I know), you'd be...
Kiwifruit. Tastes like a little bit of everything.

5. IF you were a ruler, you'd be...
Franklin Roosevelt, I guess.

6. IF you were a doctor, you'd be...
A shrink

7. IF you were a lawyer, you'd be...
Oh God, I hate law.

8. IF you won the lotto, you'd...
get my car fixed, get an airbrush and paints, get some plastic models. I'll save the excess

9. IF you could change anything in the past, what would that be?
I'd love to be more headstrong and independent. I was always pushed around when I was a kid and people always took advantage of my dependency on them.

10. IF you were to take up 3 foreign languages, they'd be...
Japanese, French, Spanish

11. IF you had the power to change things, what would it be?
Having more control over people and situations.

12. IF you had one wish, what would it be?
That I could be fully free to live my own life without my family badgering me and my affairs.

13. IF you won an free trip anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?
Japan, somewhere in the province. Maybe in the mountains of Gunma prefecture...

14. IF you were a cartoon character, you'd be...
Tetsuwan Atom/Astro Boy

15. IF you were to sing, who would you want to sing with?
Lea Salonga?
***
1. Right now, you're wearing...
DLSZ 22nd Foundation Anniv. shirt and DKNY black shorts

2. Watching...
Nothing in particular, last thing I saw was race 1 of the A1 Grand Prix in Brands Hatch, UK

3. Listening...
"Rise" by Origa (Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG)

4. You just ate...
Rice, fried bangus, lowfat mango yogurt

5. You last talked to...
My mom. Urgh.

6. You last drank...
Water

7. The weather is...
Ridiculously indecisive

8. After this, you'll...
Accompany my mom to the bank. Urgh again.

9. Where are you?
Obviously in front of the computer

10. Where would you like to be?
Away from my parents.

11. When did you last answer something like this?
A few months ago

12. Why do you answer this?
Because I was bored. Wakekekekeke!

13. How do these questions help?
They're a gloriously fun way to waste time, that's for sure

14. Will you make a set of these questions?
no. I never make my own.

15. Who do you want to answer the questions posted above...
Anyone who’s interested.
***
Essay Time...answer honestly...
1. Love to you is...
A major headache and the most potent analgesic all rolled into one.

2. Is there such a thing as a soul mate?
I don't believe that

3. Do you love being in love? Why?
Not really...I've learned how to get by without love, it's not like erotic love is essential to my existence or anything. But it sure does make my life more interesting...

4. What are your plans in life?
Be a motoring journalist. That kind of job I won't mind doing every day.

5. Who is the most important person in your life and why?
My Tita Vik. Favorite aunt in the world!

Minsan ay aking nakita
Kalawakan sa iyong mga mata
Liwanag, ako'y bigyan sana
Upang langit ay makamtan ko na

Ikaw ang kalayaan ko
Ikaw ang kalayaan ko

Nasa iyo ang kasagutan
Sa dilim ikaw ang aking daan
Pag-asa, sa ikot ng mundong
Napakabilis at nakakatuliro...

Marami kaming naghahanap, marami kaming napapadpad
Sa pansamantalang lunas
At di alam kung may bukas
Heto ang kahinaan ko, inaalay ko sa iyo
Upang mabigyang-tibay at lakas ang isang katulad ko!

Marami pa akong dapat malaman
Ituro mo ang landas sa iyo...

Ikaw ang kalayaan ko
Ikaw ang kalayaan ko

- The Dawn, "Kalayaan" from the album "Prodigal Sun"

We finally have a company to take us in for OJT. PETA approved our request this afternoon, so I drove Tantan and Rachel back to their office to get our needed documents for approval. The work seemed interesting. We were basically continuing our work for the Pops Orchestra but in a slightly different field. Also, our final output was to be a marketing research paper to judge the audience for Philippine plays. One pivotal factor that drew Tantan and Rachel to PETA was the promise of doing mostly fieldwork, as they seem to hate the prospect of stagnating in an office.

My parents don't seem to agree with the idea however. My mom was especially incensed when I told her PETA didn't guarantee any allowance, especially since going to and from Quezon City was bound to be expensive. She says she didn't understand the logic behind our line of thinking---after all the legwork we did, we ended up with some second-rate company with nothing in compensation for our efforts. What's the point of going to DLSU for schooling?

My dad told me the exact opposite at the dinner table. Why were we being so choosy with OJT? It's hard enough to get real work nowadays; we should be taking the first company to approve us, especially since this is just "training." Funny, I thought this was EXACTLY what the four of us did.

To hell with them and their logic, it's my life I'm living. I'm disappointed none of them were happy with the fact that we finally found a company to take us in. It'll just be 200 hours anyway---just a month of 8-hour working days.

Sigh. Knowing how my parents think, I never bothered replying or talking back. They never listen anyway.

I spent the morning with my thesismate Leia in the co-pilot's seat. We had Ms. Zamora sign our OJT letter for BPI in school (a big thank you to you ma'am!), then set off to Quezon City, where we navigated our way through the maze of streets that is New Manila to find one of our potential OJT locations, the Philippine Educational Theater Association (PETA). It took a few tries to get to the right side of Lanuza St., especially in the exasperating heat.

We tried going to Gateway Mall for lunch, but the traffic in Aurora Blvd. was unbearable and the heat from my malfunctioning aircon was getting to my dehydrated brain. We steered to Glorietta instead where we ate at the Evergreen Vegetarian Gourmet. I couldn't believe my eyes: it looked like a typical turo-turo with dishes a meat-loving Filipino would love, but none of it was meat. It tasted the part too, the difference almost indistinguishable. It was priced like your friendly neighborhood turo-turo too: 2 viands and rice with soup for a mere PhP65, unlike most of the stalls in the food court that will set you back at least PhP100.

It dawned on the two of us that we had been classmates for 10 years. Funny, it doesn't seem like it's been that long---probably due to us not hanging out with each other all the time. Even up to our final hurrah in DLSU we're still thesismates. It's only now that I realized we shared a lot of traits too. We're both fast walkers who understand the value of time wasted in transport. Lei is also a really capable navigator---unlike most girls I know, she can quickly make sense of a street atlas and put it to good use.

I wonder why we never really hit it off back in grade school and high school. We were always relegated to being coworkers on projects, but we didn't really get to talk a lot outside of that. I suppose we were busy with our own concerns and thought that we didn't have anything in common. Oh well, what's past is past.

I'd welcome having her as one of my co-workers.
===

Quezon City is confusing.

I understand now why my parents were never so keen on me going to places like QC or San Juan. It's not the inherent danger in those places (although that counts, a spate of carnappings happening in shady areas of QC), but rather it's the huge headache of navigating their streets.
===

The more I post in GOUF, the more I find that it's not the forum for me. The administrators and moderators are so damn restrictive it's not funny, and 90% of the members aren't too bright either. It's also very obvious that most things that go counter to a set of manipulative rules promoting Bandai's interest, euphemistically called "Forum Policy," have no place in the forum.

Sheesh.

Richie of MechaPinoy.net was right: If the MP moderators were anywhere that strict, we would have killed them a long time ago.

I'm just grateful MP and HCP are still there, with some of the friendliest moderators and officers around.
===

Just saw "Wicker Park" on Star Movies after an eternity of not having seen any movie. I thought it was a predictable film about Josh Hartnett stalking Diane Kruger. Boy, was I flat out wrong: it's a very clever tale of lies, manipulation and deception. I am glad I got to finish the whole movie, and I have nothing but praise for actress Rose Byrne portraying Alex. The soundtrack kicked mighty ass, too.

