The sweetest illusions are the ones everyone believes

Ever since I started logging on to Friendster again I’ve been getting testimonials from my colleagues. Nothing new, yeah, but I’m flattered with what most of them have been saying.  The gist of it is, they say I’m optimistic and confident about myself.

I’m flattered, primarily because I never thought of myself as confident and optimistic. I’m a pessimist by nature; I tend to assume the worst case scenario in most things and I panic easily. And by Jove, I am not a confident person. People who know me a long time know I’m actually very shy and introverted. It’s not always easy for me to be loose and outgoing, so most of the time I find it easier to act nonchalant and aloof to other people to hide my shyness.

People say that sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what other people think you’ve got. They say that the trick is to make people think that you have sexiness long enough, and before you know it, the feedback comes to you and you yourself will think you’re sexy as well.

It sounds like a nice idea, but when you cut it down to the essentials it’s actually the sweetest illusion. It’s the little lie that comes around and goes around...until it comes back to you and becomes truth.

How much easier it would be if we didn’t have to trick others and ourselves like this. But then again this doesn’t seem so bad. Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate all these good comments and I guess this means I’ve changed a lot for the better since my regrettable childhood.

If people think I’m confident and optimistic then so be it. They will see me as such until I mess up their perceptions.
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Still, one thing is for certain: I absolutely love to perform. I love to sing, dance and make other people happy and entertained. I am a frustrated performer no more.

My current project at work is a tedious one and I was getting tired of it. So when I got an invitation over email about the choir rehearsal for the First Friday mass I jumped at the opportunity: I worked straight through lunch and finished my stuff so I could be out by 6pm.

You know what? Before the rehearsal I didn’t feel alive today. My choir mates—all Accenture people, from different projects—are a swell bunch who know how to let loose and have fun. My day felt complete when we played around with our songs while rehearsing them, trying to make them better or more entertaining.

Ever since the battle of the bands last summer I’ve been bugging my teammates on a few occasions about going back to Audiophile, reserving their studio for a couple hours to sing and play our tensions and frustrations away. So far it hasn’t happened yet, but I’m still hoping for a convenient chance.

No music, no life.