Was finally able to talk to my best friend Paolo "Kwapaw" Lacdao, after what seemed to be an eternity apart from each other. College does that I guess, even if you study in the same university.

I say the guy has his busy summer better than I have. Yes, he has work and he's the sports editor of The Lasallian (which they're planning to turn into a magazine in 3 years), but the important thing is that he has fun, he actually meets people and he enjoys what he does. Heck, the guy's had a new girlfriend. Me? Kwapaw put it best: "You're still alone?"

Listening to his tales makes me somehow apprehensive. Listening to him makes me suddenly hungry for the presence of tangible friends, no matter how inadequate they might seem, not just those I meet online and never otherwise. I feel like I somehow wasted my summer -- all that short respite away from school. I feel upset. I know I can't just blame it on numerous failed plans to go to South Pasadena, to watch the Spider-Man premiere, etc. I simply don't have the drive and initiative I should've had, most especially while I'm on vacation.

It's the fucking most critical time of the year and yet I have no drive. Everyone my age is celebrating life while I'm stuck in this fishbowl. Why?! Goddamned fucking why?!

I'm going to DLSU to have my freaking schedule adjusted once and for all. Suddenly that last week from school seems so far away. Forget the promises my friends made with me, invitations to do things before my vacation was up. It's practically up, goddamn it. Where the hell were you?

I guess Panjee Tapales-Lopez was right after all. I gotta grow up. Naivete is just making me a disillusioned idealist. Fear is making me a prisoner of failure. I feel like throwing away the computer and my cell phone in frustration, but I can't. They're not exactly mine to throw away.

I feel so helpless.