I'm glad that when I finally got around to watching a film, it had to be this one.

It's 90 days till Christmas. The news programs have begun counting, and you all know what that means.

Still without OJT, I spent the afternoon at SM Bicutan. I had recently gotten back to being physically active, lifting weights on Sunday and getting aerobic exercise from 5 games of Dance Maniax this afternoon. It's better than melting away at home.

I almost gave in to the urge of buying that MG Zaku II F2 kit the toy section was selling for just PhP1500 (PhP500 off only till the end of the month). However the thought of my debt with AVON and the coming holidays led me to step off the queue at the register and bring the box back to its shelf. I decided to buy a Christmas present for my dear goddaughter Mikaela instead.

That kid's a lovable baby girl. She's outgoing and happy and very charismatic---not to mention very chubby and cute. I made sure my gift fits her.
===

Now I've never been keen on cleaning computers, but I had nothing better to do so I decided to give my keyboard a little TLC. The keys are dirty and I'm pretty sure some dirt literally fell through the cracks.

I never knew cleaning a keyboard would be so hard.

I initially resorted to prying off the keys one by one and wiping them with wet tissue. That took too much time and paper, so I pried them all at once and put them in a small tub of water and detergent. Meanwhile the main keyboard body was quite filthy, with all the hidden dirt. I tried putting a small amount of water to run along the grooves to help clean it. Needless to say I ended up disassembling the keyboard, trying to make sure nothing in the internals got wet.

Now I'm using it again, and apart from a remedied problem with the Shift keys it's now okay. Not something I'd like to do again in the near future, though.

It's been a while. Hisashiburi ne...

Honestly there hasn't much writing about since term break because it seems I've gotten a really extended one. I've been to school only twice since the term started, and it's only because I had to attend an orientation to get me up to speed with OJT. The rest of the time I've been decaying at home, trying to forget the worse things that happened like having my car towed away and me losing a hard-earned PhP1500.

The sole highlight of the four inactive weeks was my constant participation in the MechaPinoy.net YM conferences.

We have until Wednesday to get a company to accept us four for OJT. I really hope it goes well since it seems we started really late compared to the other groups, which already have definite places they'll be spending their 200 hours on.
===

There are rumors spreading around my friends' ears regarding an affair being carried out by one of my friends' co-workers. True to Filipino gossipy tradition, dirt has been dug up and it seems the woman is a known swinger and participant in E parties...or so I've heard. The woman sales exec returned to work as if nothing happened, yet is now being asked to resign.

I have no idea of who she is, despite having seen pictures of her. It's also unfair to lay down any judgment on her character.

Well that's beside the point. The point is I'm going to have to prepare for dirt being dug up like this when I've graduated and have begun on a career. Despite not having known the purported lady sales exec, I'm rather proud of her for keeping focused on her job, neither defending against nor denying the scandal. She seems to have kept her resolve.

I can only hope I can be anywhere as strong-willed as she is.

The boredom's beginning to set in.

Now that my PlayStation's CD lens has finally bitten the dust I'm left with very few things to do at home apart from going online and playing old games for the nth time. As usual I have little in terms of cash to play around with. Sigh. I really must take care of my Avon transfer application, as much as I hate thinking about having to pay debts again. I need to make money because I'm not sure if I'm going to be getting any allowances from OJT.

I'll need to get my car fixed as well. I realize I can't delay the repairs to February. Sigh.
===

I just found out from Arvin Lim that Toy Kingdom has a 30% sale on its Gunpla kits, and it's only till October 31. CRAP!

Imagine owning a "Perfect Grade" RX-178 Gundam Mk-II at just PhP7,000...oh my goodness. Not that I have the money...but shit, it's the stuff of my dreams.

Must concentrate on suspension repairs, dammit...

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect anything like this.

Today is course card day, and I am very proud to say that I got a trio of 4.0s, a couple of 3.5s and a 2.0 from SALETAX. All in all, enough for a term GPA of 3.611---my highest ever, and enough to pull my cumulative GPA to 3.020. How fitting that it should happen in my very last academic term.

As my dad said, "You certainly ended your school life with a bang."

OJT, here I come.

The house party at Tara's pushed through last night.

I haven't been there in three years and it manifested in how sloppy I was in pinpointing the location of their compound. Getting there was no hardship, it was just that I no longer remembered which white gate was theirs.

When I got there, we pretty much started watching movies. Zeri (who is surprisingly now the girlfriend of Tara's brother Mikey) had slept over, while her sister Zaillah was shuffling the DVD wallets for stuff to watch. Rachel and Tara were doing their post-defense thesis paper with Roman, who had brought along his friend and my batchmate Anton Halagueña (I can't believe how thin he is now). Leia was absent as she was in Hong Kong for 4 days. Kate, Catcat and Denise were absent too. Chabeli and Mao came along and brought nachos and donuts, but ultimately had to leave early at midnight---as Rachel would say, "How sad!" Tantan in contrast arrived at 12:30 am and seemed to go to Tara's just to get some sleep.

We watched "The Pacifier," their thesis film "Simbuyo," and "The Machinist" with a shockingly thin Christian Bale. I brought along some pancit Malabon for chow, which everyone seemed to enjoy. Tantan's cake and Mao's nachos were equally well received too.

Ultimately I thought the house party was boring and a bit of a disappointment, mostly because people left too damn early and not enough of us was around. If there had to be one highlight of the evening though, it was poker.

We played No-limit Hold'em for much of the evening. I first played with Anton and Mikey because we seemed to be the only ones who had experience. Later, after Roman and Anton left, Zeri, Tara and Rachel were interested and so we went at it, and the girls picked up the game quite quickly. After that, Mikey, Rachel and I were the last players.

I kept on winning. It's funny how often I was winning. I was actually getting sick of it, either having good cards very often, or acting on a good bluff---and I'm not kidding. It took Mikey's cards and my voluntarily going all in on a really worthless hand for me to lose and stop playing because I was getting pretty sleepy by 3am. After an hour of trying to sleep and 30 minutes of actual shut-eye, I decided to go home.

It was a nice party, but ultimately it felt a bit hollow. I was disappointed that now that I was finally able to go, not enough people were present. Oh well. That's that.

My final test---the PHILPER finals---went weird. I was supposed to write a coherent argumentative essay at the very end, but what came out of my pen was a jumble of rants and raves about Sartre. I wonder if it's worth 40 points as it is.

Oh well. That's finished. That's the last school test I'm ever going to take.
===

Someone on HCP started a topic on just how the kids of the 60s, 70s and 80s grew up. It was an interesting talking point. Kids back then ate absolutely anything, yet most didn't grow up obese. Kids back then played real games on the empty streets or the parks, not on PlayStations and Xboxes. Kids back then could satisfy their wanderlust---a luxury nowadays where parents and nannies have their eagle eyes on the little tikes especially with the advent of cellphones.

It's arguable that kids back then were a happier, healthier bunch. I wonder what the hell happened?
===

The night out at Tara's is still on, or so it seems. We're now tentatively set for Saturday night. I just hope it stays on and that I can finally come over. I've missed one too many of Tara's term-ending house parties.
===

After the PHILPER final I scooted to Festival Mall in Alabang just to get out of the boredom of the house. I'm black-listed today due to the car coding scheme, so I can't go to Makati if I want to keep my license.

