Aftermath
My mom barged into my room just when I was getting ready to leave for work. She had two shirts in hand, brought here from the
I kept silent, but it was written on my face that I didn’t really have time for this. She left. Don’t you see your timing’s really bad? I muttered under my breath.
I guess I should know, because the same thing happened to me a few days prior.
Jona basically turned me down. As much as I was already anticipating this was what would happen, there’s really nothing much people can do to mitigate the disappointment. She had had a hard time with all the whispers and rumors at work about my stunt on Valentine’s Day, and so wanted to set herself free. I guess now I understand why a lot of my friends don’t mix with co-workers.
Watching my mom leave dejectedly as I had to leave early for the Ash Wednesday mass at work this morning, I realized I had inherited some of her ridiculously lousy timing. I had originally planned to go a little slower, but February 14 came too soon. Valentine’s Day isn’t enough of an excuse, it seems, to go out on a limb and show some people how much you like them.
I am back to my melancholy self, mired in thoughts of unrequited affection and what could have been. I figured the heady rush would have me end up a wreck sooner or later. However, Aileen told me never to regret the roses I gave.
This whole Valentine’s thing is a reprise of what I had with Pam in grade school twelve years ago. I was game, she wasn’t. I do have to say, however, that this was one of the most spontaneous things I’d ever done.
I suppose it was for the best. This had to happen, and despite the frankly ridiculously fitful amounts of sleep I get over the past couple weeks, I guess I’ll be fine. It’s just sad Jona never realized how special she was, always selling herself short, even up to the end when I had already told her otherwise.
The tears have been shed, the frustration already commiserated. I am so, so glad I have friends like Aileen and Tita Vik on my side when I need to return to an even keel.
Now, maybe I can sleep a little better.
I am so, so sick of insomnia.
Time can be a lonely place
An empty space
You don't feel anything
Where there's nowhere else to hide
You can't decide
Is this all there is to life?
If nothing else exists
It wasn't meant to be like this
Where do I go for the rest of my life?
How will I know when tomorrow's impossible
Without your love
Someone say it isn't true
It wasn't you
Soon you'll come back to me
Every time I close my eyes
I see your smile
Everything I believed is gone
If you're not coming back
There's something that I've got to ask
Where do I go for the rest of my life?
How will I know when tomorrow's impossible
Without your love
There's nothing left there to believe in anymore
I can't escape the thought of you in everything I do
Where do I go for the rest of my life?
How will I know when tomorrow's impossible
Without your love
- Swing Out Sister, "Where Do I Go?"
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