Festival is still a good place to hunt for Gundam model kits, although you'll pay a bit more for the privilege. Still, the stores there have a wide selection of popular kits that have been discontinued elsewhere. I was really tempted to buy the 1/100 Astray Red Frame or Aegis Gundam, but I found them just too expensive (PhP1,600 each!) and I had other plans for my cash.

Since my goddaughter is celebrating her birthday party on Sunday, I thought of buying her a little gift. I was also attracted by dirt-cheap denims as my pairs are getting worn out in the crotch area. Bench was selling jeans for PhP350 a pair! Really tempting, but I didn't splurge.

The SALETAX final was okay. Pretty manageable although I'm sure I made a few wrong answers. I just hope I have enough points to pass. I need less than 40 anyway.

I feel a bit deflated though because we're not pushing through with the night at Tara's house tomorrow. Sigh. Bummer.

I wonder what I'll be doing tomorrow. I might as well go visit Festival Supermall and look at their hobby shops once again.

I'm really supposed to be sleeping now, but for some reason I'm really excited. I can't wait for Thursday to come around for me and my blockmates to have a little bit of much-deserved fun. I can't wait till next week, too. I'm really praying my parents allow me to go to Quezon.
===

Finally got to rip some D'Sound songs from my sister's CD. They're a really good group with lots of nice tracks.
===

I miss having someone to talk to, just the two of us about absolutely anything under the sun. Sigh. Growing up probably means I also have to deal with existentialist abandonment.

I love Sartre, but dammit did he have to make the world so lonely?

The MARKPUB defense went well, as did the BUSIPOL final exam. Rachel, Roman and Tara finally got to defend their thesis---at last they're done! Overall, this was a good day.
===

I have serious doubts about BUSIPOL, after having taken it. It's one of the most worthless subjects I've ever taken. I understand the motive behind it: as business students we should be prepared to be strategists of organizations or firms someday and effectively implement whatever strategies we formulate. But really, this spoon-feed approach of teaching was something that didn't quite appeal to me. What made it even less appealing was the fact that the final exam reflected just how sloppy this subject seems to be.

I guess I would have become more appreciative of the subject if it required me to use my brain a bit and apply whatever I learned. All these high-falutin concepts will fly right by my head if I don't have enough chances to apply them. Participation in the GLO-BUS global business simulation just isn't enough. Besides I've already learned a huge chunk of BUSIPOL from my Marketing major subjects---very redundant. Now I hear some people want a second term extension for BUSIPOL? Give me a break.

BUSIPOL should undergo an overhaul before it even considers being granted a second term extension.
===

My next exam's bound to be my toughest: SALETAX. Oh my. I'll be burning the midnight oil tonight.

As usual, right now I'm procrastinating. Yes, I'm obviously sick of studying.
===

My blockmates and I plan to end our term with a bang. Right after the last final exam, we're going to Tara's place and have a movie marathon to end at 4am. I won't allow anything to get in the way now that I've missed so many of these house parties.

There are plans to go to Quezon province too. One of Leia's friends from Engineering has a beach house we can crash. After a 6-hour drive we'll be together without having to worry about anything academic at all. That'll be a treat. I'd love to come along.

I hope my car's up to the job. I'm hearing strange pings from my front suspension.

I don't feel or realize it yet, but today is the last day my blockmates and I will be spending inside a classroom in a proper class. It took Rachel's intuition for us to realize it. Funny but Kate and I didn't feel any sense of impending parting. We still had one term of OJT/thesis to go, and we still had finals to take and pass before that.

We already had plans set to commemorate our union as a block. In addition to the many e-groups we had created on Yahoo!, we wanted to have another one specifically for the block---without any other purpose such as a project or class or such. I also reminded them of a get-together at Tara's house during the term break.

Sigh...I still have things to do this term that I have to finish, first and foremost the little "event" we'll be having tomorrow at the Daughters of Charity hall for MARKEVE, and the stupid PR campaign for MARKPUB. I guess I had these things on my head so much that I had forgotten all about the last bits of time I'd spend with my beloved blockmates in the classroom.
===

To all of you guys...I'm really sorry for being such a hotheaded headache at times and for not being able to stand up to your all-nighters.

Just finished up layout on our children's storybook project in FILIPI3.

I miss these kinds of jobs. Granted, designing a book isn't anywhere as complicated or as time-consuming as magazine layout, but layout is layout and it appeals to that visual side of me.

"Bahaghari" or "Rainbow" now stands at 214 pages. I wonder how it'd look like when it's finally printed? I'll find out by the end of the week. Until then I'll have to buy some blank CDs and have my PDFs burned onto them for my friends to print, pronto.
===

Made a new friend from GOUF just now. She's Rei (wouldn't give me her real name for some reason) and currently lives in Barbados. Seems like one of the brainier people on GOUF---always a good thing.

She's the quiet loner type though. It's all deja vu for me...

Okay, I've gotten a couple of weird anonymous comments on my blog and they seem to have been posted by people who have nothing to do---in short, spammers.

Their comments have a formula: "Hey I've bookmarked your nice blog, please visit my site." Nothing wrong with that. Until you check the linked sites, that is.

One pointed to a phantom blog, while another pointed to a ceiling fan web directory. Goodness. Spam, indeed.

Granted, I don't get too many comments, but if I ever get any more of these fucking stupid spam-type ones I'll disable the comments system and urge you to email me your reactions instead. And for crying out loud, LEAVE YOUR NAME!

Lately I've had nothing but this song on my mind, probably due to my present state of mellowed melancholia.

Labis na naiinip
Nayayamot sa bawat saglit
Kapag naaalala ka
Wala naman akong magawa...

Umuwi ka na baby
Di na ako sanay ng wala ka
Mahirap ang mag-isa
At sa gabi'y hinahanap hanap kita...

Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay
Na makasama kang muli
Sa buhay kong puno ng
Paghihirap
At tanging ikaw lang ang
Pumapawi sa mga luha at
Naglalagay ng ngiti sa mga labi...

Di mapigilang mag-isip
O baka sa tagal
Mahulog ang loob mo sa iba
Nakaka balisa
Knock on wood wag naman sana...

Umuwi ka na baby
Di na ako sanay ng wala ka
Mahirap ang mag-isa
At sa gabi'y hinahanap hanap kita...

Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay
Na makasama kang muli
Sa buhay kong puno ng
Paghihirap
At tanging ikaw lang ang
Pumapawi sa mga luha
Naglalagay ng ngiti sa mga labi...

- Orange and Lemons, "Hanggang Kailan"
===

I remember the times when I absolutely regretted buying my Adidas Samba Millenniums back when I was still in Santa Monica.



These were the fruit of effort to buy badminton shoes in the US. How misguided I was to think I'd find anything there (the same goes for Gundam model kits). Luckily these gum-soled Sambas were built for indoor soccer or futsal, so they're at least as functional, if not as thin-soled as proper gum-soled badminton shoes.

I was excited to take them out for a test walk at the Getty Center. Midway through our visit however, my right Achilles' tendon was getting very sore. I was getting tendinitis from the rear of the shoe that's unusually high. It was digging into my right Achilles' tendon with every step I took. The funny shoelaces also had the habit of undoing themselves because of lack of friction, and my soles complained of poor arch support.

I stuck with them though. I made it a habit of bending the offending rear part of the shoe backwards so that it's not so stiff and develops a bit of give, to avoid giving me tendinitis. Luckily it's made of leather, so after a few weeks it was okay. The arch support problem went away as I broke the shoe in, and I discovered it's a pretty good shoe for doing heel-and-toe. Shame about these stupid laces though.

With my Puma Speed Cats having had their share of leather damage, I've been wearing my Samba Millenniums almost everyday.
===

Here are some pictures of my not-so-recent-anymore model works. It just so happened I posted them here just now.

Here's the MG Zeta Plus A1, the mass-produced cousin of the Zeta Gundam from the Model Graphix photo novel "Gundam Sentinel."




And here's my birthday present this year, the MG Wing Gundam ver.Ka.




As you can see, I have a fondness for transforming mobile suits.

I woke up extra early this morning to make it to my very first ever job interview, one with Accenture.

Well, I gotta say it was a draining experience. The interviewer was constantly asking me for certain situations that have happened in the past couple years, usually involving a problem of some sort, and how I overcame them. She'd then dissect each one and go over it in detail. It's kind of hard trying to recall such things when you're tired, sleepy and totally blank, at least as far as the events of the "recent past" of two years ago are concerned.

I have to say I was surprised when they phoned me they were considering me for the position of "junior software engineer." They're getting the wrong person; IT isn't my expertise as can be gleaned from my courses. Apparently they really were looking for non-IT people---exactly why, I have no idea. The interviewer did tell me I'd undergo a month of training for the job though.

Still the interview was a learning experience, and the prospect of sitting down in front of a computer and doing lines upon lines of code seems all right for a starting job, although not what I was aspiring for. First and foremost, I need cash.

There's also the prospect of being granted another interview, this time with Procter and Gamble.

As for Accenture I'll learn what fate has in store for me next week.
===

I think I've exhausted myself. My head feels fried and my eyes feel heavy. Sigh. Animax sure isn't making things easy for me, showing Shingetsutan Tsukihime at such a late hour. I almost fell asleep through one episode because of fatigue.
===

We've almost finished discussing our book in SALETAX, and Atty. Caoile has started entertaining requests to raise students' grades by singing or performing cheerdancer routines in class.

I might as well try my luck. The problem is looking for a song she'll know. I mean, she isn't THAT old---just not abreast with new music I guess.

Dread is my predominant mood these days.

I dread doing school stuff. I dread actually having to attend what I know are worthless classes. I dread the impending close of the present trimester and with it all the things I have to do. The "event" project for MARKEVE. The PR campaign and defense for MARKPUB. The final exams for SALETAX. Pretty much the only school-related thing I enjoy doing is the layout of the children's book class project for FILIPI3, of which I'm about 70% complete.

I'm actually being a truant student now after so many years of stomaching the work. I don't even feel anything about Pops and me not doing my task. I guess this is what people call getting burned out. I don't see the point anymore, honestly. I'll be out of here in a few months anyway. I might as well sit in the many free computer labs and rot in my chair while getting absorbed into the Internet. Let the new blood replace tired and worn old university "relics" like me.

All that time spent on the Internet usually goes to three things: Honda Club Philippines, G.O.U.F., and MechaPinoy. Even so I admit to getting tired of seeing the same old, same old day in and day out. G.O.U.F., especially, has lot of annoying posters that type in super-idiotic questions, and the moderators seem to be dour, lifeless puritan types that spring into action at the very instance of out-of-line behavior. Good grief.

I'm usually alone these days as well. I've been making half-hearted efforts to reach out and find new people to talk to and old company to keep, but they're either too busy with their own lives or are too shallow in thinking for me to take a serious interest in them.
===

I've been dismantling and rebuilding some of my model kits, and I've discovered the wonders of plain old Elmer's White Glue (EWG) in the process.

A dried layer of EWG is very helpful to reduce excessive play and floppiness in some mobile suit parts. Applied it onto my MG Strike Rouge's Aile Striker flight pack, on its folding wings, where they have problems staying up. After layering some EWG the joints have tightened up quite nicely, and the wings still fold while keeping their position. It works so darned well that I put some on the waist ball joint too, so that the MS stays upright and doesn't lean back due to the heavy Aile Striker.

I put in more EWG on my MG Wing Gundam ver.Ka, especially on the shoulder pegs, the wing hinges, the backpack swingarm and the overly loose right leg's lower knee joint. Worked like a charm. Apparently I hadn't installed the arms firmly enough too so my earlier comments of its arms being pathetically weak are partly my own fault.

I'm beginning to think of unique paint schemes for my kits too. My painted HG Duel Gundam is still 50% complete, but this early I plan to apply paint to my bigger kits. Fichtenfoo.com has a great rendition of the MG Wing Gundam ver.Ka that I might find some inspiration from.
===

Reconstructing, rebuilding, solving problems and painting my current kits is all cheaper than buying a new one. It didn't stop me from getting an HGUC black Rick Dias though. Couldn't help it---it was half price, and I was going to get it sooner or later.

Talk about throwing a wrench into my future model kit plans. I was planning to use the money on something else.
===

There was this recent column on the STAR that had me thinking. It was about a woman who had a very close guy friend, and they knew each other inside out. Both of them found each other mutually attractive, but they never actually got romantically involved with one another.

Why?

One reason I remembered with clarity was that now that they knew the traits each other's perfect partner should have, had they ended up together they would have had trouble living up to those expectations.

Besides it was better for them to remain the way they were. There is always the danger of not being able to go back to the original friendship if the relationship doesn't work out.

The guy is now married, but his wife allows her husband's "girl best friend" to hang out just like they used to, as she understands her place in her husband's life.

That got me thinking. Wouldn't it have been a lot better if I never proceeded to think with my dick and get her as my now-ex-girlfriend? I imagine the friendship described in the article would have been a lot like what my ex and I had. I suppose the fault of losing her as one of my best friends lies squarely on my shoulders. I now understand why Denise never considered me as boyfriend material.

Well anyway, so what would this mean for me in the future, in terms of romantic relationships? I suppose continuing my old habit of "friends first, possible lovers second" would be pointless. I guess I'll have to develop enough guts to get girls I like to go out with me for at least 3 dates.

No more friends-to-lovers scenarios. I'll have to wing it from now on.
===

Speaking of Denise...I guess I've finally outgrown her.

Nowadays I don't even feel like talking to her all that much. To my surprise I noticed a certain formula she uses whenever she talks to me, and the said formula's just worn a little too thin on me to have much of an effect. She just doesn't appeal to me anymore. It's akin to eating one too many pineapples because they're so damn good, and when you eat one more, you notice your sense of taste gets destroyed as your tongue tells you the thing's bloody bitter.

That said, I have to say I took my fucking bloody time outgrowing her. Goodness. I feel insipid.

I've had a mountain of things I wanted to talk about but for some reason just thinking about typing into my blog has turned into a burden. I don't really know why. Was probably discouraged by the low traffic my site's gotten, among other things, but oh well.
===

Finished the 47-episode run of Kidou Senshi Gundam ZZ. My thoughts here.

Just when I thought I'd be able to sleep earlier now that ZZ's finished, along comes another intriguing anime on Animax called "Lunar Legend Tsukihime." Judging from the music and visuals, I had impressions that this title was imitating a bishoujo game. In fact it was the other way around. Tsukihime was first a novel-type b-game before an anime---an apparently untranslatable effort so far due to its length.

All I can tell you from now is that it's a gothic story of an alliance made between a sickly boy with a dangerous gift, and a beatiful vampire that breaks all the conventional stereotypes of one. I'm at episode 4 out of a supposed 12. Would love to finish this and give it a proper review on Otakufridge.com.
===

Lately class has been very boring and pointless. I've just about had it with school. I suppose I'm entitled to it as I'm almost finished with my academics; thesis and OJT alone remain for next term.

The diamond in the rough this term was PHILPER. Goodness, I need more of this kind of learning, where I'm not forced upon a certain recipe of doing things step-by-step. Rather I can relax in PHILPER and enjoy getting lost in philosophy, thinking and reflecting about what it is to be human and why we do the things we do.

I just love the class and I'd be very sorry to see it go if and when the time comes.

I gave painting a second try, this time with Nippon Paint's Pylox aerosol lacquers. For starters I bought two spraycans, Family White and Oxford Blue.

I started off by spray-painting the other wing from the 1/144 DINN kit (Bianca's Christmas gift to me), effectively coating a lavender plastic part white. Using spraycan tips and techniques learned from Jake of MechaPinoy (what I fondly call the "wisik-wisik" technique), I was amazed at how well the job turned out. The white coat was even, and despite my fingerprints marring one of the still-wet coats, I simply sprayed over it later, without incident and evidence of what could have been a major boo-boo.

Having had enough practice on the DINN, I decided to rebuild one of my old kits, a 1/144 HG Duel Gundam Assautshroud Angiela gave me as a present. This time I did it properly, in preparation for the painting aspect.

After ripping the model apart with a small chisel, I applied plastic cement to the parts, bonded them and sanded off the visible excess with water and 600-grit sandpaper to make sure I had zero seam lines (or at least very inconspicuous ones). That way I'd have a solid-looking kit after everything is done and it'd look a lot less plasticky. I removed the old panel lines I made with a black signpen, literally scraping them off with a used #11 X-Acto knife blade. I even shaved the antennae with an X-Acto knife to make it thinner and more pointed, more like an MG kit's antennae.

It's been a rainy week so finding an ideal day for painting outdoors was rather hard. Pylox spray lacquer has toxic fumes that need to be ventilated well away from my lungs. Once I did, I got around to starting the painting. I managed to paint the torso white and the shield Oxford blue before I had to go somewhere. It, I suppose, was a bit too bright for the dark blue armor pieces on the Duel Gundam, but it will do the job.

Before I continue, though, I think I'll need to invest in a face mask with activated charcoal filters to avoid ingesting toxic lacquer thinner fumes.
===

I found out I probably didn't do as well in the SALETAX midterms as I'd hoped. Sigh. Managed to bag an 83 in the first quiz though. Still, that midterm's a very heavy indication of my future: it's 25% of the final grade. Crap.
===

Took the Procter & Gamble pre-employment test the other Friday. It was a tricky test but wasn't that hard. The biggest enemy I had was the lack of time. I managed to finish with only 2 minutes to spare.

Even better, I managed to pass.

My transcript, resume and application forms are now at the Office of Career Services in school. By next week I'll find out what I have to do afterwards. I sure hope this is favorable.

===
I'm inviting everyone to go watch the DLSU Pops Orchestra in its concert "Spotlight: The Repeat" on Wednesday, 1:00-2:30 pm at the Teresa Yuchengco Theater, De La Salle University. Tickets are PhP75 apiece and I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Urged on by my acquaintances in MechaPinoy and the GundamOfficial User Forums, I finally decided to begin painting my Gundam model kits.

I still had a lot of questions to ask the more experienced model makers, and I felt like I was asking the same things over and over. Handbrush or spraycans? (An airbrush is out of the question because of financial reasons.) Acrylic, lacquer or enamel paint? Tamiya, Citadel, Pylox or Gunze Sangyo? One solid coat or a lot of thin ones? How much is the ratio of thinner to paint? How long does said paint take to dry or cure? Do I use primer or not? Do I sand the plastic, wash it with soap, do both or none?

Last Saturday I finally decided on handbrushing enamel paints on one of my simplest kits, a 1/144 AMF-101 DINN from Gundam SEED---so simple it doesn't even have elbow and knee joints. I went to Lils Futaba to buy 10cc Tamiya enamel bottles (gloss purple, flat white and thinner) and a #3 Tamiya brush. Damage: about PhP350 with the mixing palette.

It was disastrous.

I hated how the thinner always ended up on my fingers in an oily mess whenever I tried transferring it to the palette. I hated how painting the lavender plastic wings white was a huge chore. I tried painting a thin coat, it barely colored anything white; I tried painting a thick coat, I could see very clear brushmarks (a no-no). I hated cleaning up afterward in my frustration, almost making a purple mess out of the bathroom sink while I emptied my palette.

I basically felt like I wasted my money. Ralph of MechaPinoy told me not to take it too hard, that I should try again. I probably will if I have more money to spend. Right now my kits probably are better off as bare polystyrene and ABS. Sigh...
===

Or maybe I should have saved a little harder for Pylox spraycans. Hmmmm.

Cost of the kits aside, this is an expensive hobby I got into.

That SALETAX midterm wasn't all that tough, but I bet I'm going to have some boo-boos on my answer sheet. It's those little technicalities in the Law of Sales that catch me off-guard.

Took the global test for Procter & Gamble too. In retrospect, 65 minutes was just right for the rather challenging 50-item test they cooked up, and it was a lot less draining than the Accenture pre-employment test. I'm going to find out if I have a future there on Tuesday. I hope.

I didn't have MARKEVE and BUSIPOL today so I made good use of the time by taking the test and going around the Job Expo one last time. Rachel, Tantan, Leia and I---thesismates who call ourselves "The Impressives" after a recurring comment on some of our resumes---asked around for any OJT opportunities for September, our final term, and it's good we picked up a few.
===

Wilson Lee Flores had a piece on his regular Sunday column about reasons why he isn't willing to migrate, despite his Canadian girlfriend's insinuations.

Most of the stuff he said was true, in hindsight, and I now understand why Uncle Butch and Auntie Carole had felt a little jealous about us. In the Philippines you can live like a virtual king even if you don't have a king's treasury (due to cheap labor). There's real opportunity in developing/underdeveloped countries like ours in terms of business. There's also a greater chance of keeping a job here.

Suffice it to say I'm not as fired up with migrating as I used to be. There's always that money problem getting in the way anyhow.

Surprise, surprise.

Received my test results from BUSIPOL and MARKPUB and I was honestly delighted to see that I got 4.0s on both. That grade was the farthest thing from my mind.

Now if only my upcoming midterm for SALETAX gets me a similarly high result...which I doubt!
===

This week's Job Expo is on its second day and I've managed to reserve myself a slot for Procter and Gamble's employment test on Friday.

I attended the one last February and I think that one was a bit better than this recent event. I guess the timing of the February expo is a little better matched because it's close to graduation season...which doesn't really exist in DLSU.
===

It looks like it'll take some time before I can get started with painting. I'll have to buy a basic set of brushes, a fine one, a few paints and thinners and a palette.

It just so happens I'll have to use rally-infested Ayala Avenue to get to my usual hobby shop. Damn it.

Despite the great results I've had building the Zeta Plus model kit, I decided to dismantle it into sub-assemblies and put it aside in its box. There are more seam lines on the finished model than I'd like, some edges have rough excess plastic "flash" that I'd like to smooth and sand down, and lately I've been contemplating hand-painting my Gundam models---even just an enamel or acrylic wash for detailing the panel lines.

I suppose painting my existing models would be cheaper and keep me busy longer than going out there and buying another Master Grade kit.

I claimed my transcripts of records today in preparation for the Job Expo this week, and I computed for my cumulative grade-point average (CGPA). Am quite proud to say that I mustered a 2.97 in my 4 years' worth of grades so far.

If I work a bit harder this term I might get that CGPA up to 3. Would sure look good on my resume...

After hearing nothing but hot-headed calls for GMA to resign I heard something this afternoon that was a breath of fresh air in a sea of impulsiveness.

Ramon "RJ" Jacinto, chairman of the Rajah Broadcasting Network which brought us the infamous guerilla radio station "Radyo Bandido" in 1986 and 2001, aired a statement at 4:30 pm this afternoon.

He went straight to the point: the catcalls for GMA's resignation are PREMATURE. The pro-resignation movement is obviously a product of so many power-hungry politicians who want the presidency instantly served to them on a silver platter. Even those who have been professing their unwavering support for the President have done a quick change of heart and are now part of the opposition---how badly does that speak of their integrity? Gloria is no doubt a hardworking president, and she does listen to the recommendations made by her Cabinet members---and now these same Cabinet members resign from their posts and arrogantly tell her to do the same? What a bunch of hyprocrites!

RJ later says, let's give GMA her day in court. If she goes through the impeachment process and is proven guilty of poll fraud, then he has no question about it. But right now we are really better off playing the waiting game.

Thank God someone finally agrees with me.

For all the bullshit flying around on the newspapers and the media nowadays it's very easy to overlook that it's because of GMA's efforts that we are able to reduce our budget deficit even better than our target. The Bureau of Internal Revenue, long a stronghold of corruption, is actually beginning to taking a hardline stance against tax evaders such as politicians, actors and actresses.

What President of recent times can brag about such a feat? She is the Gov. Leonard Wood of our time---sticks out like a sore thumb, but boy does she know how to save and make money for government coffers.

While she may not be the most popular president we don't even have to like her. Let's let her do her job. If we don't like her we can simply cast our vote for somebody else in the next election.

I commend Mr. Jacinto for his sobriety in the entire matter. It takes a different breed of Manileño in these times to express something wholly against the prevailing bandwagon sentiment in Metro Manila, pushed by power-hungry politicians greedy for the presidency and leftists who'd combat any administration anyway.

After giving it some thought I came to a realization with regard to my behavior in the past couple of weeks. I guess I've grown jaded.

My zest for life isn't as strong as it used to be. I'm beginning to think and feel that things are developing in a predictable (and therefore boring) order. Day in and day out I seem to be doing the same things without much of a change in the routine.

I know I'm always trying to look for something, but it seems I've always lost sight of what it is. I can't tell whether what I'm looking for is a new friend, a new lover, a new hobby (God forbid!) or a new confidante, or God-knows-what. I know there's stability in consulting and keeping old friends but there are instances where I grow tired of their faces and voices just because they're so damn familiar. I'm looking for whatever it is that can get the spark back into my heart. Right now it seems a relationship would do just the thing, but knowing myself I've been wrong about these things time and time again.

It seems like my only driving force nowadays is music. Ever since that trip to the US I've been listening to more and more jazz and Latin music. Might as well try to save for Anton Ramos' new CD, The Chillout Project Acid Jazz.

On my way home from the Pops Orchestra's video shoot today, I was speeding along on the South Luzon Expressway as usual. I had wanted to overtake slower traffic in front of me so I changed lanes in my usual throttle-blipping manner and later made use of the clear right lane at 120 km/h.

Out of nowhere I saw a silver EE101 Toyota Corolla tailing me---literally half a foot off my rear bumper. I don't know what possessed this idiot to tail me when he had full knowledge of the speed I was carrying. What if I had braked? He wouldn't have had any advance warning, especially since braking from high speed usually washes off a lot of speed in an instant because of aerodynamic drag, regardless of the pressure on the middle pedal.

Knowing that, I had no other recourse but to up my speed. I'm pretty sure this chasing car has a smaller engine than I had, and I wasn't revving the nuts off my D15B engine to achieve my speed, so I hazarded a guess based on the Corolla's movement---this guy was trying to outrun me with all his engine's spunk. Good thing a traffic jam came along at the C5 offramp and we both slowed down. Even then, this Corolla-driving idiot cut into other cars before settling into the right lane.

Why is it that Pinoy drivers tailgate those that are travelling at illegal speeds? Quite ridiculous really. I'm not trying to race anybody on the streets (I'd rather take it to the circuit), but this asshole's ego convinces him otherwise.

While I admit 150 clicks on my speedo isn't exactly legal either, I do so knowing full well I'm not tailing anybody and that I have a clear patch of asphalt ahead. A car doing 150 km/h on a wide open lane is less of a danger than a car tailgating someone else at 80.

On my fifth and final year in college I have learned a timely lesson.

I've learned how to become mean.

I've learned how to assert myself on other people and become selfish. I've learned how to be an asshole to people I don't feel like helping out whom I know will simply use my knowledge for their own ends and do nothing else afterward.

Why should I care about what happens to my friends who do nothing to help themselves? I am their friend, not their slave. I'd like to make that crystal-clear.

Today I was home pretty early, due to having just one class.

After napping out in the afternoon I was surprised to hear my cellphone ringing (it's usually silent)---more so because the number on the screen wasn't a familiar one. Turns out it was a lady from Accenture Philippines telling me that I passed the pre-employment test I took at their Makati office last June 14th, and they wanted me to go there for an interview. Tomorrow morning at 9:30.

Gee, my first job interview...I couldn't go because I had class (Atty. Caoile supposedly gives a little bonus grade for perfect attendance in SALETAX). I told her maybe it would be okay if I rescheduled it for next Tuesday, when I normally have a looser sked. She was accommodating and told me she'd sort something out for me.

All in all I'm happy. Although I wasn't able to fax my other requirements until much, MUCH later (and I still haven't sent in my transcript of records because I seem to have lost my only copy), they're willing to get me for the interview at least. My only concern is that I have one more term to go---and that's on-the-job training and thesis. I wonder if they'll be willing to wait for someone who isn't free to work until January 2006.

Now that I'm in my final academic term in DLSU I just have to wonder where some of our peculiar lingo and culture came from.

One of those weird terms is "p-hole." Whenever I hear or say it I cringe. It's a truncation of the word "pigeonhole," yeah, but I have to wonder why people have to say it as such. "Just leave it in my p-hole" or "It's in my p-hole" is a common instruction of profs, referring to submission of papers or whatnot, but hearing it said brings up thoughts of the scatological kind. Ewwww.

Another thing I find irksome is the "frosh"---the supposed gender-insensitive term for freshmen. Fine, fine, the intention is there. The problem with them is that really, they have the knack of gathering as one flock in the wrong places, usually in high-traffic areas where people walk in a rush. I'm so damn tempted to tell them to get out of the way instead of saying a meek "excuse me." I've even encountered a rude group of "froshies" misuse the damn elevator in the Sports Complex. Not only are they lazy enough not to use their legs in descending just one fucking flight of stairs, they had the gall to hold me up from getting out.

I gave their ringleader a cold, hard stare and as I exited the sliding doors I indignantly yelled, "Frosh na frosh!" That was the most I could do to contain whatever ire was building up in my fist.
===

I've become confused and divided as to this whole Gloriagate thing recently.

Personally I'm willing to let her stay on as President until 2010 simply for the sake of stability and carrying out her agenda. I am deeply opposed to replacing her with someone else because that doesn't speak well of us as a nation---we'd be a real banana republic at that rate if we kept changing presidents every couple years. However, seeing as public opinion is firmly convinced that she's guilty and has serious character flaws, now I'm at two minds. I guess it means something when the DLSU System itself is now asking for GMA's resignation. It feels like muttering anything in favor of the current administration these days is a losing proposition.

Nothing is clear-cut in politics, I guess. Sigh. It gives me a headache thinking about it.
===

All's well that ends well, I suppose: After the fiasco of the US Grand Prix in Indianapolis two weeks ago, where only 6 Formula 1 cars ran the race due to Michelin's tire safety problems, the French Grand Prix at Magny-Cours was a smooth-sailing event without incident from the Michelin-shod teams.

Even though the lawsuits have been issued I still think this silly fiasco will have its aftershocks felt until the end of the season. Doubtless it tainted the entire 2005 F1 season. Whether real reform and development will be made or a rival GPWC series is hatched, only time can tell.

All that matters frankly is that motor racing fans like me enjoy great races. I guess I should watch the WRC more often now...

For FILIPI3 I had to write a short story for kids as my midterm exam.

You can imagine how I felt. Me write a story? I have so many experiences of setting out to write a story or novel but never getting past the initial enthusiasm and ultimately stumbling with writer's block. I generate great ideas but I never have been successful in threading them together coherently. To this day I have so many characters and stories that wander in the graveyard of my head as formless ghosts.

Moreover my story had to be for KIDS. If you know me, I personally don't like kids very much. How am I supposed to connect with an audience I despised?

To top it all off, I procrastinated. We had two class days off from FILIPI3 and I had to use the free time for something else.

I was able to submit my story on time this morning though. It's entitled "Ang Kagilala-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran ni Kapitan Kuhol" and I'm rather proud of how well it came out.

I owe the basic idea to Paul, a classmate. What if your parents were actually superheroes in disguise? The premise is nothing new---it's sort of the backbone of "The Incredibles"---but it still makes for some interesting possibilities to tell. I'll see if my story made it as one of those when Mr. Gojo Cruz returns our papers a week after with his corrections and suggested revisions.
===

Two weeks ago I claimed the MG Zeta Plus A1 kit I had reserved in Greenhills. I'm pretty darned satisfied with the end product. It's a commendably solid suit that lends itself well to transformation into an atmospheric Wave Rider without going all floppy like the MG Zeta Gundam does. It's not anywhere as articulated as the MG Strike Rouge, but I don't really mind as long as it can stand well.

I was more enthusiastic about the Zeta Plus A1's orange-and-white test color scheme than the space-use C1's dull gray one. However now that I heard the C1's also being offered in Great Toys now, with its long beam smart-gun and drop tanks, I'm starting to wonder if I should plump for it too...
===

This Gloriagate scandal shit has frankly hit the fan for me.

I'm sick and tired of hearing the opposition blab and blab about how Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo should resign. I'm not convinced anybody else can take her place for now, in terms of capability.

Besides, how dare these people brag to all and sundry that "Gloria cheated." Everybody else who's in power has more or less participated in some sort of electoral fraud. If that's not true then the ruling impression that the Philippine government is run by cheaters is still there and that means it's still a valid assumption. What's there to disprove it? "He who is without sin should cast the first stone."

I recently got struck with a 39-degree fever, a hellishly runny nose and a nasty case of the chills---hallmark symptoms of flu.

I'm still a bit weak and woozy but I'm recuperating just fine---rather amazingly at that, given that I felt really miserable the other day.
===

Being sick is boring.

Well actually, staying at home without the Internet or TV is quite boring in itself. I haven't been buying any new magazines the past 4 months or so, so I'm usually re-reading all my old issues for the umpteenth time. My PlayStation's sort of busted, as you might probably know. The lens on the CD-ROM mechanism seems to be dirty or scratched and so I'm able to play only one game. There are just so many games of Gundam Battle Assault 2 one can take, even for a big Gundam fan like me.

So I guess you can imagine how much I wanted to go to Greenhills, pay the balance and bring my Zeta Plus A1 kit home. That'll keep me busy for a good 7 hours.

Seems like I gained another friend from my blog---an 18-year-old nursing student from Las Piñas. I don't know her all that well yet but we did have a fruitful first chat. Thanks.
===

School's been proceeding quite smoothly. I have to say I'm learning a lot of things from my professors on this final academic term of mine.

MARKPUB professor Mr. Jaime Ong in particular is quite an interesting fellow. He used to work for San Miguel Corp.'s management and he has all of these anecdotes from the many businesses the firm is engaged in. The way he talks business sense really reminds me of my dad---with an easier sense of humor.

PHILPER's Ms. Natty Manauat is also quite an animated character. If my Tita Vik had leaned heavily towards the philosophy-heavy culture of Ateneo de Manila, I suppose Ms. Natty would be the result. The two of them look quite alike from some angles.

My BUSIPOL prof, Mr. Banjo Velasco, is someone I could probably call "very manly." He's tall, dark and has quite a booming voice---a combination that has a couple of my blockmates swooning over him. The man doesn't laugh---he guffaws. Because he's also had a lot of experiences in the US as a college student and in Indonesia at work, BUSIPOL class is also full of interesting stories.

I guess I'm taking note of these profs because they're quite unique and pleasurable to learn from, and it's going to be the last-ever term that I'll be in the relative comfort and stability of a classroom lecture.
===

It's in BUSIPOL that some of my thoughts on just how flawed Filipino society is are justified.

Sir Banjo uploaded the Wallace Report on our Yahoo! group---basically a 40-page condensing of all the Philippines' problems and what Mr. Wallace desperately urges government should do to improve its situation. I agree with everything he said. Our biggest enemies to effective social change are our apathy, selfishness, lack of discipline, corruption and (controversially and rightly enough!) the Catholic Church. I won't get into the nitty-gritty of the report; I suggest you download and read it yourself.

I will say, though, that we Filipinos are a pathetic lot. It took a Philippine-loving foreigner to study our culture and our problems for 30 years to rouse Filipinos like me to awareness of our situation. Couldn't we have done this same feat ourselves? Have we become so blind and tolerant to our discordant hovel that we've simply accepted the way things are, without even trying to make a difference for the better?

I feel sorry for us. I really do.

The least I could do is to forward it via e-mail to every Pinoy I know.
===

After two months of looking for it in vain, I finally found it and reserved it for my own.

I'm talking about my latest Gundam model kit obsession, the MG MSZ-006A1 Zeta Plus A1.

I had tried looking for it in America; a search for any Gundam model at all proved fruitless and frustrating, although I did find a straggler HGUC Z'gok kit in the Renton, WA Wal-Mart. I managed to find it in the last possible place I expected: Victoria, British Columbia, but there it had cost an outrageous CAN$60, plus 14% Canadian GST.

So imagine my surprise when I found it in Greenhills. I swear, that place is model kit heaven. Stores upon stores upon stores of plastic model kits, many of them the kind that I never expected to see, tucked away in a neat little alcove in Shoppesville...many of them quite cheap! Then I saw that beautiful orange and white Zeta Plus at the glass cabinet in Great Toys (couldn't find it in their Makati store) and immediately made a down payment. I'm glad to say it's my cheapest MG kit to date, at PhP1900.

I am one giddy model maker. I can't wait to pay the balance, bring it home and shut myself in my room building it.
===

I've been active on Otaku Fridge lately, writing a few anime reviews on Gundam, .hack//Legend of the Twilight and other series. I was surprised that Beia decided to make a Contributor of the Month award and I was the recipient for May. I apparently won an original release of the bishoujo game Gibo: Stepmother's Sin---not unusual considering Beia runs Hentai Neko.

Thanks, Beia. I feel really honored.

Just like that, my vacation is over.
===

We arrived in Manila last Friday at 3 am. The first thing I noticed was this thick blanket of humidity enveloping my being as I disembarked from the airplane carrying two very heavy bags...and just how hot and sticky everything suddenly felt.

Taking a minivan from the airport, we had unloaded the four boxes that we carried along with us full of our clothes, our things and the myriad giveaways to our relatives here. It was then that I noticed the full extent of the trip's damage to my body. My belly had bloated. Apparently that was where all the weight gain went.

Floating in and out of jet lag, I immediately got to work with lifting weights, jogging and eating less. I'm proud to say that less than a week after we arrived I've lost all the 5 pounds I gained, and I'm thinking of losing 10 more.
===

One thing I noticed on our way to the Duty Free Fiesta Mall is just how rowdy we Filipinos are as drivers. We are uncouth, aggressive, undisciplined and disobedient assholes in possession of two-ton weapons deadlier than guns. After getting used to the sanitized driving environment of US streets I feel as if I have to re-learn my way driving through Manila's chaos.

I did learn a few things I try to incorporate in my formerly aggressive driving style. Nowadays I try keeping to the 80 km/h SLEX speed limit. I stop longer for pedestrians and at every intersection, no longer automatically assuming the right of way. I change lanes slower and more predictably when circumstance allows. I've even given up trying to bait other cars on the highway and outrunning them.

I learned that driving is not something to get worked up about. Driving should be taken easy: you will get to your destination anyway.
===

I miss them. A lot.

I miss JB's incessant chatter and "weird kid" opinions. I miss Czasha and her sing-song way of speaking. I miss Auntie Carole's warmth and shopping sense. I miss Uncle Butch's humor, good nature and predilection for Filipino tackiness.

Just like that, the de Leon and Chaingan families live separate lives once again.
===

I was wrong about Henni Espinosa, the editor who had asked me for the article I contributed for the Filipino Examiner in San Francisco.

It turns out she no longer works there; while she's still based in San Francisco, she works for the US arm of the Manila Bulletin now as part of the marketing committee. Just before our flight home she sent 5 copies of the February tourism issue of the Filipino Insider with my article inside, as well as a copy of the Manila Bulletin USA.

Thanks for coming through, Henni.
===

This morning while having breakfast, my dad was asking me once again what I planned to do with my life after I was finished with college, especially with having two degrees under my belt. This was after he had read my article in the San Francisco monthly earlier mentioned.

I told him perhaps I would concentrate on the marketing side, thinking that it would be easier in the short term to land a job as a salesperson. Positions for communications graduates are rather thin and I made a promise never to work for the local TV stations. Surprisingly he told me otherwise.

He maintained that I should concentrate on becoming a writer---especially to aspire for a motoring journalism career, with all the perks and fringe benefits. Priority drives for new cars and international trips are indeed tempting. He also told me that out of the 12,000 students in DLSU, how many would have proficient experience in marketing? Anyone could learn how to sell. The simple act of selling newspapers or fishballs is already an application of marketing. How many, in contrast, would have the same skill as I do with writing? He claims not more than 10% would have my proficiency.

He made a lot of sense.

I told him I sent my provisional resume to Henni on Uncle Butch's suggestion. He told me to send my resume to the local news dailies as well.
===

This final academic term of mine's turning out as a pretty interesting one. I have an honest-to-goodness Filipino writer as professor for FILIPI3, a hardened PR practitioner and shrewd Chinese pundit of a professor for MARKPUB, and a subject called MARKEVE---where, at the end of the term, we can truly say yes to the increasingly prevalent job interview question "Have you ever handled events?"

Haven't been able to post much, but the past 5 days I've been staying with Uncle Bobby, Tita Susan (Uncle Butch's sister), their daughter Belle and their dog Teddy in Maple Valley, Washington State---a few miles from Seattle.

Washington is very different from California. It's consistently a lot colder but ironically I find it more comfortable here than in South Pasadena. This is coming from someone who usually gets chilled very quickly. It's akin to going to the province in the Philippines, going to Baliwag in Bulacan, although the urban sprawl of Seattle and Everett isn't so far away and discipline is even better instilled in the citizenry. Crossing the US-Canada border and making it to Victoria or Vancouver in British Columbia isn't too hard either---just leave or eat whatever Canadian meat before going back across the border.

If I were to live in America, Seattle would be a pretty nice place to stay. That much I'd say.
===

With respect to that last sentence, I meant it. I had doubts before coming over to the US about my ability to survive here. But having spent the past month, I find it's probably an adventure and a change of pace worth trying out. It's only been a month, I know, but I find it very difficult to say goodbye to the nice sights, to the very wonderful Filipinos residing here (whether in San Francisco, South Pasadena or Maple Valley), the higher wage rates and the prospect of a better life here without the abject hopelessness I feel back home.

I told Tita Susan that I'd probably go back to live in the US. I'd like to finish what little is left of my college degree, attain good financial standing and make arrangements for the permanent big leap across the Pacific pond---ideally before I turn thirty. It might be hard, but I'm quite convinced it'd be worth it.
===

My dad had told us to weigh ourselves before flying Stateside, and compare such weights with what figures the scale would yield by the time we went back on the 20th. Right now I don't think I need to do that.

Eating out all the time has taken a toll on my weight. I had gained some weight in the Philippine summer already, leaving at 170 lb., but I gained a further 4 pounds here, mostly from misjudging how big the American servings are and eating in restaurants all the time. I had fears and frustrations of uncontrollably gaining weight during my stay, but I realized that it's not as hopeless as I thought it would be.

Having exercised what little degree of control I could have on my diet (our hosts are taking us out to restaurants 80% of the time), and with a meager amount of physical activity a day, I managed to lose 2 lb. without much fuss. Of course it'd take me a lot more effort, discipline and reinforcement to bring myself back to my ideal weight vis-a-vis my height (150 lb. to my best knowledge), but having physical fitness isn't too bad a goal either.

Having so many relatives and friends in California, there's an inevitable question that rears its head in the whole scheme of things. Would I have any plans of moving to and living in the United States?

Truth be told, I've been mulling it over since I first got here in 1997. I used to be a bit sure back then that I'd spend my life in the Philippines. But now I'm giving the matter more thought than before.

Living in America sure is tempting. Driving seems so sanitized compared to back home that I'd have to relearn the ropes just so I could pass as a legal driver here. Sure, things seem expensive but minimum wage is US$6.75 an hour---a lot more than what I'd get in the Philippines. I'm doubtful if headhunters will be willing to get someone who'd graduated from De La Salle University Manila though---with not much on-the-job experience.

I'd have to become a bit more thick-skinned, too. Seeing how Americans like to push their liberties from the First Amendment, I'm bound to see and hear some offensive things directed at me, not least of which is directed to the color of my skin and none of my fault. Apparently racial discrimination is still alive and well in North America.

I'll have to say goodbye to some things I hold dear back home---my friends, my extended family, my little AVON sales sideline, my little blue dented Honda and my anime knick-knacks. Might as well say goodbye to some bad memories of home too.

So what's the final verdict? I'm not so sure. I guess I'll be equally as happy if I lived back home or here in California. I have a semblance of a social support network in place on both shores anyway so I'll never be all that lonely.
===

One thing I have to say though...if I do move to America, I'd better steer clear of eating in restaurants all the time. I've gained 4 pounds from all this eating out---and always because we misjudge how big the portions get here. Crap.
===

A couple interesting lines from a recent conversation.

Me:
Funny how, despite all this new and developing technology on our hands, we tend to use it first and foremost on sex-related things.

Uncle Butch:
Well, when it comes down to it, we're all just animals.